The TV series "Golden Marriage" describes the marriage of an ordinary China couple, a primary school math teacher Wen Li and a factory technician Tong Zhichang for half a century. We are moved because almost every one of us will encounter what the hero has experienced. Fifty years of working together not only means common experience, but also means different confusion, pain, patience and persistence.
However, under the modern lifestyle and the emotional attitude of the younger generation, this is an imaginable myth.
Let's imagine ourselves as the hero and heroine of Golden Wedding, and make our own golden wedding together!
Interviewed experts: Wang Yanling, psychologist, deputy director of psychological clinic of China-Japan Friendship Hospital.
20~30 wedding theme:
Sweet care
Plot: 1956 During the Spring Festival, a friend of Tong Zhi, a young technician in a heavy machinery factory, got married, and Tong Zhi met Wen Li, a beautiful young primary school math teacher. After many contacts, love quietly sprouted. After experiencing some twists and turns in love, at the request of Wen Li's mother, Tong Zhi wrote a marriage guarantee, promising to fully support and actively cooperate with everything Wen Li likes after marriage. 1956 At the end, two lovers finally got married.
Expert analysis: in marriage, it is naive to ask one party to sign a letter of guarantee or three chapters of the contract. Before getting married, Li was very dependent on her parents. After marriage, she hopes to rely on her husband. She has always regarded herself as a child instead of taking on the responsibility of marriage.
However, regardless of age, income and status, both husband and wife should be equal, understand each other and tolerate each other from the day they say "I do". Husband and wife are two adults. After marriage, two people are equal, and there is no reason why one party will always tolerate the other like a child. Moreover, the letter of guarantee means that one party subconsciously does not trust the other party, which will bring various contradictions and hidden dangers to the future marriage.
Tips: Five years before marriage should be a running-in period. There will be many unaccustomed places and many contradictions. At this time, everyone should regard marriage as an adult-trust, tolerance and responsibility. If one party makes unprincipled concessions to the other party, it may bring temporary harmony, but it will condone what the other party says under the cover of guarantee.
A sense of security has no real meaning for marriage. It cannot guarantee any marriage. Mutual trust is the foundation of marriage. Secondly, tolerance, courage to assume the responsibility of marriage and safeguard marriage.
30~40 years old marriage theme:
Wife quarrels.
Plot: Wen Li's mother-in-law came to Beijing from Chongqing. For some reason, Li Wen can't meet her at the railway station. Wen Li and her mother-in-law were enemies from the beginning. After her mother-in-law came, Wen Li shared a room with her mother-in-law. She and Wen Li are at odds everywhere. She is critical of everything, big and small, saying that Wen can't cook at home. Wen Li dare not talk back to her mother-in-law. All her grievances are on Tong Zhi, and she always runs back to her family. My mother-in-law is very dissatisfied with Comrade Wen's complaints. Tongzhi was caught between two women and was afraid to go home.
Analysis: More than 90% of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will have certain contradictions. Nowadays, many couples are only-child families, and mothers love their sons more. However, many wives can't accept their parents' lifestyle and ideas, which makes the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law more intense.
There must be a generation gap between the two generations. The most important thing to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not to cover up the existence of this generation gap, but how to build a bridge in it.
Tips: First of all, we should face up to the root of this contradiction and tolerate and allow the existence of this generation gap and life differences. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is based on respect. When there is a contradiction, the daughter-in-law should not enlarge it, for example, if she is angry, she will go back to her family. If family members participate together, even the smallest things will become big things.
Secondly, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult to solve fundamentally. If there are contradictions, try to avoid confrontation. My son should be able to play a good role in communication and coordination. Buying small gifts for mother-in-law often helps to build a harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, such as giving gifts to each other on holidays, taking mother-in-law shopping together and so on.
The so-called heart-to-heart, this will make the other party feel warm, so they are more willing to contact and chat. After talking to each other, even if there are some contradictions, it is easier to understand and eliminate.
40~50 years old marriage theme:
Encounter "extramarital affairs"
Plot in the play: Tong Zhi is highly valued in the unit and his work enthusiasm is high. By chance, I met Li Tianjiao, a child from Gao Qian, at the factory, and they chatted. Li Tianjiao fell in love with Tong Zhi who looked in a trance. Later, Wen Li's application for teacher training was rejected, and she was very depressed. Xiao Xia, a new colleague, is very friendly and considerate to Wen Li, showing her feelings beyond ordinary colleagues. Wen Li felt the long-lost concern of the opposite sex. The relationship between husband and wife drifted away and finally divorced. They went to the office for divorce, only to find that the hukou book was hidden by the child's mother, as if destined to give each other another chance.
Analysis: Extramarital affairs are the first killer of marriage, but not every family will have extramarital affairs. Most people in their forties and fifties have stable and successful careers and are easily favored and admired by the opposite sex. Coupled with the plain marriage relationship, it is easy to have extramarital affairs and pursue fresh and exciting feelings of love. However, many people are just emotionally derailed, and they can still grasp themselves well and be responsible for their marriage and family.
Tip: First of all, don't be too proud of your success. Otherwise, when others flatter you, you will easily get lost and you will be tempted.
Secondly, don't let yourself feel empty and idle, increase your self-cultivation, deliberately cultivate some noble interests and enrich your heart. Such as mountain climbing, traveling, stamp collecting, etc.
Third, make more family-centered friends. If many friends around you have had affairs, they will relax their demands on themselves. Most friends are in charge of the family, so the resistance to affairs will increase.
Finally, the key is to communicate more and develop a good relationship between husband and wife. Husband and wife need to communicate more, talk more and care more about each other's work and health, in order to feel the sweetness of marriage and maintain a good marriage relationship, and naturally put an end to extramarital affairs. Even if there is an affair, it is easy for the derailed party to return to its original position.
The theme of marriage between 50 and 60 years old:
Argue about children's problems
Plot: Wen Li realizes that her menopausal symptoms are getting worse and worse, and she is always worried. The children are not worried. Many adolescent daughters always oppose Wen Li; My daughter Yan Ni didn't say hello when she got married in a foreign country. Naughty sons and classmates rob money, teachers ask parents, and so on. However, the way childlike innocence treats children is relatively tolerant, and Wen Li often blames childlike innocence for indulging children. There are many differences between them on issues such as children's marriage education.
Expert analysis: Parents have different attitudes towards their children because of different concepts. Generally speaking, strict father is a loving mother, but in the play, she is a strict mother and a loving father. Because men generally don't care too much, and some small things are more tolerant, which is not necessarily good for children. However, disagreement between parents may lead to the formation of multi-faceted personality and affect children's judgment on things.
Tip: First of all, husband and wife should strengthen communication. Even if there are contradictions, then one party can keep his own point of view for future communication, but two people should have a unified attitude in front of the children.
When children grow up, don't interfere too much with their marriage problems. Children are not clay figurines. You can be whoever you want to be. Most parents think I am your parents. I did it for your own good. You should have listened to me. If so, he will never listen to you.
Children are independent individuals with their own opinions and thoughts. The two generations live in different times and backgrounds, so their thoughts will be different.
Understanding children means respecting their ideas. Learn to be friends with children, let them know what their parents think and objectively analyze their suggestions. If you just interfere blindly, children will be hostile. The more parents object, the more they push their children against their parents.
The main theme of marriage over 60:
Laoxiangban
Plot: After the death of Wen Li's neighbor Zhuang Sao, her husband was devastated. Seeing this, Wen Li and Tongzhi argued, and both sides hoped to be one step ahead of each other. Wen is strict with the little babysitter, and childish is too polite. The old couple often quarreled about it and lived in separate rooms in a rage. When winter came, the old couple returned to the same bed in order to keep warm with each other.
Analysis: The contradiction between elderly couples will increase. When you are young, because both husband and wife are busy with work and education, even if there is a contradiction, it will not be too serious. But the old couple get along with each other day and night, and it is easy to magnify each other's shortcomings. In addition, when they enter old age, some shortcomings in their personality, such as stubbornness and self-centeredness, tend to become more and more obvious.
Suggestion: Understand each other's mentality before you can understand each other. When you get older, you will become picky because you are afraid of loneliness. In fact, it is precisely because of the need for each other's company that this situation will occur. He's telling you that he needs to be taken care of. So you have to understand each other and tolerate his willfulness.
To have an active social life, reduce the time spent alone by two people every day and enrich your life can delay the decline of body and intelligence and weaken the decline of personality.
Let yourself bear certain responsibilities and try to do something for others, so that the elderly will have a psychological support and let themselves live happier.
You can find each other's advantages in one second and love him. Then, use the rest of your life to tolerate each other's shortcomings and tolerate him. Perhaps, the happiest thing is that he is still with you when we have gone through vicissitudes and years have passed.
A happy marriage starts from scratch. We should tolerate and understand each other, so that we can have better love.