Whether psychological counseling can be effective, besides psychological counselors and psychological counseling techniques, the motivation of visitors also plays a decisive factor. If visitors don't want to find a psychological teacher, they will have defense and resistance, which will affect the relationship between counselors and visitors. As Mr. Qian of Xiamen University said, "Light should come in and the door should be opened, otherwise the light will be useless." What should I do as a psychological teacher for this involuntary case and this "door" that I don't want to open?
Try to establish a relationship
Don't try to solve his problem in an involuntary situation. Because he personally did not feel the pain of entanglement, or did not feel the need to change. For example, many parents of junior high school students are worried and anxious about their children's addiction to mobile phones and games, but the children don't think there is anything wrong with it, and there is no idea of going to a psychological teacher at all.
However, parents and class teachers often pin their hopes on psychological teachers, thinking that talking with psychological teachers can make children change. It's like a person doesn't know there is something dirty on his face at all. How can he wipe it off? Then how can he see the dirt on his face? Tell him? Will he accept it? I think the first thing to do is to find a way to establish a relationship with him, so that he is willing to sit in front of you, and the psychological teacher will be his mirror and let him see for himself. Only when he saw it himself can he think about whether to erase it or not and how to erase it.
There was once a junior high school student who broke the window glass of the classroom with one punch because of a conflict with his classmates, but he didn't say a word. The class teacher is very worried about him, because his mood has been unstable and he is afraid that he will make more extreme behavior. The head teacher asked me to talk to the students. I poured him a glass of water, asked him to sit down, and then asked, "Do you want to talk to the teacher?" Because the head teacher was present, the students couldn't say no, so they let out a muffled "hmm" from their throats. That "well" means I don't want to come, but the class teacher wants me to tell you, and I will finish the task. I think the head teacher is too authoritative, so I said to the head teacher, then I told him that you should go back first.
When I was alone with my students, I asked him again, how many minutes do you want the teacher to talk? He said it won't be long, just ten minutes. I said sincerely, ok, let's talk for ten minutes. Ten minutes later, I asked the students, Oh, it's time. Shall we end the conversation or continue? He said, it doesn't matter, we can continue to talk. As a result, we talked for nearly an hour. When the student told me the whole story, his mood gradually calmed down. After his emotions came out, he began to think rationally about what else he could do to deal with the situation just now. I poured water for the student, asked him to sit down and asked his advice. These practices are all about building relationships. If there is no good relationship, I am afraid that students will not say anything to the psychological teacher and will not deal with it.
Accurate role positioning
Psychological counseling is a process of "helping others and helping themselves", but school psychological teachers have long been regarded as "noble" and "myth", and sometimes it is inevitable to be confused about the role of psychological counselors and unconsciously play the role of "savior". Especially the psychological teachers in schools are more likely to make such mistakes. This is mainly because the relationship between teachers and students is unequal in daily teaching work, and students also regard teachers as superior. Teacher Qian said that psychological counselors are equivalent to crutches, and crutches will not replace visitors to decide the direction of life and finish the journey of life! But crutches can sincerely accompany and support visitors when they are helpless, waiting for them to realize their integrity and strength again, then throw away crutches and move on!
When we position the role of psychological counselor in this way, there are at least several preconditions: first, the status of visitors and psychological counselors is equal; The second is to admit that visitors have the right to take care of themselves; Third, psychological counselors can't decide what their life should be like instead of visitors, and they can't manipulate or forcibly change visitors. Because "crutches" can't decide and control which direction and how to go, and "crutches" can't solve the bumpy or muddy road ahead. These problems must be decided and solved by the "person" with crutches, but no matter how this person walks, the "crutches"-that is, the psychological teacher will accompany and support him and let him learn to take care of himself with his own strength!
Middle school students are young, their self-cognitive ability is still weak, and their awareness of asking for help is not so strong. Especially in China, psychological counseling has not been fully accepted by the public. Many middle school students still have misunderstandings about psychological counseling, and they are afraid of being laughed at by other students and coming to the psychological teacher. For involuntary visitors, we can only express an open attitude by body and language, establish relationships with them as much as possible, and do a good job of companionship, but if the visitors still maintain defense and resistance, then I can only end the consultation. After all, psychological counseling has its limitations.