Psychological humor story 1 department store perfume, 95% is water, only 5% is different, that is the secret recipe of every department store. So do people. 95% of things are basically the same, the difference is the key 5%, including people's self-cultivation characteristics, people's desire for happiness and pain.
It takes five years and ten years for essence to be added to perfume, and so do people. You need to grow and exercise to have your own unique taste.
Psychological humor story 2: Father lost a watch. He complained and rummaged everywhere, but he couldn't find it for a long time. When he went out, his son sneaked into the house and soon found the watch. Father asked: How did you find it? My son said, I just sat quietly, and soon I heard the tick, and then I went to look for my watch.
The more anxious we are, the less we can find what we want. Only when you calm down can you hear your inner voice.
Psychological humor story 3 There is a Beijinger who sold a set of quadrangles in Gulou Street 1984 for the dream of going abroad and raised 300,000 yuan. He left his hometown to go to Italy for gold ... He ate, stayed in the rain, delivered takeout in the rain, and learned a foreign language in the middle of the night. ...
I have worked hard and thrived, and now I have been in my temple for 30 years. Finally, I saved 8 million yuan and planned to return to China to enjoy the glory. Once in Beijing, it was found that the quadrangle sold in that year was listed on the intermediary for 80 million yuan, and it collapsed in an instant. ...
Perhaps, people's life is mostly busy ... sometimes, choice is more important than hard work!
The boss of a company, accompanied by his lawyer, came to a room to find his former accountant. The boss asked the accountant, "Where did you hide my 3 million?" The accountant kept silent.
The boss raised his voice: "Where did you hide my greedy 3 million?"
The lawyer said, "Sir, this man is deaf and dumb now. He can't understand what you said. Let me do it! " "
The boss said, "well, ask him where he hid my damn money." Then the lawyer asked the accountant in sign language where the three million dollars were hidden.
The accountant made a gesture. "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer said to the boss, "He said he didn't know what you were talking about."
Lawyers know sign language. The boss took out his gun, pointed to the accountant's forehead, pulled the trigger and said, "Ask him where he hid my money."
The lawyer made a gesture. "He asked where you hid the money."
The accountant made a trembling gesture. "Okay, okay, I said, it's hidden in a brown suitcase in the utility room in my backyard."
The boss asked, "What did he say?"
"The lawyer replied, he said ... Go to hell! You dare not shoot! "
When the cup is full of milk, people say: this is milk; When filled with oil, people say: this is oil. People only see the cup when it is empty.
When our hearts are full of knowledge, wealth, power, achievements and prejudice, we are not ourselves. I often have everything, but I can't have myself.
A lady invited a painter to paint the walls of her house.
As soon as the painter entered the door, he saw that her husband was blind, and he immediately showed compassion. But the master has always been cheerful and optimistic, so the painter worked there for a few days and the two chatted very speculatively; The painter never mentioned the shortcomings of the host.
After the work was finished, the painter took out the bill, and the lady found a big discount from the negotiated price.
She asked the painter, "Why do you count so little?"
The painter replied, "I feel very happy with your husband." His attitude towards life makes me feel that my situation is not the worst. " Therefore, the subtracted part is a little grateful to him, because he told me not to take my work too seriously! "
The painter's admiration for her husband made her cry, because the generous painter had only one hand.
Attitude is like a magnet. Whether our thoughts are positive or negative, we are attracted by them. And thoughts, like wheels, let us move in a specific direction. Although we cannot change our life, we can change our outlook on life. Although we can't change the environment, we can change our mood. We can't adjust the environment to fully adapt to our own life, but we can adjust our attitude to adapt to all the environments.
After all, your life is not entirely determined by what happens in your life; It is determined by your own attitude towards life and your mind's attitude towards things.
This happened in ClubMed Resort in Phuket, where I worked as an English translator and public relations.
One day, in the hall, I suddenly saw a Japanese staff member with a full face of apologies comforting a western child of about four years old. The frightened child was exhausted from crying.
I didn't know until I asked the reason. Because there were many children that day, the Japanese staff neglected for a moment and left the Australian children in the tennis court after the children finished tennis class.
When she found the wrong number, she ran to the tennis court and took the child back. The child was scared to cry because he was alone in a remote tennis court.
Now the Australian mother appeared, watching her child cry in pain.
What would you do if you were a mother? Give the staff a scolding? Still angry' take the children away and never join the' children's club' again? Or protest directly to the supervisor?
Neither! I saw my mother with my own eyes, squatted down to comfort my four-year-old child and told him rationally, "It's all right. Japanese girls are very nervous and sad because they can't find him. She didn't mean to. Now you must kiss your Japanese sister on the cheek and comfort her! "
I only saw a four-year-old child in front of me, raising her heels, kissing the cheek of the Japanese staff squatting beside her, and gently telling her: "Don't be afraid, it's okay!" "
When you feel sad and afraid, don't forget the feelings of others; When you help your friends, don't forget not to hurt others.
Psychological humor story 8 Two tigers, one in a cage and the other in the wilderness. Both tigers think their environment is bad and envy each other.
They decided to exchange identities. At first, they were happy. But soon, both tigers died: one died of hunger and the other died of depression.
Sometimes, people turn a blind eye to their own happiness and always look at the happiness of others. In fact, what you have is what others envy.
A soldier escaped into the cave after being attacked by the enemy. The enemy was chasing him, and he hid in the cave and prayed that he would not be found by the enemy. Suddenly, his arm was stung violently. It turned out to be a spider. He was just about to crush it when he suddenly felt pity and let it go.
Unexpectedly, the spider climbed to the hole to weave a new web, and the enemy chased it into the hole and saw the intact spider web, guessing that there was no one in the hole and left.
Many times, helping others is also helping yourself.
Psychological humor story 10 the old man said to the child, "clench your fist and tell me what it feels like?" The child clenched his fist: "A little tired!" Old man: "Try harder!" "Child:" How tired! A little suffocating! "
Old man: "then let go!" " "When the child grows up, he says," It's much easier! "Old man:" When you feel tired, the tighter you hold, the more tired you will be. Put it down and let it go! " "
What a simple truth! It's easy to let go!
Psychological humor story 1 1 On the overpass, the wind is very strong. Li Ya followed the crowd, and a young man wearing a hip-hop hat blocked Li Ya's way: "Sister, buy a bottle of shampoo!" "
Li Ya hated these salesmen, shook his head unhappily and walked on.
But this young man followed Li Ya desperately to sell: "Sister, don't go, as long as you delay one minute, you can get your 100% beauty back ..."
Li Ya looked back and gave the young man a bad look. But he still smiled and continued to sell: "If you want to tie a man's heart, you must wash away dandruff and dress up brilliantly ..."
Young man, it just poked Li Ya's most sensitive nerve. Husband has no money, just making love outside with a Zhang Jun face, which makes Li Ya want to kill people.
The young man seemed to see through Li See's thoughts and continued: "Sister, if you dress up, you will be much more beautiful than those mistresses ..."
The young man is not busy selling shampoo, so he introduced himself first, saying that his name is Lin Bo and he is a college student majoring in psychology. He secretly loved Ban Hua and confessed to her, but Ban Hua pointed to her hair and wrote a limerick: "The cold wind blew last night, and this morning my head was white. If you want me to love you, wipe the snow off your head. "
Li Ya smiled: "Take off your hat and have a look." Li Ya said.
Lin Bo carefully pressed her hair, uncovered her hip-hop hat and revealed her soft hair.
Li Ya saw that there was really no dandruff and said happily, "I'll buy two bottles."
Lin Bo lowered his head and took out shampoo from his bag. Suddenly a strong wind blew, and Lin Bo's wig was blown away, revealing a bald head.
Psychological humor story 12 Xiao Wang and his wife reported to the driving school together. Soon, his wife passed the exam smoothly, but Xiao Wang had problems again and again in the exam, either turning off the fire when going uphill or pressing the white line when parking. After several visits, Xiao Wang almost lost confidence.
Xiao Wang is a little strange. Usually, his wife is all thumbs. I didn't expect the driving test to go so smoothly. He asked his wife what the secret was, and she smiled and replied, "In fact, your driving skills are much better than mine, but you are too nervous in every exam to respond to the instructor's instructions."
"Aren't you nervous?" Xiao Wang asked puzzled. The wife winked and said, "Have you forgotten that I am a psychology major? Before the exam, I will give myself psychological hints, imagine myself as a taxi driver and regard the instructor as my customer. When he gives the order, I just have to do what he says and take him where he wants to go. If you think so, you won't be nervous. "
Xiao Wang thinks it makes sense. He asked his wife to teach herself the method of psychological suggestion as soon as possible. After practicing several times, he felt that the effect was very good, so he was relieved to take the exam.
Before the exam began, Xiao Wang gave himself a psychological hint. Sure enough, he was not nervous at all during the exam and completed the instructor's instructions perfectly. At the place, the instructor said happily, "OK, you can get off."
Xiao Wang turned and stared at the instructor. "Who wants to get off?" ? You should get off the bus and pay the fare quickly. I have to keep working! "
Psychological humor story 13 Qiaozhen is a rural woman. Persuaded by her husband, she sold her house in the country and lived in the city with her children and her husband.
Without a job, staying at home and relying on your husband to support you not only makes your husband look down on you, but also makes your life meaningless. Look for a job, no matter what you do. So with the help of her husband, Qiaozhen worked as a waiter in a restaurant, but she worked from 6 am to evening every day 10. Not only am I tired to death, my salary is only 500 yuan, and I can't take care of my children at home. Her husband Dabao also complained. After that, she went to a milk shop to deliver milk to users, which was still not ideal. That day, when she delivered milk to Dahua Cinema, it happened that the film was over. When she saw that the business of the stall in front of the cinema hall was booming, her mind became active. If she sets up a stall in front of the cinema hall and sells snacks, it may be better than delivering milk.
Qiao Qiaozhen's idea was immediately resolutely opposed by her husband Dabao. Dabao said: "Although people come and go in the cinema, there are too many people setting up stalls. You, a rural woman who just entered the city, talk to strangers ... who will buy your things? " Although her husband threw cold water on her, there is something in what she said. No one can stop Qiao Zhen from doing what she wants to do. In less than three days, Qiao Zhen finished all the formalities.
The first day, I went to set up a stall. Qiaozhen has finished collecting the stall, and it has passed 1 1. As soon as she entered the door, her husband Dabao spoke sarcastically: "How's it going? No? I said you were not fit for business. I just called a friend and contacted you for a new job, working as a waiter in a hotel, going to work the next day and 550 yuan for one month. "
"I'm not going. You know, my first day of business was surprisingly hot. I sold 180 yuan, and I made a net profit in 40 yuan after removing the capital. " Qiaozhen said proudly.
"What? Net profit 40 yuan, are you kidding? " Dabao stared at Qiaozhen.
Qiaozhen took a pile of money to Dabao, who counted it and looked surprised: "Wife, I didn't expect you to be so great! I remember that the wife of one of my classmates also set up a stall in front of the entrance hall of Dahua Cinema, but the gross profit was only thirty or forty yuan a day, and the net profit was eight or nine yuan. You made so much on the first day, so what did you do? Tell me quickly. "
Qiaozhen didn't speak, so she took a small trap and wrote the word "confidential" in chalk, which made her husband, monk Dabao Zhang, even more confused.
Dabao felt that his wife was lucky on the first day, and customers wanted to be fresh before selling well. But not in a few days. Coincidentally, Jane has set up a stall for a month, and her daily turnover is above 120 yuan, and her net profit is at least 30 yuan. She earns more than 1000 a month, which is close to her salary. I heard that she also crowded out several other vendors. Dabao was a little puzzled and began to think: does Qiaozhen use "hue" sales? My wife is a great beauty. At that time, she took a fancy to this rural girl because she was so beautiful. Don't Joe really dare to think again? He decided to find out the answer.
At 9 o'clock this evening, after putting the children to sleep, Dabao rode to a hidden place in front of the lobby of Dahua Cinema. Although the movie has started, many viewers still come out from time to time to buy snacks for themselves or their children. Every time someone comes out, other vendors shout "Come, come, come to me." But his wife Qiaozhen didn't shout, and nine times out of ten the guests went to Qiaozhen's stall.
Dabao leaned forward slowly. Qiao Zhen's face sank when she saw it. "You didn't write it at home. What are you doing here? " "I miss my wife. By the way, look at your business methods in order to find a theme. " Dabao said as he made a face.
At this moment, Dabao suddenly saw an exquisite small sign in front of his wife's booth, which read "Li San Li Maomao, convenient for you and me". Just about to ask, another customer came to Qiaozhen's booth: "Buy half a catty of melon seeds." Qiao Zhen quickly weighed it and quickly filled in a set of numbers on a small activity board with chalk: "0. 5 kg 1. 5 yuan, I earn 20 cents, thank you. " The customer smiled and nodded at Qiaozhen.
Without saying a word, a delicate little sign, a small board, this is the wife's "trick"? Dabao seems to understand. When there were no customers, Dabao asked his wife quietly, "Why did you keep your mouth shut and write on the small board? Isn't this farting and taking off pants asking for trouble? "
Qiaozhen leaned into Dabao's ear and whispered, "More than a month ago, when I was delivering milk, I saw a mute selling kitchen knives in the market. Without saying a word, he saw a customer coming, so he picked up a kitchen knife and cut it on a board. If someone buys it, he writes the price on the small board next to it. Customers who buy kitchen knives never bargain. Kitchen knives sell very fast, and that's where we bought our new kitchen knives. Besides, don't I blush and stammer when strangers talk? I just took advantage of this shortcoming and simply didn't talk and learned to sell knives. "
"Hey, that's good for you. What's the role of the' 32 Li Maomao' in front of your stall?" Dabao still doesn't understand.
"Don't even understand this, you are still an office worker. This is called psychological promotion. Now some businesses are black-hearted to make money, and consumers are afraid of being slaughtered and suffering. So I use the psychology of consumers to make the money spent by the other party and the money I earned public. This is called clear consumption. Do you understand? "
"Yes, yes!" Dabao nodded heartily and added, "I said, besides that, there is another important factor, that is, the beauty of his wife attracts customers' attention." Dabao played a joke.
Qiaozhen patted Dabao on the shoulder with her hand: "Fuck you, hurry back and see if the child is awake ..." At this moment, the movie ended and Qiaozhen's booth was crowded with many customers. ...
Psychological humor story 14 Michael's son Tom can draw a good picture as soon as he goes to kindergarten. Every day, he takes home the pictures drawn by the kindergarten and lets his father praise him.
On this day, Michael suddenly found a major problem with his son's paintings: for a long time, Tom's paintings were only black and gray. It turns out that red flowers, green grass and white clouds are all black and gray under my son's brush.
No, the child has psychological problems!
Michael takes Tom to see a psychiatrist at once. After careful examination, the doctor told Michael, "Your son is mentally healthy ..."
"Then why does he only paint two colors?"
The doctor shrugged and said, "This is also a problem that bothers me. I have been practicing medicine for ten years and have never seen anything like it. "
Looking at Michael's worried face, the doctor thought again and said, "why don't you go to see Professor Jackson?" He is an authority on psychology in China, especially good at children's psychology ... "
So Michael took Tom across several states and rushed to Washington to meet Professor Jackson. Professor Jackson examined Mike's son carefully and told Mike, "Your son is mentally healthy ..."
Michael was in a hurry: "But he only painted two colors ..."
The professor shrugged and said, "This is a problem that bothers me. I have never encountered such a situation. "
Suddenly, Tom saw a big box of colored pens on Professor Jackson's desk. He said, "Wow, there are many colored pens here. Dad, can you buy me a box? "
Mike said, "Of course."
Tom jumped up happily: "Great, Hans took all my colored pens, and he left me only two black and gray ones."
Mike was surprised: "son, he robbed your marker." Why didn't you tell me? "
"Hans said that if I told anyone about it, he would give me a beating ..."
Psychological humor story 15 Zhang San called Li Si and said, "We haven't seen each other for many days. Shall we go to the Peony Pavilion in Juxianlou for a drink tonight? "
"Very good." Li Sidao: "Who else will attend?"
"No one else, only us." Zhang San answered.
Hang up Zhang San's phone, and Li Si suddenly thought of Wang Wu. He said many times to buy Wang Wu a drink, but he never kept his promise. Now it's Zhang San's treat. Why not indulge him? So Li Si dialed Wang Wu's mobile phone and said, "Lao Wang, let's go to the Peony Pavilion in Juxianlou for a drink tonight and introduce you to a new friend."
"Very good." Wang Wudao: "Who else will attend?"
"Not much, just three people." Li Si answered.
Wang Wu hung up the phone of Li Si and wanted to think. He called, "Chief Ma, please come to the Peony Pavilion in Juxian Building tonight. Do you find it convenient? "
"Very good." Liu Ma said, "Who is your friend?"
"There are four of you, all your own brothers."
Liu Ma knew that Wang Wu was an alcoholic, so he thought of Lao Zhang. Lao Zhang likes drinking at ordinary times, so people nicknamed him "Brewmaster". I can't control my wine. Let him accompany me tonight so that I can stop drinking by myself.
Liu Ma called Zhang San and said, "Lao Zhang, are you all right tonight? Have a drink with me and my friends. "
When Zhang San saw that it was the phone of section chief Ma, he wanted to say that he had an appointment with a friend, but he changed his mouth and said, "OK, section chief Ma, everything is up to you."
After talking to the section chief, Zhang San hurriedly informed Li Si: "Sorry, brother, the leader just called and said he had other plans. Let's get together another day. "
Li Si then forwarded the message to Wang Wu: "Sorry, brother, the teacher called just now and asked me to go to school. I don't know what this son of a bitch did. Get together again when you are free. "
Wang Wu was a little embarrassed at first, but finally he called Liu Ma and said, "Director Ma, I'm really sorry. My mother suddenly fainted just now. It doesn't look good. I have to go back and ask you out another day. "
Hearing this, Liu Ma naturally told Zhang San about the cancellation of the dinner.
After listening to the section chief, Zhang San shook his head and called Li Si again: "Brother, things have changed. I'm all right now. I will still meet in the old place at night. "
Li Si talked to Wang Wu again and said, "The school has compromised, so we'll stick to the original plan."
Wang Wu smiled after hearing this. He immediately told Liu Ma, "Ma Kechang, my mother is not important. We'll go to the Peony Pavilion in Juxianlou and meet you there. "
Liu Ma informed Zhang San: "Come to the Peony Pavilion in Juxian Building and have a drink with me later. Remember, let go of your stomach and kill that turtle grandson. "