My mother died on 20 17. I miss her more and more these years. Every time I see her in my dream, I wake up in tears. I really want to sleep for a while, because we haven't finished talking, and the heart-to-heart conversation I don't remember actually happened in my dream. My mother was watching the biography of Zhen Huan in my room (now living), and soon she said she was tired and asked me to help her to rest in the bedroom (home is in Xi 'an). Suddenly the light didn't work, so my classmates helped me to take a rest and fix it. Mother is sleeping in bed. The mother in the dream is very amiable, and I am also very sensible and tolerant. Isn't that what I've always wanted? It's a pity that I am ill again. Why can't I dream of a healthy mother? I hope my mother will stay away from illness and recover soon!
My relationship with my mother is really complicated. My mother is strong, overbearing, resolute, uncompromising, enthusiastic, fast and diligent, and likes to do everything. The only thing is that you must recognize her, especially the people around you. As the saying goes, she likes compliments from others. I, on the other hand, have enjoyed playing since junior high school. I am not a good student in the traditional sense. I shoot ducks at school every day after school, take a big step and go out to eat a bowl of rolled noodles. It was very late when I came back, and I was often criticized or beaten. My sisters are the most naughty. My father likes my sister because she is smart and sensible and often does housework at home. I am the rebellious adolescent girl, but I have my advantages, and I don't care about anything. After the beating and cursing, I still did what I had to do. I am almost heartless. I will eat rolled noodles outside tomorrow, but I will go back and say that I can't eat any more. My parents think there is something wrong with my health, but in fact I have had enough. At that time, parents had no educational methods. I grew up in a simple and rude environment, which also made me strong, uncompromising, independent, sensitive and insecure. As the saying goes, there is no fight for nothing. If you fight more, you can sum up your experience in dealing with all kinds of people! This is all because I have been exercising at home with my parents in various wars for many years. Who would have thought that my future job would be dealing with people, which would make me more comfortable. When I majored in college, I listened to my parents' opinions for the first time and applied for finance and taxation. Only when I was admitted did I find myself so disgusted with numbers that I went to an intermediate accountant. The students around us are working hard on the exam. I also rush to school and Xigong University (training class) every day, and the results are not satisfactory. At that time, the exam was too difficult. For me, who is not sensitive to numbers, this is even more difficult than going to heaven. I didn't want to embarrass myself, so I gave up decisively. Studying finance or medicine is like getting on a thief's boat and not getting off. This is a major that needs to be constantly certified, and there is no end.
I'm rebellious, my mind is made up, and few people can change it. My mother and I are both crazy and explosive. My mother beat me and scolded me. In high school, I didn't say anything. What's so hard to hear? I was bitter at that time. These words were printed in my mind and became my deep fighting spirit. I had a fight from time to time, and then I fought back. After graduating from college, I stayed in Xi 'an for several months, ready to come to Beijing. My boyfriend at that time and my husband now are in Beijing, and I can't wait to leave my parents and live my own life at once. I want to escape from that uncomfortable environment. My parents and I began to live far apart, and my parents didn't have any big ambitions for me. They just asked me to live and work in peace and contentment and have a home. My family's hopes are pinned on my sister. The institutions in the special zone resigned and went to France to study abroad, waiting to come back and do something big.
Life is so wonderful. I met my husband, who was my savior at that time and took me out of that place. Maybe he doesn't know, I know, but I can't tell him my pain. I always like to hide my pain. I'm actually very sensitive because I have a big appearance. Meeting a lover will make your heart soft and not so full of fighting spirit, and my life will gradually return to a benign state. We never quarrel together. He was gentle and considerate to me, so that my broken heart finally had a home. I enjoy my little life with a clear conscience. From 2003 to 2009, we bought our first house from scratch. The turning point was 2009, when my son was born and separated from his parents for many years. Now that I think about it, I was a child at that time, and I didn't consider things comprehensively. After my parents came, my peace was broken again. I started my life again. My mother-in-law had a big fight with my mother, and two months later my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Since then, my guilt has deepened. At that time, the whole family was pointing at me because my mother was sick here. At that time, the doctor announced that she had only three months to live, and I cried and cried every day. My mother's life was very hard, and she persisted for seven years, from 20 10 to 20 17. In seven years, our family started the road of anti-cancer, targeted drugs, more than one million hospitalizations, and my mother had medical insurance and reported most of them. Mother is suspicious and eccentric after her illness, but who can feel better when she is ill! Every time I go to the hospital, I go back to accompany my bed, fearing to touch her sensitive nerves carefully and accompany you like a tiger. I didn't talk to my mother. I dare not. I hid. Even every time I talk to her, I can observe what she is unhappy about. I immediately shut up, because she has been ill, so I just prayed not to make her angry and make her happy. This will help to recover. Mom's personality is actually flawed, neurotic, unable to control her emotions, short-tempered, self-centered, and empathy is not in her dictionary, which also causes her to think that Laozi is the best in the world, and no one should mess with my hegemonic thoughts. Go to extremes if you can't figure it out. If you want to control others, you will make trouble for yourself. If you want the whole world to do things according to your own intentions, you will increase your trouble. Mother never imagined that thinking determines a person's cognition, but no one told her about her. She also grew up in an extremely unsafe environment. My grandfather was also neurotic and died young. My mother was poor and competitive when she was a child. Therefore, interpersonal relationships are always not handled well. Fighting with a female colleague at work must have insulted her self-esteem. She can't stand it. She is a real anti-Buddha fighter. Mother has a distinct personality. She is actually the one who needs protection most. Beneath her sharp appearance, she is actually a passionate and dedicated person with no regrets. When I really understood, my mother drove the crane to the west, and no one forced me to eat anymore. No one is worried about me wearing less clothes, and no one covers me in bed. I'm going to face the world alone! I have no mother!
Mom, continue to visit me in my dream tonight. I still have a lot to say to you! Let me finish my regret! Let me finish my dream tonight! I love you, mom.