"Happy is that I went to the seaside to fly a kite; I'm not happy, but yesterday the wind was too weak and the kite didn't fly, but today it flew; Besides, Grandpa talks less and there is no sound at home. Besides, there is ... ""Mom, if you were me, would you understand my feelings? Besides, grandpa is like my former classmate. He thinks it's fun to take me to play, but that's what he thinks, and I don't know if everyone likes him like this ... "
After listening to the vivid description of the child, I was relieved at the other end of the phone. This is our mother-daughter conversation.
Many friends wanted me to share the topic of "baby's mood" more before. Today, we will talk about the "parenting college problem" behind the baby's emotions.
Understanding emotions, expressing emotions and managing emotions are the first lesson of baby parenting.
Behind every well-developed, peaceful and communicative baby, there is a mother who understands emotions.
When she was about one year old, Ling was playing in the community. She held a ball by herself, and a younger brother of about 10 came to grab it (or invited her to play together). Seeing his brother stumbling, the chicken was scared and handed the ball out first. After giving it to her little brother, she wanted to cry at first, then giggled awkwardly the next second, but didn't say a word at last. For me, it is also the first time to face the performance of my children.
To tell you the truth, I'm a little devastated. The idea at that time, how my children were so "timid", was completely different from my "extroversion".
Soon, I calmed down, squatted down, looked into her eyes and asked softly, "Your toy was taken away by your little brother, wasn't it?" Whose toy is this! "
"The toy is mine!" Bao Yun's tone is a bit unfair.
"Are you sad that your toys have been taken away?"
"sad!" The children began to look at me with tears.
"sad? Do you want a hug? " My daughter cried for a hug.
After that, I bought an emotional wall chart and met, imitated and expressed her face to face until I went to kindergarten. In this way, she understood that no matter what emotions are, they are all part of our physical emotions.
Later, every time the kindergarten was out of school, she could clearly express the teacher's feelings and feelings to me. All I do is accept her every emotion.
It is precisely because of the understanding and cognition of emotions that children's personality has always been relatively mild, and the quality of sleep has been very good since childhood. Physiological development indicators such as height and weight are naturally very qualified.
Today, I am 6 years and 4 months old, 132, weighing 54, able to eat and sleep, and emotionally stable.
Not only that, every time I meet a mother who yells at her children, Bao Yun will express to me:
"Mom, this baby is really unlucky. There is a mother who doesn't understand children."
"She needs to study, right?"
"I am very happy to have a mother who knows her children so well. I love you so much, give me a hug. "
Haha, the mother may not fully understand the child, but just study hard to understand some emotional common sense.
People have many different emotions. The basic emotions we have include shame, fear, sadness, anger, disgust, happiness, surprise/interest. Emotions are positive and negative, but no matter good or bad, any emotion has its meaning. Some emotions can inspire us, while others can calm us down. Emotion can convey important information: it can express our inner expectations and demands, and it can also help us to establish contact with others. A large number of studies have proved that most patients with ADHD, autism, depression, developmental retardation, learning disabilities, psychological disorders and social disorders are pre-existing emotional disorders. Nowadays, with the accelerated pace of life, more and more people with Asperger's and spectrum disorders have built themselves into an "island". We say that having a healthy and mature personality is far more important than learning knowledge itself. But if a child wants to have a healthy and mature personality, parents must first learn to recognize and accept emotions, which is a compulsory course.
Expressing emotions is the first step for children to connect with the world.
During the five-year-old summer vacation, the little girl played games with her sister who was one year older than her. When you lose, you start to cry, close your eyes and pull your throat. I didn't say anything, so I held her and made her cry. When her emotions are released, she will tell me what happened and why. A little older, I am six years old, and I have begun to change. If I lose the game, I will cry and say, "mom, I know I lost, but I just can't help it." I want to cry for a while. You let me cry for a while, and I will be fine. " After crying for a while, I was ready to return to the game and found that I still couldn't do it. "Mom, I need to cry for a while." Tell me after crying: "I'm all right, now I can continue to play games." After your sixth birthday, you can basically do it, and you can express your feelings clearly without crying. Now when I get up in the morning, I will occasionally speak a little faster and say something about moving faster. She would immediately say, "mom, I know I need to hurry, but your tone just now made me very uncomfortable." I don't like you talking to me like that. "
Despair, anger, anxiety, excitement, loneliness, embarrassment, doubt, joy, excitement, excitement ... any kind of feeling needs an emotion to express. For example, feeling suspicious stems from fear; Feeling lonely stems from sadness. If we let nature take its course, our mood will not become so bad; On the contrary, the more you struggle with your emotions, the worse your emotions will be. But in real life, many of our parents don't let their children express their emotions because they don't understand. For example, a child is very sad and needs to cry, but you tell him to be strong and boys are not allowed to cry.
Over time, children will not express their true feelings, nor will they feel the joys and sorrows of others.
Many times, we use other emotions to cover up our true emotions. For example, pretending to be strong to hide your inner sadness, you are eager for comfort and care, but let others stay away. In the face of emotions, whether they are not expressed or wrongly expressed, children will become unable to establish contact with others correctly.
For example, when you are angry, you just want to solve the problem with your fist or roar;
When you are sad and afraid, lock yourself up and let your body and mind stay in a vacuum world;
Children who are good at expressing emotions are healthier physically and mentally, and have a sense of security and happiness.
When I grow up, I will get along with my classmates, friends and lovers, have higher emotional intelligence and handle interpersonal relationships better.
Teach your baby to manage emotions and win at the "starting line" of life.
For the excellent students in Grade One, waiting for the exam ranking is like waiting for the judgment.
Last semester, I got excellent grades and was the first in my class. He has always been the best student in the class and the most obedient child. The teacher likes him and his parents are proud of him. As for "study pressure", it falls on every student equally. Anyway, he is the first.
Yo-yo couldn't tell what happened to him. He is in pain, and this pain has invaded almost every inch of his skin. But no matter how hard he tries, he can't talk about it. Even if he did, he was only comforted and encouraged. Only he knows that his pressure has already exceeded the limit he can bear, and every day at school is torture.
Yo-yo went to the best junior high school in the city. This school pursues exam-oriented education: students need exams every day, every week and every month. Every time he takes an exam, his heart beats faster and he is dizzy. There is only one thought in his mind: all his answers are wrong.
Research shows that all people suffering from depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, domestic violence and alcoholism are unable to manage their emotions.
People who can't manage their emotions will never be winners in life.
So, what can you do to let your baby learn to manage his emotions?
(A) Good attachment is the basis of children's emotional management.
Happy people use their childhood to cure their whole lives, while unfortunate people use their whole lives to cure their childhood.
In order to give children a happy childhood, the most important thing is to establish a sense of security at the age of 0-3. Effective love and companionship of parents is the premise of children's attachment relationship.
Only by having a good parent-child attachment relationship can the baby have the foundation of emotional stability.
Behind every child who is physically and mentally healthy and emotionally stable, there must be a pair of parents who are emotionally stable and can respond to their children in time; On the contrary, only a safe attachment can create an environment for children to understand and manage their emotions.
(2) Allergy is the most critical cause of various emotional disorders such as mania, depression and autism.
Ms. Gong has been seriously allergic for many years and belongs to "elderly" patients (the allergen is dust mites). The onset of allergic rhinitis was 18 years, accompanied by allergic asthma 10 years and allergic dermatitis was 8 years. In the last three years, she has been accompanied by negative emotions such as depression and anxiety, and various symptoms have gradually worsened. She sought medical treatment everywhere, but with little effect, which seriously affected the quality of work and life.
Studies have proved that allergic symptoms have a causal relationship with negative emotions.
Allergy is a systemic disease involving multiple organs and systems. On the surface, Ms. Gong's allergic symptoms seem to have nothing to do with depression and anxiety, but in fact they are inextricably linked.
It has been found that 10.8% patients with allergic diseases have different degrees of psychological problems, which is 1.66 times that of healthy people. Experts further found that with the control of allergic symptoms, the negative emotions of such patients were alleviated, indicating that the causal changes were relatively close.
There are many reasons for autism, food intolerance is one of them, and many others are caused by this factor.
Food intolerance can lead to autism.
From 65438 to 0905, FrancesHare discovered food intolerance. Now it is generally considered as a complex allergic disease. The human immune system regards one or more foods that enter the human body as harmful substances, thus producing excessive protective immune response to these foods and producing food-specific IgG antibodies.
Children with autism and developmental delay usually have food intolerance. Li Sushui and others [1] thought that ASD was related to food intolerance, and Guo Dehua [2] analyzed the relationship between food intolerance and autism-related symptoms in children. The results showed that 1-25 kinds of food allergen-specific IgG increased in all autistic children, and the incidence rate was 100%.
Gluten and casein can cause brain abnormalities in autistic children during metabolism in vivo [3]. Gluten-free/casein-free diet (GF/CF) can improve the symptoms of ASD [4-6], and the effective rate can reach 5 1%[7].
(3) Primitive reflex integration and craniosacral healing are helpful to improve emotional management.
Whether the fear paralysis reflex and the fright reflex (Moro reflex) are integrated or not determines the child's emotional adjustment ability.
1, fear paralysis reflex
When the fear paralysis reflex is immature, once the child is affected by external pressure, it will instantly "freeze" and be forced to "self-seal".
Appears in the fifth to seventh week of pregnancy;
Maturity time: within 0/2 weeks of pregnancy/kloc-;
Reflex helps the fetus avoid danger and protect the safety of survival;
Influence of Immature Development on Emotion
It is difficult to overcome the pressure of learning and start learning;
Emotional instability, easy to give up;
Self-enclosed, weak social skills;
It is easy to produce negative emotions and self-denial;
Difficulties in eye contact when communicating with teachers, classmates or others;
2. Moro reflex/Moro reflex/fright reflex
Appeared in the 9- 12 weeks of pregnancy;
The maturity time is about 4 months after birth;
Reflexion plays an important role in the establishment of children's sense of security by helping children exercise their breath in the womb and establishing a parent-child attachment relationship with their mothers after birth.
Influence of Immature Development on Emotion
Fear of unfamiliar environment and strangers;
Afraid of the dark, afraid to sleep alone, or need to turn on the light;
Lack of emotional security, easy to manipulate or dominate small partners;
It is easy to "attack" or "escape" when encountering things;
Lack of self-confidence;
Cranio-sacral healing can relieve emotional stress and is beneficial to children's better emotional management.
Cranio-sacral therapy is to listen to and improve the craniosacral rhythm of the brain and body one-on-one by hand, to help children and adults balance their physical and mental health, relieve emotional stress and physical pain, and improve the symptoms of food allergy and intolerance. It has a significant effect on children with learning difficulties, dyslexia, ADHD, autism and developmental retardation.
Educate people before you educate yourself. On the way to raising a baby, I am grateful to the distinguished people I met: the director of pediatrics in the Affiliated Hospital of Qingyi Medical University, Professor Di from the Medical College of Jiangsu University, the teacher from the Center for the Reconstruction of Students' Learning Ability and Teacher Zhu.
I thank Director Wang for popularizing taboo desensitization for me, Professor Di for teaching craniosacral therapy, and two teachers Zhu for sharing the theoretical and practical experience of sensory integration and primitive reflex.
I have been desensitized for five months now. According to teacher Zhu's suggestion, I first made a month of integration of fear paralysis reflex and Moro reflex. I didn't expect the harvest to far exceed my expectations, which made the chick's mood particularly stable and she would take the initiative to express it, and all her feelings could be clearly told to you.
What is even more surprising is the unexpected gain of contralateral integration. The chicken is over six years old. She always wears the wrong shoes. Every time I remind her, she knows it's wrong, but she thinks it's more comfortable to wear like that. After reflection and integration, there has been no reverse infiltration since the Spring Festival.
The highest quality of parenting is to raise a child who understands, expresses and manages emotions.
Let's be a stable and positive parent from now on!