? 1. Male: 18 years old, admitted to the Physics Department of Peking University, and entered the University of Iowa for postgraduate study after graduation. Get a doctorate through defense ...
2. Boys: children of poor farmers, who were admitted to provincial key high schools with excellent results, were rated as "three excellent students in the province" and won the second prize in the National Physics Olympiad, and then admitted to provincial key universities. ...
3. Girl: 7-year-old parents divorced, single-parent family, excellent grades, strong organizational skills, has been the monitor from junior high school to high school graduation, the best debater in the school debate, an outstanding student cadre at the provincial level, and has a harmonious relationship with classmates and teachers. She was admitted to Macau University of Science and Technology. ...
4. Boy: At the age of 4, he was elected as the ambassador for the Olympic bid; He studied piano at the age of 4, calligraphy at the age of 8, joined the national ice hockey team at the age of 10, and studied in the United States at the age of 14.
5. Boys: Junior high school is the first to be admitted to the best high school. 65 years old, 438+08, admitted to Peking University with the highest score in the whole school. He gets a full scholarship every year. He has excellent leadership and is very popular. The head teacher's evaluation is: the only shortcoming is that there is no shortcoming. ...
? 6. Boys: excellent physical education in junior high school, entered key high schools with long-distance running skills, failed eight courses in high schools, and the school dismissed them. ...
Dear old parents, if you choose one of these people as your assistant. Who would you choose? Make an arrangement according to your own preferences. The table is like this, for example, 23 1546 is similar to this arrangement order. I think every parent will have a different opinion, so let's see if these six people are those in our reality.
The first one is Lu Gang. Handsome,199111shot six people at the University of Iowa in the United States and finally committed suicide. Lu Gang takes the first place every year, and he doesn't allow himself to take the second place. The fuse of this incident happened, because his second place and first place were another China student. This international student was also shot by Lu Gang. Let's take a look at the Lv Gang incident, which has happened for more than 20 years. This incident triggered a discussion between China and the United States on the disadvantages of education in China at that time. It can be said that it is of epoch-making significance to the family education in our country, that is, from that time on, our country has attached importance to the psychological education of teenagers, but unfortunately, after more than 20 years, such vicious incidents have not decreased, but increased. Someone asked him why he killed himself.
Let's take a look at Lu Gang's suicide note, and we can see a part of his mental journey. Hello, second sister. Please deposit the check in the bank as soon as possible. By the time you read this letter, I may be dead. I think the money I send back can only repay the kindness of my parents and sister. After calling you last night, I cried my eyes out and couldn't swallow this tone. It is the scenery of the whole family to have been patiently getting a doctorate. Don't be too sad. At least I found some people to bury with me. I lost interest in physics. It's a pity that I didn't learn some more substantive subjects. what can I do? My parents don't know anything and can't guide me in my study. It's all on your own. The students here, whose parents are mostly senior intellectuals studying in the United States, can give their children tuition and living expenses in the United States. I've come this far today. It can be said that it is my parents' fault, but I will do things by myself, the person I love. From the growth track of Lu Gang, we can easily see his mental journey. Studying for a doctorate is the honor of the whole family! It can be said that he has been living for others, not himself, which also proves the lack of family education.
The second place is Ma Jiajue. Gao Fei, 198 1 was born in Yunnan University in, and killed four classmates and roommates in the fourth year. Then he escaped from Kunming Railway Station and was arrested and executed in June. The Ma Jiajue incident represents the children of poor families. After his accident, there were different voices in social evaluation. Some people say that he is the most indispensable big devil, and others say that he is very sympathetic because of social knowledge. Blame the responsibility on society. If we investigate his growth experience, we will find that his growth experience is heartbreaking. His family is poor, but he is excellent. In order to uncover the truth of the murder, Professor Li, a famous expert in criminal psychology, personally went to Yunnan to conduct a comprehensive investigation and wrote a report of100,000 words. The report pointed out that the real reason for Ma Jiajue's crime was that his strongly repressed feelings and self-esteem suffered a heavy blow. What is the fuse of this case? The day before the murder, Ma Jiajue was playing cards with some classmates. A classmate suspected that Ma Jiajue cheated at cards, and there was an argument between them. During the quarrel, the classmate said, I didn't expect you to fake cards. You are too bad. No wonder Zhou Xiao didn't invite you to his birthday party. This conversation dealt a devastating blow to Ma Jiajue's self-worth. He felt very inferior, and his intrinsic value completely collapsed. When Ma Jiajue came back, he admitted to the police that he felt like a loser, and others looked down on him and laughed at him. He made these people who laughed at him disappear from the world so that he could find himself, so his killing behavior had nothing to do with poverty and society. The responsibility for this incident is entirely caused by Ma Jiajue's own mental health. Each of us has a natural social support system, led by parents and teachers. And the most direct influence on us is our parents. Parents are lifelong teachers of children, if our parents don't know how to give psychological counseling to their children. Such a tragedy will be inevitable.
? The third girl, Xue, is a female student at the University of Macau. Excellent grades, cheerful personality, strong organizational skills, the best debater in the debate in high school, and good popularity. He was recognized as a good student by all teachers, and when he graduated from high school. As the parents of outstanding graduates, her mother speaks in the whole school. No one thought that she would choose to commit suicide by jumping off a building. When the news reached the experimental high school where she attended, the children's teachers and principals were very hit, and they all felt that their education was a failure. Later, police investigation found that the reason for her suicide was that her boyfriend abroad broke up with her on the phone. Such a common emotional factor led to her suicide. So what did she miss? She has a smooth journey and high IQ and EQ. What is lacking is the ability to resist setbacks and sound personality education. What is lacking is environmental life education and unconditional love all the time.
? There will be a lot of news about college students or graduate students committing suicide when we search online. The causes of suicide are academic and employment pressure, emotional frustration and depression. In March, Zhang, a girl from China, Harvard University, hanged herself in the school dormitory and found herself only 22 years old. She is a very active person at Harvard University, outgoing, enthusiastic and sunny. Such an excellent girl suddenly committed suicide. Another boy, Feng Hao, studied in the Physics Department of Peking University for only three weeks and ended his life with a rope. Then I found out why. In a math analysis class before the accident, 49 cases got 50 questions right, 1 did not get full marks for the wrong questions.
You can look at his background title. Recommended by five high school principals to Peking University, with a college entrance examination score of 665. The recommended reason is that the student has excellent academic performance, has been in the forefront of the school, has good comprehensive quality, strong organizational innovation ability, noble moral character and harmonious interpersonal relationship. Good physical fitness and excellent sports. He is the most promising student in the eyes of his parents and is envied by his peers. Feng Hao, the top science scholar in Peking University, only used 2 1 day. For eighteen years, he has never lived for himself. I don't know what I'm doing or what I want. They all live under the urging and arrangement of their parents, so he is giving up his life easily.
So their relatives and friends were shocked by their choice. Our parents only saw their sunny side, but didn't notice their dark side. Everyone only accepts their beauty, optimism and sunshine, but they don't accept their fragility, sadness and pain. They have never understood them deeply and rejected their hearts. They refused their own dark side, so when the inner darkness came, they had to bid farewell to the world in despair. Therefore, as parents, we must make up for it in psychology and family education methods. Children are by no means what we look and hear. If you and your child can't be friends who talk about everything. Their hearts are closed to their parents, so they never know what your children are thinking.
? Parents, do you know that the beginning of school and the end of the final exam every year are the high incidence of student suicide? And now the age of ten to eighteen is a sensitive word for suicide, most of which is related to our family education. Some because of teachers, some because of parents. Let's take a look at these news.
This news is shocking! Whether primary school students, middle school students or college students, the reasons for their suicide are not only the pressure from the education system and various aspects, but also the lack of life education and the cultivation of frustration tolerance. In addition, it is also important for parents to accompany and communicate with their children. Just some time ago, the son of a friend in my WeChat circle was only 14 years old. He stayed at home and jumped upstairs. His last conversation turned out to be a stranger on QQ. His father can't accept the fact that the child committed suicide by jumping off a building, and he nags all day. How could my child commit suicide? How could he commit suicide? This is impossible ... there are many similar situations. A child named the glory of the king, his father grabbed his cell phone and threw it out of the window. The child jumped off the building. What is more tragic is that the child's mother jumped off the building after knowing it.
Let me see. The fourth one is excellent from the resume. Who is he? He is Li Tianyi, the son of the famous singer Li Shuangjiang. Sentenced to ten years' imprisonment. There is no education in Li Tianyi's family, only moral education. His parents gave him all the conditions to cultivate artistic talent, but they didn't give him an education to be a man. Due to the lack of respect for life and good sex education, he endangered society. His father, General Shuang Lee, and his mother, Meng Ge, are both singers, and they are both successful people. I used to take my son to this project and that project. I am proud of my son. However, my whole life's wisdom was destroyed by this son. Now the couple hide in Lacrimosa's home every day, afraid to come out to meet people. Seriously, if Li Shuangjiang had studied children's education earlier, it would not have reached this point, and the success of any career could not replace the failure of family education.
Next, let's look at the fifth person. What's his name? His name is Wu, and he is high flyers from Peking University. 201June 14 The police found that he killed his mother and defrauded a huge sum of money, but he has not been caught so far. The child won all scholarships in high school for three years. The admissions staff of Peking University gave him a 60-point walk in order not to let the brain drain. Such a child killed his mother. Moreover, in the name of his mother, he cheated more than one million from her relatives and friends, and then absconded, and has not been caught so far.
What I said in the first to fifth paragraphs just now seems to be relatively negative, so let's say a positive image. That's six Han Han. Han Han, as everyone knows, except for his parents' education, the attitude of school teachers towards him is negative. As a child who grew up in school criticism, he was used to unfair comments from others since childhood. He studied because he was good at sports in high school, but he was advised to leave home because he skipped classes too much. After dropping out of school, he wrote the novel Triple Door, which was a sensation and won the rally championship many times. Later, I made a movie to support the storm, and the movie box office exceeded one billion and I started my own company. His writing style is very sharp, and some people say that he will be the contemporary Lu Xun. So far, he has achieved good results.
Let's be clear here, these are real cases today. These people are just cases, which does not mean that all people will develop like this. Some female parents may feel anxious and worried when they hear this, which is where our parents should learn and grow. At the same time, we should also realize that people should not look at the surface. The first five kinds of people, if you put him beside you as an assistant, you should be careful, and even your life will be in danger.
? We just tell you what kind of children we want to raise through these cases. Based on the above cases, we will find some rules. Everyone is the best student in the school except Han Han who dropped out of school. They are not nerds. They are the darlings in the eyes of their parents and the elites who want to learn hegemony in the future. Why did you take the road of no return? It can be seen that there are great problems in our current educational methods. We have a case that concludes that even if children have made great achievements, they may not have a happy life. Because today's children have super self-discipline learning ability, a high degree of rationality is the gain and loss of interests, and they have become the elite of society. The only thing missing is the education of love.
Some parents are naive. They think that based on my observation of the child, he is kind-hearted and will not do anything that is inconsistent with his personality. Parents, Li Yitian is not a natural rapist. He looks so handsome and sunny, like a big boy next door. From the point of view of criminal psychology, all crimes are the difference of one mind. Li Tianyi is a model of the lack of family education and sex education. From the appearance, none of these children are born murderers. They all have sunshine, high emotional intelligence and high IQ. They know what kind of people are popular in this world, and they also know their parents' expectations, so they cater to their parents to realize others' expectations.
? Those students who hurt others, psychologically speaking, lack heartfelt respect for life, whether for others or for themselves. The inducing factor is that others hinder their development and cause their pain, and then they have strong resentment and dissatisfaction with others, leading to emotional loss of control and hurting others. You are the reason why they always say spells. What about students who commit suicide? After the conflict, their sense of self-worth is seriously low. They think that they can't be accepted and recognized by others, can't be loved and loved by others, and there is no need to exist in this world, so they choose to commit suicide. They often say that living is tiring, and living is really meaningless.
Some parents are even more naive to think that my child was born by me and raised by me. Anyway, he will be grateful. Is that really the case? Many children hate their parents for letting them into this world. Otherwise, how could that Wu Xinyu kill his mother? There is a famous community in the evening. Do you know what its name is? Parents are a curse. There are1220,000 people who have joined, all born after 80, 90 and 0.
There are also some children who cut off contact with their parents and run away from home when they reach the age of independence, just like a student being consulted by a teacher. Her child 18 was admitted to a university in Wuhan, so she blacked out the phone numbers of everyone in her family and didn't contact anyone. A year later, the head teacher of the school called and your child was depressed. Please take her back. My parents didn't say a word to them at school. Finally, at the suggestion of a teacher, he revealed that what he felt at home was endless criticism and endless scolding, that is, there was no love.
Education is the education of human soul, rather than simple knowledge accumulation and ability training. Don't force your children to become knowledge learners or learn any special skills. Otherwise, the more knowledge children have, the greater the harm to human life. First of all, we should cultivate children's thrilling feelings in the face of a chrysanthemum and a goldfish. No matter how powerful a person is, if he loses his respect for life, his awe of the world and his own interests will become unimaginable.
? Therefore, our best family education should be to reverse the importance, make the order correct, put the child's mental health in the most important position, and then accompany the child. Give children nutrition, eat and drink to ensure good health, give them corresponding material satisfaction, and let them take some special skills and interest classes. Then, if you know the permission, you can give your child some training courses and find some relatively famous schools for your child. Therefore, children's mental health is always the first, so what are the aspects of children's mental health and psychological needs, and how should we love children? I'll share some of them with you today. Listen carefully and take notes.
? What are the psychological needs of children?
1, believe in children.
2. Explore the unique nature of children.
3. Let the children make their own decisions and be responsible for themselves.
4. Integrate with children.
The first one: what every child needs most is to believe, believe in children. Some parents think it's simple. I always believed in children. Do we really believe in children? We ask ourselves. Believe that children are the foundation of all education. If you don't even believe in your own children, then you will certainly doubt him, accuse him of asking him, and you can't give your children true love. In fact, we often don't believe that children often find fault with their children and blame them. We always see the child's shortcomings and fail to see his advantages. Sometimes fifty dollars is missing from the wallet, and we also wonder if he stole the child. Did the child leave early again today? Didn't he finish his homework today? Has he been lazy again? Did he lie again? It is precisely because we don't trust the child that we always find fault with him. We are like referees on the football field, so children are like football players on the football field. You see, referees always stare at football players to see if there are any fouls or offsides. If you whistle offside, you will only see the child's shortcomings, but not his advantages. Always whistle for the child. The child will be angry if you keep whistling. You always say I'm wrong. Obviously, I didn't finish my homework today. It's also my fault that I was late for school after dinner. It's also my fault that I have problems with my classmates. Everything is my fault. So from that time on, children began to accumulate emotions slowly. This kind of anger keeps accumulating inside to form a little hard ice, which is getting thicker and thicker.
Children are willing to hug you when they are young, but they are unwilling to hug you when they grow up. She just started talking to you when she came back from school, and then she stopped talking to you. Now she closes the door when she comes home from school. It's time for dinner, so I came out to add some dishes and went back to my room. Seeing the child like this, my mother's heart is cold. Because about 13-year-old children, 90% are poisoned by the traditional authoritative discipline model, and there will be rebellion and inner ice. Some parents are anxious. My children are so heartless. I've been so good to you and done so much for you. Why are you still like this? I really raised you for nothing. I hope to find his conscience through accusations and beatings. In fact, it was cutting this hard ice with an axe. Dear parents, can an axe split the inner ice? When you cut him with an axe, he will wrap himself more tightly, you know.
? How can we open the ice in children's hearts? The teacher told everyone that an axe can't cut hard ice. Ice cubes must be hot to melt, right? This is the minimum common sense, but our parents forgot it. Finally, the children didn't want to go to school and ran away from home. These are the injuries that our parents don't know how to educate their children before they are thirteen. Dear parents, do you believe children are important? It is really important. Pick up a pen and write down your trust in your child. We must believe that any life will bloom itself through its own efforts. This is the nature given to every life by nature.
? The second one: tap the unique talent of children. The teacher shared a story with you. One of the teacher's classmates was a woman when she was a deputy magistrate in her hometown county. Her daughter is fifteen now. One day, she was very excited to learn that Teacher Yiyi was engaged in family education, and kept asking the teacher to drink. I finally got it after a long appointment. Because the teacher was really busy, as soon as she saw the teacher's first sentence, she said, "I am in pain now." My daughter's academic performance is too poor, and now she is the second from the bottom in the exam. I still clamor to buy a mobile phone and live broadcast equipment every day. I don't know what to do. Too bad. I have to buy a mobile phone and ipad every day, and I have to be an anchor, learn dance and be a small reporter. I'm in grade three, and I'm really depressed. I was so worried. I don't know what to do. Teacher, can you help me improve my child's grades? The teacher asked her: "Your child's academic performance is so poor, why do you have to compete with others with the worst side?" "? " How sad is this child? You know that the grades are so poor, let the children cross the wooden bridge like her and get into the ideal university. It is best to work in a government department. This is the result of not having studied family education. Every child has his own talent. She is her, her mother is her mother, and you are completely different individuals, ranking second from the bottom. Why do you still force him to study? According to our observation of family education for so many years, it is found that children who are not adapted to the examination system are not adapted to how to cultivate them. In the past, there was no age limit for the college entrance examination, and some people took it for eight years in a row. The college entrance examination is called the eight-year war of resistance. The result is still not admitted. You should let him play his most talented side.
After I talked with her mother, my family began to consider letting him learn from his young master and develop his genius. She likes to be a young reporter to train her Mandarin and her speech. Later, her child became the director of the school radio station. I am responsible for broadcasting every day, and now I earn more than 10 thousand a day as a network anchor Isn't that good, too Now her mother has a cramp in her hand and laughs from ear to ear every day, even the county magistrate doesn't want to be! Dear parents, every child has his talent. You don't have to just stare at the wooden bridge he wants to cross, and don't let him learn anything from your point of view. We must discover his genius and then focus on cultivating him. So how do you tap your child's talent? You must observe him and see what he does. Very quiet. That's his gift. A fish should not be forced to climb a tree. Its sky is in the ocean.
The third is to let the children make their own decisions and be responsible for themselves. Once the teacher and his family went outside to play, and the children watched videos in the car. Then, Jenny called three or four times, but he didn't want to get off. Maybe the program is too wonderful. Then Jenny became very angry and asked the teacher to take care of the children. The teacher didn't blame the child immediately, and the mother didn't even listen. Are you deaf? Stop looking and get off at once. But about two minutes later. The teacher is saying to the child, "Honey, what are you doing?" He said I was watching the video, and I said, how long will it take you to watch the video? He thought for a moment and said, What do you think, Dad? The teacher said, go ahead, and then he said, Dad, let's do it for 20 minutes. The teacher said he would give you five minutes. Twenty-five minutes, he said yes, then twenty-five minutes. Twenty-five minutes arrived, and then he turned off the video and returned it to the teacher. The teacher immediately said to him, honey, you keep your word. Tell me how long it will take you to finish. I find that you are really a good person to manage yourself. Your performance today is very good. You know, this is to find a sense of responsibility with children who can make their own decisions. Nowadays, under the urging and supervision of parents, children are highly lacking in self-discipline. Do your homework from noon 12 to evening 12. If it is not consciously guided, it is easy for children to indulge in a vicious circle.
? The fourth one should be integrated into the children at last. We learned yesterday that children have different psychological needs at every age. Did we dig it to meet his childhood age? There is some hard ice, so we should blend in with the children. So how to integrate? Just like a radio, one is on channel 298 and the other is on channel 198, so it will never be on the same channel. So you can't hear what he said, and he can't understand what you said, is that right? Therefore, it is understandable for the same people. We must learn to speak before the children will listen. How can we listen to children before they want to tell us whether this is very important or not? What shall we do? Switch from 298 to 198 on the same frequency as her. Can you understand what you said after the same channel? Then, we will play with him and become friends with the children. If he likes playing games, play games with him. For example, four to seven years old is the competition period for children. We can play Ultraman with her and fight monsters, and she likes us very much and blends in with him. After the integration, we will give it an organic whole, just like real good friends. Really understand what children need to make them grow up healthily!