In last year's awakening trip "Children, how can I love you", I realized the serious mistakes in educating my children, felt the pain of my children, shed tears of regret two days later, and made up my mind to change after accepting the guidance of my teacher. The teacher said that love should include him, accept him and accept everything unconditionally. Any conditional love is a conspiracy, but it is not connivance. After studying, I am very energetic. In a month's time, it is extremely gentle for children. There are a little more smiles on children's faces, but people always make mistakes. What's more, a child has good communication from the beginning. As time went on, he continued to study insufficiently. When a child makes a mistake, he gradually becomes a referee, always pointing to the child's mistakes and shortcomings. When I forced my child to be weak, he accepted your punishment unconditionally. When I forced my children to be strong, I began to confront each other. I often know that this is not possible for the problems that arise, but I have no good way to solve them. In many cases, it becomes muddling along, and this form of silence actually becomes connivance. Only you know this kind of pain, but there is really no good way. What the moral education teacher said at the parent-teacher conference on May 3, 20021,13, although the teacher expressed some excitement and some extremes, her starting point was good. I hope our children are well. If something really happens, let the teacher talk about it and take care of them. I really didn't sleep that night. I want to find out why children become like this. How to solve it, but I firmly believe that children's problems must be parents' problems. Nantong signed up for study long ago, but I was a little dismissive. This time, the parents' meeting urged my family to study hard and take part in Nantong's "Eight Wisdom of Educating Children" course with questions.
Eight wisdom of educating children: love, praise (positive affirmation), encouragement, affirmation, understanding, companionship (effective communication), tolerance and reminder.
When the teacher asked us what our purpose was? What's the goal? Like many people's understanding, I regard children's education as a goal, and have always been educating children with good academic performance as the goal. The original purpose is where the child wants to go. Goals are every goal that children set to achieve, and going to college should be just one of them. Because of my cognitive mistakes and limited thinking, I can't see the longer-term things, so I have used many methods that I shouldn't but I still think are very useful to educate my children, such as comparing them with people who have studied well, letting them keep learning, letting them listen to their own arrangements, preaching with their own life experiences, and saying that everything they have paid is for him. Is that what he thinks? You've been preaching, does he understand? I even thought he knew everything, but he just wouldn't do it. No, he just heard me say something he didn't want to hear. To solve the problems between my son and me, we must learn and use eight great wisdom:
First, love (the most important wisdom) is spiritual, not material, and love is a verb, so we should take action, especially using body language, so that children and lovers can feel my love in spirit, so that the relationship will become more and more harmonious. The premise of education is to improve the relationship, which is the first, not the legal relationship, but the relationship between heart and heart. We will only listen to each other if our family is close. A son will become active, and an active child will shine there like the sun. And negative children are like the moon, which is different from the previous 15 days. Only by letting your child feel your love, will he know how to be grateful and know that you love him and that you are really good for him. Starting today, I decided to keep my mouth shut. I don't know what to say. I don't want to be a face-to-face opponent for children. I want to be a close ally. To love him is to support him and help him realize his dream.
The second is praise (positive affirmation). Many times, what I am afraid of will come. For example, I clearly hope that he will do well in the exam, but I am worried that he will not do well in the exam, and the result is really bad. Therefore, if we want to think about what he is like, we must say what he is like. Tian Xiuying's mother is a wise mother, which is really an example for us to learn. To make such a physically disabled son become an elite, she has been praising the child, infinitely magnifying the advantages of the child and letting him find a good feeling. Life is a beautiful process, which makes him confirm that he is ok and excellent. From now on, we must positively affirm our children and praise them more. Good children are boastful.
The third is to encourage and praise the advantages of his son, so that his advantages can be infinitely magnified. However, my son will certainly encounter some obstacles on the road to growth, and his mood may also be low. At this time, we should constantly encourage him to cheer up and go forward. As a parent, I must learn to be a good cheerleader and keep cheering for him. I must believe that some flowers bloom early, some flowers bloom late, not all flowers bloom together, but I firmly believe that all flowers in my family bloom together.
The fourth is to confirm that 95% of children's poor learning stems from their own mistakes. I said before, you can't do this, you can't do that, don't be careless, you are too stupid, how can you be so stupid, and you can't do anything. No matter how much I say, it has no effect. It is because I give him too many negative things that he has no confidence in himself and always thinks I am the one who can't learn well. Anyway, I am the one who can't learn well. It turns out that people subconsciously don't accept the word "no", so they can't take "no" in their words. It is normal for a son to encounter problems in his study and life. If everything goes well with him, it will be a blessing. If everything goes well with him, it will be a surprise. We must let him find a strong feeling anytime and anywhere, find the feeling of doing great things, and let him have a responsibility he has to bear.
Fifth, understanding is usually mutual understanding, but I can understand each other several times when I meet something. Many times, I often misunderstand the people I like because of what others say, and I have been complaining about the fault of my lover and my son, which makes them sad. At this time, I haven't shut up. Can you make them listen to what you say? In the end, I was the saddest, still looking for unhappiness, or thinking that they made you sad. So no one in this world can hurt himself unless he is willing to be hurt.
Six, companionship (effective communication) I always thought that I was always accompanying my son. Now I find that my son's companionship in kindergarten is called semi-companionship, and after the beginning of primary school, it is not companionship at all, but companionship. My son is doing his homework, and I sit next to him every day. The math teacher said that the children in Grade One are not literate enough, and they should look at the questions, otherwise they won't do the questions, because they can't understand the questions or the meaning of the questions. I sit beside reading questions every day, and my children have developed the habit of relying on me. Now I feel really stupid, that is, I have reversed my goals and objectives. Being able to do the right question in front of me is just a goal. In the future, the goal is to be able to read the questions independently, examine the questions, understand the meaning of the questions and do all the questions correctly. Therefore, companionship is an effective communication, which enables him to solve difficult problems and solve problems radically.
Seventh, my tolerant son is catching up with me now. He thinks he is an adult, has his own thoughts and is self-centered. He used to think that I was strong and weak, and he did whatever I said. In the third grade, I thought he was disobedient, because he thought I was strong, but he was very strong. Now in the fourth grade, sometimes there will be mistakes and problems. As long as he doesn't want to do it, you don't have to say it, otherwise it will definitely hurt both sides. So now I have to think more about his feelings. In fact, he is not doing well or has problems. He also has remorse in his heart, but he just doesn't know how to solve it. But I have to make it clear that I have to let him do it at once. I think it's good for him. Therefore, when children make mistakes, they should be tolerant, and tolerant children will know how to be grateful.
Eight is a reminder. People always know different people and experience different things. There are always mistakes in life, and you will grow up by making mistakes. Therefore, you should be wise to remind your son when he makes mistakes in the future, and use the five-step formula:
1, praise people (say what kind of person you want him to be)
Step 2 state the facts and express your feelings
3. Let the son tell the truth and tell his thoughts and feelings.
4. Understand children, encourage them and tell them how to improve.
5. reconfirm your child, give him body language and express your love for him.