Take your time, sometimes, it is also a kind of sincerity!
I think many things in life are caused by fate, so there is no need to force fate. Just before the graduation season, when I decided to review and summarize the whole university life, a freshman and a junior came to me and said that I needed to interview my senior and senior sister to do my ideological and political homework, and I was one of the few senior students in her WeChat, so I asked for help to answer a few questions about personal growth. I readily agreed and arranged the corresponding questions and answers to share here:
Answer: the understanding of freedom and the handling of interpersonal relationships.
In fact, my most direct feeling about this leap is like the distance between a parrot living in a cage and a crow flying in the wild-"freedom". This is the voice of most people, and it was once our strong desire, or it was passed down by all teachers along the way-you will be free when you go to college! The above is my understanding and appreciation of freedom in my freshman year. I think this is a beautiful lie. Everyone is lying to me: when I grow up, I will be free and I can do anything I want.
Later, I happened to meet a teacher and listened to one of his elective courses, Diet and Health in the Red Chamber. Looking back now, my cognition was awakened at that time. Perhaps it was shocked by the language of the Red Chamber itself, perhaps attracted by the charm of literature, or perhaps infected by the gentleness and elegance of the teacher. I started reading, and I've been obsessed ever since. I have read a lot of books in the past two years, all of which I bought myself. Reading paper books all the time is also a belief and habit formed in the process of reading:
1) I'm always afraid of my memory. I'm not afraid of anything. I'm afraid that one day I will suddenly lose my memory. Then I am really poor. So, I want to leave traces of everything I have done. I need this real existence and trust the power of printed words, which can save precious memories for me.
2) Reading paper books has become a habit. I often feel this way when I study, and I will write down the inspiration and thinking that I have at that moment. When I meet a good book, I will review it again and again and learn something new. Every time I have a new feeling, I will mark it with a different color. I am also very much looking forward to witnessing my growth footprint in words in this way.
After reading some books, I feel a little more philosophical. I will look at some people and things more calmly, rationally, dialectically and generously. And a voice began to emerge in my heart, constantly reminding myself to be modest and tolerant. Now, I have re-examined the word "freedom" with this mentality, and I feel that the teacher is sincere in not deceiving me.
What is freedom? I like it very much after hearing an answer: freedom means standing alone, not attached, not afraid. This is also my understanding of freedom. According to my experience in recent years, I feel that freedom is not pleasure, not bohemian, but freedom is free action on the basis of self-discipline.
In addition to the cognition of freedom, interpersonal relationship is also a major topic I face, as psychologist Adler said: all human troubles come from interpersonal relationships. There is no personal worry at all, and all the troubles have the shadow of interpersonal relationship.
If you are troubled by interpersonal relationships, here I can introduce a practical method-topic separation. This method comes from the psychological book "The Courage to Be Hate", which is worth reading, especially suitable for people who are hindered by inferiority and interpersonal relationships.
Separation of topics (topic refers to responsibility, which is related to one's own affairs): When you encounter something, you should first ask yourself whose topic it is, draw a clear line between other people's topics and your own, then put aside other people's topics, don't interfere, only give sincere help when necessary, and concentrate on your own topic and business. This may open a cloud and usher in a blue sky of your own.
The point of view on the topic of time is only suitable for me, so if I want to share it with you, it is for reference only:
1) long-term persistence.
We can take half a school year as a cycle, spend some time at the beginning of the semester to make a rough semester plan and determine a key point of this semester. For example, you have to take CET-4 and CET-6, take various certificates, or get scholarships and so on. Since it is necessary to achieve success, a clear long-term goal is essential, and then it will be refined according to the big goal, and a shorter task schedule will be assigned to complete one by one, so that the final goal can be achieved.
2) Self-healing
Continuous utilitarian study will definitely be boring and physically and mentally exhausted after a long time. At this time, we need to do something that can heal ourselves, share the academic pressure for us and relieve the depression in our hearts. Just as thomas mann said, introducing some episodes or changing some new tricks into our life is the only way to keep our vitality, so that we can keep fresh about time and not feel long, tired, boring and mediocre, so that our life will have new feelings.
So we can cultivate some hobbies, such as reading, writing, music, dancing, sports or chatting with good friends and playing around, as long as it can make us feel happy and bring a little relaxation when we are busy and nervous.
3) Make rational use of fragmentation time and make good management.
In our daily life, fragments of time are everywhere. If you add up the time, you will find what an amazing number it is. Therefore, if we want to grow more than the people around us and stand out, making good use of debris time is our winning weapon.
But the real secret of time management is not racing against time, but the word "immersion", which is the enjoyment of life and respect for the present.
We always emphasize the importance of persisting in doing one thing, but what is more important is not persistence, but "concentration". Persistence is from the outside to the inside, and concentration is from the inside out.
For example, on campus, some people work hard and sacrifice all their entertainment time, but the final result is still not satisfactory; For example, in life, some people have been cooking for decades, but the level is still very average. This phenomenon can't be said to have not persisted, but it doesn't seem to have been rewarded as it should be.
So I think the problem is not persistence, but lack of intention and concentration. Persistence is more often from the outside to the inside. Due to various pressures and imperative requirements, people are doing things passively. If there is no study and work assessment, they will not persist in doing it.
Focus is different, focus is from the inside out. That is, regardless of the past, regardless of the result, it is good to concentrate on one thing. When you fail, you will not be discouraged, but calmly analyze the reasons. When you succeed, you will also calmly sum up your experience while enjoying it.
I think I will finish the whole university and even the planning after graduation earlier and more firmly than most of my peers around me. Although the only certainty in life is an uncertain life, there is still an ideal plan. Our greatest wisdom is to find relative certainty in uncertainty. This wisdom is that at this allowed age, we need to keep trying and exploring.
It is often seen that many newly graduated workplace whites frequently change careers blindly, which is deeply troubled. I think this is irrational behavior. What they need most is to give themselves some time to think about what they really like to do, what they are good at and what they can do, instead of juggling between different positions from the beginning and trying to find the ideal living place by changing the environment.
When a person's heart fluctuates irregularly, everything related to him will also fluctuate, because we are not only living in an objective world, but also an independent person, living in a subjective world created by ourselves, which is the place where the soul lives.
My specific plan for the future is this: I have a stable job because I am an oriented major. Through my understanding of the grain depot during several internships, I am satisfied with the comprehensive cost performance of my work in the unit. Therefore, the first thing is to decide to enter the contracting company directly after graduation and do this job diligently. In fact, I am a contented person, and I have some thoughts and experiences on many things. I think I don't want to lose all my time as long as I have enough money.
Dostoevsky said: Money is freedom that can be forged. Therefore, I personally feel that forged freedom cannot breed true happiness, but will only be possessed under the control of desire. And I feel that I really can't resist many temptations, so I have avoided everything that can be avoided.
To this end, I just hope to have enough leisure and free time to do what I love. I think this is the source of my happiness. I don't mean "lying flat". My understanding of lying flat refers to inaction, and my attitude towards life is positive, pursuing a stable and adaptive state.
I think thinking is eternal, I think, therefore I am! In our life, we need to think and plan at any time. Because thinking can make us make fewer mistakes and turn around in time at critical moments; Thinking can open up thinking, maintain rationality, make people less biased, arrogant, emotional and anxious, overcome these disgusting shortcomings, and grow up more steadily and smoothly; Thinking can also make people more profound and harmonious, and understand the mysteries that all beings can't detect.
Therefore, whenever, in addition to exploring new knowledge, it is more necessary to slow down and seriously reflect, thinking is to make progress more firmly.
Actually, I can't make any suggestions. I just hope that every student who steps into the university campus will eventually graduate happily and smoothly, and if possible, meet a better self.
There is a word that happiness and happiness are good brothers, and it is called courage. If you want to be happy, you must be brave first. Courage is not daring to do everything, but having the courage to face the unknown. So, I wish you all the courage.
1) the courage to walk alone
People are always lonely. No matter how good a friend is, no matter how close a family member is, there are always unspeakable hardships and difficulties that cannot be helped. Loneliness is also a kind of strength. May you accumulate strength in loneliness, work hard silently, and finally give everyone a surprise.
2) The courage to meet the unknown
The only certainty in life is an uncertain life. On this premise, I hope you can train the courage to meet unknown challenges and bravely understand and accept setbacks and misfortunes. Be optimistic about uncertain things and be cautious about certain things.
3) Have the courage to accept impermanence
If the essence of existence is change, then we should take it as the premise of life. Although we can't walk into the same river, the river ahead is rolling forward, but when we walk into this river again, it is also cool.
4) the courage to accept failure
There is no road in vain, that process is experience. After every experience, there is a reunion, which is the most beautiful encounter in the world.
All profound understanding comes from profound experience!
Many people have asked me: What is your ideal? But I never answered, because I knew that my ideal could not meet their expectations.
Before I came into contact with reading, I didn't have any ideals or even concepts. After reading it, I began to have a vague ideal, similar to the unknown ideal hidden in the clouds, just like astronomers only know that there is a planet through calculation, and then they are persistent in looking for it. Now, my understanding of the ideal is very clear, and my ideal is very simple: the book is overflowing, the fireworks are filled, the life is warm and stable, and the life is adaptive.
It seems very simple, even not ideal, but I think if I live my life like this, it will become a poem in the eyes of many people, a distant place and the object of envy of others.
If someone makes fun of you with a contemptuous face and despises your ideals, it is insignificant. You can confidently refute: What can be more practical than learning how to live happily?
Finally, I hope we can all love reading and writing. Not for utility, just to make the world warm; Not to make life smile at you, just because you can smile at life.
May the world be different because of meeting you!