First, the connotation and characteristics of friendship
To seek sincere friendship between students, we must first understand what friendship is and what is the real purpose of establishing friendship.
1, the connotation of friendship
In the history of human civilization, people have had various answers to the basis of friendship. Zhouyili? There is a saying in Gan that "homophones correspond to each other and seek for the same spirit", and the recognition and exchange of "sound" and "qi" is regarded as the basis of friendship. Mencius thought: "Friends are friends, and so are their virtues. There can be no compulsion. " ("Mencius? Zhang Wan) He thinks that noble character is the foundation of friendship. Pythagoras, an ancient Greek philosopher, understood friendship as "harmonious equality", while Democritus, another philosopher, emphasized that "the unity of thoughts and feelings produces friendship". The above understanding is reasonable, but not complete.
Friendship is a beautiful and intimate emotion between individuals who share the same ideals and interests. It comes from social life and communication, which is not only a reflection of interpersonal relationship, but also a beautiful social emotion and a precious wealth in human spiritual home.
The connotation of friendship includes the following aspects: friendship comes from social interaction; Friendship is a noble and pure moral emotion unique to human beings; Friendship is an indispensable wealth in life.
To further understand the meaning of friendship, friendship can roughly include the following three aspects: the first is like-mindedness, which is what people often say. The second is the same hobbies. Interest is a psychological tendency that individuals deliberately choose objects and try to understand them, and the further development of interest is manifested as hobbies. * * * The same hobbies greatly promote the establishment and development of friendship, and it is easy to get close to and make like-minded friends. The third is * * * interests. Interest is a real problem that works all the time in life, and so is interpersonal communication. Therefore, friendship must be like-minded, that is, people often say complementary.
2. Characteristics of friendship
First of all, friendship is a noble moral force. Sincere friendship is a noble moral force, which regulates both sides in communication and makes them respect each other and treat each other sincerely. People get self-esteem satisfaction and emotional belonging in this moral power of friendship. The power of friendship also makes people deeply and vividly realize the value and significance of human similarity, and consciously extend this moral emotion to the social scope, connecting themselves with other people's lives, social development and human destiny, and promoting social development.
Second, friendship is a kind of responsibility and obligation. Friendship is selfless dedication between friends, deep concern for each other, and it is their responsibility to promote each other's progress and improvement; Take the initiative to share the pain and sorrow for each other and help each other overcome difficulties and setbacks; Consciously safeguard each other's personal dignity and reputation. Friendship does not need utility, nor is it the kind of "buddy loyalty" that "does anything for a friend". True friendship is to fulfill responsibilities and obligations to a friend regardless of gains and losses. As the Russian writer belinsky said, "True friends don't talk about friendship. They ask for nothing for friendship, but do everything for each other. "
Second, college students and friendship
Friendship is very valuable to life. It is no exaggeration to say that people without friendship are isolated and sad. In a sense, the most indispensable interpersonal relationship in life is friendship. Because of this, friendship has always been an important spiritual pursuit of mankind. College is the best period of life. The friendship of college students is not only an important part of college life, but also an important factor to promote college students to complete their studies and achieve their careers.
1. Friendship is one of the main emotional support and interpersonal relationships of college students.
Friendship is very important to young college students. This is because from the perspective of human development, teenagers' inner world is rapidly formed, their sense of adulthood is enhanced, their emotional dependence on parents, teachers and other adults is gradually weakened, and the direction of emotional dependence turns to peers. In addition, most students are far away from their hometown and parents, so the friendship between peers has become one of the most precious feelings for young people. Friendship is a kind of love exchange, exchanging love for love, and giving love to each other. This kind of advanced emotion, which is produced on the basis of studying, living and working together, enriches the emotional world of young people and makes college students understand that they care about, respect and understand people.
2. Friendship is an important way for college students to know themselves and promote their own development.
Young people have just set foot on the road of life, and their world outlook and outlook on life are not yet mature, with strong imitation and plasticity. In the communication with friends, it is easy to influence and imitate each other, and we can also find a measure of ourselves from friends, discover and learn from each other's strengths and advantages, and constantly promote self-improvement and development. As Leland Robin, a famous American sociologist, writer and psychotherapist, said, "We are not one-sided people, and we also have more than one potential. Friends are our own projections. They help us to know all aspects of ourselves and explore all kinds of potentials that we didn't know before.
3. Friendship is conducive to the accelerated development of college students' socialization.
College students are the pillars of the future country and shoulder the sacred historical mission, which requires them to develop their intelligence and improve their products under the guidance of teachers, learn from each other's strong points in their contacts with classmates and friends, and inspire each other morally and ideologically. Especially the friendship between friends is also of positive value to the moral cultivation of young college students. First of all, in getting along with friends, college students will truly feel the importance of moral quality and gradually develop virtues such as honesty, trustworthiness, tolerance and tolerance. Secondly, friendship is a kind of love exchange, which is to exchange love for love and give love to each other. This kind of advanced emotion, which is produced on the basis of studying, living and working together, enriches the emotional world of young people and makes college students know how to care for, respect and understand people. Finally, friendship is a noble moral force, which extends people's moral feelings to the social scope, and connects themselves with other people's lives, social development and even human destiny, thus enhancing young people's sense of social responsibility.
The value of friendship lies in that it is a contributing factor to the success of life and career. The friendship between Marx and Engels illustrates this truth well. After writing the first draft of Das Kapital, Marx wrote a letter of thanks to Engels when he finished proofreading the last printed version at 2 o'clock in the middle of August 1867. The letter said, "Without the sacrifice you made for me, I would never have finished this three-volume masterpiece." Einstein once said: The best thing in the world is to have a few friends who are upright in thought and heart. Therefore, friendship contributes to the accelerated development of college students' socialization and their early success.
Third, the establishment and development of friendship.
Getting and developing sincere friendship is a kind of beneficial spiritual enjoyment, but there are indeed many people who are distressed by not getting sincere friendship. An important reason for this situation is that many people don't pay attention to making friends and the way to make friends. College students want everyone to cherish friendship, so how to establish and develop friendship?
1, choose friends according to the principle.
Choosing a friend is the foundation of friendship, and it is also an art. In The Story of the Cocking Couple, Su Jun, a scholar in the Ming Dynasty, divided friends into four types: "Morality conflicts with morality, negligence conflicts with negligence, and fears friends; Priorities can be * * *, life and death can be entrusted, and so can best friends; Sweet talk, games, intimate friends; Interests compete, sufferings depend on each other, and thieves are friends. "That is to say, there are many kinds of friends, and you need to choose friends to make friends. A studious and enterprising college student should make more timid friends and intimate friends, less intimate friends and not be a thief. Confucius also attached great importance to the choice of friends. He said: "There are three friends who have benefited and three friends who have suffered. Friends are frank, friends forgive and friends listen more, which is beneficial. Friends will be honest, friendly and soft, and friends will go bankrupt. " ("The Analects? Ji) means that honest people, honest people and knowledgeable people are useful friends; People who are good at flattery, people with bad intentions, people who talk big and flashy are all harmful friends. "Be friendly to others, don't be careless", students should have principles when choosing people to make friends. Generally speaking, there should be "three views" in choosing friends, that is, we should pay attention to the virtues of making friends, and only people with high morality can have real friendship; Look at the nature of making friends and see if the people you associate have sincere and kind personality and good personal cultivation; Make friends observe your friends and pay attention to what kind of friends are gathered around each other. In a word, * * *' s ideal, ambition and pursuit will make college students gain true friendship.
Step 2 be sincere with others
If friendship is to develop and deepen, it must be moral. First of all, get along with friends sincerely, and avoid being secretive and duplicitous. Only by approaching and hitting the other person's heart with sincere heart, can the other person understand and trust you, gain a sense of security, communicate with you with confidence, and cultivate and develop friendship in communication. Secondly, when you get along with your friends, you should keep your word. Be responsible for your words and deeds, don't make empty wishes for things you can't do, match your words with your deeds, keep your word, and trust friends and make friends without doubt.
Step 3 be enthusiastic
Enthusiasm is the best way for young college students to open their hearts and accept friends, because a person who cares about understanding others and helps others enthusiastically can always get others' understanding and concern and establish sincere friendship.
Step 4 be kind
Be a kind person. We like avalokitesvara because she is merciful and kind-hearted. Therefore, college students should be friendly to people. Kindness is the externalization of love and the premise of a person's better integration into the social collective. Friendship between classmates means caring for others, not demanding or imposing on others, thus helping others. Especially when students encounter difficulties, they need other students to be friendly, do friendly things and lend a helping hand. This kind of classmate friendship will make the people who are concerned unforgettable for life. Being a friendly person is also a magic weapon to win the friendship of classmates.
unprejudiced
To get along with friends, you need generosity and kindness. Pay more attention to the advantages and disadvantages of friends and less attention to each other's shortcomings and deficiencies. Of course, generosity does not mean unconditional tolerance and compromise, and friends also need to criticize and argue in good faith. As the saying goes, "gentlemen are harmonious but different, and villains are not harmonious" ("The Analects of Confucius? Lutz "). It is common for students to have differences and frictions when they study and live together. We should be frank, have a rational mind, never be impulsive, and put friendship and understanding first. It should be noted that in general, there is no fundamental conflict of interest among students. As long as it is handled properly, any differences and frictions will eventually be eliminated. Tolerant students will certainly win everyone's understanding and respect. Being a tolerant person is another magic weapon to gain friendship with classmates.
6. Treat heterosexual friendship correctly
Communication between the opposite sex is an important part of interpersonal communication, and heterosexual friendship is pure friendship between men and women. Friendship of the opposite sex is necessary for college students. Adolescent college students, due to the maturity of sexual psychology, the development of sexual consciousness and the influence of social environment, are curious and fond of the opposite sex and have a strong desire to communicate with the opposite sex. The friendship of the opposite sex based on heterosexual communication is conducive to the emotional stability and compensation of male and female college students, to the all-round development of behavior regulation and personality, to the completion of studies and the success of career, and to the real understanding and freedom of choosing love objects through moral social activities.
It should be clearly pointed out that heterosexual friendship is different from love. Japanese psychologists put forward five criteria to distinguish friendship and love through research. First, the pillars are different. The pillar of friendship is understanding, and the pillar of love is emotion. Second, the status is different, the status of friendship is equal, and the status of love is integration. Third, the system is different, friendship is open and love is closed. Fourth, the foundation is different. Friendship is based on trust, while love is entangled in anxiety. Fifth, different moods, friendship is full of "sufficiency" and love is full of "lack". There are two possibilities for the development of heterosexual friendship: one is to develop into love through hard work, and the other is to keep friends for a long time. It is wrong to think that there is only love but no friendship between the opposite sex, and it is entirely possible for the opposite sex to establish and maintain the friendship of friends.
The heterosexual communication between college students should follow the principle of heterosexual communication. First of all, under the guidance of correct outlook on life and morality, we should correct our communication motivation and develop healthy and civilized friendship. Secondly, we should keep interpersonal distance, keep a certain distance in heterosexual communication, and grasp the discretion. Third, establish a wide circle of friendship and participate in the activities of boys and girls. Finally, the communication between the opposite sex should rationally grasp the boundaries between friendship and love.
For a common goal, college students gathered from all directions and became college classmates. The friendship between classmates during college is beautiful and unforgettable. However, due to the different personality characteristics of students, long-term study and life together will inevitably lead to differences and frictions of one kind or another. Therefore, how to consolidate the friendship between students and further sublimate it into useful friends in the future career development is a realistic topic that needs to be taken seriously.
Classic case 1:
Marx and Engels
19 The 1950s was the most difficult period in Marx's life. In order to help Marx and his family avoid starvation, Engels had to return to the business world, live a life as a businessman he hated, and return to the Manchester business office. In the first few years in Manchester, although there was no fixed salary and little income, he tried his best to help Marx financially. From 195 1, money was sent to London irregularly at first, and then more or less every month or even every week. Engels constantly strengthened his determination, no matter how long, as long as friendship and political needs, he had to endure the shackles of this ghost business.
Although Engels and Marx can't meet every day, their cooperation in scientific research has not stopped. The separation between the two places brings difficulties to the frequent exchange of ideas, but frequent communication makes up for this defect to some extent. More than 65,438+0,300 letters have been preserved, which is a bridge for the exchange of ideas. It is rare for two friends not to communicate within a week. Sometimes it is one letter a day, or several letters a day. There is hardly a scientific field that has not been discussed or mentioned in these letters. For Marx, Engels was his information desk, professional consultant and critic. In these letters, two friends tell each other their new ideas, discuss them, ask questions, reply, and finally accept or deny them. (Xie Zongfan's Famous People in the Modern World, Shanghai People's Publishing House, 1989 edition)
Comment: The revolutionary friendship between Marx and Engels is the most glorious and touching friendship in human history. Engels, out of loyalty to the revolution and friends, is willing to live a miserable life as a businessman, so that we can understand the true meaning of friendship. From youth to old age, 40 years have passed. They are brothers and sisters, close to each other, respect each other and trust each other. * * * co-founded the theory of scientific socialism and led the proletarian revolutionary movement. Every great achievement they have made is the crystallization of hard work and lofty friendship. This friendship inspires them to overcome all grief and difficulties and work hard for the same cause.
Classic case 2
From making friends to being caught.
Yao was admitted to the mathematics department of a university with excellent results in the college entrance examination of 199 1. As soon as he entered the school, he took "making friends" as a major event. He believes in "many friends, many roads" and "relying on parents at home and friends when going out". Less than half a year after he entered the university, he took three classmates of the same grade to the educated youth hotel near the school, set up a banquet and had a "Peach Garden Four Wishes". As long as his sworn brother has a little friction with others, he fights with each other. In the first academic year, I failed five courses. But he continued to make some so-called life and death friends. Brothers often eat, drink and fight together. After reading obscene manuscripts borrowed from friends, Yao had sex with five female students.
Mr Yao likes to show off and make friends when he "makes friends". If he has no money, he will borrow money from his classmates. If he doesn't pay it back, no one will dare to lend it to him again. Soon, he colluded with a temporary worker in the canteen. Temporary workers steal canteen meal tickets and Yao sells them to classmates. Then they were dirty, but they were soon found. One day in June 1992, one of Yao's "buddies" asked Yao to take it out on him. Yao immediately put on the chain and made an appointment with another person to rush to the students' school together. He viciously forced the student to hand over 100 yuan immediately, and took out 200 yuan the next day. Yao was blackmailed many times and became a famous villain inside and outside the school for a time. At the end of 1993, the cold handcuffs locked his fierce fist, and Yao was finally captured by the public security organs.
Comment: This is a case of mistaking "buddy loyalty" for friendship. It reminds us college students not to believe in the "buddy loyalty" that harms the society as well as themselves, but to find like-minded friends in the process of pursuing their careers in order to win real friendship.
In the third quarter, straighten the position of love
Love is a unique emotion of human beings and a special interpersonal relationship. With the development and maturity of body and mind, college students entering adolescence will naturally yearn for and pay attention to love. Love is different from other interpersonal relationships and has its own characteristics in emotion and behavior. Therefore, figuring out what love is, how to deal with the relationship between love and study, and how to make love have a proper place in life are realistic problems that every college student should seriously consider and answer.
First, the nature and characteristics of love
1, Love Overview
(1) The stage of human sexual psychology development
The development of human individual psychology. The development of children's sexual psychology; The development of teenagers' sexual psychology: alienation from the opposite sex (10-1,12 years old), approach to the opposite sex (13- 15, 16 years old) and
Erickson, a famous American psychologist, has eight stages of self-development: infancy, childhood, preschool period, early school age, adolescence, early adulthood (18-30 years old, which is the stage of establishing family life, getting intimate relationship and avoiding loneliness), adulthood and maturity.
(2) the concept of love
Huang Xiting and others believe that "the process of cultivating love between men and women is called love. Men and women in love will have a particularly strong mutual admiration. "
Kant believes that sexual impulse is periodic; The so-called love is that we use the power of imagination to liberate it from periodicity and turn it into a continuous thing.
Professor Zeng Wenxing of the University of Hawaii believes that "love" refers to the strong feelings between two people, which is a state of emotion and interpersonal relationship; It is usually a short-term psychological phenomenon. To understand love, we should grasp the following aspects:
First, the basic motivation of love is human sexuality.
Second, the essence of love is to meet the psychological needs of both men and women.
Third, the influence of environmental factors is the external condition that leads to love.
Therefore, love is a process in which the opposite sex admires each other and cultivates love under the interaction of physiological, psychological and environmental influences.
(3) What is the concept of love?
The basic concept of love is the concept of love.
Love is an important part of life, but it is not the whole of life. A correct understanding of the essential characteristics of love and its position in life is the basis for establishing a correct view of love and the premise for young college students to steer the boat of love cautiously.
2. The nature of love
Love is the strongest, most stable and single-minded feeling that a man and a woman form the most sincere admiration for each other in their own hearts based on a certain objective material basis and the same ideal of life, and yearn for each other to become their lifelong partners. The essence of love is the lofty feelings between the opposite sex that combine the social and natural attributes of human beings.
Different views on love. Love is an old and often new topic in life. In the history of human cultural development, there are many immortal literary works describing love. China's Book of Songs, Greek epics, Roman myths and even the Christian Bible all have touching love stories. Many philosophers and psychologists also have their own unique views on love. British philosopher Hume believes that love is a combination of three impressions or emotions: beauty, sexual desire and affection. Hegel, a German philosopher, believes that there is indeed a noble quality in love, because she does not stop at sexual desire, but shows a rich and noble and beautiful mind, and demands to be one with another with a lively, brave and sacrificial spirit. Austrian psychologist Freud believes that sexual instinct is the most basic content of all instincts, and love is only a manifestation or sublimation of sexual instinct. All these understandings of love are far from scientifically revealing the nature of love. Idealists often separate the natural factors and social attributes of love. Platonic love is spiritual love. Plato praised spiritual love, despised secular love desire, led people to abstract love, and unilaterally emphasized the factors of love. Pantheists define love through sexual instinct. Like Freud and Schopenhauer, they only emphasize sexual factors.
According to the Marxist view of love, the emotion based on sex between men and women becomes love because of people's social attributes. Therefore, the sincere love between men and women is not only the impulse and mutual need of natural physiological needs, but also the same interests and empathy. All this is based on certain social and historical conditions and is subject to specific social relations, economic status and cultural background. Therefore, love is essentially the strongest, most stable and single-minded feeling that a man and a woman form the most sincere admiration for each other in their hearts based on a certain objective material basis and the same ideal of life, and yearn for each other to become their lifelong partners. The essence of love is the lofty feelings between the opposite sex that combine the social and natural attributes of human beings. If goodwill is different from love because of the lack of social understanding of love, then friendship is different from love and often lacks biological attraction. Like-minded people can form noble friendship with the opposite sex.
It can be seen that the content of love is rich, which usually consists of four elements: first, sexual desire, which is the physiological basis and natural premise of love; Second, emotion, which is the central link of love, is manifested in the strong feelings of the integration of spirit and flesh; The third is ideal, which is the social foundation and rational guide of love; Fourth, obligation, which is the social requirement of love, is manifested as a conscious sense of moral responsibility. The above four elements are interrelated and indispensable, otherwise it is a broken or twisted love.
3. The characteristics of love
As a specific social relationship between people, love has the following basic characteristics:
First, love has autonomy and mutual love. Love is a complex, sacred and noble emotional activity. It was a heartstring struck by two hearts, which admired and loved each other. True love can't be forced. Only on the premise that both parties love each other, both parties are lovers and loved. In the development of love, both men and women must always be in an equal and loving position. Although unrequited love is also a strong emotion, it is not love in the sense of mutual love. It is not advisable to consume a person's mental strength from the inside, thus causing mental trauma.
Second, love is concrete and exclusive. Love is the sound of two hearts colliding. Once men and women love each other, they will demand loyalty to each other and exclude any third party from approaching one of them. The great educator Tao Xingzhi once vividly said: The wine of love is sweet and bitter. Two people drink nectar, three people drink sour and vinegar, and they will be poisoned if they drink it casually. This statement makes sense.
Third, love is persistent and staged. Love is a pine tree, not an epiphyllum. Love contains emotional factors and obligation factors, which not only exists in the whole process of premarital love, but also extends to married couples' life and family life. The persistence of love is manifested in the deepening, enrichment and perfection of love, just as Shakespeare said: true love will not change because of the environment; True love cannot be erased by time; True love brings us happiness and life. In fact, persistence in love is the basis for establishing and maintaining marriage. True love will not weaken with the growth of age, but in different age stages of life, the performance of love will be different and staged.
Fourth, love is social and moral. Although love is an affair between loving men and women, it has rich social content. The connotation, essence and way of pursuing love are inevitably influenced by various social relations and social factors. The morality of love means that love contains a strong sense of obligation and responsibility to each other.
4, the development process of love
Although there are various ways of personal love, as far as the psychological conditions of love germination are concerned, sincere love often goes through a development process from goodwill to love and from friendship to love.
Feeling love from kindness is that two hearts are in the process of love.