When it comes to marriage, "ignorance" really harms one thousand people and eight hundred people.
Out of shyness, indifference or the mystery of love, many men don't ask each other "difficult" questions, although these questions help to build the cornerstone of a stable marriage.
A man in an ideal marriage wants his wife to be his best friend and confidant besides raising children and living happily together. This kind of romantic comedy, which mostly exists in Hollywood movies, is difficult to do.
Therefore, in the early stage of the establishment of a love relationship, there is a question 13 to ensure that the two sides match as much as possible. Faced with these problems-although most people won't.
"If you don't deal with problems before marriage, you have to deal with problems after marriage." Robert Scuka, executive director of the National Institute for the Promotion of Relations, said. It is difficult to keep secrets in your heart for decades, and silence before marriage may lead to disappointment after marriage.
The following questions are direct and embarrassing, but I want to trigger sincere communication and give both sides a chance to open their hearts before it is too late.
1. When there is a conflict, does your family throw a plate to solve it, discuss it calmly or keep silent?
Peter Pearson, one of the founders of the Partners Institute, pointed out that the success of a relationship is based on how to deal with differences. Because we are all shaped by our own families, this question can give you insight into whether your other half will imitate her parents' way of dealing with contradictions or avoid them.
2. Do we want children? If so, will you change diapers?
Debbie Martinez, a divorce and relationship counselor, said that it is very important not to say what you think the other person likes to hear about children. Before marriage, if you want to have children, you should discuss this issue frankly. How many children do you want? When do you want it? As a parent, how should you imagine yourself? Marty Klein, a sex and marriage counselor, says it is also important to talk about contraception before planning pregnancy.
3.？ Will the experience with our predecessors help us or hinder us?
Bradford Wilcock, director of the National Marriage Program at the University of Virginia, pointed out that having too many serious relationships may increase the risk of divorce and reduce the quality of marriage. This may be because a person who has had many serious breakup experiences will subconsciously compare his current position with his predecessor. ) Dr. willcocks thinks it would be more beneficial to ask these questions earlier. Dr. Klein said that people are usually reluctant to admit the past, and they may also be jealous and criticize the past. "The only correct way is to choose openness. The so-called love is that you can accept the other person as an independent person before becoming your wife. "
4. How important is religion? How to spend religious festivals?
If two people come from different religious backgrounds, do they believe in their own religions? During his tenure as executive director of the National Institute for the Promotion of Relations, Dr. Scuka encouraged some couples to have frank discussions on such issues when consulting them. Willcocks said, in addition, when a child is born in such a mixed family, conflicts between husband and wife are likely to arise due to religious traditions. If two people decide to have children, they must ask how to solve the religious education problem of their children. He said that it is best to plan ahead.
5. Is my debt your debt? Will you help me out of trouble?
Frederick Hertz, a divorce lawyer, said it is very important to know your partner's views on economic independence and see if she is willing to manage your's property alone. Debt recognition is particularly important. Similarly, if the income gap between you is large, Dr. Scuka suggests that you establish a basic expenditure budget according to the income ratio. He said that many couples don't discuss financial sharing, although it is extremely critical.
6. How much are you willing to spend on a car, a sofa or a pair of shoes?
Couples should ensure that each other's financial prudence and aggressiveness are consistent (that is, they have the same view on money). Dr. Hertz believes that buying a car is a good measure. Couples can also change this question to what aspects will they spend lavishly?
7. Do you mind if I do something alone?
Seth Eisenberg, president of the training institution "Practical Application of Intimacy Skills", believes that many people want to establish intimacy with their partners when they enter marriage, but at the same time they want to keep some freedom in their lives. This means that they may not want to share their hobbies and friends. If they don't communicate on this issue, one party may feel excluded and the relationship may become tense. Dr. Klein also said that couples have different understandings of "privacy", which also requires communication. Dr Wilcock suggests asking your partner when he needs privacy most.