But sometimes, with theory, it may be better to practice.
Today I recommend two books, How to Fight Correctly and Non-violent Communication.
Of these two books, the latter may be heard more, but today I want to focus on the former's How to Fight Right, which is also a book I read recently. The author often does not play cards according to common sense, and many opinions are amazing. He can analyze problems in essence from the perspective of psychology.
In the life of husband and wife, quarreling is inevitable. Some quarrels may enhance feelings, while others may lead to disillusionment. Then there are ways to maintain this hard-won relationship and express your views correctly.
I intercepted a few interesting parts and rewarded you.
We have been together for many years. Isn't it close enough? When you are angry with each other, you may want to adopt the cold war method mentioned above, or you may want to win the quarrel, but it is not close. Close interaction means that both sides explore the nature of the conflict: why on earth are we fighting this fight?
Many people will regard the chemical reaction when they are in love as the bond of relationship, and feel that loving each other forever is the right way. But the author of this book cruelly denies this point: "When the chemical reaction is strong, couples often can't have meaningful or heated discussions on what is really important because they rely too much on their bodies instead of their brains."
There will also be contradictions between the two families, which seems to be more difficult to solve. But it doesn't matter, the way is to get to the bottom of it and figure out the complicated relationship. Psychologists believe that this process also helps to improve the individual's personality, so that you can cultivate your own independent personality.
Alfred adler, a psychologist, described the psychological characteristics behind this quarrel as "complex of inferiority and conceit". If you often play the "I told you so" card, you may fall into a struggle for power and status.
As mentioned above, winning or losing a quarrel is not important. Let's work with your partner to find out the cause of the incident itself and how to improve it.
Your early experiences have shaped your brain and behavior, and they have become "neural pathways" for you to respond to certain things, thus forming your character. Now, you can understand your brain and behavior by quarreling-why should I care? What the hell do I want? What on earth makes me care so much about this? -"Rebuilding the mother", establishing new neural pathways in this way, will also give you brand-new behavior habits and lifestyles.
Change your mind, don't just blame each other for embarrassing you, ask yourself, why are you ashamed? Why did the other party make such humiliating behavior? Yes, behind this, you will gradually discover each other's values, social customs and family values, which will further your's feelings.
The author analyzes the reasons one by one from the perspective of psychology. Not only in love, but also in the process of reading, you will know more about yourself, your emotions and what it brings you.
The perception of self-emotion is a very interesting process.
Of course, there are various examples in the text, which will read smoothly.