But I want to say to those struggling mothers, "admit it, in fact, you are not as great as you think."
"The first night after delivery, I just somehow passed. There is no such joy and pride as they say, and there is no such tenderness as mother and daughter depend on each other as imagined. Four words to describe the mood at that time is "the rest of my life after robbery." "Today, more than eight months later, recalling the moment of delivery, I still have fear of surgery and discomfort with pain. Compared with my baby missing for a day like Sanqiu, I think I will feel sorry for the baby being taken away that night. "
This is a delivery experience shared with me by the mother of a two-year-old baby. I thought I would cry in pain because of joy, just like I did on TV. As a result, I saw the wrinkled baby, feeling unwell, but there was no special wave in my heart. Are you too cold-blooded? In fact, this is normal. Medically speaking, because a lot of adrenaline released during childbirth is still working, the great changes in your body after the baby is born will make the new mother feel at a loss.
Mother-infant attachment is actually not a baby's unilateral emotion, but a mutual fetter between mother and baby. The formation of mother-infant attachment is also naturally formed in the process of raising babies. So all mothers love their children? You must answer "yes" without hesitation.
In fact, the mother's feelings for the baby are often-love and hate. Many people may not understand what kind of mental state postpartum depression is. A passage by Chen Zhiyao in Day and Night directly describes the mental state of postpartum depressed mothers.
"Sometimes, for example, if she wants to cry endlessly for no reason, I will try my best not to throw her to the ground; When I washed her hair, I held her head, and all I could think about was her soft thin head and broken neck; Or if she wakes up in the middle of the night and doesn't sleep, I can't help but want to add vodka to her bottle and let her sleep with me all day. "
I was woken up by the baby's crying in the middle of the night, and I began to nurse in a daze. My husband was sleeping. Is there always a time when you will feel countless resentment and dissatisfaction colliding and fermenting in your chest? It seems that the next moment I want to abuse my husband and leave my children behind. I just want to say, young mothers, it's not that you have a bad temper, it's not that you are abnormal, but that you are really tired.
The phrase "being a mother is just" supports you to play the role of a perfect mother, but the reality often makes people collapse. You are at a loss in the face of your baby's crying, panicked in the face of the abnormal situation on your baby, and always pay attention to everything about your baby. . . . . . I forgot that I haven't bought new beautiful underwear for a long time. Skin care and maintenance have long been off the agenda, and I have to control my diet in order to breastfeed.
Many times, anxiety has become a normal state for novice mothers, because they haven't mastered the baby yet. In addition, the current social competition can be said to be very fierce. Many parents have such a mentality that they should try their best to provide the best environment for their babies so as not to lose at the starting line.
This kind of "anxiety" of parents, in the process of children's growth, sometimes has a greater negative effect than the superior environment. It can even be said that the traditional parenting style in China is a process of "anxiety transmission".
As parents, there are always all kinds of worries:
Worried that the children will not have enough to eat.
Worried that the child will get sick.
Worried that the child's personality is not sunny.
I am worried that my children have not developed their intelligence in time and can't keep up with other children's early education courses.
. . . . . .
In the process of education, once children resist, we start all kinds of threats and inducements:
"If you drop a grain of rice, a chicken will peck your chin."
"If you finish this bowl of rice, you will get a candy as a reward."
"If you don't sleep, be careful who steals children and steals you."
"If you cry again, mom won't want you."
"You can't even go to college, and your life is over. Do you want to sweep the street? Do you want to pick up garbage? "
In this way, parents' anxiety and fear are passed on to their children. Can such a child form an independent and healthy personality?
Some people may say that the education of older children is different from that of newborn mothers. But in fact, babies are often more anxious about their mothers than adults themselves. If the mother's mood is stable, she will accommodate the child's mood and comfort the baby by touching and whispering, so that she can continue breastfeeding when she is ready. In this process, the fantasy of persecution is gradually replaced by a beautiful life experience. "Oh, it's not terrible. The breasts are good. It doesn't persecute me, so am I." Therefore, a good mother corresponds to a good baby, which reflects the emotional synchronization between mother and baby.
So it's important to realize that motherhood doesn't have to be perfect. It is ok to be a "post-60 s" mother.