1, how to face the problem of sex?
2. Can love and sex be separated?
3. It is normal for girls to have sex with boys when they reach a certain age, but how do you think many boys have a virgin complex?
My boyfriend wanted to have sex with me, but I never promised. Will it affect the development of our relationship?
Before answering these questions, there is one thing: emotion is a non-renewable resource.
Love can come again, but it seems that the passion of those efforts is irreparable. Many adults still remember their first love, and the youthful but surging passion is so beautiful. At the beginning, they were uncertain and immature, but left the most beautiful memories. People whose first love doesn't have a good result will feel that they will never find the beauty of their first love again when they step into a new emotional journey. Some people even use Yuan Zhen's famous sentence "Once the sea was difficult for water, it was amber forever" to describe the irreplaceable relationship.
Let's discuss the first question, how do college students face sex?
There is a paragraph on the internet that is very vivid, saying: "18 to 20-year-old college students have basically completed the development of" hardware "(referring to the body), and" software "(referring to the mind) has also been greatly improved. In addition, "power" (sexual desire) has reached its maximum capacity. Isn't it rusty if such a good equipment is put there? "
Many college students have accepted the idea that they can have sex when they enter the university. I also think this is something that adults can choose freely. But what I want to say is that children in our country lack positive sex education since childhood, and the sexual knowledge that students learn from the Internet is often unhealthy.
Therefore, it is good to know something about intimacy.
Intimacy is mainly classified according to the openness of the body (intimacy), and there are three situations:
So how many intimate relationships should be opened in universities?
Professor Li Zixun, a psychologist, said: "College students in love can moderately open their physical boundaries, and intimate contact will increase. Instead, focus on opening your heart and learn to accept others unconditionally. "
He particularly emphasized that girls should set up a restricted area for themselves to prevent boys from touching it casually and have a sense of bottom line. Girls' bodies should be more conservative, because only by keeping boys curious and mysterious can they have the motivation to pursue continuously. If you keep your body open, nothing can stop him from leaving you.
The second question, can sex and love be separated?
Behaviorally, yes, but not in terms of happiness index.
From the perspective of Freud's sexual psychology, the motive force of human love comes from sex, love is the basis of sex, and sex is the sublimation of love.
Although love is a sufficient and unnecessary condition for sex, sex is meaningful only on the premise of love. Although sex can happen in the case of pornography and artillery, sex without love is empty, just the satisfaction of primitive desires between animals.
Boys are mostly animals with lower body thinking, while girls are mostly animals with upper body thinking.
For boys, the correlation between sex and love is relatively low, and most girls have a high correlation. For some boys, they can separate sex from love, but they won't get high-quality love. Even though he can have countless sexual partners, he can't enjoy a soul mate who will accompany him to watch the sunset from youth to old age.
In the 1980s, American researchers did a very interesting experiment. Male researchers pretended to chat casually with female college students, complimented each other, and then asked each other for a one-night stand. Results 1 0,000% of women refused. On the contrary, female researchers asked male testers for a one-night stand, and 70% boys agreed.
This study shows us that men's attitude towards sex is casual, just like people often say that "men are animals driven by desire", and they can have sex at will without involving feelings.
But psychologists found another study in 2003. 74% of men who cheat physically are also involved in emotions. A man who has been cheating for a long time is bound to have feelings for his cheating girlfriend.
The third question is about the virgin complex. I want to say that many boys have this kind of plot. The virgin plot was originally a yearning for the holiness and purity of the marriage partner.
However, because the society is under the control of male chauvinism, this turns the virgin complex into a question of dignity and a manifestation of conquest.
Today, when people say that there is a virgin plot, they often have some contemptuous attitudes, or think that society is open to today, which is a backward concept and should be eliminated. Here I don't emphasize whether there should be a virgin complex, but talk about the actual situation of college students, especially female college students.
Many female college students have boyfriends since their freshman year, and they have sex soon. They think that the modern society is open, and everyone doesn't care about the virgin complex, even if they break up.
But this is not true, because many boys say that they don't have a virgin complex, just to get sex, but he doesn't really think so. Relationships in college are still unstable, often when they break up after graduation. Although we used to love each other very much, many people didn't end up together.
Therefore, it is very serious to tell girls that you should get along with your boyfriend slowly and communicate slowly, and don't develop too fast. You should distinguish whether he is the person you really love and whether he can be your life partner.
For long-term happiness, limited communication is necessary. As Professor Li Zixun said, everyone is still on the road to development during college, so don't take too much responsibility for intimate relationships.
Finally, I will bring you a point of view, "Honesty is a virtue, not equal to feudalism."
Those who don't care if their girlfriends are virgins mostly want to take advantage again. Please don't be fooled by girls.
The fourth question is the relationship between sex and love. My boyfriend wanted to have sex with me, but I never agreed. Will it affect the development of our relationship?
The answer is that it will not affect.
Girls don't have to be bothered by this idea at all. As mentioned above, boys actually have a virgin plot, and boys are very casual, so girls should not have sex with each other easily without clearly judging whether they can trust each other.
Professor Li Zixun said that it is particularly beautiful to keep the close relationship in college in love, and both sides are full of beautiful feelings. Once you have sex or have sex many times, this kind of spiritual pleasure will disappear, which is why the first love is only once.
So for girls, whether refusing to have sex affects the development of their relationship can be regarded as a criterion to test whether the other party really loves you.
People who really love you will never force you to do things you don't want to do. For someone who doesn't really love you, he doesn't deserve your sex.
Then boys should not doubt whether girls are frigid just because they refuse to ask for sex. Girls are actually from born to love. But in order to protect herself, she was also worried that the boy would lose interest in her after getting the body and made a decision to refuse. Boys should be proud of such a clean and honest girlfriend, because true love needs to wait and is worth waiting for.
This article comes from the online marriage and love class of China Ocean University's teacher Li Qiao.