Since when did blind date become a daunting word? Since the saying "leftover men and women" came into being, blind date seems to be a label, as if blind date is to announce to the world that "I can't find a boyfriend/girlfriend, blind date is the only way out". Seven aunts and eight aunts have made unremitting efforts to arrange blind dates for young boys and girls, and the parties, who can push and hide, really have to bite the bullet and go to see them, just like routine. When I came back, I mostly vomited. Is blind date that annoying?
1. Who needs a blind date?
My parents' generation attached great importance to blind date. On the one hand, they are anxious about their children's marriage, hoping to help them find the right partner as soon as possible. Completing children is also their own "life event". On the other hand, in those days, most marriages were introduced by people. At that time, the degree of social openness was far less than now, and there were not many opportunities to meet people. When young people reach marriageable age, the leaders of relatives and friends will help them introduce them, so they think this is a normal and reliable way. My mother often says, "Don't get started in a hurry."
Times are progressing and thoughts are changing. In the post-1980s and post-1990s generation, young people's sense of independence is getting stronger and stronger, and they are even more unwilling to be influenced by others in choosing a spouse. Rejecting blind date, just like rejecting other things arranged by parents, is more like a cry for freedom and a declaration that "I am the master of my life".
However, some people, even many people, actually need blind date, because their actions are far behind their thoughts. They are eager to see their boyfriends/girlfriends, but in fact they just stay at home all day.
Wu Di, a Shanghai spicy love doctor, is good at psychological counseling on gender relations and analyzing the mentality of single men and women with sharp language. In her opinion, many young people who refuse blind date can't find their other half. They don't go to social activities, don't find opportunities to meet the opposite sex, and are not good at expressing themselves. Life is so monotonous that there are only two points and one line left. If they don't change the status quo and don't want to go on blind dates, I'm afraid they can only stay single.
Being in love is a kind of ability, so is finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. I used to have a colleague who went to see a doctor because of low back pain. The doctor is a young single woman. After a while, he not only took care of his waist, but also married a female doctor who returned to China. I also know a young counselor who organizes activities for psychology lovers. A beautiful doctor who studies medicine often comes to attend, and now she is the wife of a psychological counselor.
Capable people don't need blind date, and they won't be bothered by blind date, because they will look for opportunities and create opportunities to meet the opposite sex. They may be in love, or they may be on the way to find love. They don't have to worry about it at all, and there is no need or time to go on a blind date.
What is fate? It's not like sitting at home and leaving a boyfriend/girlfriend, let alone running into each other on the road and then falling in love with TA in the TV series. Fate is that you get to know each other through various channels in the vast sea of people, and then find that you are attracted to each other, like-minded, and finally come together. And this way, in many cases, needs to be created by our own efforts.
Maybe you will say that I am too busy to make friends, introverted and not good at socializing, and my life is simple and there are not many ways to make friends. In short, you can't have a boyfriend/girlfriend for various reasons. Then I want to say that blind date is just right for you.
2. What is the purpose of blind date?
Why do some people hate blind dates? The reason I hear the most is that blind date is too purposeful.
I'm curious, shouldn't we do something with a purpose? Aimless things waste not only time, but also feelings. Who will do it? Some people say: "Both sides of the blind date are rushing to get married and find an object. Everyone knows it well and has no feeling at all." "It is really utilitarian to talk about how much salary a month is when you meet, whether there is a room or a car."
In fact, we limit the purpose of blind date.
We put a utilitarian hat on marriage and love, and we define blind date as something left over by men and women or something imposed on us by our parents. So often with prejudice, with rebellion, with contempt, with embarrassment to blind date.
As an older single young woman, I have also experienced many blind dates, but I have never hated blind dates. I know that I am not sociable, and I never dare to talk to handsome guys, so I regard blind date as a channel to meet people. In terms of probability, the more people you know, the more likely you are to find a suitable boyfriend/girlfriend, right?
I met a doctor who studied agricultural robots in Fudan University. An athlete who goes to the gym four or five times a week; History lovers who often go to museums to attend lectures; Engineers sent to Thailand to do projects ... Although these people didn't become my boyfriends, they broadened my horizons and let me see all kinds of people and listen to many interesting or boring stories. I didn't expect them to be the material of my article one day. Aren't these all the gains of blind date?
Maybe you think I'm lucky not to meet a great blind date. What is wonderful? Dr. Agricultural Robot ordered me a cup of matcha coffee without my consent and told me, "I know girls like matcha", but I never liked matcha. Fitness experts grab one yuan coupons in various apps every morning, and every date can be perfectly free of meals; A history lover is a very fat person. ...
These are enough for me and my friends to vomit after dinner, but this does not prevent me from continuing blind date and getting to know more people. No two people in the world are the same. It is precisely because I see the characteristics of each other that I know more clearly what I like and what I don't like.
The purpose of blind date actually depends on you. If you regard it as a utilitarian thing, you will only care about each other's income, then it really becomes a utilitarian thing. If you regard it as an interview and yourself as an examiner, then you will constantly judge and criticize each other, and as a result, you will not see the advantages of each other at all. If you are like me, you just regard blind date as an opportunity to meet people, even if you don't meet a happy person, there is nothing to lose. On the contrary, you may gain more knowledge and some unexpected gains.
Blind date is not for your boyfriend/girlfriend to make you fall in love with him/her. Blind date is to give you one more chance to meet Mr. Right. Who knows that your Prince Charming didn't come to see you as a blind date?
3. Where does the "feeling" in blind date come from?
I'm afraid the second reason why I hate blind date is these three words: I don't feel it.
On a blind date, we had a chat, and the topic was very dull, or one talked about work and the other was completely uninterested. When I got home, my family asked me how I was and replied: nothing. I don't seem particularly dissatisfied, but if I want to make another appointment, it seems that there is no motivation. After chatting on WeChat for a few words and saying "Hello", I don't know what to talk about.
What is the so-called "feeling"? To sum it up, it is "a little tempted" by a song by Jeff Chang Shin-Che Xinche. We are eager to meet someone who makes us tempted.
Where does the feeling of being tempted come from? Watching too many idol dramas is easy to give people an illusion. The feeling of being tempted is the feeling of pulling down a book from the shelf of the library and finding a handsome guy standing behind it, or meeting unexpectedly in the beautiful scenery of Jiangnan water town. However, in reality, the probability of such events is too small. More often, the heart is based on understanding, because it feels good to find the same hobby, warm because of the other person's concern, and deeply moved because of a romantic move.
I have a classmate who met a boy on a blind date. After meeting for the first time, the girls thought it was average, and the boys thought it was good, so they began to pursue it. Every day, WeChat asks questions about flowers and presents, which finally touched my classmates and won beautiful women. The heartbeat does not appear out of thin air, but is the result of active efforts.
But many times, both sides of blind date are unwilling to know each other deeply, let alone take the initiative. The inner monologue is: anyway, it was introduced by others, not what I wanted. So everyone is very passive. I often hear such a scene. Asked how the boys felt, the answer was not bad, but there was no follow-up. Asked why he didn't ask a girl out, he replied that the other party didn't take the initiative. Whenever I hear such words, I want to ask: Are you active? You don't want to spend a little time understanding her preferences, and you don't want to spend a little effort to impress her. How can you see her positive side?
For a person who is unwilling to take the initiative, no matter whether it is a blind date or other ways to know the opposite sex, he can't feel his heart. It's not that blind date doesn't feel anything, but that passive self closes his heart.
Perhaps, sometimes what we hate is not blind date, but the secular pressure it brings and our inner anxiety.
When we can let go of our prejudice, open our hearts and stop being bothered by outside voices, when we are sure that we really want to find the other half, when we are motivated and willing to take active actions, we won't care about blind date or any other way.