If encouraging education fails, is it a misunderstanding of encouraging education methods, or is it simply like brainwashing instead of empathy?
I saw a video in which a three-year-old girl cried when her hand was touched by the door. When she ran to her mother for help, her mother said to her, "Don't hurt, don't cry, you must be brave and strong!" " "
It seems that mothers are teaching their children to be strong and overcome difficulties, but such encouragement is the wrong way of education. The mother ignores and denies the child's emotions, does not accept the child's feelings, and only lets the child suppress and suppress his own emotions.
Simple provocative encouragement is likely to bring about the failure of education;
1, loss of self-awareness
When a child has a painful feeling and wants his parents to comfort him, he is not accepted by his parents, just telling him "Don't be afraid!" " "That will only confuse children, and then wonder if they have done something wrong, because parents say it doesn't matter, be strong. Let the child lose the opportunity to know the pain and lose the ability to cultivate self-feeling.
In this way, when children are hurt by themselves and have negative emotions such as pain, fear and sadness, they will only suppress them without seeking help, nor will they relieve and guide themselves. Long-term depression leads to physical and mental fatigue and injury without knowing it, and lacks self-perception and cognitive ability.
2, can't correctly distinguish their feelings, can't take effective measures.
A person can't distinguish his feelings correctly, and the strategies he adopts often can't seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. I didn't know about the physical pain, but I was very patient and depressed until I went to the hospital and found that my body had a big problem.
There are no emotions and attitudes in interpersonal communication, and they will not show their emotions and attitudes, resulting in misunderstandings, disputes and hostility in partnership;
You can't feel danger outside. When danger comes, you don't know fear, and you won't make evasive concessions. You are just brave and strong, but you will get more hurt.
Step 3 feel inferior
The child was very hurt and painful, but when looking for his parents, he was denied by his parents. This means that when children have negative emotions or encounter insoluble problems, they can only face them alone because they can't get help from their parents. There is no way to express negative emotions. If you can't face such a negative situation, a person struggling in pain will only feel sorry for himself and not do a little thing well, which will only increase his sense of inferiority.
This kind of denial is actually denying the child himself, leading to self-denial, self-degradation, and gradually developing into a state of inferiority.
Encouraging and affirming education does not force children to learn to be strong and brave from the perspective of parents themselves; Instead, squat down, let the child keep the same height and feel his feelings from the same angle.
There is nothing wrong with encouraging and affirming children's education, but when encouraging, we should understand and accept children's emotions and feelings, not only let children know that people's emotions and feelings are right or wrong, but also understand and support them. At the same time, help children understand and recognize their feelings. You can cry when you are hurt, cry when you are sad, sing loudly when you are happy and shout loudly when you are angry.
Recognize your emotions and feelings, but also speak them out. This is not only to express emotions, but also to manage them.
Encouragement and affirmation are positive educational methods, and the educational effect is quite effective. Pay attention to details to avoid educational failure.