Many parents complained to me: Mr. Yuner, my children have been in trouble since childhood, thinking that they will be much better when they grow up. I didn't expect it to be more troublesome when he grew up. We parents are devastated, not people inside and outside! Your kindness to him is also false. Whose parents don't want their children to grow up! I don't go to school now, I blame my parents every day and do nothing.

Some parents also said: Mr. Yuner, my children have been sensible since childhood and have studied well, but now they just don't go to school. The teacher also came to work at home, and the children didn't even see it. His father was very angry. He knocked on the door. But like a stone, he didn't go out without saying anything. Black and white are upside down. We really can't help it. Do something for us! You can't watch such an excellent child go blind.

More parents simply don't accept the fact that their children have psychological problems.

I won't elaborate on the various problems of parents. What I want to say today is that parents must rebuild their cognition, thinking and mentality in the face of children with psychological problems!

Speaking of these tall nouns, it is daunting: what cognitive reconstruction, thinking reconstruction, and mentality reconstruction are actually starting over with children.

Let's talk about cognitive reconstruction first.

What is cognitive reconstruction? Simply put, it is to change the wrong cognition.

It can be said that all psychological problems, including depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, personality disorder and so on, need cognitive reconstruction. There are three methods of cognitive reconstruction: drug therapy, psychological counseling and physical therapy. Drug therapy and physical therapy are also aimed at rebuilding patients' cognition. If a person's cognition has not changed after taking the medicine, it means that the medicine has no effect. After all, drug therapy and physical therapy are also auxiliary functions in the treatment of mental illness, so we will omit them. What we are going to talk about is the cognitive reconstruction of cognitive behavioral therapy.

Although I have repeatedly stressed that children's psychological problems are not entirely the responsibility of parents, parents' educational ideas, educational thoughts and mentality have more than 60% influence on children. Parents' cognitive mode, thinking mode and mentality, as well as the ways and means of education and training for children, affect children all the time. Some people will say: Newton's parents died long ago. What do you think is the influence of parents? I said parents should stop stalling. Great scientists such as Newton, Einstein, Euler and Gauss, great philosophers such as Hegel and Kant, great psychologists such as Freud, Rogers, Maslow and Eysenck, great economists such as Adam Smith and Samuelson, great musicians such as Beethoven, Chopin and Mozart, and great painters such as Michelangelo, Van Gogh and Leonardo da Vinci. They are like dazzling stars, which light up the sky of human history and stop human beings from groping in the dark. It is because of the existence of these great men like gods that mankind has made continuous progress. These people can't know and understand them with the cognition of ordinary people.

Continue to talk about how parents rebuild their cognition when their children have psychological problems.

First of all, parents should know what kind of person you want their children to be.

Many parents told me: Teacher Yuner, as long as the children are happy, I don't want anything. In fact, these parents are telling lies. You say this now. Before that, you want your children to go to key high schools and universities, find a good job, become famous and get married, and you want your children to honor their ancestors. Whenever a child comes out of depression and is really happy, he can't let it go. It's time for children to study. Other people's children have gone to school, so should our children. Should we let him stay at home all his life? This fully shows that parents don't pay attention to their children's psychological problems at all. Their cognition of children's psychological problems still stays in children's mood and cannot be separated from school. The ultimate goal of making children happy is to go to school. When the children really go to school, parents began to pay attention to how many points their children got in this exam and didn't do their homework today. In a word, everything is the same. Parents are really stubborn.

I really met that kind of stubborn parents. Although he is educated, a civil servant, a teacher and a leader, he doesn't admit his harm to children in his bones and always thinks it is for their own good. Even if the children are desperate enough to commit suicide, he still wants to force them to obey his arrangement. This kind of parents give me the biggest headache, because if they don't change, the children will always suffer, and it will get worse and worse, and even take extreme measures against their parents, that is suicide!

Therefore, it is necessary to completely change parents' cognition and rebuild children's cognition.

Expecting their children to succeed is the expectation of most parents in China. It is this expectation that parents put a spell on their children from the day they came into this world. Our children have not lived for themselves since the day they were born. We have always taught them to live for their parents and others, but we have never considered that children should live for themselves. So he tried to get others' appreciation and praise. He won the favor of his parents, the praise of his teachers and the admiration of his students by winning the first place in the exam. Only for their own interests, for their future life and work ability, for their lifelong pursuit.

No matter how smart and ordinary your children are, we should let them live, study and work healthily and happily. In fact, the ultimate difference between people is only the level of wages, and the quality of life is not directly proportional to the level of wages. There are many people around us who are worried about high wages, and there are also families with low incomes, where husband and wife are loving and happy. The sentence "Men become bad when they have money" is not necessarily true. The bad guys may be the kind of bad guys in their bones, but there are still some constraints on these people with less money.

Many parents are stubborn. They will give you a fight. They always argue with me with extreme thinking: 985/2 1 1, Tsinghua Peking University is good, and the children admitted are more promising than other universities. Who says not? Although a large number of children drop out of school or drop out of school every year in these universities, on the whole, it is true that most of these children are more likely to find jobs and have a higher starting point than graduates from ordinary universities. However, if you want your child to fail to get into Tsinghua Peking University and 985/2 1 1, just break down and commit suicide. Can more than 40 million children in ordinary universities die? Let the children eat peaches if they can pick peaches, and let the children eat persimmons if they can pick persimmons. Make the best use of everything and people make the best use of it. As long as you work hard, you just need to accept the reality.

Of course, children with psychological problems are not only middle school students, but also college students, graduate students and even doctoral students. This requires specific analysis of specific issues. But no matter what problems we encounter, we actively try to solve them, instead of falling into a slump, or even using self-harm and death to escape difficulties.

Secondly, parents should accept the fact that their children have psychological problems.

Many parents don't accept the fact that their children have psychological problems in their bones. They always think that children are lazy, melodramatic, escapist and rebellious. In fact, adolescent rebellion itself is also a psychological problem, coupled with parents' wrong educational methods and concepts, leading children to give up their studies, integrate into society, and finally even go to the road of breaking the law and committing crimes.

Only when parents truly accept the fact that their children have psychological problems from the bottom of their hearts can you really calm down and seriously think about whether the serious problems in our educational methods and concepts are not suitable for children or whether our methods have caused serious harm to children. In other words, we should realize that children have problems and need parents to help them solve them.

Unfortunately, most parents are stubborn people. As long as the child returns to normal, parents will show their true colors and nag at the child, saying something unpleasant here and blaming it there. In this case, the child fell into depression in a few days. Children's behavior patterns, thinking patterns and behavior habits are not formed in one day. Some children have bad habits since childhood, such as procrastination, staying up late or lying, and not finishing homework. These habits are related to parents' education methods. Many parents think that I have made my point very clear. Why don't children listen and do? The problem of educational theory is coming. Education has a philosophy: kiss your teacher and trust his way. Only when children are psychologically close to their parents will they be willing to listen to their suggestions.

When parents really accept the fact that their children have psychological problems, you can actively find ways to solve them. Do you want to see a doctor or a counselor to give your child psychological counseling? What kind of psychological counselor should I look for? Is the child depressed, anxious, bipolar or schizophrenic? Or paranoid personality? Or internet addiction? What is the root cause? Is the teacher-student relationship tense? Or is the relationship between classmates tense? Or puppy love or lovelorn? Or is your academic performance declining and you can't understand the class?

In the face of children's problems, what methods should be taken, what to say, when to say it, and how to say it before he can accept it? This requires parents to recognize their children's growth and rebuild their thinking mode and mentality. In other words, you must change your previous cognition, thinking and mentality.

It doesn't matter what key high school, key junior high school, key university or major. It is important that children have a growth-oriented thinking mode, a strong psychological quality and a positive and optimistic attitude towards life.

It doesn't matter who your classmates, teachers and colleagues are. The important thing is to be yourself. From elementary school to junior high school, to high school, to college, to work, I have no friends, no people who support me, no people who care about me. I have never cared about the teacher's embarrassment, the leadership's tossing, the colleagues' ridicule, the classmates' fooling and insulting.

As the saying goes, how far you can go depends on who you travel with. And I've been walking alone so far. I am lonely, but I never feel lonely. Now I enjoy this loneliness, because only loneliness can make me better, think more questions and do more things.

Let children know that there are no eternal friends in the world, only eternal interests! Even if we are bosom friends, it is because we have gained something psychologically. Friends without any interests do not exist. Your primary school classmates, junior high school classmates, high school classmates, college classmates, good colleagues and good relatives will all leave you or get closer to you with the passage of time and the change of status. Only when you are strong can you have more friends.

Third, parents must rebuild their mentality.

What is mentality reconstruction? It is a problem that parents treat their children and children, and their previous strong attitude should be changed. To make friends with children, we should go into their hearts and look at the problem from their perspective. Children's psychological problems should be regarded as inevitable problems in the process of human growth. Everyone will have psychological problems at some stage in his life. Some appear in primary schools, some in junior high schools, some in senior high schools and some in universities. Others appear in work, marriage and family. As a parent, you have a problem with your children now, which is also your problem and your growth problem.

Specifically, how do parents rebuild their mentality?

For example, the teacher publicly criticized the child in class for fighting with his classmates. Children feel unfair and have conflicts with teachers, resulting in children not listening to teachers. The child's approach is obviously wrong. However, if parents keep saying that you are wrong and the teacher is doing it for you, and so on, this is an explanation. This kind of education seems to be correct, but in fact it violates the principle of "three noes" that is not explained. Many parents have said the "three noes" principle, that is, no matter what the children do wrong, they are right. Why should they be educated?

Education should pay attention to ways and means. Why is the average score of some teachers of the same student and the same course higher than others 10? Some teachers not only refused to listen to him, but also painted gourd ladle in class every day. No one wanted to listen to the lecture, students were not interested, and their grades were in a mess. Don't think that you are telling the truth, and others will listen to you. Anyone can tell the truth, but some leaders are convincing and some leaders are hated.

Therefore, if you face your children with a mentality of helping them grow up, you can walk into their hearts and let them feel your care and love. What the teacher did above is wrong. You don't need to explain it to the teacher. Come on, son, tell dad the whole story. Of course, you have both right and wrong places. Pay attention to whether your behavior is accepted by others with your classmates. Maybe you didn't think so much, so you should pay attention in the future. Teacher Zhang doesn't give you face, and it's his usual practice to make you look down on him in public. What he did was wrong, and none of his classmates had a problem with him. I will definitely talk to Mr. Zhang about his ways and means when I have the opportunity. If you don't attend Mr. Zhang's class because of his wrong methods, it will definitely be a great loss to yourself and make Mr. Zhang more critical of you. You can also tell Mr. Zhang if you have the opportunity. You said that Mr. Zhang does make mistakes sometimes. Can you save me some face and criticize me in the office? A joke may solve all the embarrassment and crisis.

That's all I'm talking about: parents with psychological problems must rebuild their cognition, thinking and mentality.

One more thing: Mr. Yuner does not belong to any consulting organization, does not cooperate with anyone, has no assistant, does not actively add anyone's friends, and does not actively leave anyone's contact information. Before you consult me, please confirm it's me through video.

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Thank you for your trust and support. Ok, that's all for today. I am Yuner. Welcome to watch. You should know something about psychology. Thanks for your support. Don't forget to give me a compliment! Goodbye.