Chapter 1: Love for children is unconditional and principled. In the face of external accusations, Meng Ge said. The son is a loyal child. What is wrong with the social environment? .
People are multifaceted. In the eyes of family, friends and strangers, a person often shows different aspects, which add up to a relatively close to the real person. Therefore, for an unknown person, it is difficult to make a judgment based on the description of the media or parents. We care about the son of Dream Pigeon because he is suspected of committing a crime. At this time, all we care about is the evidence. What he is has nothing to do with us outsiders.
As for the social environment, unfortunately, it is really not ideal. I don't know what other people think, but as a mother, I always worry that bad people will hurt my children or lead them astray. Because of this, I understand that parents have great responsibilities and I am afraid. Because it is necessary to provide children with a relatively safe environment as much as possible, and to cultivate their ability to cope with this complex society. The most important thing is to let children understand that some things must not be done, some things cannot be said, and some people should try to stay away.
I saw a Hong Kong friend sharing a letter on Facebook: A parent complained to another parent, because the parent found that when these preschool children were playing together, one of them was particularly overbearing, not only taking all the toys for himself, but also hitting his peers who wanted to share them with him. What worried and dissatisfied this parent most was that when all this happened, the parents of the child sat by and turned a blind eye to the child's actions. At the end of the complaint letter, the parent was reminded that the education of parents is very important for the growth of children, and because of this, although it has nothing to do with me, I still feel that I should write this letter.
Children are a blank sheet of paper, and the social environment is of course important, among which how parents are brought up is more important. Children's behavior is often a synchronous reflection of parents' right and wrong ideas. When I see parents who take their children to quarrel loudly with others in public or even hit people, I will worry, will such children have the same tendency to violence in the future? The results of academic investigation show that the parents of most people who have domestic violence behaviors and tendencies also have domestic violence behaviors.
Because of this, when a child makes a behavior mistake, should parents ask themselves first: Have they ever taught their children that some things cannot be done? Is your behavior biased and sets a bad example for your children? When children have bad habits or misconduct, are there timely reminders and stops? Is it unprincipled to treat children, and take this unprincipled for granted as the unconditional love of parents?
Also on Facebook, American friends shared a letter: a letter from an American mother to her son. After my son chose to announce that he was gay on Facebook, as a parent, he and his friends knew the news at the same time. The letter from American mother is very short. She told her son that her love is unconditional and will not change because of his sexual orientation. But what I like best is the last sentence: remind my son to put away the canned drinks and teacups in the room before the ants crawl in. Because what I see is an unconditional but principled mother.
Unconditional love means that when a child makes a mistake and others don't like him or accept him, he will know that his parents will not abandon him. Even if his children make choices that are not their own, or even dislike them, as long as they don't make mistakes and don't involve right or wrong, he will still give them the freedom to choose. A principle is not to turn a blind eye to the mistakes made by children, or even turn black and white upside down, argue irrationally, or use your privilege to help children shirk their responsibilities. Deep down, this is because these parents' inherent thinking, once there is a problem, the reason must be external, and they never reflect on themselves.
Rule 2: Don't compare a child with a trophy without materialization. I haven't seen this high school friend's parents for many years. When I had dinner with him and his sister and family last week, I looked at them and tried to remember the last time I saw them. It must have been at the high school graduation ceremony, which was more than ten years ago.
That night, I met his uncle, his aunt and their two children for the first time. Their children are similar to ours. Coincidentally, my son is one year younger than my friend and my daughter is one year younger than my friend's sister. It was his sister's birthday.
The first conversation started like this:
Aunt said:? Happy birthday, congratulations! You will graduate from a very good university in a few months. You and your brother study very well. You are really good, which makes your parents very proud. We wonder why our children can't go to the same good university and find a good job. Our son stays at home most of the time.
Their children bowed their heads and said nothing. My friend's mother said:? Oh, no, my children are lazy at school and always play, and their grades in junior and senior high schools are just passable. They're just lucky.
Everyone who grew up in Asia or Taiwan Province Province can easily imagine what the conversation between their parents would be like at that dinner.
Another example is when we received the report card from Taiwan Province Province. When I was in elementary school in the United States, when we first received the report card, the teacher kept saying: When you receive the results of this semester, take a closer look and put them in your backpack. There is no need to show it to the rest of the school. Your grades are your business and your privacy. Don't ask others about your grades. This is their efforts, their achievements, none of your business. You should respect everyone's privacy and differences. ?
She repeated it at least three times that morning. But what about when we were in junior high school or high school in Taiwan Province Province?
We not only make our grades public, but also often post them outside the office for the teachers and students of the whole school to see and compare.
Asian society likes to compare everything, from asking and comparing someone's age, career achievements and current salary to when they get married or have children.
If this continues, it will be endless. No matter how hard we try to treat every new generation in society fairly, there will always be something to compare and envy; Other people's happiness, their smiles, other people's dreams?
That night, when we were ready to leave after dinner, I said:
? We must have spent the first half hour comparing our children's grades. Ironically, the children themselves say nothing, no one ever asks, and parents always say it, as if the children are just materialized trophies. ?
My friend sighed and said, yes, this scene has been repeated at family gatherings every few months since our high school. My sister and I study hard at school as if we were crazy. I always want to secretly say sorry to my cousin, because we are both of the same age, and then we have been compared in this way for the past 20 years. I believe many families in China are the same. Such things have caused a lot of unnecessary family tension and pressure to children. Let's make sure that one day, when we are parents, we know not to focus on such problems. ?
Life is short, so let's make the right decision for the right reasons, not only for the sake of face, but also for the sake of other people's ideas.
In the long run, we may all be happier.
As my primary school teacher always said: your grades, school, career goals, life. That's your business, not anyone else's. Stop caring or asking about other people's grades.
Chapter III: Examiners of famous American schools who turned the original children into pirated copies said: The biggest problem for China students is that there is no difference between this student and that one. Their SAT and TOEFL scores are often very good, but the application materials are exactly the same, and their specialties are piano, dance, painting and so on. The paper was written by thousands of people, with naive views and mediocre expression, showing their lack of imagination and formatted thinking, like robots produced by the same factory? .
An American, who is in charge of consulting overseas students, specializes in teaching China students how to apply for Ivy League schools. He said:? Harvard receives thousands of applications from students every year, but only a few can be admitted. It is often not the best, but the most special. ? He consults for international students in China, and the annual fee is as high as10,000 yuan, mainly to help each child find his own uniqueness and build his own brand. For example, if some children pay attention to charity, they can find some creative ways of charity and gradually grow into? Young philanthropist? ; Some children like writing, so they can be encouraged to run a magazine for middle school students and invite students from various schools to contribute. He said:? If you want to stand out from thousands of application materials, you have to make yourself different. First determine what you like, then focus on it, no matter how trivial it is, give full play to your specialty in this field and show your unique self. ?
To tell the truth, parents should help their children discover their interests and specialties and encourage them to explore and deepen their favorite fields. But what parents in China usually do is not to make their babies special, but to become like others. Other people's children are learning English, so should we; Other people's children have piano lessons, so we can't fall behind. Like others, they will feel more secure, because China has always encouraged everyone to be mediocre, gregarious, consistent and unified.
I have been a judge of several baby contests. To tell the truth, most children are ugly and bored in the audition stage. Hundreds of children recite either Tang poems or all of them. The foot of my bed is shining so brightly. ; Either take the model step and have exactly the same posture and expression; Tell a story or shake your head, it's all the same.
In fact, every child has his own interests and strengths, but his parents' understanding of interests is very narrow. For them, except for the mainstream interests such as painting, music and dancing, everything else is nonsense? All the possibilities that children originally had were stifled.
Two children were interested in insects when they were young. Both of them like "fabrice Insects" and go to the community yard to play every day. Watching ants on the ground, catching grasshoppers in the grass, and taking caterpillars home to study? One of the children was reprimanded by his parents, and he could only read books, learn arithmetic and play the violin at home every day. A few years later, he successfully grew into a dull child with dull eyes. The other child got the full support of his parents. They accompany their children to various insect museums, collect butterfly specimens and take DV photos of spiders. Now the children have formed an insect interest group in the class and published an insect handbook regularly every month. He is responsible for photos, words and typesetting. It is said that this summer vacation, his family plans to go to Butterfly Valley in Taiwan Province Province for a detailed investigation.
Recently, many students came to me to fill in the college entrance examination volunteers. What major should I apply for? I said:? First, consider what you like. ? Most of them replied that they didn't know what they were interested in or what they were good at. Parents should be responsible for their children's lack of interest and expertise, because they missed all kinds of sensitive periods when they were young, didn't pay attention to discovering the unique parts of their children's nature, didn't help their children enlarge their specialties, and turned their children from special to mediocre. Parents only need to have several characteristics such as blindness, conformity and laziness.
There is a saying that people are born original and gradually become pirated? As parents, we often become pirates carelessly.