A few years after graduation, I couldn't help asking myself: What is a dormitory? Is it home? Or Jianghu?
At the beginning of the university, brothers or sisters from all over the world gathered in a dormitory, and no one could bear to destroy this rare fate. Such an original intention can always maintain enthusiasm for a period of time. And the next story, there are countless versions. I have paid attention to some familiar dormitories before, but I was as friendly as ever when I graduated, especially the whole process was very close, which is almost rare.
In fact, the factors that lead to unhappiness can be listed as follows: personality differences, different habits, interest disputes, too many jokes, misunderstandings, jealousy, gossip and accidents. ...
When it comes to specific trigger points, most of them are trivial matters-of course, this is an understanding and sobriety afterwards. At that time, I always felt that this was a major event in my personal "political life".
When I was a junior, I had a long-term contradiction with my roommate because of a joke. She made a joke first, and I took a casual chill.
Humor, throw the hot potato back, this sentence caused everyone present to burst into laughter, and playing tricks on others turned into playing tricks on themselves. She will lose face and get angry. I don't think so. Since it's a joke, you have to be able to afford it. Why take it seriously? Thus, this became the beginning of the cold war until graduation. And this contradiction has caused many unexpected troubles, which made me have a very negative experience of human nature.
After graduation, all kinds of emotions dispersed, and I began to deeply reflect on this matter. As far as things are concerned, my approach is impeccable, but it is wrong from the perspective of dealing with dormitory relations. The contradiction between two people often destroys the interpersonal ecology of the whole dormitory, and other roommates are caught in the middle. If they don't advance, they will retreat. I gradually have another understanding of her almost neurotic behavior. This joke has different meanings to each other. I have a wide circle of friends, and I also have friends who are like sisters in the dormitory. Such a trivial matter can be ignored; But she has few friends and values the acceptance of her roommates. This contradiction has been magnified countless times in her eyes. If I realize this, I believe things will be handled well. For example, you can explain it clearly at the time, or find a time to talk to her afterwards, get along well and let the warmth linger in each other's hearts.
When I was a graduate student, I had a very clear principle in my mind: don't confront anyone, and find a solution immediately when you encounter a contradiction, instead of accusing the other party of being wrong; Live in each other's position; Remember the good of others and delete all the unpleasantness; Responsible for the operation of the dormitory ...
Although there were contradictions and misunderstandings, they were quickly resolved, leaving no "sequela". Until graduation, the dormitory sisters are all brothers.
These two different experiences have given me a broad space for thinking. What is the dormitory? I think it's half home and half river's lake. And our mistake lies in either completely treating the dormitory as a writer, copying everything we do, going our own way and moving all the bad temper at home to the dormitory. As we all know, no one in the dormitory will tolerate you unconditionally like family, because they also expect the same tolerance. Otherwise, the dormitory will be completely regarded as a river and lake. The initial starting point is to be wary of others and never give sincerity. If something unpleasant happens, it will be immediately attributed to ulterior motives. Once the dormitory has evolved into a river and lake, quarrels, cold wars, scheming and filth will hurt people to the bone. Many years after graduation, the dark wound still lingers. More importantly, dormitory life is also a training ground before entering the society, which solidified our values and codes of conduct. It can be said that many people go to the society with the DNA of the dormitory.
If I go back to the dormitory, I will … I often assume that, but obviously there is no chance. Therefore, I can only hope for the newcomers.
Whenever a child is admitted to college, I can't help but pour two spoonfuls of cold water in my blessings and longings. I will ask him a series of questions. What if I have a problem with the dormitory? What if there is a misunderstanding? What should I do if I am jealous of others or being envied by others? What should I do if my roommate's personality makes you unbearable? What if you are unhappy because of different living habits?
Most children will be confused by me and look at a loss. I will tell him stories I have experienced, heard and seen, list real events and ask him how to deal with them. And take the initiative to give him some advice, such as learning to compromise and not demanding others, even if others demand you. Learn to give, but don't expect anything in return Learn to respect, but also learn to mediate and seize the opportunity. Remember, the tolerance of dormitory is greater than that of society and less than that of family. Dormitory can be like home-if you run it well; But the dormitory is also a Jianghu, so don't violate Jianghu rules. In this chess game in the dormitory, you are not only a chess piece, but also one of the makers of the situation.
University dormitory is the first stage when we enter the society as adults. Space is very narrow and time is very long, which stipulates the principle of getting along with others and society. Although it can't completely correct the shortcomings and defects of our life experience, it at least provides a mirror of introspection.