After a father took his child to a place, the boy soon understood his father's pains.
It turned out that a teenage boy in Fujian played games until two in the morning. When his father found out, he was not angry with his son, nor did he reason with him.
Instead, he took him to a small market. The boy found that it was not three o'clock in the morning, and the vendors had already started business.
An aunt who sells breakfast said that her hands, like old bark, will crack when it is cold because of the weather all the year round.
An uncle who sells vegetables told the boy that he couldn't use WeChat because he had no education, so he had to let his daughter teach herself. They were all illiterate.
On the way back, the boy told his father that if he didn't study hard, he would have a hard life and he shouldn't be obsessed with games.
Looking at the whole incident, I really like the father's education method. No scolding, no complaining, let the children understand some truth.
Many times, we think that reasoning is the most correct way to educate children. As we all know, children have long been tired of listening and can't wait to run away.
As the thinker Rousseau said, the three most useless educational methods in the world are: reasoning, losing your temper and deliberately moving.
0 1
The more "reasonable" parents are, the more rebellious their children are.
In the once hit drama "School of Youth", Lin, a senior one girl, was good at art and painting, but her performance in science was poor.
After a parent-teacher conference, Wang Shengnan seriously told her daughter how important it was to choose science, but Miaomiao said that she really wouldn't give up studying science.
On hearing this, she said that she sent Lin to the experimental class with a good relationship, not to let her study liberal arts, but to let her study science.
Some people also say that liberal arts are useless, and learning science well is good for employment.
As a result, Lin resisted her mother's suggestions and arrangements, and she chose her favorite liberal arts.
The mother's eyes were fixed on "usefulness", and the daughter's eyes were fixed on "liking and being good at it". The mother's reason did not convince her daughter in the end.
Regardless of Lin's realistic preference and Lin's interest, she was forced to choose science.
Many times, we always take a condescending attitude and think that children don't understand these truths. When we need more experience and knowledge to give advice, these are exactly what children dislike the most.
In psychology, this psychological phenomenon is called "projection psychology".
That is to attribute one's personality, likes and dislikes, desires, thoughts, emotions and other psychological characteristics to others, and then unconsciously impose one's will on others.
This psychological effect on the free will of others is itself a kind of bondage and bondage, which is easy to cause children's rebellion.
This concept will also make children afraid that if they don't follow those principles, they will not be good enough, don't deserve to be loved, and feel insecure in their hearts.
Many times, the power of understanding and feeling is far greater than reasoning.
2
I watched an interesting video.
A little girl about 3 years old stood on the table and told her father next to her that she wanted to jump off the table.
Dad didn't say anything, so he took an egg directly from the side and put it on the edge of the table. The egg rolled off the table and fell to the ground with a bang, and the egg liquid flowed all over the floor.
Dad asked, "How about eggs?"
"The egg is bad!" The girl said. Dad said you would break like this egg if you jumped.
The little girl immediately showed a scared expression and quickly told her father that I didn't want to dance any more.
This father is too wise. His educational methods not only prevented his daughter from making dangerous moves, but also made her understand the seriousness of the consequences.
Wise parents know how to beat about the bush.
I once saw a short story shared by netizens:
On the subway, I saw a little boy eating. My mother said to him, "son, there are three sheep on the subway, and a wolf came halfway." How many sheep are there? "
The little boy said confidently, "there are no sheep, because the wolf ate them. I knew it long ago, mom."
Unexpectedly, my mother said, "No, there are three sheep, because you can't eat on the subway."
After listening, the child quietly put away the snacks.
Mother's education not only considers the child's face, but also turns the truth into a short story. Make it easy for children to accept their opinions.
Many times, the more parents try to stop it, the more children have to do it. Smart parents will make their children understand the truth in a way acceptable to them.
In this way, the child's impression will be deeper.
As the former Soviet educator Suhomlinski said:
"Any kind of educational phenomenon, the less a child feels the intention of the educator, the greater his educational effect."
03
Professor Li Meijin once said:
"Don't preach against children's willful behavior. Similarly, don't preach to children's wrong behavior, because preaching is noise to children. "
When children make mistakes, parents may wish to try the following three methods:
1. Let children understand the truth, not understand it.
I saw a piece of news.
A little boy felt that going to school was particularly hard and told his mother that he didn't want to go to school.
When the mother heard her son say this, she was not angry and agreed to the child's request.
But his mother told him that when he didn't go to school, he needed to go to the street to collect waste to make money, and the money he earned was enough for his holiday.
At first, the child was very excited, but soon he was so tired that he was sweating.
On his way home, he wants to take a bus. His mother told him that you didn't earn enough money to take the bus today, and you had to walk home.
Although the child doesn't want to walk, there is nothing he can do.
His mother asked him on the way, are you going to school or work now? The child replied without hesitation, I want to go to school!
Mother didn't preach, but let the children understand the truth through personal experience.
Therefore, it is better to let the children experience it themselves.
2. Acceptance and respect are better than a thousand sermons.
The warm-hearted cartoon Gone with the Wind tells the story of a flying boy.
The little boy learned to float with dandelions. Although his father is very happy, he is worried about the strange eyes of his neighbors.
He tried every means to stop the child from flying away.
But when he passed the playground, his son broke free and flew out, but no one around him wanted to play with him.
Dad was completely angry. He shouted at his son, can't you be normal?
Desperate, the son silently put on his hat, closed his eyes and let tears flow on his cheeks. ......
Looking at the sad look of the child, dad understood that it doesn't matter what others think of the child. It is important to respect the child's personality characteristics and let him grow up healthily.
The father stopped the child, and the child flew around the playground happily, and the child became very happy.
American psychologist scott parker wrote in The Road Few People Walk:
"Parents who really love their children understand that if they love their children, they must respect them, their wishes and feelings, and their right to make decisions."
Children who are unconditionally accepted by their parents can release themselves, bloom themselves and become a successful and happy person.
Only by practicing children can education come naturally.
Qian Xuesen, a well-known scientist, seldom talked earnestly about what to do when educating children, but set an example for them.
For example, he likes reading, and his study time is after 7 o'clock every night. No one can disturb him at this time, even if the weather is hot and cold, he will overcome all kinds of discomfort and study quietly.
Because of this, his idea of "endless reading" is deeply embedded in the hearts of children, and all children have made extraordinary achievements.
Real family education is not face-to-face education, but subtle education. Parents practice it and show it to their children.
Only when parents themselves are the best can they educate the best children.
04
There is a classic line in the movie "See you later": We have heard countless truths, but we still can't live a good life.
As a parent, if you are a reasonable person at ordinary times, you can try today's method next time instead of trying to convince your child, and you will be surprised.
Raising children is a difficult and long practice.