First, understand every kind of pain.
In the crisp autumn season, osmanthus flowers on campus are particularly fragrant.
Several girls broke into the studio and said anxiously, "There was a girl in the dormitory who committed suicide on hunger strike for two days. It's no use persuading anyone. Teacher Chen, please! " "Will she talk to me?" I answered calmly. After they made eye contact, "Let's do something." Leave in a hurry.
Half an hour later, four boys raised their hands and brought a girl. Behind them are those anxious girlfriends. I'll ask the girl to sit down first. Thanks again to the four boys and ask them to leave. Speaking of girls, it is not convenient for them to be present. Other female companions don't have to avoid sitting or standing. She is prone on the table. "Drink water?" Slowly shook his head. "Are you sick?" Still no sound. "Can you tell Mr. Chen your worries?" Still motionless.
I have to look at my roommate. A slightly fatter girl said knowingly, "She has fallen in love with a boy and has been together for a long time. The other party broke up recently. She's angry. She's in love. Go talk to that boy. The other party either hides or quarrels face to face, which hurts his heart too much. I haven't eaten or drunk for more than two days, lying in bed crying, and now I have no strength to walk or talk. Really anxious. " Another innocent woman in love.
What if you don't eat or drink for two days? It is urgent to solve the problem of stomach first. After the Mid-Autumn Festival, I opened the biscuit box on the table, which contained moon cakes and invited her to dinner. I poured a glass of water. She didn't respond. "It doesn't matter if you eat teacher Chen's food." Lie still. "Teacher Chen fed you." I took out the moon cake and cut it with a knife. I sent a small piece to her mouth, but she refused to talk. "You are my student and have listened to my class. I don't appreciate the teacher's invitation to dinner. How embarrassed am I in front of my classmates? " My roommate next to me also urged me. "You don't hurt the teacher-student relationship. Don't make Mr. Chen feel uncomfortable, don't eat or drink tears. " With that, he patted her on the shoulder. "Give Mr. Chen face and have a bite." Maybe it's hospitality, maybe it's hunger, maybe it's the temptation of delicious food. She finally spoke, fed two small moon cakes and drank a few mouthfuls of water. Then, resolutely don't eat, I won't force her. After eating moon cakes and drinking water, my pale and tired face showed a little spirit. Although the voice is very subtle, she slowly expounded the hidden pain in her heart-
Two years ago, they met on the train back to school. Because we are alumni, we can chat all the way by train and get along very well. The school is not too big. I don't look up when I eat, go to class or take a walk. More contact, deeper feelings. He is tall, but one level below me. He studies well and is brave and handsome. For a while, he was ill. I helped him wash clothes, buy medicine and deliver meals. His family is in the countryside and the economy is relatively poor. I paid them to go out for dinner. I really treated him, but he dumped me, saying there was no reason. I have loved him for a year or two, and everyone knows that. Now suddenly abandoned, unprepared. I can't accept it. I will die to show him. I am serious. It's so annoying that I can't wait to kill him, such a heartless guy. The more you talk, the angrier you get. The anger is all out, and the voice seems to be a little louder.
Who else is in your family? "There are father, mother, brother and a grandmother." What would they do if you really committed suicide? How to live? She listened quietly, and after a while she answered, "My grandmother raised me and loved me the most. If I die, she won't live. " At this point, there are tears in her eyes. Is a smart, beautiful and considerate girl worth dying for an "ungrateful man"? Can your death still touch him? What's the point if you are moved when you die? He is determined to give up on you. What did you prove to him with death? A series of question marks are intended to awaken his reason and help her pull ashore from the confused love pool. Her tears faded away, and there was a trace of resentment and regret in her eyes.
Are you a good person or a bad person now? He replied without hesitation: "Good man!" If you did kill him, was it a good guy or a bad guy? She said softly, "Bad guy." Why did you leave the good guys behind and become the bad guys? A man who doesn't know how to respect and cherish love is worth killing himself for? Is it worth killing him? She was silent. She must be thinking about these problems. She will look for answers.
Have you ever been in love? "No" Are you the first love? She nodded her head. What does the word "first love" mean? At first, it was the first. I nodded and affirmed her answer. First love? "First love is first love." I nodded and asked, first love, first love, what does this mean? She thought for a moment and then said, "There is a second love!" That's right. Very clever. China's writing is extensive and profound. The ancients have long recognized this matter, and when creating characters, they took into account the process and changes of love between men and women. There are words such as puppy love, first love, unrequited love, lovelorn, loved person, repeated love and so on. How rich they are. If everyone has successfully fallen in love once, why create the word "first love"? Enough to create a word "dead love". It's great that men and women love each other until they die and grow old together. First love means failure. It's the first time, and the second time is already waiting. Do you know why first love is easy to fail? I don't know. There is a simple reason. Everyone lacks experience and experience, does not know how to fall in love, falls in love blindly, and lacks psychological preparation for the complexity, variability and consequences of love. Do you know what love is? She shook her head first, and then added, "Being in love means liking each other." Yes, love is the act of men and women loving and admiring each other. Love is a process, a process of acquaintance, intersection and love. Through understanding, understanding, testing and testing, the more you talk, the more you will hold hands, or the more you talk, the more you will break up. So love should be "one red heart, two preparations": either holding hands or breaking up. In fact, it is normal to break up hand in hand; You can break up by holding hands, and you can hold hands again after breaking up. We should treat first love and love with normality. In the final analysis, love is to choose a lover, choose the right person to be happy for a lifetime, and choose the wrong person to suffer for a lifetime. Are you right?
She and her roommate listened with relish. Some looked at me with wide eyes, and some listened with ears, which made her look more natural. In today's society, parents and teachers only ask their children and students to study hard and get into college. Avoid talking about many problems in the healthy growth of children and students, and even make a hard ban. Forget that children are "people" and students are "people". Not people-oriented, not paying attention to the education of humanity, character, personality and human feelings; Surrender to "exam-oriented education" has turned children and students into tools for exams and means of making money. Children and students are alienated, and they argue irrationally: "No way, the whole society is like this." What a terrible and dangerous collective unconscious.
"Come on, let's shake hands." She agreed. I held her hand and said, "I won't do anything stupid again, will I?" She's a little excited. "Don't worry, teacher. Thank you. " "No, first of all, thank you. You beat yourself. " Then, I shook hands with other girls and praised their enthusiasm and kindness. Tell them to invite her to a restaurant, eat hot noodles and put some pepper to appetize. "Remember, you haven't eaten for two days, and you can't eat too much for one meal." She stood up and walked out of my studio, accompanied by her classmates. I sent them out of the gate, shook hands this time and said, "Please come again when you need the teacher's help." She bowed to me and turned away.
Some people say: "Men ruthlessly treat their first love as a disposable drink, and they will throw it away after satisfying their desires. Women affectionately regard their first love as the milk for nurturing and growing up, and they have been tasting it all their lives, with endless aftertaste. " Will this girl get out of the shadow of her first love frustration? I'm thinking about it. Did she really find herself, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-love? I will keep hope.
Second, I heard every help.
Knock, knock, knock, accompanied by a knock at the door, a middle-aged woman walked into the studio. "Are you Professor Chen? I came here for help. " I asked her to sit down and talk and handed her a cup of tea. "Thank you." My husband and I are both textile workers, and we haven't read much. A few years ago, when the factory was restructured, we were all laid off and had to work for others to make a living. I gave birth to a daughter and have been studying without the care of my parents. Now I am in grade three, taller than me, like a big girl. At this point, she stopped and took two sips of water. As soon as the topic changed, she scolded her daughter. Hey, Professor Chen, I'm embarrassed. I don't know which nerve is out of order. It's been almost a year. My daughter treats me like an enemy. She doesn't even look at me, ignores me, makes no phone calls or talks to me. I cooked for her, bought her clothes, earned money and gave her flowers, and treated her a hundred times. How can we cultivate a heartless baiwenhang? Speaking of sadness, the sad mother cried. I handed the tissue to let it vent without interruption.
When she calmed down a little, I asked, "When did my daughter have her period?" Mother froze. "The sixth grade of primary school." Has the mother-daughter relationship always been tense? Why did "no" suddenly change? "I don't understand." You and her father didn't communicate with their daughter? The dead girl said nothing. "Adolescent girls are the most sensitive, fragile and changeable. There must be a reason why she doesn't call you or talk to you. The key is to find that knot. " Mother nodded in agreement. Ask me for help at once and let my daughter talk. "Is she willing to come?" Mother shook her head. Her father and I can never call. I thought about it and gave her a suggestion, asking the class teacher to mobilize her daughter. Mother thinks this plan is feasible, so she might as well give it a try.
On Sunday morning, my daughter followed her mother into the studio. I sat my mother and daughter down and made two cups of tea. Anyone who walks into my studio is my guest. "Welcome." I held out my right hand. Girls are not used to it. After a pause, she shook hands with me "A beautiful young girl." "Thank you." I'm a little shy when I hear the compliment. "My mother came to see me a few days ago and said it was almost a year. The daughter didn't call her mother or talk to her. Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? Mom feels bad! I cried at my house that day. " My daughter's face and balls are still gloomy, and her eyes are looking at me. My mother quickly turned her head. "Do you want to talk to Teacher Chen?" She doesn't agree or object. "My daughter doesn't call her mother or talk to her mother. I think there must be a reason. " The girl was very interested in this sentence, and her eyes said something. "Let's talk. Can Mom sit in?" She shook her head slowly. Mom saw it. Get up. "Ok, I'll go out." Close the door behind you.
With mom gone, the girls seem to have a sense of relaxation and security. "Almost a year, you don't call mom, don't talk to mom, but eat and live at home, bow their heads every day to see, go out and see the door, your heart must be very bad. Really? " A word of understanding opened the door of tears, and silent tears fell in strings. I pointed my finger at the paper towel on the table. After she calmed down, "Do you want to tell Teacher Chen why you ignored your mother and didn't call her?" She wiped her tears and nose with a tissue, took a sip of tea, and finally spoke-
Growing up, my parents loved me very much. When I grow up, I gradually understand that it is not easy for them to get laid off to make a living. I study harder. Although they are very busy and have low education level, it is difficult for them to study with me. Daughters will always be grateful to their parents. From the first day of junior high school, I developed rapidly and suddenly became a big girl. From this time on, my mother likes to nag, always saying that boys are good and bad, and telling me to stay away from them, so as not to hurt me. Just say it once or twice Are you tired of talking about it all the time? One afternoon a year ago, the school left early. A boy in the same group borrowed books from me and came to my house together. Sitting in my room with a book and chatting. He is humorous and talkative, and reads widely on weekdays. He is a handsome guy with stories all over his body. Everyone likes him. Just as we were talking and laughing, my mother came home from work and saw the boy sitting by my bed. She immediately frowned and asked me loudly, "How did you come back so early?" Seeing this, the classmates got up and took the book and left. I walked him to the door. When I returned to my room, I saw my mother watching on the quilt and sheets. I didn't react at first and asked her, "What are you looking for?" She didn't say anything, but she read it carefully. I suddenly blushed. "My god, how can a mother do this? ! "She is obviously looking for hair? ! Looking for blood? ! "What do you think of your daughter? ! "My dignity was destroyed! Angry fly, tell her to go at once! Then close the door and cry. Don't eat dinner either. After that, I didn't want to talk to her and didn't bother to call her. Why doesn't she admit her mistake? Why didn't she apologize to me? I can't get over the thought of her turning over the quilt sheets! It breaks my heart! The next day at school, the boy saw me and said, "Why is your mother so fierce?" Teacher Chen, how should I behave?
Oh, here's the thing. I understand the emotional changes of adolescent girls. "Do you want to resolve the contradiction between mother and daughter and improve the relationship between mother and daughter?" She kept looking at me and kept silent. Maybe I'm struggling inside, fighting for my thoughts. After a sip of water, I nodded slowly. This is the result I expected. "Go, ask your mother to come in." She got up and went out. After a while, my mother followed her daughter into the studio. At this time, I found Jia's "Change Your Children First" from a pile of books on my desk and said to my mother, "Children's problems are often not children's problems. Parents are children's natural teachers. Although children are around us every day, do parents really know their daughters? Not necessarily. " I put Sun Yunxiao's "Save the Girl" in front of them, and suggested buying it and reading it carefully to see the physiological characteristics, psychological characteristics, behavioral characteristics and emotional characteristics of girls and women. Growing up is really not easy! People often say that women's universities have changed eighteen times. When will it change? What has changed? Neither mother nor daughter answered. I will take out the third book, Du Qilong's Accompany Children through Adolescence. Adolescence is a "stormy" stage of life, and many physical and mental health problems begin from this stage. We often praise the beauty of youth, but we don't know that under the sunshine of youth, youth may also be confused, painful and at a loss. Therefore, we need attention, study and company.
After making these preparations, I told my mother exactly what my daughter just said. A face of doubt. What is this? "Isn't that what my grandmother taught me? Am I wrong? " Mom talks to herself. I asked with a smile, where were you when you were a child? "I grew up in the countryside." Has grandma ever read a book? "From generation to generation, an illiterate. I also graduated from elementary school. " Now times are different, life is different, and ideas are different. Your daughter who grew up in the city doesn't want to listen to what your mother said in the countryside. What you did according to your mother's idea in the past is particularly disgusting to your fashionable daughter now. It's really a good word, and a good word comes from the "generation gap". Listen to the sound. The clever mother immediately turned to face her daughter, as if to herself, and as if to admit her mistake and blame herself: "I didn't expect that I did something and hurt my daughter." I'm really sorry. "I immediately seized the opportunity to say to the girl," It's not easy. My mother admitted her mistake and apologized. Come on, stand up, shake hands with mom, and then hug. "When the mother and daughter shook hands and hugged, both of them cried. The daughter hugged her mother's shoulder and cried, "Mom, I'm not good either. "The family entanglements in the past year have finally been solved.
Before leaving, my mother gave her daughter her mobile phone. "Take these three books, good online shopping. We should all read more books. "
Third, support every love.
The cell phone rang. "Hello, Professor Chen Zhong?" "yes. Who is it? " "Teacher Chen, I haven't changed my mobile phone number for more than ten years?" "Why do you always change your mobile phone number?" "I am your student and have heard of your elective courses. I have always treasured the classroom notes of Mental Health and Psychological Counseling and Modern Family Concept and Practice. Now more and more people feel the enlightenment education of mental health and family problems. The practicality and foresight of your knowledge are admirable. " "For so many years, you didn't contact me, came to visit from the future, and suddenly called to praise me? Haha, there must be something to ask me. Tell me something and get to the point. " "The teacher deserves to be a humorous friend who understands psychology and is considerate. Yes, sir. When I was in trouble, I had to turn to you, an old man. "
After graduating from school, I went back to my hometown and worked as a head teacher in a rural middle school near the Yangtze River, which is regarded as the backbone teacher of the school. Married with children. In your words, "life is a hundred years, four words, two things: starting a business and getting married." I am satisfied, too. Now, I have brought a class of Grade Three with 40 students. As you know, almost all young and middle-aged people in rural areas have gone out to make a living, leaving behind old people, women and a large number of left-behind children. In order to facilitate rural children to study, our school has a boarding department to provide accommodation services. Most students went home after school last Friday afternoon. Several students who are too far away are still at school, ready to leave the next morning. Who knows, the devil makes a difference. An honest boy in my class sneaked into the girls' dormitory when it was dark and few people, touched a female classmate's chest, and scared the girls to shout loudly. He also ran back to the room. This is the first time such a thing has happened in our school. The headmaster attached great importance to me and asked me to discuss how to deal with it. His opinion tends to drop out of school. "We can't tolerate such rogue students." The words are very heavy. "Teacher Chen, a left-behind child in rural areas, may be ruined in his life as long as he drops out of school." At that time, I begged the headmaster to let me find both sides to investigate, do ideological education, stabilize my mood, and finally make a ruling based on objective facts. The headmaster said, "OK, we have to hurry." I also suggested to the headmaster that it should be kept secret for the time being and not made public, so as not to hurt minors twice. Teacher Chen, if this matter is regarded as "hooliganism", judging by moral standards, he will probably be expelled from school, "hell to pay". If we regard it as a "youthful impulse" and a psychological obstacle, we may be flexible and tolerant, and let him live with "soft" treatment. "Teacher, I want to hear your advice."
It is often said that adolescence is an eventful autumn. Don't rush to deal with such difficult things simply and rashly, and get rid of the burden. Remember Mao Zedong said, "Can't you solve that problem? Then, you should investigate the present situation and history of that problem! You have thoroughly investigated and understood, you will have a solution to the problem. All conclusions come from the end of the investigation, not his beginning. " Please clarify the situation and emotions of boys and girls, and then we will discuss it, ok? This phone call lasted more than an hour, which is a bit long.
Three days later, I called again. Here's the thing. Boy 15 years old, his parents have worked in Guangdong for many years. He lives in a female family with his grandmother and two underage twin sisters (both in high school). On weekdays, Sven doesn't like to talk much, and he studies in the middle of the class. Recently, I have read several romance novels in succession, in which all kinds of heterosexual love stimulate the germination of young people. In the evening, I returned the book to the dormitory, passed by the girls' dormitory (bungalow) and found that the door was unlocked. Seeing that no one was around, I hesitated for a moment and got up the courage to go in. The light in the room was not turned on, and it was vaguely found that someone was asleep in the lower berth not far from the door. There is a temptation for two small bags raised by women under the thread blanket. Touch. Wake up the girl who just fell asleep at once. "who?" The boys were scared away. The first time. Afterwards, I regretted my reckless behavior and felt uneasy. At the same time, I admit my mistakes, correct them, apologize to the other party (written anonymously), and have a positive attitude. There were three girls in the dormitory of Senior Two that day, and the other two went to the bathroom to wash and take a bath, so the door was not closed. When that happened, no one saw anyone because the dormitory was dark and panicked in an instant. Girls are naturally afraid and lose their sense of security. Fortunately, this reckless behavior did not cause more serious consequences. "I talked to this girl, because things haven't spread, and her mood is relatively stable. She showed a tolerant attitude after conveying the boy's apology. In this way, I am more determined to fight for' soft' processing. " After listening to his introduction, I quite agree with this idea and practice.
"Thank you. Teacher Chen, I also want to use your influence to help this budding teenager. " "What can I do?" "Teacher, if I report the above ideas and practices to the principal, he may not adopt them. It will help if you keep talking. Although the headmaster is not your student, he has listened to your class many times in the headmaster training class of the Municipal Education Bureau. After returning to school, at the teachers' meeting, I introduced my own ideas of teaching and educating people and a wonderful story about my willingness to give psychological help. The headmaster respects you very much. "
"If you think what I said is useful, please take a piece of paper and write down some of my suggestions." First, students come to school to seek knowledge, ability and morality. People who don't understand, people who make mistakes and people who are making progress need education, care, guidance and tolerance. This is the responsibility of schools and teachers. Second, middle schools are faced with students and minors and are protected by law. These students are in adolescence, a restless stage. According to this physiological, psychological, behavioral and emotional characteristics, it is better to be cautious when encountering things. Third, on the journey of life, anyone may make mistakes in dealing with others. This is normal. Some educators even encourage teenagers to make some mistakes, experience setbacks, learn lessons and gain knowledge. The so-called "failure is the mother of success". Don't make a fuss and be overly anxious at the sight of students making mistakes. Have a normal heart. You can have many choices in dealing with anything. You can compare several options and choose the best one. For example, this student's behavior, if labeled as "rogue" by moral evaluation, will be forced to drop out of school or expelled, which may ruin his life. If judged by mental health, it is regarded as "youthful impulse". If you give him a hand, give him education or gentle advice, you may save him and become a "prodigal son without changing money."
Two days later, I received a phone call, and the school took a "hand" approach.
A few months later, the phone told him that his students entered the county key high school with excellent results.