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Disharmonious personality?

In intimate relationships, it is important to take care of each other's emotions.

Many couples say that they "can't get along", maybe they just don't take care of each other's emotions.

When two people start to get together, the excitement brought by each other's novelty will gradually disappear after a long time. We will return to the daily psychological track and have our own way of doing things, and the shortcomings of the other party will gradually emerge, and dissatisfaction will follow.

Then I began to become disappointed and complained: Why didn't I find you like this before? If I knew, I wouldn't be with you.

In fact, if you think about it carefully, the couple were originally two strangers who came together by chance, but they have different experiences and personalities, and there must be differences in values and lifestyles.

Personality incompatibility leads to breakup.

"Don't break up with each other."

Personality incompatibility is just what many people say on the surface. In fact, almost all couples will encounter personality differences and find each other unreasonable at this stage.

Whether we can get along depends on our ability to handle differences. It needs to be reminded that dealing with differences is not to change the other person exactly like himself, but to control it but a process of love.

1. Learn to listen and admit the rationality of each other's feelings.

There is a key word in psychology called: validationQ (translated as: recognition).

What do you mean? It means-no matter what emotions and feelings the other person has because of one thing, even if I don't think so, I need to admit that it does exist in the other person.

For example, if you think durian is delicious, he will vomit when he smells durian. Your different feelings about durian are real and permissible-that is, it is reasonable to feel the existence.

In the face of each other's emotional feelings, we should respond to feelings with feelings, not with "reason".

Yes, the 1 step to correctly handle differences is to learn to see each other's feelings clearly and admit each other's rationality.

Don't look at a word, it's very, very difficult to do.

1. Learn to listen and admit the rationality of each other's love.

Think back: you have heard of boudoir since you were a child. Buddies, even their parents, will say this when evaluating their partners: I really can't figure out why he thinks so. How could he do such a thing? What's wrong with his brain? Who told you not to listen to me before, and now you suffer?

As can be seen from all the examples around us, it is difficult for us to admit that there is no right or wrong between ourselves and each other in intimate relationships, only differences.

Why? Because to understand the reasons behind the differences, we need to unload our defenses, let the stories in our hearts flow without exposure, and worry that the exposed loopholes will be used and attacked by the other side; Obviously, it is more labor-saving to argue about winning or losing than to really understand.

What can we do to admit the rationality of each other's feelings?

Give you three noes: no evaluation, no denial, no elimination.

1. Learn to listen and admit the rationality of each other's feelings.

For example, when the other party and you complain that the boss makes you suffer indignities, many people will reply with a typical negative: your boss is nothing, my boss is a pervert, and the boss can't change it. I advise you to adjust your mentality. These answers are obviously denying each other's feelings, and the subtext is that your current mood is melodramatic, and it's no big deal. In fact, the other party doesn't need your advice. Everyone knows the truth. He just needs to release his emotional power.

It's easier to understand without evaluation and negation. What is rare is the third difference-it has not been eliminated.

We should not even rush to help each other get rid of this negative feeling.

For example, the other party said: I am very sad and I am afraid.

Typical wrong reaction: "Don't be sad" and "Nothing to be afraid of"-you may be anxious to help this person get rid of negative emotions because you care about him. But in fact, you can't. All you can do is experience this feeling with him.

1. Learn to listen and admit the rationality of each other's feelings.

You can say, "I know you're upset. If you are sad, just cry for a while. I will stay with you. " "I know you are scared, let me hug you. Let the other person feel that no matter how bad and fragile you are, you are always an A in front of you.

The greatness of Z is that he doesn't need to get better immediately and go to J to solve the problem immediately, but he can release his emotions in front of you with peace of mind like a child. Having you to accompany him to experience his inner world is the meaning of a bosom friend. Admit that each other's feelings are reasonable and understandable-drop your guard and communicate with each other, which is the first 1 step between lovers.

2. Understand the reasons behind each other's behavior

When you admit that the other person's feelings are normal and reasonable, the other person will think that everything he says to you is an A.

They have established healthy and effective communication channels.

At this time, listen patiently to each other's different feelings or different handling methods. Is there a story behind it? Every time we deal with differences, it may be a process of deepening mutual understanding.

3. Run-in-give the other side influence their own strength

Many people have a misunderstanding about running-in-because they want to run-in too much, and even try to make less friction between two people by suppressing some of their own needs, which makes the whole love talk very tired.

In fact, running-in is very simple, and it is not a blind effort.

After reading this article, I hope you understand that running-in mainly lies in understanding each other's growth experience, family culture and psychological changes, and allowing each other to influence themselves.

What does it mean to allow the other person to influence himself? It means-we should let go of our guard, keep an open mind to grow, keep our curiosity and desire to explore each other's world, and let each other's ideas and lifestyles penetrate into our hearts slowly and naturally.

The essence of running-in lies in more understanding of nature and more tacit understanding, which takes time and is urgent. However, as long as two people are clear about right and wrong in the face of differences, don't be too stubborn and exert influence on each other's power, then the relationship between your will naturally blossom and bear fruit.

Z, I hope you can complete such a transformation:

If ever, in the face of the friction caused by the difference in life, our subconscious reaction is generally: how can you do this? It's ridiculous!

Now I hope you can consciously adjust your reaction to: there must be your own reasons and stories behind it. Let's sit down and talk, so that I can get to know you better, get closer to you and even expand myself from you.