Just want to lie flat and have no motivation to live the life you want?
Or do you have no idea what you want?
Can we live a quiet but energetic life away from pain?
In this book The Trap of Happiness, the author Ruth Harris used to be a doctor. He pays attention to the mental health of patients in the process of treating them. After decades of practice of accepting commitment therapy, he wrote this book, which is to change our inner world according to the six principles of accepting commitment therapy, and then take action under the guidance of inner core values, so as to live a full and meaningful colorful life.
First, how do we change our hearts?
0 1 How to face the negative thoughts in your mind?
Ideas are words and stories in the mind, not necessarily facts. We have to tell ourselves: this is a story, this is just an idea, not true. We don't care whether the story in our mind is true or not, but whether it is beneficial and can help us create an ideal life.
For example, a mother who eats well is depressed to death every day and feels that she is "a failed mother" and "a failed person". In fact, this is just an idea in my mind, not a fact. The brain is a story king, and these two negative thoughts are just one of countless stories that the brain fabricates every day.
Studies have shown that about 80% of thoughts in the human brain are negative to some extent. The brain is a master of making up negative stories. If these stories are taken as facts, they will naturally cause anxiety, depression, anger, inferiority, self-doubt and anxiety.
Ideas = words, images = pictures. Judge whether the ideas in your head are useful or not. If it helps, act. If it doesn't work, it will be free.
Put your time and energy into action, and put your energy into actions with more constructive suggestions, instead of wasting it on fighting unpleasant thoughts and emotions.
Roxie, a 32-year-old excellent lawyer, has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and may be in a wheelchair. Rosie can't get rid of the terrible picture of herself sitting in a wheelchair every day. Although she has been comforting herself "no, I won't be so unlucky", the whole person is still facing collapse. The author suggests that Roxey should not resist this kind of picture in his mind, but take the picture of "wheelchair" as a picture on TV with the narration "This is a wheelchair man", or imagine printing this kind of picture on advertising posters, star T-shirts or outdoor tents. A week later, although the image still lingers in Roxey's mind, she has been able to allow it to come and go freely, and she is not so afraid, but focuses on her more important things.
The more you can see the essence of ideas and images (they are just words and pictures), the less influence they have on your life.
We can't control our emotions, but we can control our behavior.
How to deal with "negative emotions" Don't resist, but accept, observe and let it exist. How to free emotions like thoughts and images? Accept the emotions that flow through our bodies like a never-ending river. Accept it and act in a valuable direction.
When two people ride a roller coaster together, they both experience the physical feelings of heart pounding, sweaty palms and trembling all over. But one person's emotion is excitement, and the other person is really afraid. Experiencing the same thing, different people can feel the same physically, but their emotions are different. It can be seen that emotion is what the brain says to you. One said, "Look! How scary! " The other said, "Look! How interesting! "
Emotions, like thoughts and intentions, are automatically produced by the brain and are produced by the story king of the brain. We can't control what the brain says about some physical feelings, but we can quietly look at the scenery, look at this emotion and come out. We can't control our emotions, but we can control our behavior.
Keep an open, curious and receptive mind, consciously put yourself into the present, pay attention to what is happening, put yourself into the real world, and fully enjoy the rich life of every moment through the mindfulness practice of "observing yourself"-that is, connecting.
Modern people pursue the use of fragmented time, and as a result, people are always distracted and often can't fully participate in the real life at that moment. This often leads to people's inattention, unable to concentrate on what they are doing, but being drawn by thoughts and emotions in their minds. So how to focus on the present and really be efficient?
For example, when the author and his wife were eating in a restaurant, the wife suddenly asked, "Where have you been?" It turns out that although the author is sitting in front of her eyes, her spirit is wandering thousands of miles away.
For example, after driving to the destination, I have no impression of the scenery along the way? Because I didn't pay attention to this road, but devoted myself to the activities of "thinking about myself" (daydreaming, planning, worrying, recalling and fantasizing).
Modern people pursue efficiency and always want to make full use of time, such as taking a class or reading a book when eating, so that they don't enjoy the food in their mouths; Listening to a book while climbing a mountain makes you unable to see the scenery on the road or even notice what is on the road. Over time, people get used to ideas that don't always match their present lives, and they are always carried away by various ideas and emotions in their minds and fall into anxiety, depression or stress.
The second part of this book is to give three specific practical skills to teach us how not to fall into such ideas as "inferiority complex", "I'm a pot from a noble family", "I'm really a guy who has accomplished nothing" and "he must look down on me when he sees my performance today", so that negative emotions and all kinds of negative thoughts can flow through our bodies like a river, instead of confrontation, judgment or avoidance, but consciously focus on current actions.
Third, what is a valuable life? How to create a valuable life?
0 1 value or value direction refers to our deep desire: what kind of person we want to be, what position we hold, and how to integrate with the world around us. In the journey of life, value is the first principle that can guide and inspire us.
The value questionnaire of this book contains ten fields, no right or wrong, no high or low, only personal choices: 1 family, 2 marriage and other interpersonal friendly relations, 3 friendship, 4 career, 5 education and personal development, 6 entertainment and leisure, 7 spiritual life, 8 community life, 9 environment and nature,/kloc-0 health and body.
Value and goal are different. Value is a desirable direction, an endless and continuous process, which endows people with purpose, meaning and passion in life. The goal is the desired result. When it is realized and completed, it is the past tense. So, after finding the value you cherish through the value questionnaire, set meaningful goals, make relevant plans, think about it and write it down:
Your value
Your goals (short-term, short-term, medium-term and long-term goals)
Your specific action plan for these goals.
Let's look at an example. P209 Jeff insists that what he wants is to be rich. Only in this way can he be satisfied with his life. But as the author repeatedly asks questions and clarifies like peeling onions, he digs out the value under his goal layer by layer. Only then did he find out that when he felt rich, he would be respected by others, and he would feel that he didn't have to please others and be himself. Only then did he know that what he valued was to become a more authentic self. And this value of "being true to yourself" can be satisfied in today's life, which is not contradictory to continuing to pursue financial and commercial goals.
It can be seen that at any moment, if you bring the value you cherish into your present job, you can still live happily under the guidance of value even if you are treated rudely by life. While preparing for a better job, you can get satisfaction from your existing job. When we are clear about our values and understand what is really important in our hearts, then only by taking actions under the guidance of values can our dreams come true.
Value is always there, always at your fingertips. A happy life is always around. How to find happiness? In the trap of happiness.