Have you ever said "no" to your children? Do you know how to say "no" to children better? Some parents who don't know how to refuse their children tend to spoil their children too much, while some parents who don't know how to refuse their children often use coldness to dampen their self-esteem. You know, it is necessary to pay attention to methods and skills to say "no" to children.
Children can't stand being told "no". In today's society with many one-child families, some children are spoiled by their elders at home, fearing that they will fall into their hands and melt into their mouths. Especially in the concept of the older generation, there is only one child in the family, and all love should be given to her. But I didn't notice that excessive love will slowly deteriorate and eventually become excessive love for children, and children will develop some bad habits instead.
There are always some children in life who can't accept rejection from others, especially when their parents say "no" to them. This is largely due to the education of parents. Parents have unconditionally met their children's requirements since childhood, and children take it for granted that they must get what they want. When you go out and see your favorite toys, let your parents buy them. Once the parents say "no", the children cry in public, and finally the parents have to compromise. And again and again, children will use crying as a tool to deal with their parents. Once parents don't meet their demands, they will force their parents to compromise by crying.
Every parent loves their children, and they love their children in different ways. Some parents should be gentle when they love their children, and resolutely say "no" to their children when they refuse severely. However, some parents blindly indulge their children and give them everything they want. In the end, they not only let children develop bad habits, but also seriously dampen their autonomy. Parents must know that loving their children is not conniving at them. When educating children, learn to say "no" to them as soon as possible.
Saying no to children is also a kind of love. Some parents will mistake saying "no" to their children for saying that they don't love them. However, accepting all children's demands without any reason or principle and not daring to say "no" to children is a kind of injury and an act of not knowing how to love children. As Rousseau, a French educator, said, "Do you know any method that can definitely make your children unhappy? This method is undoubtedly obedient to him. "
William who studies youth issues at Stanford University in the United States? Damon also said, "The danger of doting lies in self-centeredness and self-concern. This will lead to mental illness, and you will sit there anxiously instead of trying to change the world. " Therefore, parents should learn to say "no" to their children as soon as possible, so as to better help their children grow up.
1, say "no" to children and cultivate their awareness of rules.
Li Meijin, a professor of psychology in China, once said, "You must learn to say' no' to your child before he is six years old." Many parents always think that their children are still young and don't understand anything, and wait until their children are older. But in fact, although the child is young, he already knows a lot.
Children will test their parents' bottom line according to their faces and behaviors, and then make corresponding behaviors. Parents say "no" to their children before they are six years old. Children may cry or get angry, but these emotions are temporary. After the emotion is over, children will know their behavior and touch their parents' bottom line, which is against the rules, so they will listen to their parents' opinions more when making requests in the future. If you miss this period of time and say "no" to your child when he is 12 to 14 years old, you may cause the child's rebellious mentality. Children who are rebellious like to oppose their parents. At this time, it will be more difficult for parents to educate their children.
2. Say "no" to children and let them learn to resist temptation.
Children are young and often have weak resistance to temptation. At this time, parents are urgently needed to help them stop temptation and control their behavior. There are two selves in a person's brain. One is the impulsive self, eager for pleasure, and the other is the restrained self, able to make predictions. When they were children, their behavior was often controlled by impulsive egos. Who will say "no" to children?
It is conducive to cultivating children's self-control ability.
In daily life, parents can train their children through some "small temptations". For example, parents can find some snacks that children like to eat and tell their children: You can keep the snacks I gave you for three days, and I will double them for you next time, but if you eat these snacks within three days, I won't give you any snacks next time.
During these three days, parents should not interfere with their children's behavior. If the child has finished eating the snacks, then parents should resolutely implement the rules mentioned above and stop giving them snacks. But if children keep snacks, parents should also fulfill their promises and give them double snacks. Only in this way can children know that waiting is for greater satisfaction. This is more conducive for children to learn to restrain their own behavior and be more patient and restrained in the face of temptation.
3. Learn to say "no" to children and let them experience setbacks.
In today's material-rich society, when I was a child, I was surrounded by love, whether at home or at school. When I grow up, when I face setbacks, I am often incompetent and prone to make some impulsive behaviors. In TV news, we often see some college students commit suicide because of setbacks in their studies or lives. The reason behind these tragedies is mainly because children are too fragile and have poor resilience.
Parents often say "no" to their children when they are young, which is more conducive to cultivating their endurance and willpower to resist setbacks. Professor Li Meijin suggested that children learn to swim to train their ability to resist setbacks.
After the child was taken to the swimming pool, the parents left and let the child swim with the coach. The coach blew the child into the swimming pool with a pole, and then let the child flopped about in the water to study. When parents go to pick up their children, they ask them, "What's it like to get into the water for the first time?" Children will definitely tell their parents about their difficulties in the water. Parents must tell their children at this time: "You must remember this feeling. No matter what difficulties you encounter in the future, as long as you are still on cloud nine, you will not die."
In the process of swimming, children can better understand that when encountering difficulties, they should learn to find ways to solve them instead of giving up on themselves. When children encounter difficulties when they grow up, they can be more optimistic, face independently and have stronger ability to resist setbacks.
Three skills to say "no" to children scientifically 1. Try to say "no" to your child in a positive and reinforcing way.
Parents should learn to educate their children in a positive and reinforcing way when guiding them to correct their wrong behaviors. We can take the people around our children as examples and guide them with their positive behavior.
For example, when a child asks to watch TV or play games for a long time, parents can tell the child, "We should learn from our neighbor Xiaoming and watch TV for no more than 30 minutes at a time." When children do this, parents should affirm their children and give them encouragement in time. You can even give children some small material rewards to motivate their behavior. Parents should try to avoid criticizing their children repeatedly, which may cause their children's rebellious psychology.
Parents should make their children understand the reasons for saying "no"
The child is still young and lacks the ability to judge right and wrong. Sometimes when they make unreasonable demands, children don't realize that it is unreasonable. Therefore, when parents say "no" to their children, they should clearly let them know the reasons why you refuse him.
For example, a three-year-old child is very strong at school, and another child is playing games. You can remind him appropriately: "It is bad behavior to take other people's things without permission." Then discuss your feelings with your child and learn to put yourself in the other's shoes. "You also want to play with this toy, right? But if you take other children's toys, he will be very sad. It's like someone takes your things, and you will be sad, right? " When parents and children have empathy, children are more aware of the reasons for their mistakes and are more willing to correct them.
Parents should stick to their own principles, which cannot be changed overnight.
Some parents and children made rules, but the children didn't fulfill them well, but the parents gave up the principles under the pleading of their children. Parents' inconsistent behavior will make children feel that even so, if parents ask questions, they just need to beg.
If parents can't stick to their own principles, when their children make unreasonable demands, they agree, and it will be more difficult for them to understand and accept the next time they refuse their children. Parents can't give their children a reasonable explanation, which will lead to misunderstanding between both sides and be unfavorable to their children's growth.