Your own ideas are not well expressed, your ideas are always rejected, and you may always be forced to accept ideas imposed on you by others. Over time, your subconscious has formed a conditioned reflex to refuse interpersonal communication.
Everyone plays many social roles: children, students, friends, acquaintances, strangers, subordinates, colleagues, leaders, parents and so on.
People who are in a dominant position such as helping, leading, dominating and winning are usually well integrated with his role; When the status is reversed, if the psychology is not well adjusted and released (mainly by hobbies and entertainment), it will resist the integration with the role (that is, social identity). At this time, the psychological feeling is like wearing a fake "mask"-you can read some books on this subject.
So, in fact, everyone has two sides to this identity. "Face to face and behind" refers to its negative performance; But there are also many people who just have no choice but to do it, not for life, but for survival. The ideal life can only be found in comics, novels and music, and there are very few film and television works.
Judging from the time when you sent the question, you now have problems staying up late or losing sleep. Don't forget to exercise. Exercise can help relax muscles and make blood run less to the brain. Don't worry too much.