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How can parenting in China avoid "intergenerational education"?
The knot that "the only generation" can't get around.

Generation-separated education has existed since ancient times, but in recent years, with the rapid development of economy and society, young parents have less and less time and energy to raise their children, and the phenomenon of generation-separated education has intensified. Whether in the city or the countryside, whether in the park square or on the street, the elderly and children are always together.

The "only generation" brought up by grandparents has entered the childbearing age, and they have a "noble and feminine" atmosphere. The "unique second generation" bred by the "unique second generation" has also continued the model of Separate child care, and even intensified. The pressure of work and life of the first generation of lonely people is heavier than their parents, and the heavy responsibility of child-rearing falls almost entirely on their parents, so Separate child care is also locked in the shadow of contradictions.

Traditional and backward substructure and high standard superstructure

Whether it is good or bad, whether it is in the north, Guangzhou, Shenzhen or the vast rural areas, it is an inevitable thing in China at present. When faced with great life pressure, even if every parent wants to avoid intergenerational education, they don't have much power to implement it.

In recent years, family conflicts caused by intergenerational education are fundamentally due to people's higher requirements for their children than ever before. However, the quality of every generation of parents is far behind the requirements of the development of the times and the growth of children.

China's parents never regard the education of their children as a science, thinking that they are self-taught. Everything is by intuition and experience.

Grandparents often say that they raised five or six children when they were young, all of whom were healthy adults. Now, you can't even support one, and you need our help. We're just helping. We don't think it's good. On the one hand, in concept, every generation of parents think that taking care of their children is very experienced. On the other hand, most of their educational methods are flawed. About how to educate children, more than 95% of parents have not studied, among which the proportion of alternate parents is close to 100%.

Four types of intergenerational education

First, pay too much attention. Children could have done it by themselves, and the next generation of parents took good care of them and did it for them. Children's ability to exercise in a normal environment has been cancelled by the next generation of parents.

Second, excessive supervision. We should urge our children to do everything and often check their behavior. This has caused children's dependence, inertia and distrust on adults.

Third, severely punish. This mode of education follows the traditional educational philosophy of China, criticizing children more than encouraging them, and punishing them more than rewarding them. Children have a serious sense of inferiority, autism or rebellion.

Fourth, democracy, warmth and understanding. Some parents of the next generation are also using this method, but the number is very small.

The relationship between children and their parents is closer than that with their parents.

As parents, bring children into this world. The motive must be: I want to spend my life with my wife. Let her inherit everything from us.

However, the reality is that most parents have little leisure to participate in their children's growth because of their work, so that the elderly can take on all kinds of tasks for their children to eat, drink and sleep, so children will regard the elderly as their main dependence, not their own parents.

Because parents have been involved in children's growth for a short time, the most common problem is poor communication. Some parents meet disobedient children. Whether it is scolding children, beating children or trying to please and encourage children. His children's reaction is only one: whatever I do is wrong anyway, I can do whatever you want.

Over time, children will be emotionally alienated from their parents. This sense of alienation is almost fatal to the parent-child relationship, which leads to many people's serious resistance to intergenerational education.

The future of the generation wall

In any case, intergenerational education is inevitable in China. On the one hand, this is a traditional family model in China; On the other hand, social reality also makes intergenerational education essential. When young people in cities and rural areas are busy making as much money as possible, children basically belong to grandparents.

1999 when China just entered the old age society, the integration of the old and the young was put on the agenda. At that time, some scholars suggested that every parent, every alternate parent, wanted to master knowledge and let their younger generation grow up healthily. But after so many years, society has not yet formed a systematic and operable intergenerational education method.

So it doesn't matter who takes care of the children, the next generation or the parents. What matters is the thoughts of the person who takes care of the child and the environment around the child.