Therefore, the author concludes that what kind of person a child will become in the future is almost decided at birth. Many times, parents' education is worthless.
The fact is not so pessimistic. Let's look at another twin experiment.
20 18 The Twin Stranger, an American documentary about illegal twin experiments, tells the story of three unknown boys being fostered by different families and accidentally discovering that they are actually identical triplets.
Although the three children grew up in very different families, they have exactly the same personality and hobbies. This bizarre story attracted media reports and a shocking secret.
In fact, their adoption agency is secretly conducting a child psychoanalysis experiment. They foster dozens of pairs of twins to typical families with different backgrounds and track the influence of family education on children. This experiment was conducted by Dr. Peter neubauer, a famous psychiatrist at that time. All the children he selected had certain mental problems.
These three brothers, whose personalities, hobbies and expressions are like looking in the mirror, all have certain congenital mental problems. When facing the biggest crisis in life, their choices are different.
Three boys were in pain and angry. After a big fight, their adoptive parents were doctors and lawyers respectively. Well-educated Bob angrily left his two brothers to find his own life. Growing up in a middle-class family, Eddie, whose adoptive father was strict and stubborn, finally chose to shoot himself.
From this point of view, the difference between adoptive parents does not change the temperament, personality or even hobbies of children, nor does it change the fact that children have mental illness, but it does affect their choices. And making different choices in the face of the same situation, doesn't it determine a person's different life direction? From this perspective, parents' education is not unimportant.
Xiaomei, a 4-year-old, fell down while learning to ride a bike and her skin was worn out. She cried for a while and was faced with an important choice that was not easy for her: Do you want to continue practicing at the risk of wrestling again? Or never ride a bike again?
At this time, my mother's encouragement is too important: "You rode several meters more than last time! You see, from that lamppost to here is this progress! Mom is proud of you! ..... Do you want to ride a few more meters? " The child's expression relaxed. She made a decision and climbed on the bike again.
When I grow up, I graduated from Xiaomei University. However, the job search was not smooth, and the only company willing to accept her offered a very low salary. She is faced with another important choice in life: to stay in the big city and work hard? Or go back to your hometown and settle in a public institution by virtue of your relationship?
At this time, there was a picture of riding a bicycle when I was a child. Even if I fell, I would try again. Coupled with her innate temperament, Xiaomei made this important decision: she wants to stay in the big city and struggle.
Inside Out, which is regarded as a classic by many psychologists, explains the influence of family education on children's choices in this way. All family education, especially those impressive life scenes, will become the core memory and form our ideas and behavior patterns. These ideas and behavior patterns, together with the innate temperament, determine our choices every time.
So how should parents help their children form some positive core images, and then have a positive impact on every choice of their children?
Good parent-child relationship brings children a sense of security and courage. Children with a sense of security are willing to take risks when encountering problems, rather than hiding them in their hearts. If, like me, you miss the best nurturing period of parent-child relationship in ignorance, you can still enhance the trust and intimate relationship with your children by creating warm pictures and scenes.
1, fish face
Probably because I grew up in my grandmother's house before I was 2 years old, my boss always felt insecure and easily got angry. In order to make him smile more, I invented this little family ceremony: when eating fish, I gave him the meat from two "fish noodles" and told him to laugh when eating "fish noodles".
From now on, every time children eat fish, they should eat fish face and then smile. Even if I forget sometimes, he will eat with his face pinched and smile at himself. This makes every time there is fish on the table at home, it becomes warm and beautiful, and children are more willing to express and share it.
Step 2 have a good time
After I really started studying children's psychology, the first change I made was that when I sent my child to the gate of primary school, I stopped telling him to pay attention to lectures and study hard. Instead, I kissed him on the forehead and told him: Mom loves you and I wish you a happy life!
Strange to say, after one and a half seconds, after a semester, my children began to share their school experiences and their puzzles with me, stopped crying when analyzing the test paper, and their grades improved.
Influenced by Professor Li Meijin's speech, I once asked my boss, "What is my mother's most common sentence?" The boss thought for a moment and said, "Failure is the mother of success." This is the concept I instilled in my children.
Because my boss is sensitive, afraid of losing and persistent, I often tell him in various ways: "Failure is the mother of success". In this way, children have formed a correct understanding of the concept of "failure" in a period of time. I remember a parent-teacher meeting, followed by an exchange with the teacher. The class teacher praised the child in particular. Although the English drama was unsuccessful, they were not discouraged and actively participated in other related activities.
As the saying goes, "important things are said three times", and important concepts should be mentioned frequently. At the dinner table, in life, tell your children more about all kinds of new things in society and your views. In a subtle way, the concept enters the child's core memory and helps the child make the right choice when similar situations arise.
The couple who collect waste in the community are very nice. When they collect waste at home, they also take away small rubbish that can't be sold at the door. Sometimes I help you throw away other rubbish. They have a pair of sister flowers. My sister is in junior high school, and she smiles just like her mother. Sometimes, when she saw that the old people in the community bought too many dishes to carry, she would help others take them and send them to the door of the building.
The couple are uneducated, busy every day and don't talk to their children very much. But what children see is their parents' diligence, practicality and helpfulness. This is the best education.
When you have children and want to litter or hurt people, should you think about it? Don't let the children see that they have gone to school?
Children's temperament, personality and even hobbies are closely related to genes, even decided at birth. For these, parents can't change and don't need to change. What parents really need to do is to help children make correct choices at critical moments by influencing their cognition and memory, which may be the real purpose of education.