-On the unbalanced personality development of college students and the cultivation of harmonious personality
The world used to be yours and will always be yours-Tagore
At present, college students are facing various pressures from study, life, society and family. We have young bodies and bright and pure hearts, but some people still degenerate in this beautiful time and even give up their lives easily. This paper discusses why they have gone to a dead end, what defects exist in their hearts and personalities, and how we can adjust our mentality, cultivate a sound personality and move towards a better life of our own.
Introduction, personality theory, personality imbalance, personality cultivation
main body
( 1)
Maybe we are all too busy, so we seldom stop to think about the road we are taking at the moment, where it leads, what our goal is and how to get there.
Our dream road may cross the vast plains, the majestic mountains and the gurgling rivers. However, there may be muddy traps on the smooth road, beneficial thorns on the beautiful flowers, and turbulent eddies under the calm water. What we can't escape is the dark corner of the soul behind the young life and the gray sadness on campus.
At 4 pm on April 23rd, 2005, a girl from Chinese Department of Peking University jumped from the 9th floor of Building 2 of Science Department of Peking University and died after being rescued. The girl wrote a letter. On the left side of the paper is the reason to live, and on the other side is the reason to die. On the left, she hardly writes much, but on the right, she writes a lot.
A Korean student from Beijing Normal University jumped from the 7th floor of an apartment building and died. In the afternoon, a sophomore girl from the Sociology Department of China Youth University for Politics jumped off the 4th floor of the student apartment. At the moment when she stood on the windowsill, her roommate tried to hold her, but in the end she failed to save her life.
We won't think much about what made them walk into a dead end, but we will be shocked at most, and maybe forget it tomorrow. Most of us are not so extreme, but many of us are depressed or confused for a long time. Bored? Empty? Depression? Or, loneliness? Or is the ideal in our hearts always like a foggy lighthouse in the distance, out of reach?
Of course, we don't want to spend our university in confusion, so it's time to think about the question "why on earth should we go to university?" There is no doubt that in order to study. But why do we still feel empty and depressed? Is college really just for studying? If your heart is like a desert, no matter how much you have learned, how can you realize the value of what you have learned, how can you integrate into society, how can you get friends and love, and how can you realize the fun and significance of life? If you don't look at the world with a pure heart, even if you have everything, how can you feel the joy and happiness? On the contrary, the world is just a gray nothingness. If our quality of life is only determined by our grades, wouldn't the world be too narrow? Cultivating "people" is the unshirkable responsibility of universities. Caring for "human liberation", "human perfection" and "human development" is the essence of universities. Tagore said: "Attitude determines fate." I think the university should cultivate a perfect person, not a partial subject talent who can only learn, so there should be something as important as academic performance in the university, that is, the cultivation of our sound mind and personality.
(2)
When it comes to personality, people may have a vague concept about it. Let's briefly introduce the personality theory:
1. What is personality? Personality is the sum of consciousness tendency and relatively stable personality psychological characteristics formed by people with different quality bases in different social environments.
Second, personality characteristics: 1, uniqueness: individual personality is formed under the interaction of heredity, maturity, environment and education. Different genetic, survival and educational environments have formed their own unique psychological characteristics. 2. Stability: the stability of personality refers to those characteristics that are often displayed and is the sum of consistent behavior patterns. 3. Integration: The organic structure of personality has internal consistency and is regulated by self-awareness. When all aspects of a person's personality structure are coordinated with each other, people will present healthy personality characteristics. 4. Functionality: Personality is the foundation of a person's success or failure, joys and sorrows. As people often say, "Character decides fate". Personality determines a person's lifestyle, and sometimes even decides a person's fate.
Third, the structure of personality: 1. Temperament: Temperament refers to a stable psychological characteristic of individuals in the intensity, speed, flexibility and direction of psychological activities. This feature not only determines the dynamic characteristics of individual psychological activities, but also casts a unique color on everyone's psychological activities. 2. Personality: it is a personality characteristic that is most closely related to society; It is the sum of a person's stable attitude towards reality and habitual behavior. Personality shows people's attitude towards reality and the world around them, towards themselves, others and things.
(3)
Personality is the skeleton of the soul. A sound personality can give us an upright and clear soul, bring us a beautiful life experience and a happy heart, and guide us in the right direction of life. We believe that the sound personality of college students includes the following aspects: 1, self-acceptance and acceptance by others. Students with sound personality can actively open themselves up, know themselves correctly, accept their limitations frankly and have an optimistic attitude towards life. 2. Harmonious interpersonal relationship. People with sound personality are open-minded, considerate, tolerant of others, respect themselves and others, show appropriate attitudes towards different interpersonal objects, are not arrogant and impetuous, and are attractive in interpersonal relationships, which is deeply liked by everyone. 3. Independent self-esteem. People with sound personality are optimistic and enthusiastic about life, have correct outlook on life and values, can rationally analyze major events in life, and have fewer irrational thoughts in their minds. Independent personality, self-confidence and self-esteem. 4. Be able to develop your potential. College students with sound personality have the ability of self-development, self-shaping and self-improvement. Can give full play to their creativity, creative life, find the meaning of life, choose a meaningful life.
(4)
However, we should know that gold alone is not enough, and no one is perfect. Most of us are more or less deficient in personality development: 1. Inferiority is an emotion of dissatisfaction, contempt and negation. After entering the university, some college students find that there are mountains outside the mountain and people outside, especially when they expose some shortcomings in study, socialization and style, they will fall into self-doubt and denial and have an inferiority complex.
Shyness is the result of a person's strong self-defense psychology. They are often too timid and passive, too cautious, too concerned about themselves and lack self-confidence.
3. cowardice is mainly manifested in the lack of courage and confidence, fear of possible difficulties and setbacks, and often retreat in the face of setbacks and difficulties, or even lose without a fight.
4. Laziness: Laziness is a personality development defect that many college students feel distressed and difficult to overcome, and it is a manifestation of weak will activity. Laziness is the natural enemy that affects the initiative and vitality of college students. Lazy college students often feel guilty, remorse and regret, but they are unable to extricate themselves. This is mainly because they often think too much, do too little and lack perseverance.
5. Narrowness is influenced by utilitarianism, and the phenomenon of college students' narrowness is increasing. Everything is haggle over every ounce, mean, jealous, critical and intolerant. Are all manifestations of narrow-mindedness, which is often said to be "narrow-minded."
6. Procrastination is a common problem of many college students. Procrastination refers to things that can be completed but are not completed in time. On the one hand, procrastination delays study and work, on the other hand, it will not make people feel relaxed. On the contrary, it often leads to psychological stress and anxiety. I always feel that some things have not been completed, and it is difficult to feel at ease when doing other things, which will also delay opportunities.
7. Depression is a common emotional distress of college students. The main manifestations of depressed college students are: depression, unhappiness, slow thinking, loss of interest, lack of vitality, slow response, inability to gain energy and experience happiness. Depression is more common among college students. The so-called weekend syndrome is largely depression.
8. College students who are troubled by anxiety often show symptoms such as irritability, blocked thinking, inflexibility and physical discomfort. The anxiety of college students is mainly related to exams, poor interpersonal skills (or poor self-esteem) and excessive self-esteem.
9. College students with strong vanity are generally introverted, emotionally fragile and sentimental. Although I feel ashamed, I am afraid that others will hurt my dignity. They care too much about other people's comments and criticisms. When dealing with people, there is always a defensive mentality and no slight infringement is allowed. They often try their best to improve their image. They often defend their false, fragile and unhealthy selves, so that they have no time to enrich and expand their true selves.
10, egocentricity With the development of self-awareness, college students feel more and more that their inner world is ever-changing and unique, and pay more and more attention to themselves, especially those students with strong self-confidence, self-esteem, superiority and independence, which are more prone to egocentrism. When this tendency is combined with some unhealthy ideologies (such as individualism and selfishness) and psychological characteristics (such as excessive self-esteem and egoism). ), will show excessive distortion of self-centeredness. Too many self-centered people tend to take themselves as the core, thinking and doing things from the "I". They can't put themselves in the position of objective thinking, be overbearing and don't allow others to criticize. Such people tend to be on the right track, let go when they see difficulties, and push them when they make mistakes. They always think that they are right and others are wrong, so they often can't win the goodwill and trust of others, and their interpersonal relationships are not harmonious.
Confucius once said: "Don't do it with small evils, don't do it with small goodness." If the deficiency of personality development is only a small problem, it will become a big problem and develop into a personality disorder of college students if it is not corrected. Personality disorder refers to the internal disharmony of personality development, and refers to the abnormality of emotional response, motivation and behavioral activities of individuals without cognitive or intellectual disabilities. In severe cases, there are obvious social adaptation obstacles, and they cannot study and live normally.
Let's look at a real tragedy: Saturday, May 13, 2000, a comprehensive university in Nanjing. /kloc-Xu, a 0/9-year-old female graduate student, poured gasoline on herself in the dormitory and lit herself calmly with a lighter. ...
When we pursued Xu's growth track, we found that this girl, who was born in a remote town in northern Jiangsu, was influenced by her parents who were teachers since childhood. 1September 1994, 13 years old, she was admitted to the biology department of a famous university in China with excellent results, becoming the youngest college student in the history of the school. As a young girl, she was shrouded in dazzling aura and gained great psychological satisfaction.
In college, Xu studied easily with his intelligence and achieved excellent results. This made her self-confident and won the reputation of "talented woman" on campus. On the one hand, her excellent study masks her immature personality; On the other hand, because her psychological maturity is not synchronized with her academic growth, her classmates tolerate her because of her young age, which makes her psychological maturity not accelerated by entering the university, but even more depressed. As you can imagine, a child of 13 years old, whose intellectual development level makes it difficult for her to integrate into the group, has weak self-care ability, can't wash clothes, can't plan to spend money, and can't get along with others. Faced with such an inexperienced little sister, her roommates gave her a lot of care and love. During her four years in college, most of her clothes were washed by her classmates, and most of the messy beds and desks were quietly arranged by her classmates. In life, she also shows immature personality. During the broadcast of princess huanzhu series, the swallow was favored by Xu. One day, she was reading in the library. The librarian said she didn't like swallows. Hearing this, she lost her temper and refused to speak ill of the swallow. She was flushed by the librarian.
1September 1998, 17-year-old Xu became an exam-free graduate student because of his excellent grades. I have long been used to the feeling that the stars hold the moon, and she feels lonely after graduate school. After entering the school, the college conducted a thorough examination of the new students, but her grades were not in the forefront. Soon, she felt another pressure. Many students in the class have computers, so she began to ask for money from home. At first, Xu's father tried his best to meet his daughter's requirements, but after a long time, they also found her change and wrote a letter criticizing her for not spending money indiscriminately.
By chance, Xu met Wang, who had just been released from prison. Wang is an old hand in love. He took her to high-end entertainment places and gave her expensive gifts. Xu soon fell in love with it. On June 5438+ 10, 2000, Wang was arrested for committing a crime. After getting the news, Xu immediately rushed to the public security bureau. Without asking about the case, I saw the case handler kneeling on the ground: "He won't kill anyone, I can assure you, please let him go!" Despite the persuasion of the case handlers, she refused to leave. Finally, the case handlers only informed the school to send someone to pick her up. Back to the dormitory, Xu didn't eat or drink for a day, crying. When he learned that Wang was sentenced to death for intentional injury, Xu was surprisingly calm. The next day, she attends class normally and often greets others in class. The classmate who has been worried about her breathed a sigh of relief and was glad that she had come out of her misunderstanding. No one expected that the opening scene appeared on the evening of May 13.
Looking back on Xu's life experience, we find that she has some shortcomings in the process of growing up. Her immature psychology and unsatisfactory postgraduate entrance examination process have caused her personality disorder and eventually ended in tragedy. And her personality belongs to narcissistic personality:
(1). The reaction to criticism is anger, shame or humiliation, and sometimes it may not be directly revealed. (2) I like to instruct others and let others serve me. (3) Being too conceited and exaggerating one's talents, hoping to get special attention. (4) I firmly believe that his concerns are unique in the world and cannot be understood by some special people. (5) Have wild dreams about infinite success, power, honor, beauty or ideal love. (6) think that you should enjoy the privileges that others don't have. (7). Longing for lasting attention and praise. (8). Lack of compassion. (9). Have a strong jealousy.
The core feature of narcissistic personality is self-centeredness College students with narcissistic personality have high self-evaluation, and subjective self is higher than objective self. Therefore, they like to listen to praise in life, avoid criticism, and have a strong imagination. In particular, high self-evaluation brings illusory success experience and overconfidence, hoping to attract others' attention. Generally speaking, these college students are gifted, always in the center of attention, have strong self-confidence and self-esteem, and lack personal experience of life and failure, so they live in an ideal world. When faced with setbacks or even failures, it is impossible to face the real world, leading to psychological collapse.
In addition to narcissism, avoidant personality is also a common personality disorder: (1). You can't make decisions in daily affairs without getting a lot of advice and assurances from others. (2) obvious sense of helplessness, hoping that others will make important decisions in life for themselves. (3). Dependence, rarely independent implementation of plans or actions. (4) Excessive tolerance. In order to please others, I am willing to do what I don't want to do, and I don't refuse others easily. (5) It is easy to get hurt because you can't get praise or criticism. (6) When the intimate relationship is terminated, I feel lost, helpless or even collapsed. (7). I often have the idea of being abandoned, afraid of being abandoned by my friends, and don't stick to my point of view in communication.
The core of avoidant personality is withdrawal. In the face of inner conflict, he chose to escape rather than solve the problem, blindly accommodating and forbearing. This is related to personal bad growth environment and early life experience.
(5)
Although few people are as extreme as Xu, each of us has hesitated. "When water is clear, there is no fish", and no one is perfect. What's more, we are faced with various pressures from study, life, family, emotion and society, and our psychology is not yet mature, so we are prone to the imbalance mentioned above. All kinds of lessons tell us that temporary mental imbalance may only bring us temporary pain and harm, but the distortion of personality may not only hurt ourselves, but also hurt others and society. The above lists various manifestations of personality imbalance. "To solve this problem, you must untie the bell and the person who tied it." To cultivate a sound personality, we must know the causes of personality imbalance of college students. According to the survey, there are many reasons for personality imbalance, such as physical illness, study and employment pressure, emotional frustration, economic pressure, family changes, surrounding living environment and so on.
1. The fierce competition between study and employment is the main reason. Most students feel the pressure of study, but if they don't release the pressure, they will be in a state of high tension for a long time, which is likely to lead to mental illness. 2. A large number of cases show that the emotional crisis caused by college students' love is an important factor to induce college students' psychological problems, and some people go to extremes and even lead to tragedies. 3. Parents' improper education of the only child makes the child develop bad habits such as willfulness, selfishness, lack of communication and lack of collective cooperation spirit, which not only easily leads to mental illness of college students, but also leads to violent tendencies and behaviors. 4. Many college students are favored in high school, but they are no longer favored when they get to college, and if they don't adjust their mentality in time, they will have psychological problems such as loss, inferiority, anxiety and depression. 5. Under the pressure of college entrance examination, the needs of many students are minimized, and the growth of knowledge is accompanied by the defects of personality shaping and the lack of psychological adaptability. 6, family, economic pressure is also a factor that can not be ignored, too high expectations or excessive economic pressure can easily lead to inferiority, and even despair of life.
(6)
There is nothing we can do about those things that we can't change, but we are not born unbalanced. No matter whether we have a strong mind or not, we can constantly strive to improve our personality and get a better life. Plant behavior, harvesting habits, plant habits, harvesting traits, plant traits and harvesting fate. Honest personality is accumulated bit by bit in life. As long as you do it well, you will have good luck one day.
Here are some suggestions for your reference:
1. Know yourself and optimize personality integration: First, know yourself, including your own advantages and disadvantages. Whether alone in loneliness or in a noisy crowd, we can see our true selves. As long as we pay attention, we will gradually understand ourselves, understand our potential and limitations, and then make clear our goals and efforts to be made, so as not to be swayed by considerations of gain and loss, overestimate or underestimate ourselves. Our character has both good and dark sides, so we should pay attention to selecting the best and eliminating the bad, that is, we should constantly strengthen our good side, such as integrity, optimism, strength and love, and overcome our bad habits, such as inferiority, vanity, pessimism and complaining about others.
2. Study hard on scientific and cultural knowledge: Jung famously said: "The final result of culture is personality", and Bacon famously said: "Knowledge is power". The process of learning scientific and cultural knowledge and increasing wisdom is also the process of optimizing personality integration. In fact, many personality development defects stem from ignorance, for example, ignorance makes people feel inferior and rude, while rich knowledge makes people confident, strong and rational.
The all-round development of all disciplines is the intellectual basis for the sound development of personality, because the knowledge of all disciplines is in a huge system, interrelated and can migrate and promote each other in their own development. It can be said that with an intellectual foundation, the speed and quality of personality development can be guaranteed. In this regard, Bacon's exposition is profound: "Reading history makes people wise, reading poetry makes people witty, mathematics makes people careful, science makes people profound, ethics makes people solemn, and the study of logical rhetoric makes people eloquent. Anyone who has learned something will become a character. " Influenced by exam-oriented education, many science and engineering students lack humanistic knowledge and liberal arts students lack scientific spirit, which is not conducive to the sound development of personality. Contemporary college students should pay equal attention to science and humanities.
It is the present situation of our school education and the tendency of the whole society to value reason over literature, but the lack of humanistic spirit is likely to lead to college students' spiritual emptiness, difficulty in getting out of their spiritual predicament and imbalance of personality quality. The educational function of a university is not only to educate and train specialized talents, but more importantly, to cultivate people, develop a sound personality and cultivate the ability of independent thinking, so as to keep the thinking of college students in touch with the achievements of human civilization. A university professor once said: "Humanism is to think about life, pursue the ultimate meaning of life, and comprehensively observe the living state and destiny of human beings." Humanistic spirit is essentially a free, conscious and critical spirit. University is a banner of humanistic spirit and the cradle of college students' spiritual adult. "
3. Actively participate in practical activities, and start from small things: practice is the only way to develop personality. Whether it is the acquisition of knowledge, the formation of ability or the tempering of will, it is inseparable from practice. A person's personality characteristics such as diligence, tenacity, optimism and meticulousness are the result of long-term practice and exercise. College students should actively participate in various practical activities beneficial to physical and mental health. For example, the campus youth volunteer activities in recent years are of great significance to the development and shaping of college students' personality. A person's words and deeds are often the externalization of his personality. On the other hand, the accumulation of his daily words and deeds has become a habit, which is his character. For example, a person has the habit of brushing his teeth, combing his hair, washing his hands, changing clothes frequently, and often cutting his nails, which reflects his personality trait of "cleanliness addiction". Therefore, to optimize personality integration, we should start from the small things in front of us, and countless beautiful small things can "gather sand into a tower" and finally create an excellent personality building.
4. Develop good interpersonal relationships and integrate into the collective: the process of personality development and shaping is the process of individual socialization, as well as the process of interaction between individuals and others, the collective and society. Personality is expressed through behavior, and a sound personality can only be reflected in communication with people. To shape a sound personality, we must develop good interpersonal relationships: respecting social customs, caring for the needs of others, sincerely praising, not making non-constructive criticism, communicating with others more, maintaining self-esteem and independence, etc.
5. Exercise strengthens physique: The process of personality development is a process in which physique, psychological factors and intellectual factors work together and promote each other. A healthy body is the material basis for the sound development of personality. It is difficult for a weak person to develop a sound personality, and personality development defects such as procrastination, laziness, impatience and cowardice are obviously related to not insisting on physical exercise.
6. Prevent "going too far": Everything has a "degree", and the "degree" of personality development and performance is very important. In the process of personality shaping, we should grasp dialectics and degree, otherwise it will be "too much" and counterproductive. Specifically, it should be: self-confidence without conceit, self-modesty without inferiority, courage without recklessness, decisiveness without recklessness, steadiness without hesitation, caution without cowardice, boldness without vulgarity; Strong but not brave, lively but not frivolous, alert but not suspicious, honest but not ignorant, capable but not worldly, and so on.
7. Learn self-regulation: including self-regulation, self-education, self-restraint, self-suggestion and distraction.
8. Strengthen ideological education: Colleges and universities should strengthen ideological and moral education, introduce advanced western personality theories and methods, correct personality imbalance, shape and improve the humanistic atmosphere of personality, and guide students to form a positive and optimistic attitude towards life. In addition, psychological counseling centers can be set up to solve students' psychological problems in time and help students find their own healthy spiritual space.
These are just some suggestions. We believe that personality shaping is a long-term process. "Sincerity is the spirit". As long as we realize the importance of cultivating a healthy personality, feel and do it with our heart, and improve our humanistic quality, we will certainly find our own way and do it in a down-to-earth manner. One day, we will find ourselves, shape a sound personality for ourselves, build a pure heart, and finally have a rare happiness in life.