College Students' Ways to Deal with Interpersonal Relations
Ways to establish good interpersonal relationships
Establishing good interpersonal relationship is the foundation of a person's career success. You need a tolerant heart, sincere and positive communication, to create a good personal image, make good use of various communication means, and overcome the prejudice in social cognition.
(A) to create a good personal image, enhance personal charm
In social communication, an individual's knowledge level and accomplishment directly affect the effect of communication. A good personal image should start from scratch and follow good advice. Don't do it because of small good, don't do it because of small evil? , optimize personal social image.
1. Improve psychological quality. Interpersonal communication is the overall function of thought, ability, knowledge and psychology, and the lack of any one aspect will affect the quality of interpersonal relationship. Some students have bad psychology in interpersonal communication, such as social fear, timidity, shyness, inferiority, indifference, loneliness, isolation, suspicion, pride, jealousy, etc., which makes it difficult to establish good interpersonal relationships. Therefore, college students should strengthen self-training, improve their psychological quality and communicate with others with a positive attitude.
2. Improve your interpersonal charm. It should be said that every individual has his inner interpersonal charm, which is the embodiment of a person's comprehensive quality in social life. This requires college students to enrich their inner world and improve themselves in many ways from appearance to speech, from image to knowledge. Psychological research shows that a good social image will leave a deep impression on each other in the first communication, and with the deepening of communication, knowledge will become more dominant. Especially the personality cultivation of college students, and expand their own connotation.
(B) make good use of communication skills
1. empathy. This is very important for establishing good interpersonal relationships. If we use it often, what would I do if I were in his position? Always stand on the other side's point of view to understand and deal with problems, and everything will become much easier. Generally speaking, people who are good at communication are often good at discovering the value of others, knowing how to respect others, being willing to trust others, tolerating others' different views and behaviors, not haggling over others' mistakes, and trying to help others instead of blaming them. He knows? Treat others as you want them to treat you. ; Do you understand? Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you? ; Do you understand? The best way to get friends is to make yourself a friend of others? ; Understand that others are others, not yourself, so you can't force them. When you get along with friends, you should be harmonious but different.
2. Make good use of praise and criticism. Psychologists believe that praise can release people's energy and arouse their enthusiasm. ? Praise can make a weak body strong, give a fearful heart peace and reliance, give a wounded nerve rest and strength, and give people in adversity the determination to succeed? . It is reported that a European woman traveled abroad. How many languages did she learn? Thank you? 、? You're so good. 、? You are really great! ? Wait, everywhere I go, I am warmly welcomed. Express your praise to others sincerely, timely and appropriately. Praise should be for people and things, which can enhance each other's attraction.
Be good at saying thank you gracefully. We often think that people who are very close do not need to say thank you, and things that are too small do not need to say thank you. We don't want to express our gratitude directly in life, but we are willing to keep it in mind. In fact, sincere heartfelt thanks shine with the brilliance of human nature.
The opposite of praise is criticism. In general, we should praise more and criticize less. Criticism is a negative stimulus. Usually, only if the intention is well-intentioned, in line with the facts and the method is right, can it produce positive effects and promote the progress of the other party. When criticizing, we should pay attention to the situation and environment, not to people, not to completely deny a person, which will dampen the enthusiasm and self-esteem of the other party. We should turn over what happened now, not what happened before, and our wording and attitude should be friendly and sincere.
3. Active communication. Every young college student needs to have a rich interpersonal world, and in this world, help and be helped, sympathize and be sympathized, love and be loved, and enjoy joy and pain. In social communication, people who actively initiate communication activities and accept others are more confident in interpersonal relationships. The scarcity of active communication stems from two reasons. First, lack of self-confidence, fear of rejection, fear that others will not understand and respond as expected, thus putting themselves in an embarrassing situation and hurting their self-esteem. In fact, the problem is far from as serious as we think, because in interpersonal relationships, both sides need to adapt and need interpersonal relationships to support unfamiliar situations. Second, people have many misunderstandings in interpersonal relationships, such as greeting others first, not as good as others. People who are good at communication are sophisticated and smooth? ,? If I bother others so much, people will think I am incompetent and hate me? Wait a minute. It is also very important for college students to actively communicate, especially in the face of interpersonal crisis, it is very important to actively explain, eliminate misunderstandings and re-establish good interpersonal relationships.
4. empathy. The essence of interpersonal relationship is the emotional connection and communication between people. The more emotional communication, the greater the psychological field shared by both sides and the closer the interpersonal relationship. Empathy is not sympathy, but the exchange and recognition of the inner feelings of both sides. People are empiricists, and their understanding of others is highly dependent on their own direct experience. Therefore, rich self-experience is a necessary prerequisite for understanding and empathy.
5. Help others. Psychologists have found that interpersonal relationships that start with mutual help are not only easy to establish a good first impression, but also can quickly shorten the psychological distance between people, thus quickly establishing good interpersonal relationships. Friends in need in daily life illustrate this point. So-called? Send charcoal in the snow? Psychological effect, icing on the cake is very important.
Performance of college students' interpersonal discomfort
Relevant surveys show that interpersonal communication accounts for more than 50% of college students' psychological problems, and love troubles occupy the first place in previous statistics. The trouble of communication is greater than the trouble of love. Careful analysis shows that the confusion and discomfort in college students' interpersonal relationships can be divided into the following five categories:
The first category: lack of intimate friends.
This kind of college students usually have normal contacts and good interpersonal relationships, but they feel that they lack intimate friends who can talk to each other, treat each other sincerely, cooperate tacitly and share joys and sorrows. Therefore, they sometimes feel lonely and helpless.
The second category: difficult to intersect with individuals.
This kind of college students have a good relationship with most people, but not with individuals. It may be a roommate, a classmate, or a close parent. Because I don't get along well with these people, I often affect my mood and become a? Heart attack? .
The third category: dull communication with people.
This kind of college students can communicate with others, but they always feel that the quality of getting along with others is not high and they lack influence. They don't have close friends, most of them are nodding acquaintances. No one is worth caring about and no one will miss him. It is difficult for them to maintain and develop good interpersonal relationships. Most of these students will feel empty, confused and lost. Grade 06 students in a university felt lonely and depressed because of their bad relationship with their classmates, and finally left the school. After wandering around several small and medium-sized cities near the school, they returned to the school and met Chen Mou's parents who arrived at the school on a starry night after receiving the notice. At this time, Chen Mou and his son, both sad and happy, were faced with the punishment of being ordered to drop out of school because Chen Mou was absent from school for more than 50 hours, and the sympathy of all the teachers and students. No one could give Chen Mou more comfort.
The fourth category: I feel difficult to communicate.
This kind of college students are eager for communication, but due to limited communication ability, improper methods or personality defects, psychological barriers in communication and other reasons, their communication is not satisfactory and their successful experience is less. They often feel distressed and hope to change their social situation. Xiao Zhang, a freshman girl, has been spoiled at home. All the housework is arranged by her parents, and her self-care ability is not strong. After entering the university, the intense study made her feel uneasy. She started to be alone. Gradually, she had a strange feeling, as if all her classmates looked down on her. When the water boiled, she was told to go and sweep the floor. She feels like someone else? A messenger? The object, more and more unhappy, has no interest in class, and his grades have plummeted.
The fifth category: social phobia.
This kind of college students are particularly sensitive, afraid of interpersonal communication and try to avoid contact with others. When they have to communicate, they will be nervous, afraid, their hearts will beat faster, their faces will be red, and they will always be in a state of anxiety. They are afraid of being the center of others' attention, making a fool of themselves in front of others and being observed by others. I am always worried that I will make mistakes and be laughed at by others. I am always under an inexplicable psychological pressure. Communicating with people, even appearing in public places, is an extremely horrible task for them.
Social phobia is a very painful psychological obstacle, which seriously affects the life and work of patients. Many things that ordinary people can easily do, but people with social phobia are afraid. Patients may think they are boring people, and others will think so. In this way, patients will become too sensitive and even unwilling to disturb others. Doing so will make patients feel more anxious and depressed, thus further worsening the symptoms of social phobia. Many patients change their lives to adapt to their symptoms. They (and their families) have to miss many meaningful activities.
Causes of interpersonal communication problems of college students
1, the reason of family education;
At present, most families are only children, so parents are always afraid that their children will suffer, and gradually develop their selfish psychology. And some parents have bad interpersonal relationships, because the children are also disgusted with people for a long time. As the saying goes, parents are children's first teachers, so children learn a lot from them. Therefore, sometimes, parents should let their children receive some frustration education and loss education, so that children can truly understand and perceive society by themselves. Really become human.
2. The reason of school education;
In many primary and secondary schools, including some universities, academic performance comes first, and students' interpersonal skills are ignored or even ignored at all. Many times, some schools formalize students' ideological and moral education. As a result, many students are blushing and shy during the interview, which is a mistake in school education. In fact, schools should pay attention to training students how to be a person, how to face and contact society, and let students always understand that although a society cannot be changed, they must adapt to it.
3. Social influence;
I remember reading an article called "Lei Feng has gone abroad", which is about the indifference of our society. It is precisely this dark side of society that affects our classmates. They never dare to trust people, so we should vigorously publicize the return of human nature in society and make society full of love. Under such circumstances, do our students have any reason not to love others?
4. selfish personal thoughts;
Nowadays, college students like you are basically only children. Parents? Looking forward to success? Looking forward to, for yourself? Only child? Care, become a kind of accomplishment? Everything about me? A hotbed of. When you are like a university campus, living a collective life independently and getting along with your classmates, some of them are cultivated from childhood? Self-centered? Selfishness is exposed.
5. Lack of quality education;
At present, China's education is still in the stage of exam-oriented education. The negative effect of exam-oriented education is that some parents, students and teachers are more concerned about students' exam results. It ignores the cultivation of internal qualities that cannot be measured by scores, including interpersonal communication and communication skills, which are necessary for social people.
6. Negative effects of market economy.
The development of market economy, on the one hand, promotes the economic and social development and progress of China, on the other hand, it also encourages the expansion of some utilitarian thoughts, which also affects the philosophy of life and behavior of college students.
Problems in college students' interpersonal communication.
In the study life of university, due to subjective and objective reasons, some of them often have poor interpersonal communication, which affects their physical and mental health and learning progress. In recent years, due to various factors, college students' interpersonal difficulties have become a common problem in college life. Look at the survey above. Are the students answering? What qualities do you think you lack in choosing a job? At that time, the proportion of choosing interpersonal skills was as high as 34.8%, ranking first. There are the following problems in college students' interpersonal communication:
1, self-centered.
When dealing with people, I? Focus on words, only care about your own needs and interests, emphasize your own feelings, and don't consider others. When you get along with others, regardless of the occasion, regardless of other people's emotions, talk and dance when you are happy; When you are unhappy, you are unhappy, ignoring everyone, or losing your temper, disrespecting others and ignoring their situation and interests.
2. Self-enclosed.
There are two situations in this type. One is that they don't want others to know themselves, and they always like to cover up their true thoughts, feelings and needs. They often hold a detached attitude, only pay attention to their inner experience, artificially set up psychological obstacles and deliberately close themselves up; Another situation is that although I am willing to associate with others, I can't let others know myself because of my personality. Such people are generally introverted and withdrawn, forming a state of self-isolation. There are also such students in our team, who like to be alone and don't like to get in touch with others. Everything is done by themselves, and it is difficult to integrate into large groups, resulting in a disharmonious situation.
3. Social utility.
Everyone has such goals and ideas in the process of communication, and they all have the desire to improve and progress through communication. These are all good. However, if we think too much about personal wishes, whether the interests can be realized and how likely they are to be realized, it will be easily corroded and wooed by wrong ideas such as money worship and utilitarianism, which will make personal communication with a strong utilitarian color. In our student ranks, some students have adopted the market economy? Principle of equivalent exchange? Used for interpersonal communication, build feelings by eating and drinking, and achieve personal goals by slapping; Or? Mercenary? ; Pay more for big interests, pay less for small interests, and you can't give yourself a cold shoulder without paying interests? Affordable? People, promiscuous can give it to themselves? Affordable? People. Individual students attach great importance to personal interests, and the best honors and achievements are their own, while others are not as good as themselves. There are similar problems between teams, even between teams and Qu. They work hard to finish the work of their own team, but they are unwilling to lend a helping hand when other teams are in trouble, hoping that their team and team will become excellent.
4. Suspicion and jealousy.
Suspicion in communication is generally manifested in closed thinking based on an imaginary goal, lack of trust in people, casual suspicion, saying that the wind is rain, which is easy to hint. Suspicion is the moth of harmonious interpersonal relationship. In addition, psychology believes that everyone has different degrees of jealousy, which is a common phenomenon. A certain degree of jealousy can stimulate people's enthusiasm for progress. Once this happens,
The limit of jealousy will go to the opposite side, affecting the normal relationship between people. In our usual communication, jealousy is mainly manifested in refusing to admit or even belittle the achievements and progress of others; With achievements and honors, I am complacent, but at the same time I am anxious, too wary of others and afraid of others catching up; Some people are even dissatisfied with what others have done. Jealousy, jealousy of saints, jealousy of ability, that's what we call it? Jealous of talent? . If you can't adjust your mentality well and develop it to the extreme, you will have the psychology of mutual destruction. What you can't get, others can't get. If you don't succeed, no one else will succeed. Those who can sit here are the lucky ones who have walked through the crowded narrow path of the college entrance examination. They are smooth sailing, and their sense of superiority naturally breeds. However, entering the university campus, the situation is different. Excellent students in middle schools gather together, and some students can't stay outstanding, and their academic superiority is lost, which is easy to produce jealousy. The light person appears introversion and avoidance, while the heavy person appears mental delusion, suicide and even crime.
5. Jianghu loyalty type.
Some students are keen on Jianghu loyalty. They worship the so-called Jianghu heroes. Regardless of military discipline and national laws and collective interests, they became brothers with other students and became sworn brothers. They did not hesitate to do anything for their friends, which was very heroic. In fact, it defiles the relationship between revolutionary comrades, is the product of feudal society, and is a sectarian gang consciousness that protects the private interests of individuals and small groups, which is essentially different from the comradeship based on revolutionary principles. In the usual communication, we must not form a small group or circle. We should stick to unity and cooperation and cherish friendship, so that we can do it? Is it better to be virtuous and wise? .
6. Interpersonal communication is complicated and chaotic.
This is a portrayal of the souls of many college students. After getting familiar with the surrounding environment and getting to know the classmates around me, I found that campus life is not as simple as I thought, and people's ideas are no longer as simple as high school. People say that campus is a sub-society, and it is natural to treat people every day. However, it is not easy to treat people. There are students from all corners of the country in the university campus, and their customs and opinions are inevitably different. It is precisely these customs and views that are different. The survey shows that 78.8% of the students in school reflect the complex difficulties of interpersonal relationship, of which dormitory relationship accounts for 45%. Interpersonal communication is closely related to our life, and we are worried about interpersonal relationship every day. Do you think it is possible not to be depressed?
7. Problems faced
Everyone loves beauty, and saving face is a major quirk of college students. Interpersonal conflicts among college students often occur in trivial matters without principled problems, often an unintentional collision, casual verbal injury, or just a little interest, etc. Originally, it would be all right to say hello and apologize, but both sides were "angry" and it was rude not to say hello or apologize. What's more, one refused, the other punched each other, broke his head and regretted it afterwards. Both sides are defending their self-esteem in inappropriate ways, which is a typical face psychology. It seems that whoever apologizes first will hurt his face, and whoever bows his head in the face of threats will be a coward, so he will escalate layer by layer and end in tragedy.
Principles for college students to master good interpersonal relationships.
1, the principle of good faith.
It mainly refers to correct and healthy interpersonal skills, and creates an interpersonal atmosphere of mutual learning, unity and friendship, and harmonious coexistence. Never engage in cliques, fair-weather friends, unprincipled and unhealthy interpersonal communication.
2. Principle of equality.
It mainly refers to the equality of personality of both parties in communication, including respecting others and maintaining self-dignity. Mutual respect is the foundation of friendship and a bridge between two hearts. Communication must be equal, and equality can deepen friendship, which is the premise of successful interpersonal communication. The fundamental feature of socialist interpersonal relationship is equality, which is the expression of social progress. Implementing the principle of equality means that Australia strives to respect the legitimate rights and interests and feelings of others in communication. The ancients said:? If you want others to love you, you must first love others; Those who love others will always love others; People who respect others will always respect others? . Respect is not unilateral, but depends on both sides, both self-respect and mutual respect.
3. The principle of good faith.
Refers to honesty and trustworthiness in interpersonal communication. When dealing with people, on the one hand, we should treat people sincerely, neither flattering them in person nor slandering them behind their backs, but treating them sincerely and with an open mind. On the other hand, we should do what we say and promise to do as much as possible, so as to win the support of others and establish deep friendship with each other. Marx once praised sincere and rational friendship. Life is priceless? . The ancients also said, sincerely, the stone is open? ,? Sincerity is the spirit? . Sincerity is the key to friendship. The famous Japanese writer Daisaku Ikeda wrote:? Only by throwing away hypocrisy and being honest with each other can we know the strongest, the best and the noblest? .
4. The principle of tolerance.
When getting along with others, we should be strict with ourselves, tolerate others and accept their differences. As the saying goes, gold is not enough, and no one is perfect? . In communication, be tolerant of others, such as? There's no room for a grain of sand in your eyes? If you haggle over every ounce, be harsh on others, or be unreasonable, you will eventually become an unsociable person. In addition, to be tolerant, we must exchange honesty for sincerity, love for love, heart for heart, and be good at understanding each other from each other's point of view, so as to get a clear understanding.
5. The principle of transposition.
In communication, we should be good at understanding each other's thoughts and ways of doing things from each other's point of view, put ourselves in each other's shoes, and discover the unique personality of each other in dealing with problems, so as to truly understand each other and find the most suitable way to communicate and solve problems.
6. The principle of mutual assistance and interaction.
This principle is the psychological need of college students to deal with interpersonal relationships, and it is also a basic principle of interpersonal communication. Jade college students are not independent in economic life, and they are still in the school-oriented student era, so the principle of complementarity is mainly reflected in the spiritual field. Including the temperament, personality and personality characteristics of college students. We often find that people with different temperaments, personalities and abilities can get along well, but two people with very strong abilities may not get along well. So what? Short feet, long inches? In the process of communication, we should be brave enough to absorb other people's experience to make up for our own shortcomings.
Psychologically speaking, everyone is naturally self-centered, and individuals want others to recognize their own values, support themselves, accept themselves and like themselves. Because of this tendency to seek self-worth confirmation and emotional security, in social communication, we pay more attention to our own self-expression and attract others' attention, hoping that others can accept and like ourselves. Aronson's research shows that the foundation of interpersonal relationship is mutual concern and support between people. For those who sincerely accept us and like us, we are also more willing to accept each other, and are more willing to associate with them and establish and maintain relationships.
1975 The research of Fu 'a couple shows that everyone has a stable tendency to protect their psychological balance, and requires that their relationship with others is appropriate and reasonable, and their behavior with others can be explained accordingly. In this way, when others express friendship, acceptance and support to us, we also feel that we should repay their friendship. Should? Our consciousness will make us feel a psychological pressure to accept others, otherwise our behavior will be unreasonable. At the same time, if our friendly actions are accepted by others, we also hope that others will respond accordingly. If other people's behavior deviates from our expectations, we will think that others are unreasonable, resulting in unpleasant emotional experience and psychological rejection of each other. What did the ancients in China say? People who love others will always love others? ,? Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you? It has its psychological basis.
7. Utility principle.
Psychologist homans (196 1) pointed out that the communication between people is essentially a social exchange process, and people hope that the exchange is worthwhile for themselves, at least equal to the loss in the exchange process. There is no reason to carry out an unworthy exchange or maintain an unworthy relationship. Therefore, all human communication behaviors and the establishment and maintenance of all interpersonal relationships are the results of their choices according to certain values. People tend to establish and maintain interpersonal relationships that are valuable to them, or gain more than lose, while those that are unworthy of them, or lose more than gain, tend to escape, alienate or terminate.
Psychologists in China have found that there are different social exchange mechanisms in interpersonal communication with different values. For those who value the intrinsic emotional value, personal feelings are more involved in interpersonal communication, so there is an obvious tendency to value friendship over material things, and communication with others is also more inclined to the value-added communication process. They feel indebted to others in interpersonal communication, so when they return, they often exceed others' expectations. The cycle of this process leads to the feeling of both sides is greater than the loss. At the same time, for people who value external material interests, they value material interests more than personal emotional input in interpersonal communication, so they are more inclined to measure their gains and losses with materials and are in a state of exchange impairment in interpersonal communication.
8, the principle of self-worth protection
having self-respect
Refers to the individual's consciousness and judgment of his own value; Self-value protection refers to the tendency of self-support in all aspects of psychological activities in order to maintain the establishment of self-value and prevent self-value from being denied. People's sense of self-worth is the sum of all available self-support information at any time. The change of self-value support comes from two aspects: one is to satisfy people's wishes and increase self-support; The other is to face the threat of self-value contrary to people's expectations, so we must make negative changes in self-value protection, that is, the loss of self-value support or new attacks on ourselves.
Especially when we face people who turn positive to negative, we are faced with two choices: one is to admit the rationality of others' transformation, deny ourselves and belittle self-worth; The second is to protect self-worth, try to keep self-worth unchanged, and reduce the importance of lost self-worth to yourself. Many studies have shown that denying self-worth is very painful, so the priority response to the threat of self-worth is not to deny yourself, but to protect yourself as much as possible.
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