In the first state, we completely broke off diplomatic relations. From now on, we are separated from each other. You go your way, I'll go my single-plank bridge, there's no connection. Life basically has no intersection.

This situation is probably more common, so many people will ask: Why can't we be friends after breaking up?

We should understand that most people who propose to continue to be friends after breaking up are people who break up on their own initiative (obviously, most of them mean that some people who break up will take the initiative to ask to be friends in order to get a chance to get back together in the future. Second, they may not love each other so much and feel inappropriate, so they will willingly accept the breakup. Third, although I still love each other very much, because it is really impossible, I have to let go to be friends, and it is often the one who is broken up. Generally speaking, the active party proposes to be friends only to comfort each other, and few people really become friends.

We can't help asking, why is it difficult to do "meaningless trading" in love? Why do people who end up either getting married or breaking up fall in love? Yes, why is the result of falling in love either one or the other?

As the saying goes, we can't be enemies because we loved each other deeply, and we can't be friends because we hurt each other, so we can only become the most familiar strangers in the end. This sentence is partly to the point, but not entirely correct. The analysis is as follows:

First of all, breaking up generally doesn't hurt each other, but one party hurts the other. Either because one party broke up voluntarily and hurt the other party, or because one party's behavior (such as cheating) hurt the other party. The similarity of this kind of injury is that it will make the other party feel humiliated and hurt the other party's self-esteem. Being broken up or cheated on is a kind of denial to ourselves, which will of course completely hurt our self-esteem and make us feel humiliated. We can't help but ask, what happened to me? In addition, I have paid so much, and now one thing that I have worked so hard to manage is announced to be completely ruined, which is bound to be frustrated. This is probably the fundamental reason why we can't be friends after breaking up. If one side is denied by the other side, it will naturally be difficult to talk to the other side on an equal footing and live in peace. There is a saying: the only reason why your confession is rejected by the other party is that the other party thinks that you are not worthy of ta. Although this sentence is a confession, it is also very pertinent when it is used to break up. How humiliating is it not to be worthy of this relationship? How can we meet again? This question raised by a close friend can prove this point: after the ex-girlfriend cheated, she felt a strong sense of humiliation and helped others train his wife. What should I do?

The strange thing about love relationship is that since you and many other friends of the opposite sex have not become boyfriend and girlfriend, it means that they have no feelings, look down on each other, or feel inappropriate, and have no such feeling of calling each other. Everyone knows that the other person is not their type, but no one will expose them and their self-esteem will not be hurt. But once you become boyfriend and girlfriend, one day one of you says you don't love you, and you can't stand it. You can't accept it. Hehe, this is probably because I didn't make it clear before that the relationship is equal. I don't love you and you don't love me, but the latter is that I love you and you don't love me, so it feels unfair. But it's not entirely true, such as this question: in a relationship, neither side loves each other so much. Can we still be friends after breaking up? In this case, it's not that we don't want to love each other, but that some of us can't be friends, or know that the other person has too much privacy, or feel uncomfortable and embarrassed because of a different relationship. In that case, we might as well miss it when we meet.

Secondly, it is also wrong to say that you can't be enemies because you loved each other after breaking up. In fact, after breaking up, most of them just become enemies, and the one who broke up generally doesn't want to see this disgusting person again, and will be hostile psychologically. Just like this question asks: Why did two people who once loved each other not break up peacefully, but in the end they hated each other, abused each other and hurt each other wantonly? The word "dislike each other" is also inaccurate in this question, because generally, one party hates the other, and not many people hate the other (of course, there is also this question: is it very low-level behavior to actively criticize the other party when breaking up? This shows that they are hurting each other. It must be that some actions of one party have aroused the dissatisfaction of the other, and they did not forget to scold when they broke up. There is also this more abnormal question: do you have revenge thoughts after breaking up and want to kill them? Then why is the partner who broke up psychologically hostile? On the one hand, this is because, as mentioned above, being denied by the other party is humiliating and hurts self-esteem. Coupled with your painstaking efforts, it's like a pair of building blocks piled up for a long time before they suddenly collapse when they are almost finished. At this time, it is necessary to go up and add a foot to express your anger. Some couples will have a thorough liquidation when they break up, such as "Please give me back the photo and I will give it back to my mother", or a question like "Take the initiative to break up, and the woman demands compensation. How would you handle this situation? " On the other hand, after breaking up, the injured party maliciously attacks the other party in order to gain psychological balance, which is a psychological self-protection mechanism. When you scold each other and criticize each other's shortcomings, you will become less painful and save the face trampled by the other party to some extent.

Therefore, breaking up is bound to hurt at least one of them. The injured person is too hurt by his self-esteem and is no longer willing to meet each other for face. In addition, after the injury starts the psychological protection mechanism, it is completely hostile to the other party, and it is impossible to change from like to dislike friends.

The second state is to be a temporary friend.

Not reconciled after breaking up, I want to be friends and get back together. Yes, I asked: Is it possible to be friends again after breaking up? Obviously, this is possible. There are countless examples of separation and integration around us, right? There is a question on Zhihu: Is it necessary to be friends after breaking up? The subject said in the description of the problem: "We broke up. I used to think I couldn't be friends after breaking up. But this time, I think if I become friends, I can chat with him occasionally, so that I won't have nowhere to release my favorite emotions. But is this really necessary? I don't want to end it like this, but I also try my best to make efforts in this relationship. But I don't know why there is progress. On the contrary, he said it was difficult for him to change. If I want to be friends, I just hope to be together with friends one day. " Look, this situation exists. As for whether we can get back together in the end, it doesn't matter. There are many, many such questions in Zhihu:

What should I do if I want to get back together after breaking up

What should I do if I always want to get back together after breaking up?

I broke up on impulse and wanted to make it right! ?

How can I alleviate the pain of breaking up with my ex-girlfriend and get her back in the future if possible?

Why do you want to recover after breaking up?

Say you broke up and miss him? Should I find him? But I broke up with him. So annoying?

It's been months since we broke up, and I still like it. How can I get it back?

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up. After being apart for more than a month, he called me in the middle of the night without saying anything. What's he thinking?

From the above questions, we know that there are always some very cheap people who want to recover after breaking up. So, it is possible to get back together.

In the third state, the relationship between lovers has completely become the most normal friend relationship.

In fact, this situation is very common among non-couples. One party likes the other and the other party doesn't accept it. They were afraid that they wouldn't make friends in the end, so they did. In the future, they never hide their appreciation and love for each other, but they are no longer chasing after each other or even reporting fantasies. This example actually exists in reality. In the TV series "New Love Times", they always liked Zheng and never gave up the opportunity to express their love, but Zheng refused to accept it, but in the end they were still good friends. Chen Jia finally married a foreigner and was very happy.

But there is a difference between not falling in love and falling in love, which is why most lovers can't be friends after breaking up. But of course, this situation also exists. For example, when two people are together, they just feel something is wrong. If we break up peacefully, we can still be friends without hurting anyone. But if there is any harm in the process of breaking up, it is difficult to become friends.

For example, as mentioned in the second state, some people want to get back together, so they temporarily accept being friends, but it is very likely that they will become friends when they become friends. However, in 2008, the feelings of lovers were gone and they had to be friends all their lives.

If there is any harmful behavior in the breakup, is the premise particularly deep? For example, one party loves deeply, but the other party feels inappropriate, or has other pursuits (career or something). At this time, as long as you understand each other, you can still be friends.

Another situation is that although it is difficult to accept being friends at first, times have changed. Over time, both of them gradually let go, feeling that the breakup was not so serious at that time and they could be friends again.

To sum up, it is difficult for most people to become friends after breaking up, but it cannot be denied that a few lovers have become friends. I think love relationship is the most complicated family relationship, and there are far more problems than other social relationships, which is why the emotional problems in Zhihu are so rampant. It is precisely because of the complexity of love that we cannot generalize. There is no fixed formula for this thing, especially love. We often see people asking emotional questions in Zhihu, and the hosts always say: It depends. Then briefly describe a few words and answer. Because it is too complicated, everyone is unwilling to help the questions one by one, but is willing to answer those questions with universal applicability. Other problems are solved, but love problems can't be solved even if you solve them one by one. I don't think many people in Zhihu spend as much time analyzing love as I do. In fact, I have worked so hard for myself. I don't want to write a few lines every time I encounter this kind of problem, which is meaningless.

Many people think that if they love each other deeply, they can't be friends after breaking up. If you are friends, you will never love each other deeply. I don't agree with this. What is deep love? Do you have to live without each other? Everyone's liberation ability is different, their ideological realm is different, and their hearts are different. Some people once loved each other deeply, and it is totally acceptable to be friends after breaking up, because are people alive after they leave? What's more, there are indeed two people who are not suitable for being together. For example, after a period of contact, it is found that one party pays attention to spirit and the other pays attention to material things, so it is difficult to integrate. Is it not good to be friends after breaking up?

However, for most people, even if they make friends after breaking up, few people can really talk to each other. At most, it is similar to ordinary people. They are bored, chatting and forgetting something. In that case, what does it matter whether you are friends or not?

Once a lover is married and divorced, it is estimated that fewer people will become friends, because if it is really unbearable, who will choose to divorce? Most couples will quarrel for a long time, or have different values, or different living habits, or different ways of doing things, or one of them is rebellious, or their sexual life is out of step. In short, one side will completely reject and deny the other. In this way, it is not a question of whether two people can be friends, but that they are really too lazy to be friends. Who wants to be friends with a garbage? Therefore, I think it is really difficult to have a harmonious and natural relationship with Song Dandan's ex-husband in Family with Children. However, we can't deny the possibility of becoming friends. For example, two people have children and often play with them after divorce. This phenomenon also exists.

Finally, I posted a few jokes I found on Zhihu, but I can't tell where I found them. Please forgive me for infringement!

1. Actually, I just think he's like family now. No matter what happens to each other, we all know that this person will tell you the truth and will be sincere to you. I think this relationship and distance are good. Answer: Look, can we be friends? )

2. I am a girl. I broke up with my first love many times ... I continued to be friends after each breakup, and then I became boyfriend and girlfriend somehow. After separation, we have a distance, but we can see his advantages and are more willing to chat with him. But now that we have been apart for a month, we are still good friends, but I know we can't do it anymore. Answer: Look, can we still be friends? )

3. Reminder: If boyfriend and girlfriend can't do it, don't expect to be ordinary friends. If you want to do this kind of thing, you must do it absolutely, so as not to bury a bombshell in your unnecessary love life! (answer: it may be life-threatening in the future, but it is not all right. Not everyone's consciousness is that bad, is it? )

4. After breaking up, you can be friends, or you can be close, without any feelings, and this relationship will not affect you. But people who love each other can't be friends. What can be friends can only prove that you haven't let go. Answer: This view is not completely correct, is it? )

So whether you can be friends varies from person to person and from thing to thing. I talked for a long time, but I didn't seem to say anything. Haha, I found that many questions are like this in Zhihu, and there is no standard answer at all.

I'm Hugh Puno.