Qingrui and his wife are very protective parents. Everything about Justin has been taken good care of since he was born. After entering high school, Justin's school is far away from home, so Qingrui always takes him to the station for a lift on his way to work, but Justin is a super bed-ridden child, and it takes both hard and soft to wake him up from bed every morning. When he got up to go out, he was often delayed, which made Qingrui, who was rushing to work, fly into a rage, so the father and son often confronted each other in the car, and the relationship became worse and worse.
When children grow up, parents should learn to let go and let them learn to be responsible for their actions. In the case of Qingrui and his son, Qingrui can go out on time at his own pace, and he doesn't have to let himself fall into a state of nervousness and nervousness in order to wait for Justin, and he is also unhappy with Justin. If Justin can't get a ride with his father because he overslept, he can only find a way to get a ride to school by himself. Even if he is punished by the teacher for being late, it is his own problem and he must bear the consequences for his actions.
Cultivate children's self-control and endurance. Walter, a professor who taught at Stanford University in the 1960s? Walter Mischel once conducted a famous psychological research-"marshmallow test". This study found a group of kindergarten students, left them alone in the room, first gave each child a dessert, and then told them that they could choose to eat dessert immediately, or wait for fifteen minutes until the experiment was over before getting another delicious dessert.
Mitchell followed the children who participated in the experiment until they grew up. The results show that children who are willing to restrain themselves and delay their desires not only have excellent academic performance, but also have strong concentration and logical ability when they grow up. Decades later, when they grow up, they are not only healthier, but also more successful in the workplace and have a more happy marriage.
This seemingly ordinary experiment has brought profound enlightenment. If children can cultivate self-control and the ability to wait patiently from an early age, they will be able to restrain themselves and avoid impulsive behavior in the future, so they will not give up easily because of difficulties, and they will perform better in their studies and work. In addition, they will not easily indulge their desires in marriage and have extramarital affairs, which will bring harm to themselves and others.
Why French mothers can drink coffee gracefully and children don't cry? Author of Pamela? Ducman, who moved to France from the United States after marriage, found that American children are very different from French children. Children who grow up in the American way have difficulties in self-management and self-control. If they are slightly dissatisfied, they often lose their temper and cry loudly. Especially when eating in restaurants, they can't have a good meal and have no patience to wait for their families to finish eating. When eating, they either scream, make noise, sabotage or run around the restaurant.
This is also the reason why American fast food culture is very popular, because it is often difficult for parents with children to enjoy a leisurely meal in restaurants, so they have to take their children to fast food restaurants to make a quick decision. In contrast, French children know more about self-control. They don't scream or cry in restaurants. They are willing to hold back their hunger, sit quietly in children's chairs, wait for food to be served together, and learn how to enjoy a pleasant meal calmly and elegantly.
The author personally observed that although French parents are also very serious about raising their children, they will not invest too much, nor will they let their children be responsive, or feel guilty and self-reproach because they cannot fully satisfy their children. They still keep their own pace of life and know how to leave some time for themselves; Even if you love children very much, you are not always child-centered. This parenting attitude gives French children the opportunity to learn independence from an early age, and it is naturally easier to be independent when they grow up.
On the other hand, parents in Taiwan Province Province always give priority to their children's needs, and children easily lack empathy and resistance.
Cultivating children's endurance is of great help to their later life; And children's patience, stress resistance, and even the ability to be alone and at ease should be cultivated slowly from life. You can't expect an untrained child to suddenly understand and become patient and focused one day. That's impossible.
The parent-child relationship is not smooth, and the body and mind are easily out of balance. After getting married, Yu Wen always wanted to get pregnant, but after half a year, her stomach never moved, so I went to the obstetrics and gynecology department to see what the problem was. After examination, it was found that chocolate cysts, the so-called "endometriosis", grew on both ovaries, and the chances of pregnancy were quite slim. She never thought that she would be infertile. Hearing the doctor's diagnosis, the whole person collapsed!
Since junior high school, Yu Wen has had dysmenorrhea every time, but she thinks that every girl has this kind of trouble to some extent, so she doesn't care. She never wanted to find out the reason and treat it thoroughly. She's always wanted to put up with it for a few days. When the pain was unbearable, she took painkillers to relieve the uncomfortable symptoms. However, with the increase of age, dysmenorrhea becomes more and more serious. Every time she encounters a physiological period, she simply swallows two painkillers first, whether it hurts or not. In order to alleviate the problem of menstrual pain, she avoided cold and cold drinks very early.
After I helped * * * to do an energy test, I found that part of the reason for her condition was her bad relationship with her parents. Yu Wen told me that although her parents love and care about her very much, they have always adopted the traditional "top-down" approach. If she doesn't agree with her parents, they will soon have an argument. She thinks that since there is such a big gap between the two people's ideas, it is useless to talk more. It is better to reduce contact and avoid conflict, so she has not gone home for half a year.
Because the qi in Yu Wen's body is blocked badly, I taught her to practice the energy action of opening the aura. A few days later, she told me that although she was in the physiological period, she didn't feel menstrual pain. This is the first time in her life that she has no physical pain since menarche. It's incredible! Because of the obvious improvement of physical pain, she decided to try to calm her mind and take a casual attitude towards pregnancy. In addition, she also told herself that whether she has children or not is the best arrangement in heaven, and she will not sigh easily again. Results Five months after seeing the doctor, the good news of pregnancy came, which surprised and delighted her. The baby was born smoothly, and she finally realized her dream of being a mother.
After having children, Yu Wen also began to re-examine the relationship between himself and his parents. In the past, because she didn't agree with the way her parents treated her, she stayed away from her parents and became farther and farther away from them.
I told Yu Wen that understanding between people is based on mutual respect. We can't change other people's ideas, and we can't control other people's ideas. But parents discipline their children mostly for their own good, so even if their parents' ideas are different from ours, they should be able to understand their love for their children, which has no influence at all.
If there is a big gap with parents' ideas and concepts, communication takes time and patience. If we choose a positive path, then our hearts will become more and more calm and peaceful, full of love, compassion and empathy. When parents see it, they will gradually agree and accept it. But if we become heartless, indifferent, resistant or angry because our parents don't support us, how can our parents agree with our choices? Instead of blaming the facts that have happened, it is better to calm down and reflect on what kind of mentality you are facing, which will lead to such a result.
Parents are the supporters of life. Parents are the source of a person's life. If you don't communicate with your parents, it's like deliberately staying away from the source of life. In this way, it is easy for people to lose the motivation of life and it is more and more difficult to accept themselves. Father will affect a person's career and wealth energy, while mother is related to interpersonal energy. When these two kinds of energy are cut off, life is easy to get stuck, work is difficult to go smoothly, good interpersonal relationships cannot be established, health is easy to go wrong, and it is difficult to get rich.
Many enlightened witnesses have repeatedly stressed: "Take good care of the two bodhisattvas at home. It means that instead of asking God to worship Buddha and recite scriptures, it is better to honor and be grateful to parents. The energy and DNA of our bodies come from our parents, who are the most important supporters in every life. We must always remember that our life is supported by the universe and our parents. We should thank my parents for letting me come into this world. Even though life sometimes has unbearable pain, it is precisely because we are in pain that we want to find an outlet and bring growth.
There are no perfect parents in the world, but their feelings have always been bad. Dad has a bad temper and always quarrels with his mother for money. They always talk about divorce. Her relationship with her mother is also very distant. As the eldest daughter, she has to take care of her younger brothers and sisters since she was a child, while her mother does odd jobs everywhere to make money, regardless of whether the child is alive or dead or not. Are the clothes warm enough? Do you do well in school classes?
When I was a child, Wei Zhen envied that her classmate's mother would pick me up at the school gate after school. When she got home, she still had snacks to eat, but her mother was only busy making money. Except for occasional whim, she will take Wei Zhen and her younger brother and sister to buy stationery and clothes, and rarely stay at home. When she comes home from school every day, it always makes her feel sad to see nobody in the house.
Because I was eager for my mother to be at home often since I was a child, I immediately quit my job and concentrated on taking care of the children at home. I hope that the children will have something to eat and be accompanied by their mothers when they get home.
Wei Zhen, who is bent on being a good mother, helps her children take care of everything in their lives and is also very concerned about their schoolwork and interpersonal relationships. Whenever something happens, she will come forward to help them solve it. In addition, she feels that the children are under great pressure in their homework, and only asks them to study hard, and nothing else needs to be taken care of, so she takes care of all the chores at home. As a result, after the children went to college, they didn't do any housework, only playing video games at home on holidays, and the whole person was lazy.
Wei Zhen's eldest son graduated from college this year, but he stayed at home every day instead of going to work. He finally found a good job under her urging and invitation. As a result, I worked for a few days and left because I lost my temper with the supervisor.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I got, and then I taught him a lesson and accused him of being lazy and idle, but the child didn't feel that he was wrong and often quarreled with her. I don't understand. Only the truth. Compared with my mother, she has worked hard to be a good mother and not make the mistakes her mother once made. Why don't children understand her hard work and painstaking efforts?
Only when there is love in your heart can you feel the contribution of others. Every generation has different backgrounds and ideas. In those days, it was difficult to survive safely. Coupled with the lack of contraception at that time, children were generally born much more, and it was really not easy to feed every mouth in the family.
At that time, Wei Zhen's parents had bad feelings, which made Wei Zhen's mother feel insecure about marriage, so she tried her best to make money. After quarreling with her husband, she told Wei Zhen that one day she would leave with her brother and sister. And all the efforts are to prepare for divorce in case.
A child can grow up, which means that parents must have done a lot to raise them. If parents don't feed their children, help them urinate and keep them warm, how can children grow up safely? Although my mother didn't grow up with Wei Zhen, if you think about her situation carefully, you should understand her mother's intentions and sacrifices.
Wei Zhen blamed her mother for not caring and taking care of herself, but she shouldered the responsibility of taking care of her younger brothers and sisters from an early age and taught her what independence is. On the contrary, after becoming a mother, Wei Zhen gave up her job and took care of and accompanied her two children wholeheartedly, which made them become dependent and irresponsible, and even turned to complain about Wei Zhen. In fact, Wei Zhen really dotes on children too much, because she didn't let her children learn to share housework when she was a child, as long as she was responsible for reading. Of course, when she grows up, she won't help with housework, and she doesn't like it, because for them, housework has always been a mother's business.
If a person feels that parents don't love themselves enough and pay too little for themselves, once they become parents, they are likely to overcorrect and take care of their children in every possible way, fearing that they don't care enough about their children, so they try their best to help their children complete everything, make decisions for them, and stand out for them in everything, lest they get hurt. Children educated in such an environment are accustomed to relying on their parents for everything, often unable or afraid to be independent, easily discouraged by difficulties and setbacks, and even blame others.
Parents' love for their children is often at no cost or in return, but love needs to be learned. Without love in your heart, it is difficult to feel the love of others. If we don't know how to give love and gratitude, but just ask for it and think that others should love us, then we will lack love more and more.
Everyone is a unique and irreplaceable treasure in the universe, which deserves to be cherished and cared for. I sincerely wish every child can feel the love of his parents, and pray that every child can know how to be grateful and considerate of his parents, cherish the rare encounter in this world for hundreds of millions of years, and form a beautiful karma with each other.
Don't get caught up in the framework of "comparison" and "calculation". Wan Yu and Ming Kai arrange to take their children for a walk abroad every year. Originally, they wanted to take their children to Tokyo Disneyland this winter vacation, but when they were preparing to book air tickets and restaurants, they quarreled because they wanted to take their parents with them.
Wan Yu's sister is willing to pay her mother's travel expenses in full this time because she can't spare time to accompany her mother to play abroad, and asked to take her with her. It is natural for Wan Yu to take her mother out for free, and I think Ming Kai should be happy to do so.
Unexpectedly, when Wan Yu made this request, Ming Kai immediately refused, on the grounds that if he only took his mother-in-law, his parents would be unhappy. He said to Wan Yu, "If you want to take your mother-in-law, then your parents should also go, otherwise, don't go. The problem is, if the parents-in-law go together, the travel expenses are not small.
Wan Yu doesn't understand why her mother can't go with her without extra expenses. But for better or worse, Ming Kai just insisted on disagreeing. This made Wan Yu very angry. She thought that they had taken their parents-in-law to Hong Kong for four days and three nights. Why can't they take their mother abroad for a week now? Anyway, they had to take their mother with them this time, so they had a big fight with Ming Kai.
Care for each other and maintain a harmonious relationship between partners. Because I was obsessed with taking my in-laws abroad alone, I made up my mind that it was only fair to take my mother abroad this time, but I didn't consider the difficulties in Ming Kai.
Because the Yue family and her husband's family live very close, they often walk around and visit each other on weekdays. If the parents-in-law find that their son and daughter-in-law have only taken their mother-in-law abroad, they will be very unhappy. A better way is to invite your parents-in-law to go with you. If it is difficult to afford their travel expenses, I might as well tell you frankly that it should be no problem for everyone to share part of it if the financial capacity allows.
If Wan Yu wants to gamble, she would rather have no parents on either side, but she missed the chance to travel with her mother. When parents are old, there are fewer and fewer opportunities for companionship; If you don't take your parents abroad now, it's hard to expect them to be willing to take their parents out when they grow up.
Wan Yu's dissatisfaction not only trapped her in the framework of "comparison" and "care", but also reflected her incomprehension of the other half.
When we are in love, in order to make each other happy, we are often willing to pay, and we will be moved for a long time because of the little things that each other has done, enjoying the sweet taste of our own world. However, after dating or getting married for a period of time, most people will take what the other person has done for themselves for granted and have no motivation to do anything for the other person. At this time, the idea of "comparing" and "caring" became stronger and stronger, so the feelings gradually faded. When criticism, anger, dissatisfaction, complaints and other emotions appear. Continue to accumulate and finally erupt, and their relationship will deteriorate and break down.
If we want to maintain good interaction with our partners in marriage, there are three things we must strive to do: first, give love and care without asking for anything in return; The second is to thank each other for everything they have done for us; Third, sincerely praise, appreciate and respect each other. If we can achieve the above three points, our relationship will be more stable and our marriage will be happier. Not only do you treat your partner like this, but you can also do this when you are in contact with friends and family, and you will get along more harmoniously.
Because there is no comparison and care about the mother's contribution to her children, even if she pays more, she is still full of love and joy. Therefore, the pain of "comparison" and "calculation" is entirely self-inflicted. Marriage needs management. If everything can be considered from each other's point of view and you know how to respect each other's differences, even if you have different opinions, you will not force each other to be the same as yourself. Moreover, mature and rational partners will not haggle over every ounce, who does more, who does less, who pays more, who pays less, who earns more, who earns less, so that life is caught in the opposite of winning or losing.
Physical pain reflects the subtle pain of emotions and memories. A more touching case is Dr. Xu Ruiyun's book "Turn and Reconciliation with Yourself". By turning around and letting go, hatred is transformed into the energy of blessing and gratitude, and reconciliation with family members is also realized.
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This article is authorized to be published from Crown/Xu Ruiyun's "Think Again and Reconciliation with Yourself: Spiritual Energy of Harvard Physicians 2".
On second thought, make peace with yourself: Harvard doctor's heart energy II