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Children (8-year-old girls) have to be urged by adults every time they write their homework, and they can't do it independently. When the adults say it, she pouts and loves to cry. She spoke a lot of truth and explained it clearly. There's really no way.

Yingguang

Director of New Oriental Family Education Research and Guidance Center

In life, our family types are diverse, and our children are also very different, so it is difficult to find a master key. However, there is one thing that all parents should devote their energy to, and that is to stimulate their children's inner learning motivation. If we always use external forces to push our children, it is difficult for us to really change our children by reasoning, urging and urging. We need to stimulate their inner motivation from their cognition, emotion and behavior.

First, help children find clear learning goals.

Every time it comes to making children realize the meaning of learning and find clear learning goals, many parents feel that they have told their children a lot and their children seem to understand. In life, we often hear children report to their mothers: "Mom, I finished my homework" and "I listened carefully today". It seems that children think that learning is to finish their homework, listen carefully in class, and learn because my mother wants me to learn.

We might as well think about some problems of children. Why study? What are children most interested in? Whose responsibility is learning? Why are you happy if you do well in the exam? If you don't study well, should you deny this person why these things happen to you? What are the solutions to the problem and so on. Asking these questions more will help us and our children see clearly the purpose of learning, thus influencing their cognition subtly.

Without a clear goal, there is no motivation, no motivation, no efficiency. There is an "enterprising heart" in human DNA. Children originally wanted to learn and grow up. Every child wants to "I want to know more". It is "I want to know more" that will make children have goals and then form the motivation to do things efficiently. We help children understand the essence of learning well and let them really take the initiative to learn.

Secondly, let children experience a sense of accomplishment.

A child's willingness to accomplish something is often based on good previous experience, in addition to curiosity and sense of responsibility. Eriksson's theory of personality development stages mentioned that school-age children 6- 12 are in a period of conflict between diligence and inferiority. If they can achieve their learning goals through hard work, they will gain a sense of diligence, which will make them full of confidence in their future independent life and undertaking work tasks, otherwise they will form an inferiority complex.

Why does Mo Yan like writing? He himself recalled that because the Chinese teacher in the third grade of primary school liked him very much, he regarded his article as a model essay. I believe many of us have had similar experiences. This gives us an inspiration: we should encourage children, give them a successful experience and cultivate their sense of accomplishment. Children with poor academic performance especially need the affirmation and encouragement of their families, because children with good academic performance may find a sense of accomplishment in the academic ranking, the affirmation of teachers and parents, and the sense of belonging of classmates and friends, while children with poor academic performance find it difficult to find self-confidence in these aspects, so they are unable to change, so there is what parents in Tian Yu call "what to do in the future", which is accompanied by children's grievances, crying and grumpy performance.

I personally suggest that parents should not do everything in their children's study, but should make conscious efforts to cultivate their self-confidence and self-improvement. In daily life, we need to pay attention to children's little progress and give encouragement to let them find a sense of accomplishment, such as:

Although you were tired, you persisted in finishing it. It's not easy!

The time to finish homework this time is shorter than before 15 minutes, which is an improvement!

Although you don't know this question, you don't have to lose your temper to express it now. Mom is very happy!

Although learning has a boring side, it also has the fun of creation, the concentration of solving problems, the peak experience brought by achievements, the satisfaction of solving problems, and the interpersonal satisfaction of asking others for gains. These are all wonderful experiences that other entertainment methods cannot bring. Our parents can use this to create an atmosphere, so that children can feel that harvest and progress are the best returns, thus stimulating their inner learning motivation.

In addition, let children feel emotional support.

In the question, both parents said that the children understand the truth, but they still don't want to change. It's like we adults all know that fitness is very important and it's not good to stay up late, but why not take action? In fact, it is not only cognition but also emotional support that affects a person's behavior. Therefore, there are many fitness groups and early sleep groups in society. With the support system, it is easier for us to take action. In the family, if children don't feel supported, they are urged and blamed by their parents. Even if children don't use language to express their opposition, they will delay expressing their reluctance, which requires us to create a relaxed and warm atmosphere in family language.

From "asking questions" to "sharing";

What homework did you leave today? Do you have anything interesting today?

From "urging" to "asking questions":

Write quickly, don't dawdle! VS How are you going to arrange your time today?

From "past" to "future";

You dragged it to 1 1 yesterday, and your memory is not long! You can finish reading it early today, so you can have more time to read extracurricular books.

In fact, we find that all well-developed children with their own ideas usually come from democratic and equal families, and the dialogue between parents and children is usually discussion and heuristic.

Finally, it is necessary to say that cultivating good study habits is like winding a cable. As long as you circle one every day, after a period of time, good habits will become unbreakable. Getting rid of bad habits usually takes a process. Parents must use patience and love to help their children gradually adjust and let them know the goal of doing anything. Teacher Chen Mo, consultant of New Oriental Family Education Center and invited expert of Psychological Counseling Center of East China Normal University, has vividly described the relationship between parents and children. I want to share with you: we should accompany our children to do their homework, don't stare at the little white rabbit like a tiger, and be accompanied by the little gray rabbit. I believe that such an atmosphere will certainly nourish children's enthusiasm and let them really take the initiative to learn.

Let's study together and be better parents!

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