How to treat children's aggression and fear cannot be changed? Solving problems is to clear the way for children's development. The world of children is pure. Let's share with you how to treat children's aggression and fear.
How to treat children's aggression and fear? 1 school, break between classes. Students stand together in twos and threes, chatting, reading books or notebooks, and some are frolicking and chasing. A nine-year-old boy is reading a comic book. Suddenly, he was rudely dragged out of the world of color pictures. A leftover apple hit him in the face, and the prankster smiled gloatingly, which can't be ignored. He was waiting for the victim's revenge. The victim clenched his fist and walked to the other side-a thin 8-year-old boy, but then returned empty-handed.
How to explain this "retreat"? Probably no one will think that the older, stronger boy is afraid of the provocateur-no way. But maybe the teacher appeared at that moment, or maybe he was afraid that the teacher would criticize himself and dashed his counterattack plan. However, it is not only the direct cause of fear of punishment mentioned in the previous section that stops the attack, but also it is conceivable that the angered child did not give up his original revenge idea because of the influence of external factors. Maybe there's a voice in his heart whispering, "It's unfair to hit someone weaker than you!" " Or "it's not worth doing for such a small thing!" Because man is not just an automatic machine that can respond, in the process of his physical and mental development, he will form complex values, which will regulate his behavior more and more. Even if the executors of punishment-parents or other adults are not present, a preschool child will have a "patron saint" in his heart to remind him once he violates the norms of coexistence with others. His conscience and self-restraint mechanism supervise him to abide by the moral values recognized and accepted by everyone, and prevent him from being driven by his own desires and impulses. Every time he is angry, he responds with his fists or seizes every opportunity to seize ill-gotten gains. In the end, it is the internal value system rather than the fear of punishment that determines whether a person treats setbacks in an appropriate way and controls the desire to invade. However, if a child is given a strict and strict education, his "conscience" reaction is often very strong. Even if he slightly violates the standards set by his parents, he will feel deeply guilty, that is, have a guilty conscience. This can explain why children will not attack without external punishment at all, and may form strong internal contradictions.
Fear is not only a brake to stop the impulse to attack, but also an engine. If a person feels threatened or violated, he doesn't have to run away. He may also defend himself, that is, his fear makes him take risks, leading to an offensive outbreak beyond defense. Under some special circumstances, even the gentlest person will cross the dam that prevents him from committing aggression and become an "angel of revenge" that everyone dare not avoid.
The characteristics of aggression and fear are obviously closely related. They coexist and restrict each other in different ways. In psychotherapy, in many cases, people will encounter children (or parents) who are obviously psychologically timid, and they are also potentially aggressive; On the contrary, those children who are particularly aggressive are actually very timid. These two obvious contrasts can be attributed to one reason: lack of self-confidence. However, it is unpredictable whether a person who lacks self-confidence will show that kind of fear or aggression. On the one hand, it depends on his temperament and physical and mental toughness, on the other hand, it depends on his numerous frustrated experiences in the whole process of physical and mental development, which aggravated or hindered his aggression, and also depends on the unknown and accidental events he experienced. When the growing children who were once regarded as lovely and obedient "leave the beautiful family" and fall into criminal gangs, we often feel confused in the face of such a huge contrast. Psychologically, many times, there is nothing dramatic in it. A person who has been suppressed by authoritative education and often feels shy or angry, accidentally meets a group of people whose behavior is out of control, and finally finds a way to vent his frustration and feels powerful and important. Even if hostility increases, it does not necessarily mean that people's personality is abnormal or morbid. It's a human response. This kind of reaction may appear in each of us, in the family situation we mentioned earlier, under the pressure of close people. Is this an overly pessimistic view? The following experiment will give us some inspiration:
You are invited by a prestigious research institution to participate in a very interesting experiment, and you will get paid for it. This experiment is to determine how various punishments will affect a person's memory and academic performance. The host of the experiment-a gentleman in a white coat takes you into the laboratory. First, you draw a sign and play the role of a teacher according to the instructions on the sign. Another experimental participant sat in the next room and recited some words. However, this classroom has a feature: the chair is a bit like an electric chair. The students are fixed on the chair with a belt, and the upper arms are connected by two metal rings. Now your task is to supervise and control the progress made by students in their studies. The way is to retaliate his mistake with electric shock. To this end, someone taught you how to use the electric pulse generator, which is a machine with 30 joysticks. Electrical pulses range from 15 volts (micro-electrical pulses) to 450 volts (dangerous electrical pulses). According to the experiment, every time a student makes a mistake, the intensity of the electric pulse will increase a little. The experiment can begin.
After the students made five mistakes, you have adjusted the intensity to 75 volts. You asked the test host anxiously, "Does it hurt?" Mr. White firmly reminds you: "The experiment needs you to continue!" You raise the voltage bit by bit. Waves of cries of pain came from the partition wall. You are frightened and stop: "135 volts! This is a bad thing! "The test host never gave in:" The test needs you to continue! " The student made another mistake. You adjust the current to 150 volts, and then you get to 165 volts. The tortured poor man begged and shouted, but you heard an uncompromising voice: "The experiment needs you to continue!" " "You have to do this. Finally, you reached the highest point: 450 volts. Your students are crying in pain, and they have already wailed and sobbed. Now the room is quiet. You brushed the sweat from your forehead and looked at the test host nervously.
What a terrible scene-is this a nightmare? That's not true. You have just participated in one of the strangest and most thrilling experiments in social psychology, which was first conducted by American psychologist Stanley Milgram in 1963 and caused a great sensation. Obviously, you may come out after the first or second electric shock to the students, or you may not take part in such a cruel experiment at all. Anyone who persists until the last moment of pain must be a sadist! But the result is incredible: in a series of experiments, 65% of participants-honest citizens from all walks of life-pressed the last of 30 joysticks. Many of them firmly believe that they must have done serious harm to the students, and some even worry that the students are no longer alive. Now you may think that the situation in the United States should be like this! But in Germany, the test results are even more surprising. The Max-Rurank Institute in Munich repeated this experiment, of which 85% (! ) The participants in the experiment persevered to the end. The tortured people are naturally cooperating with scientists, and their "pain" is only imitating dubbing, but this information experiment is over before telling the sadist.
How to explain this blind and unconditional obedience? Obviously, most of us will do this in some cases. Can it be said that the instructions given by the test host to the test participants awakened and stimulated their pent-up desire to attack, which they can't vent in their daily lives? This speculation is not impossible. Because, in our world, persecution and atrocities that occur every day are not necessarily carried out on orders. People always find that abusers get pleasure from the pain endured by the victims of their actions, a kind of cruel sadistic pleasure. Therefore, it is not excluded that in milgram's research, some participants will feel more or less satisfied when they think they have caused pain to students. However, most participants were very scared and tried to resist the host's orders. However, they went on with the experiment because a voice in their hearts commanded, "You should follow the instructions (blindly)!" This voice is more important than the principle that you should not hurt (or even kill) others! "Much better. A person's inherent fear of hurting others (in conscience) can't resist the fear of authority figures. Other similar experiments have also proved that, in fact, it is the existence of the moderator (or a team of participants as supervisors) that plays a decisive role in faithfully executing the experimenter's orders, rather than accepting the responsibility entrusted by the official institutions. If the teacher who operates the electric pulse generator is left alone in the room, almost no one will continue to do the experiment after the students cry out in pain. And if the host gives an order by phone, the teacher will also choose low current intensity to play a trick. In this case, human nature obviously overcomes the responsibility of imaginative science.
Fear of being criticized by authoritative figures or rejected by close people, that is, fear of losing love, is the ultimate reason why Milgram's experiment shows incomprehensible cruelty and shocks the world. What is really surprising is that the important psychological background-the psychological background that people show when they find it difficult or inconvenient to refuse in their daily life-is greatly ignored in the discussion about experiments. Is it the desire to pay attention to the unborn person and the negative phenomenon that people have to endure? Yes, but no. The irresistible desire for warmth, safety and recognition is inherent in every child-indeed. Only parents give enough care ideologically and emotionally to meet their children's basic needs as soon as possible, and children don't have to doubt whether they are all accepted, then they will soon learn to like themselves, and their hearts will calm down and feel their own value. In short, they will build a healthy self-awareness. A strong person like this will firmly say "no" when most people answer "yes" loudly, and will oppose the authoritative figures in white coats for good reasons, that is to say, he will carry out his own ideas and show his inner courage in all aspects of life. It makes sense that such people rarely use aggressive methods to solve contradictions. We can also infer that such a person with strong self-awareness will never torture others "for the sake of science".
However, 85% of the experimental participants, despite a strong ideological struggle, still gave in to the requirements of the host. It sounds incredible. These people who accept the host's request are more or less afraid of authority, or they may be afraid of their parents' authoritative attitude when they were young. Moreover, they are also afraid of rejection, because in the process of growing up, they have not been paid enough attention to their thoughts and feelings. In fact, the conversation with parents and the observation of children show that the characteristic of "daily" education is that parents refuse to care more about their children, and parents have not realized this.
The above considerations clearly show that in order to effectively eliminate children's aggression, we must pay attention to children's overall personality. Even if the child is stiff, shy or even timid, this character cannot be regarded as a victory in the struggle against vicious behavior. Because, as Milgram's experiment shows in a shocking way, a person who follows the crowd and obeys others is easily instigated to commit aggression. To this end, our education should give children a sense of security and care, and at the same time, through consistent methods, find ways to make them walk with their heads held high. This is really not a simple task. However, the second part of this book will tell you that what we are facing is by no means an insoluble problem. In fact, in most cases, a series of trivial reasons lead to children's worrying and annoying aggression.
How to treat children's aggression and fear 2 1? Preventing problems is more important than solving them. Personal experience, the child's control has not developed well, playing too high may be more serious with you, and the brain is out of control. Of course, it is also possible to form the habit of solving problems. If the child shows signs of violence, then pay attention to some planning when arranging activities to stop the child's emotions;
2. It is also very important to observe the violence itself, whether the child takes the initiative to attack, or over-defends, or even often misses. Most children's aggression seems to be defensive in nature, that is, after being provoked, they can't coordinate their emotions before taking aggression. In this part, I think parents need to have situational drills with their children to exercise their defense ability. Simple preaching is ineffective, because in the case of the scene, the child's emotions may suddenly come up and be out of control. If you play too much, I think parents should not be too sensitive. Everyone makes mistakes. If you take the initiative, parents should flatly refuse and make some restrictions.
3, but no matter what aggressive behavior the child shows, forgive the child himself. Always understand that the child just wants to solve some problems. He doesn't know how to solve them, so he will use attack.
4. Sometimes some seemingly aggressive behaviors are purely games. Parents just need to be tolerant. Once a student suddenly lifted his foot and kicked my right leg. Because I was just hit and my right leg was injured, I told him: My right leg is injured. You can kick my left leg if you want. He smiled and went to do his homework.