Before, many of my exchanges with students in China revolved around how to be excellent and outstanding, and how to become a leader. Recently in the chat room of Sina. Com and many emails I received, I found that what more China students need to know is not how to go from excellent to excellent, but how to go from confusion to positive, from failure to success, from inferiority to self-confidence, from depression to happiness, from fear to optimism.

An extreme example is the Ma Jiajue incident in Yunnan University in February 2004. Ma Jiajue committed suicide in cold blood.

Four of my classmates. However, judging from the conversation with psychologists after Ma Jiajue's arrest, he should not be an evil person, but a lost, confident and closed-minded child. Like many college students, he is eager to know how to achieve success, self-confidence and happiness.

I am writing this letter to those students who are eager for success but feel that success is out of reach, who are eager for self-confidence but always feel sorry for themselves, and who are eager for happiness but don't know what happiness is. I hope this letter can give readers a brand-new definition of success, encourage readers to know and affirm themselves and be a happy person. I also hope this letter can help readers understand that success, confidence and happiness are a virtuous circle: you can get confidence and happiness from success, happiness and success from confidence, and success and confidence from happiness.

Success means doing your best.

American writer william faulkner once said, "Don't try your best to compete with your colleagues. What you should care about is that you are better than now. "

There is a common problem in China society, that is, everyone is expected to develop according to a model, and whether everyone is "successful" is measured by a unified standard: achievement in school and fame and fortune in society. Especially in today's China, people's pursuit of wealth bears the brunt, and the evaluation of a person's success in all walks of life is more based on personal wealth. However, can you contribute to society with the best results? Can you be happy with fame and fortune?

Real success should be diversified. Success may be that you have created new wealth or technology, you have brought happiness to others, your work has won the trust of others, and you have found a self-returning and peaceful lifestyle. Everyone's success is unique. Therefore, Ling Zhijun's important conclusion in his book Growing Up is "to be the best of yourself". In other words, success is not comparing with others, but knowing yourself, exploring your goals and interests, making unremitting efforts to pursue progress and making every day better than yesterday.

The first step to success: grasp the goal of life and be a positive person.

In the Sina chat room, some netizens asked me what my life goal was, and I replied, "There is only one life, and I think the most important thing is to have the greatest impact. I can help myself, my family, my country, the world and future generations, make their lives better and more efficient, and bring them happiness and happiness. " I don't need to think about answering this question at all, because I have regarded "influence" as my life goal since I was a sophomore.

For me, the goal of life is not a slogan, but my best think tank, which has helped me solve problems in my work and life many times. I gave up my job in the United States and came to China alone to set up Microsoft China Research Institute, because I felt that the latter job was more influential and more in line with my life goals. In addition, when I receive a letter from a confused classmate and reply to them, I will also think, "How to make the reply more influential?" I have published three letters to students in China, all of which were born in this way.

Ma Jiajue also achieved his goal in life, but it's a pity that he didn't achieve it until he was arrested. He said, "Sister, now I want to tell you the truth. The biggest question for me is what do I think the meaning of life is for? " ..... After this incident, I realized at this moment that I was wrong. In fact, the meaning of life lies in the true feelings of the world. "If Ma Jiajue had achieved his goal in life a few months earlier, he would have asked himself before doing something stupid, what would his parents and sisters who were full of true feelings think? In this way, he may not go astray.

So, whether it's for true feelings, for influence, or for happiness, family, morality, tranquility, knowledge and innovation ... once you set your life goals, you can make decisive decisions in life under the guidance of life goals like me. Everyone's goal in life is unique. Most importantly, you should take the initiative to grasp your life goals. But we must not be too hasty, let alone set ourselves goals in pursuit of the so-called "sublime" or in order to imitate others.

So, how do you find your goal? Many students asked me what their goal should be. I can't answer, because only one person can tell you what the goal of life is, and that person is yourself. There is only one place where you can find your goal, and that is your heart.

I suggest you close your eyes and record the first ideal that comes to your mind, because the unthinking answer is the most sincere. Or, you can look back and see if there are any similarities when you are happiest and most fulfilling. They may be the most inspiring goals in your life. Furthermore, you can also imagine what kind of environment you will be in when you reach the perfect state of life in fifteen years. What do you do? What is the happiest thing among them? Of course, you might as well talk to your relatives and friends more and listen to their opinions.

The second step of success: try new fields and explore your own interests.

In order to be the best of yourself, the most important thing is to give full play to all your potential and pursue what you are most interested in and passionate about. When you are interested in a certain field, you will never forget it when you walk, take a class or take a shower, and you are more likely to succeed in that field. Besides, if you are passionate about this field, you may forget all this and even jump up when you think of an idea while sleeping. At this time, you are not working for success, but working for enjoyment. There is no doubt that you will succeed from now on.

Relatively speaking, doing things that you are not interested in will only get twice the result with half the effort, and you may accomplish nothing. Even if you can do well with your qualifications or talents, you have never released all your potential. Therefore, I don't agree that every student should pursue the hottest major. In my opinion, everyone should know their own interests, passions and abilities (that is, "consciousness" in EQ) and give full play to their potential in their passionate fields.

Bill Gates once said, "When you wake up every morning, you will be excited about the development and improvement of human life brought about by scientific and technological progress." You can see his interest and enthusiasm for software technology from this sentence. 1977, Bill Gates gave up his math major because of his love for software. If he stays at Harvard to continue studying mathematics and become a professor of mathematics, can you imagine how much his potential will be suppressed? In 2002, after leading Microsoft for 25 years, Bill Gates resolutely handed over the job of CEO to Ballmer, because only in this way could he devote himself wholeheartedly to his favorite job-being the chief software architect and focusing on the innovation of software technology. Although Bill Gates used to be an excellent CEO, when he became the chief software architect, he made great contributions to the company's technical direction. More importantly, he is more passionate and happy, which also inspires the morale of all employees.

Warren Buffett, Bill Gates' good friend and America's best investor, also realized the importance of passion. When students ask him the way, he always answers, "I am no different from you." If there is any difference, it may be that I have the opportunity to do my favorite job every day. If you want me to give you advice, this is the best advice I can give you. "

Another revelation that Bill Gates and Warren Buffett give us is that what they love is not vulgar and unified fame and fortune, but that their fame and fortune are brought by their ideals and passions. A famous school of economics and management in the United States once conducted a survey and found that although most students want to pursue fame and fortune when they enter school, 90% of the alumni with the most fame and fortune are those who pursue ideals rather than fame and fortune when they enter school.

When I first entered the university, I wanted to work in law or politics. It took me more than a year to find that I was not interested in it and my academic performance was only average. But I fell in love with the computer and programmed crazily every day, which quickly attracted the attention of teachers and classmates. Finally, one day in my sophomore year, I made a big decision: I gave up the credits that I had completed in the top three law departments of Columbia University for more than one year and transferred to the obscure computer department of Columbia University. I told myself that there is only one life, so don't waste it in a place where there is no happiness and no sense of accomplishment. At that time, a friend told me that it would cost a lot of money to change majors, but I told them that it would cost more to do a job without passion. On that day, I was elated and refreshed. I promised myself that I would get an A in every subject in the next three years. If it weren't for my decision that day, I wouldn't have made any achievements in the computer field today, and I might just be an unsuccessful and unhappy lawyer in a small town in the United States.

Even so, my enthusiasm for my career is far from my father's. I have always thought that my father is a unsmiling person since I was a child. I didn't know how much my father loved his job until I met his two favorite students (both of whom are professors now) last year. His students told me, "Miss Li always smiles when she sees us. In order to make us like our subject better, he often discusses it in our favorite restaurant. " The time and money he spent on us far exceeded his meager income. "My father is 70 years old. After joining the army, he found his favorite-teaching, politics and writing. After his death, the students found two words of encouragement in his drawer: "The old cow knows that the sunset is short, so there is no need to whip himself. "The most gratifying thing is that he found his favorite in the last part of his life.

So, how to find interest and passion? First of all, you should separate interest from talent. Doing what you are gifted with is easy to produce results, but don't think that it is your interest just because you do it well. In order to find true interest and passion, you can ask yourself: Are you eager to repeat something, and can you finish it happily and successfully? Have you always longed for it? Can you always learn quickly? Does it always satisfy you? Do you love from the heart (not just from the heart)? Is the happiest thing in your life related to it? When you ask yourself this question, be careful not to include your parents' expectations, social values and friends' influence in your answer.

If you can answer the above questions clearly, you are lucky, because most students are groping or regretting during their four years in college. If you haven't found the answers to these questions, then I have only one suggestion: give yourself the most opportunities to get in touch with the most choices. I remember when I first entered Carnegie Mellon's doctoral program, the school had a mechanism that allowed students to choose teachers. In the first month, every teacher tried his best to attract students. Because of this mechanism, I was fortunate to know my tutor Professor Reddy and chose my doctoral project "Speech Recognition". Although not all schools have such a mechanism, you can learn about different schools, majors, projects and teachers yourself, and then choose your interests from them. You can also find your hobbies through the library, internet, lectures, community activities, friend exchanges, e-mail, etc. Only when you are moved can you try, and only when you try can you find what you like.

My colleague Zhang Yaqin once said, "People who dare to try must be very smart. They won't lose, because even if they don't succeed, they can learn from it. Therefore, only those who dare not try are absolute losers. " I hope all students will try their best to broaden their horizons, not only to learn from them, but also to find their own interests.

The third step of success: according to your own interests, set phased goals and step by step.

Once you have found your interest, the next step is to set specific phased goals and step by step towards your ideal.

First of all, you should objectively evaluate what is missing from your interests and ideals. Do you need to study a course, read a book, be a more sociable person, control your temper or be a better speaker? /kloc-What's the difference between being your best self after 0/5 years and being yourself today? Or something else? You should try your best to bridge these gaps. For example, when I decided that the purpose of my life was to maximize my influence, I found that what I lacked most was my speech and communication skills. I used to be a student who blushed when talking to people and was afraid to speak on stage. When I was a teaching assistant, my performance was so poor that my students even nicknamed me Kaifu Theater. Therefore, in order to realize my ideal, I set myself some specific goals to improve my oral and communication skills.

Secondly, you should set phased and specific goals, and then give full play to the traditional virtues of China people-diligence, progress and perseverance, and strive to achieve the goals. For example, I ask myself to give a speech twice a month, and let my classmates or friends attend every time and give me feedback. I promised myself that I would never give a speech on stage without rehearsing for three times. I ask myself to attend classes every month and ask excellent speakers for advice. A speaker taught me several ways to overcome my fears. He said, if you are nervous when looking at the audience's eyes, you can look at the audience's head, and the audience will still think you are looking at their faces. In addition, it is better to clench your fist instead of holding a piece of paper in your hand, so that your trembling hands will not attract the attention of the audience. When I practiced my speaking skills repeatedly, I found many secrets myself. For example, I would perform better if I told a story without using a speech, so I prepared a speech but only used it during rehearsal. I find that my answering ability exceeds my speaking ability, so I usually ask for more answering time; I found that I couldn't say what I wasn't interested in well, so I stopped promising to talk about topics I wasn't interested in. A few years later, people around me praised me for my good speech. Some people even think that I am a natural speaker. In fact, I just practiced the traditional virtues of China people, such as diligence, progress and perseverance.