Facing the cold computer screen alone, my eyes are blank. On the last day of 2007, I was almost 14 years old, and the TV in the living room was twittering. I don't know, and neither does my heart. Is it necessary to spend New Year's Eve alone? My parents are busy at work, and I am only qualified to be idle.
There is only one hour before the new year. When you board QQ, the ticking continues and opens in turn, which is nothing more than those New Year greetings between classmates. Actually, I expected this long ago. Just turn off the computer and get ready for bed.
Lying in bed, the room was terribly quiet, which reminded me of my parents. Although I seldom express any gratitude or love to them, I know in my heart that I love them, and I love them deeply!
At the moment, I recall a message from a primary school classmate on QQ just now: "It's the New Year, Xiaoya, you should be happy!" Don't forget your parents, remember to give them New Year wishes ... The words "Don't forget your parents" deeply hurt my heart. Did I forget my parents? Am I an unfilial child?
The answer is: no!
Then, I picked up the phone, dialed my mother's phone first and said something I didn't remember. Anyway, I seem to hear a whimper in my mother's voice. After hanging up mom's phone, dad's phone rang again. Apart from the topic of study, he doesn't talk much and his language is harsh. I don't have much to say, only three words: I will
Really, I will! The first promise in 2008 was to study hard. Dad, I will!
My father abandoned my mother when she was a child. In order to repay her adoptive father's kindness, she was admitted to the university, rented a house in the countryside dozens of kilometers away from the school, and took her paralyzed adoptive father to study. In order to treat her adoptive father, she sold newspapers, distributed leaflets and served dishes. She also taught four times with a scholarship. After graduating from college, she resolutely gave up the opportunity to work in the city and came to the rural middle school to teach with her adoptive father before she died ... This was the year of China in 2006.
The true story of Chen Jingdao, a female high school teacher in Hubei Province who was awarded the title of "Educational News Person".
Teacher Chen's story is reminiscent of a special winter vacation homework arranged by a college of Zhengzhou University not long ago. One of the contents of this winter vacation homework, with the theme of "The whole family is grateful to their parents during the winter vacation", is to let them kowtow to their parents according to the traditional etiquette in China on New Year's Day to thank their parents for their kindness in raising them. Prior to this, a school had caused great repercussions because of the special assignment of "washing parents' feet once" for students.
From "taking my father to study and teach" to "taking my mother to travel for the New Year", from "washing my parents' feet once" to "kowtowing to my parents", the topic of filial piety in the new period has once again become the focus of attention.
Why is filial piety to the elderly easier said than done?
It is not unreasonable to give students special homework and let parents "wash their feet once" and "knock their heads". Many students have their own opinions on how to be filial, but many people just stay in words and don't put them into practice well.
A sample survey on the behavior of young people in Wuhan to honor the elderly shows that 63% people can write the exact time of their parents' birthdays, and 68% people know what their parents like best. But 65% people often contradict their parents and lose their temper, and about 70% people never take the initiative to participate in housework. The problem of filial piety to the elderly is outstanding.
"In fact, I understand the truth, but sometimes I just can't control myself. After all, many concepts are different from my parents' generation, and they will quarrel if they are not careful. " Xiao Wu from the journalism department of Zhejiang University thinks this phenomenon is normal.
Professor Xia Xueluan, an expert in adolescent psychology and a sociologist in Peking University, analyzed that the fundamental reason for the deviation between students' filial piety and filial piety is the structural fracture and value loss in the transitional society, and the lack of filial piety education for children in families and schools. For example, many students have never heard the traditional story of "honoring the elderly" at home; Schools blindly pursue the enrollment rate, and the ideological education of "respecting the elderly" is often ignored in the curriculum. At the same time, it is also a very important reason that parents spoil their children and weaken their words and deeds.
Xia Xueluan suggested that parents should make use of various opportunities and forms to educate their children on filial piety, for example, to let them know about their mother's pregnancy and the difficulties of having children on their birthdays. Primary and secondary schools should incorporate "filial piety" into school moral education, and incorporate touching stories such as "sleeping on the ice gets carp" and "crows feed back" into primary and secondary school textbooks to let teenagers know what filial piety is and how to do it.
Which is more important, content or form?
Filial piety is the oldest, most basic, most important and far-reaching traditional ethical concept in China culture. In the Book of Filial Piety, "filial piety" is clearly affirmed as "the foundation of virtue" and "the destiny of teaching" and regarded as "the core of benevolence" by Confucianism.
For thousands of years, rituals such as "kowtowing", "bowing down", "waking up in the morning", "Pima Dai Xiao" and "wake" have always carried the contents of the Chinese nation's "filial piety" culture. Contemporary Japan, South Korea, Singapore and other countries have strictly preserved many traditional filial piety rituals and norms. For example, in South Korea, every household must rush back to the eldest brother's or eldest son's home before the first day of the first lunar month to attend the tea ceremony of ancestor worship and pay New Year greetings to each other. When greeting the New Year, the elders sit cross-legged, the younger generation kneels and kowtows in front of the elders, and the elders bow their heads to the adult younger generation in return.
"A certain content must be expressed in a certain form." Xia Xueluan does not deny the significance of contemporary teenagers kowtowing to their parents during the Spring Festival. He said that it is still necessary to selectively restore some traditional social etiquette that reflects the ethical relationship between family elders and children, and to promote filial piety requires specific forms.
In this regard, analysts said that adults in China, for example, often face this embarrassing scene when raising the national flag. They don't know where to put their hands, while Americans generally behave neatly and consistently, with their right hand on their left chest to show respect. To a large extent, this is the embarrassment caused by the lack of etiquette norms.
Dr. Wang, deputy director of Peking University News Center, who has been engaged in youth theory research for a long time, believes that the core of filial piety is to highlight the concept of "gratitude", so that students can learn to be grateful and understand the value orientation behind kowtowing. There are many forms to express love, and every old man feels warmth in different forms, so it is impossible to ask for formal unity.
What is the weight of "equality"
"kowtowing to parents, some people say this is formal inequality, and I think the most terrible thing is personality inequality," said Xiao Yuan of the Shan Ying Institution in Peking University. "I think the most important thing about filial piety is to respect each other's values, living habits and ways of doing things."
Xiao Yuan's mother still has a letter of more than 3,000 words from her daughter. Xiao Yuan applied to join the research team of Xinjiang Shan Ying Society last year. My daughter is going to explore where there are snow-capped mountains. Parents are naturally worried about their daughter's safety and don't agree at first.
"Dear mom, I understand that you don't support me because you love me, and I have been thinking, am I too selfish to care about your feelings? But mom, it has always been my dream to see the pure snow-capped mountains. I believe my daughter, I will be responsible for myself for you ... "It was this long letter from home that finally touched her parents. In the summer vacation of 2006, Xiao Yuan and his teammates embarked on the road to Xinjiang. She said that the most important thing to be filial to parents is to pay attention to equal emotional communication, which is exactly what parents want.
However, on the scale of filial piety, what is the weight of "equality"?
"Being able to emphasize respect for parents' values and ways of doing things and pay attention to emotional communication with parents reflects the rationality and progress of modern students in filial piety." Wang said to him. But at the same time, he thinks that equality is relative. Personality, parents and children should be equal, but this does not mean that the responsibilities of both parties are completely equal.
Cheng Jia, a student of Beijing Forestry University, agrees with "equality of personality": "Filial piety at the expense of giving up rights and dwarfing personality is a distorted consciousness under the hierarchical relationship in feudal times, which is really undesirable."
"Although modern family education emphasizes' democracy', if this kind of democratic parents and children are no big or small at any time and in any matter, or even have a state of dislocation and inversion of roles, they will slide to the extreme of' laissez-faire'." Xia Xueluan expressed concern about this "absolute equality". In his view, it is the core of the "five permanent members" ethical relationship and the essence of "filial piety", which cannot be defined as a completely equal interactive relationship between the younger generation and the older generation.
How can I be filial today?
According to a newspaper report, as the Spring Festival approaches, a notice of "renting a girlfriend to go home to see her parents for the New Year" suddenly appears on the advertisement column of a well-known university. The reason turned out to be "my parents are old, and they made a' military order' last Spring Festival, demanding to bring their girlfriends home for reunion". In order to show filial piety, renting a girlfriend to go home for the New Year, this seemingly absurd story can not but cause us to think: what is filial piety? How can I be filial today?
According to the Analects of Confucius, some experts have roughly summarized the contents of China's traditional filial piety into four aspects: First, filial piety should not be neglected (filial piety, filial piety, filial piety); Second, there is no violation of parents (filial piety); The third is filial piety to parents (mourning); Fourth, filial piety at home, loyalty in the country.
Wang believes that inheriting traditional filial piety should avoid two tendencies. First, filial piety is backward and ignorant, holding a completely negative attitude; One is to ignore the era of filial piety and accept it indiscriminately.
"Obey your parents, stay with your parents all your life, inherit your father's career, listen to your parents in your career and even in your marriage, and so on. None of these can be said to be true filial piety. " Xiao Wu believes that these unreasonable elements in traditional filial piety should be resolutely abandoned.
Xia Xueluan believes that modern students should start from the small things around them and practice filial piety. Under the current situation, "filial piety" contains obedience, respect and understanding to parents and elders. Filial piety is the first realm of "filial piety", which can be said to be filial piety, and it is filial piety not to make parents angry; Respect is reflected in the daily attitude and behavior towards parents and elders, such as letting elders move chopsticks first when eating, greeting parents when going out, telling where to go and when to go home, and so on. Understanding more refers to the understanding of "poor inheritance". Even if your parents are wrong and you are wronged a little, don't talk back on the spot. You should accept it for the time being and explain it later.
"In view of the current decline of filial piety, we need to selectively inherit filial piety and then surpass it. Inheriting' filial piety' in combination with the spirit of the times is itself a transcendence of' filial piety'. " Xia Xueluan said.
Xia Xueluan pointed out in particular that "gratitude and filial piety", as the traditional morality of the Chinese nation, and the socialist concept of honor and disgrace advocated by the current society are inherited in content and complementary in function. How can a person who doesn't know how to be grateful and filial to his parents expect him to be loyal to the motherland and serve the people? Therefore, the current filial piety education is also of positive significance for in-depth study of the socialist concept of honor and disgrace.
Recently, major media reported the story of Xie, a coal miner in Henan Province, who took care of his deceased wife and relatives for more than 30 years. Keep a promise and keep a promise, and practice for more than 30 years. Today, many people worry that modern society lacks traditional filial piety. Compared with Xie, we should not all ask: What kind of filial piety does the new era need? Do we need to make up lessons for filial piety?
As the saying goes, "filial piety comes first", and "filial piety" has always been the most important moral quality of China people. In ancient times, filial piety was not only respected by everyone, but also recommended to be an official! In ancient times, people attached great importance to filial piety. Now, we can't ignore the traditional virtue of filial piety. Therefore, we should not only honor our parents and elders. Parents are always obedient to their children, and they feed their children before they are hungry or thirsty. Especially now, the only child is afraid of falling into the palm of his hand and melting into his mouth. Parents have worked hard all their lives, leaving only a helpless old age? Therefore, each of us should honor our parents and elders. In Ode to a Wanderer, "She sewed it carefully and thoroughly, fearing that the delay would make him go home later". This poem vividly depicts the loving mother's love and care for the wanderer. And when we look along the long river of history, can children's filial piety also repay their mothers' love? There are many people! Our country has the traditional virtue of honoring parents. The story of twenty-four filial piety in ancient times is still touching. For their parents, some of them begged for carp on the ice, some tasted soup, and some were tame ... There is a story in Peng: once, Peng's mother was sick, incontinent and stained her pants. She was afraid that he would see her, so she hid under the bed, only to be found and washed by him. As the king of a country, Peng's filial piety to his mother is really hard to buy!
Although not "sleeping on the ice for carp" ... but at least you can help your mother with housework; When parents are tired, pour them a cup of tea; Give them a back rub. ...
Premier Zhou Enlai once said, "I am the son of all the people of China!" That's true. We are all sons and daughters of China.
Meanwhile, we should respect our mother.
This year, China suffered a serious snow disaster, and people's property was threatened. Many uncles and aunts stood in the front line of fighting against ice and snow and made great contributions to ensuring our safety. Some of them sacrificed their only chance to reunite with their families-New Year's Eve, and some even sacrificed their precious lives: On the night of February 6, on the New Year's Eve of family reunion, in order to ensure the smooth flow of roads during the Spring Festival, Zuo Dang, a maintenance worker of Zhejiang Shunchang High-grade Highway Maintenance Company, was unfortunately hit by a car while deicing and rescuing on Hangjinqu Expressway. Due to serious injuries, he was ineffective after being rescued and died in the line of duty, only 37 years old! Is he unfilial?
This year's Spring Festival is different from previous years. I didn't spend it with my parents. To be honest, I never thought about how filial I was. I am just indifferent to my parents, that's all.
Facing the cold computer screen alone, my eyes are blank. On the last day of 2007, I was almost 14 years old, and the TV in the living room was twittering. I don't know, and neither does my heart. Is it necessary to spend New Year's Eve alone? My parents are busy at work, and I am only qualified to be idle.
There is only one hour before the new year. When you board QQ, the ticking continues and opens in turn, which is nothing more than those New Year greetings between classmates. Actually, I expected this long ago. Just turn off the computer and get ready for bed.
Lying in bed, the room was terribly quiet, which reminded me of my parents. Although I seldom express any gratitude or love to them, I know in my heart that I love them, and I love them deeply!
At the moment, I recall a message from a primary school classmate on QQ just now: "It's the New Year, Xiaoya, you should be happy!" Don't forget your parents, remember to give them New Year wishes ... The words "Don't forget your parents" deeply hurt my heart. Did I forget my parents? Am I an unfilial child?
The answer is: no!
Then, I picked up the phone, dialed my mother's phone first and said something I didn't remember. Anyway, I seem to hear a whimper in my mother's voice. After hanging up mom's phone, dad's phone rang again. Apart from the topic of study, he doesn't talk much and his language is harsh. I don't have much to say, only three words: I will
Really, I will! The first promise in 2009 was to study hard. Dad, I will.