Hong Lan said, "It is not difficult to raise children. It has only one principle, that is, set an example: if you are filial to your parents, your children will be filial to you in the future; " Whatever you don't want your child to do, don't do it yourself, that's all. "
Cai Yingqing said: "I have always regarded cultivating myself as more important than cultivating children. Before expecting a child's ability, I want to know or learn that kind of life deeply. I want to be an interesting mother before raising an interesting child. "
"Cultivating yourself" is more important than cultivating children, and words and deeds are better than all preaching. Give children enough peace and food, give them quiet time, accompany them to eat, keep a calm mood and teach them to do housework together.
The book talks about 27 typical parenting problems that parents are most concerned about at present, telling us that parenting is not a methodology, but life itself; Every minute that adults get along with children is a subtle education for children. Pay attention to details, get along with children with equality, respect, gentleness, love and wisdom, take care of each other and grow together.
These 27 questions are summarized as follows and shared with you:
1. How is the child's egoism formed?
(1) Accustomed to having undeserved resources, children develop incorrect values.
(2) Don't let the world revolve around children just because you love them. Overfed love will deprive children of their ability to care for others.
2. How to deal with the problem of "fairness" between brothers and sisters?
(1) Parents should not simply consider both material and praise.
(2) It is necessary to establish the concept of children sharing family resources earlier. A family's resources are shared, and the whole family should learn to think for the whole family. Therefore, never let children test the fairness and unfairness of their parents with material distribution as the standard. If children have an incorrect understanding of fairness from an early age, it will certainly extend into a more important issue.
(3) Teach children to take care of and share with each other, and cultivate close brotherhood.
3. How to leave time for children and give them the companionship they need?
(1) Give consideration to both body and mind, as long as you make proper arrangements, you can get twice the result with half the effort. Children's growth needs both physical and mental nourishment, details need time, and parents can take care of them in life, such as telling stories while doing housework.
(2) someone is there, but no one is taking it, so it is not the responsibility to take care of it. Spend more time with your children and less time with your mobile phone. Parents' love can't be replaced by any mobile phone. The time parents spend with their children is a profitable investment.
(3) Parents don't need to be perfect, but they need to be the best.
4. What kind of punishment can make children understand and correct?
(1) We should not let children think that punishment does not exist, or that it is a sin to impose punishment.
(2) Encouragement is better than punishment, and the consequences of improper punishment are a hundred times worse than the original mistakes. Let children love you, not be afraid of you.
(3) It is not that the child cannot accept the punishment, but that the reason must be explained. Only when the punishment is fair and reasonable can the child accept it calmly.
? Let children understand the reasons for the existence of the law and the time when punishment begins with mutual agreement, necessary discipline and completion of responsibility, so that punishment will not become a threat, and the progress of learning will not have to be stimulated by a crude punishment system.
(4) Teach children to judge the seriousness of things so as to ask adults for help in time.
5. How should we treat the authoritative educational opinions of experts?
(1) Every child is different, but it is difficult to raise a child who is strictly raised by dogma. Look for answers from common sense and experience before "following the book".
(2) A swarm of bees thinks that experts' comments are also a social concern.
(3) Don't let children become mice to test other people's theories.
(4) first understand the child's anxiety and difficulties, and don't rush to define behavior with symptoms.
(5) The wonderful experience when we are taken care of by our parents is the most basic reference for education.
6. How to find and appease children's fears and worries?
(1) The source of children's fear needs to be understood in time in order to deal with it effectively. Because children's expressive ability is not enough, they often can't explain their needs and concerns in detail and in an orderly way, so parents need to take the initiative to observe more.
(2) Don't let your child feel helpless, but face the fear with your child. Give priority to the safety of taking care of children.
(3) Understand and respect children's feelings, don't make fun of children casually, and don't use your own standards to judge the meaning of jokes. Joking is different from humor, which may cause trauma and bullying. Don't scare children easily, it will leave a shadow and affect business.
(4) Establish a living atmosphere that gives children a sense of security and trust.
7. How to exempt children from the tension of being evaluated?
(1) convince the child that his nervousness and difficulties are understandable. If you can't take the initiative to understand children's feelings and let misunderstandings have a negative impact, the problem will continue to increase.
(2) Psychological immaturity and high demands will definitely lead to nervousness. Having enough physical strength without asking for anything in return will lead to laziness. This is a kind of contempt. If the concept is right, the behavior will change and the result will be different.
(3) Giving a helping hand after careful observation can gain the trust of children.
(4) Take on too many parents' expectations and let the children live in guilt.
(5) Learning expectations and goals should be matched with children's abilities. Score is just a way of evaluation, not the only way, nor the best way. Studying with trepidation every day consumes children's ambition and self-confidence. Only in a safe environment can people have interest in learning, and people need to grow up in a safe environment in order to develop in a balanced way.
8. Can parents cheat their children in good faith?
(1) If children are often cheated, they will definitely accumulate into suspicious people or become liars.
(2) Deception in the name of love may be more cruel. Honesty is the most important principle in raising children. Children can't be cheated. Deception will kill your children's respect for you. In the face of unreal families, children will be more disappointed and at a loss.
(3) The harm of divorce to children lies in the sense of security. In fact, what children fear most is that no one loves them.
9. How to make the child's body and mind get a thorough rest?
(1) Sometimes, we should cultivate correct values of life. Balance and discipline should be paid attention to in the combination of work and rest and fatigue work. I hope that the child will be strong and have regular habits in daily life.
(2) Don't let children burn the midnight oil, rather go to bed first and get up early to make up their homework.
(3) Everything will be rewarded. It is a utilitarian education, and it is difficult to teach children to cherish themselves. Children need a rest that is not just "empty" or "carnival". For example, playing video games and watching TV late will make their brains overtired. Don't let children get into the habit of doing everything "too much".
10, how to make children learn life education in diet?
(1) Without a foundation of life, there can be no culture. Let children use the needs of daily activities to learn regular education and life skills.
(2) Paying attention to diet and cherishing food is also an aesthetic education in life. If adults don't care about how to eat, it is difficult for children to have good eating habits. Diet is the easiest way to show personal accomplishment, and it is also the most consistent view of Chinese and foreign education.
1 1. Children's politeness is just a way to deal with outsiders?
(1) Politeness is the expression of "sincerity inside is in the middle and sincerity outside is in the outside". If not, that courtesy is hypocrisy. The closer you are, the more important it is to be polite, because the most important thing to maintain a relationship is "respect". Without respect, relationships don't last.
(2) The family is the best place to enlighten and cultivate politeness, so that children can respect each other from the beginning of the family, and then learn to be kind to others. Politeness education in family training is easier to focus on small things and deepen.
(3) Politeness can also show a person's friendly attitude and aesthetic feeling of language. Politeness and morality is a hidden knowledge, which cannot be remedied.
(4) Don't underestimate the appellation, it shows your upbringing.
12. How to communicate with children in words?
(1) Sincerity is the most important key to talking to children. Squat down and talk to the child and look out from his point of view.
(2) to fulfill the responsibility of care and discipline, we must be calm, but speak frankly.
(3) What children don't understand is different from what adults think. If the child asks but doesn't answer, is it impossible to answer or refuses to answer? Try to communicate with children in a language they can understand.
(4) Sometimes the timing of talking to children is also very important. No one likes to listen to training. When reasoning with children, don't keep a straight face and look like something is coming. The best way is to punish him before going to bed during the day and tell him a bedtime story. When he found out, the story had been finished and the truth had penetrated into her heart. Then take out what happened during the day and analyze it, and you will know why it won't work next time.
13, how to make children learn to speak politely and aesthetically?
(1) Use correct and excellent language to be a communication model for children. Children speak by imitating their surroundings, and a good way of speaking needs to be followed by an example.
(2) Learn to respect and deal with teaching from life.
(3) Take the opportunity to mention some etiquette at any time to let the children speak.
14. How to cultivate children's service spirit and work skills?
(1) Starting from the basic contribution of housework, let children realize that they also have the ability to love others. Children must first understand the hard work of their parents before they are willing to share the work for their parents.
(2) Let children see their own value service is the best way, and the spirit of suffering is what children should learn through service now.
We don't approve of the way parents spend money to let their children do housework. Children are part of the family, so it is natural to help with housework. Paying them wages becomes an employment relationship, and they won't do it unless they are given it.
15. How to let children choose the right kindergarten?
(1) Observe rather than ask to confirm the stable atmosphere in the environment. You can visit several schools first, compare the teaching contents and talk to the director.
(2) The most important thing in kindergarten is not the hardware, but the teacher's educational philosophy. Love and care are the educational qualities that kindergartens should provide.
(3) The teacher's attitude towards children is an important observation index.
(4) Whether the kindergarten environment is clean and tidy; The voice and intonation of children talking to each other, and whether they are friendly; If the children have fun, don't cry or make trouble, it is generally certain that the teachers here know how to take care of the children.
16. How to correctly understand the amount of homework and writing level required by children?
(1) Homework should be aimed at encouraging learning, not making children afraid of learning.
(2) Knowledge needs to be thought and digested. If you don't think about this knowledge, you can't internalize it to children, so it is extremely wrong to assign a lot of homework.
17. How to master the measure and distance between teachers and students?
(1) Show yourself as a teacher before students will be willing to learn from you.
(2) The distance between teachers and students should be based on politeness rather than prevention. Only respect can provide a sense of security that is not alienated but not offensive.
(3) Teachers have the responsibility to point out the proper place with their own words and deeds. Taking care of children is not to please them, but to convince them from the heart.
18. How should teachers communicate their children's problems with parents?
(1) concrete communication without prejudice, and start the active cooperation between parents and teachers.
(2) Make good use of the influence of teachers to guide parents to grow together.
(3) Children know who they are from the eyes of their parents, teachers and classmates.
19. How to deal with bullying and conflicts between children?
(1) Let children know the relationship between fault and crime first, and then discuss the fairness and unfairness of punishment.
(2) The deterioration of social atmosphere has also distorted the educational mentality, fearing that parents and teachers will miss the opportunity to educate their children because of what they blame each other. Parents should have a good discussion about their children's mistakes and punishments.
(3) Use conflicts around children to establish empathy education.
(4) Educating children is not slavery, and the reasons and criteria must be explained.
20. What's the effect of stopping for the exam and packaging scores on children?
(1) Exams are also a part of life, and should not be regarded as an exception to stop everything. What should be done is still to be done. It is far more important to cultivate discipline than to score 100.
(2) Burning the midnight oil before the exam can't turn short-term memory into solidified information.
(3) Asking someone to write a certificate will not add points, but may harm the child. Don't teach children to learn to be tricky and utilitarian in the name of goodwill.
2 1. How to use educational resources carefully so that more children can be taken care of together?
(1) The allocation of resources should take care of those in need first, instead of giving everyone a little for the sake of fairness.
(2) Education should not only serve a few families, but also consider the interests of most children. Improper allocation of resources will cause greater pressure on the disadvantaged groups in schools.
(3) As long as children are taught well, any method is a good one.
22. As long as children are out of the rules and different, are they creative?
(1) Imagination is not out of nothing, and creativity does not violate the rules. Creativity is not only destroying old things, but also actively building new things. Creation needs technology, and technology needs learning and practice. Creation is a new synthesis of foundation and old experience.
(2) opposing other people's opinions is not creativity, but putting forward better opinions is creativity. Be unconventional, reasonable, beautiful and practical.
(3) Too much "in the name of creativity" blurs the standard of form. Creativity is the freedom of thought, which needs discipline to implement.
23. Can you do it well? Is it the only criterion to judge whether you are interested or not?
(1) You can't directly judge that a child is not interested in something. If they do well but still don't like it, they should be allowed and helped to find another real interest.
(2) Interest is a stepping stone and a pusher. If you are interested and refuse to work hard, you will accomplish nothing.
(3) "Not interested" should not be an excuse for "not studying hard". Responsibility transcends interests, and everything should be done regardless of interests, because this is responsibility.
(4) learn that you think you are not interested, or you may change by guiding.
(5) I don't want to continue doing things that I'm really not interested in, no matter how well I do it.
(6) Interest is based on basic knowledge, so we should lay a good foundation first.
(7) Interest represents not learning talent, but learning motivation. The easiest way to educate children is to make rules from an early age. It is absolutely not allowed to go beyond the rules. Please let him develop freely within the rules, no matter how much.
24. How to treat and cultivate children's early interests and talents?
(1) Don't rush to help your child decide the direction of life because of his early interest.
(2) True talents and interests cannot be delayed or buried by parents. As long as you are willing to learn, it doesn't matter if you study early and study late.
(3) Interest is based on basic knowledge, so it can be developed by going up a storey still higher. Talent ultimately depends on moral connotation, and children need to read widely and dabble in order to improve their own realm. Reading and interest can complement each other, not contradict each other.
25. As long as children want to study, should they be satisfied anytime and anywhere?
(1) Doing the right things at the right time is also an important education, and children's reading also needs time management.
(2) Do what you should do first, so that you can enjoy a good book wholeheartedly.
(3) conniving at children's failure to fulfill their promises is the opposite of love.
26. Besides quantity, how to further improve children's reading quality?
(1) Reading education is not only for children, but also for parents to demonstrate and set an example, so that parents can really cultivate their children's reading quality.
(2) Reading is not to remember the details of every book, but to increase your understanding of something after reading it, or to make you reflect on whether your past behavior is appropriate. Reading is active learning, which can broaden your horizons and reflect on yourself.
(3) Good books will be beneficial to children, so that children can get active imitation learning.
(4) The effect of reading is not immediate, but long-term internalization.
27. How to distinguish the meaning of "back" and "back" in learning?
(1) The back is different from the back. The difference between the two lies in understanding.
(2) Reciting is to "memorize it in your heart" and keep the basic knowledge in your mind, because this is the fastest extraction method, so that you can infer new knowledge by analogy and verify the authenticity of all kinds of new knowledge on the Internet.
(3) Keeping good articles in mind is helpful for writing and life.
(4) With the help of logic and meaning, memory will be easier. In fact, any knowledge is not difficult to remember as long as it is understood.
Finally, I hope we can all take training ourselves and a child as one of our life goals. Participating in the growth of life means giving and thanking.