My friend has always claimed that his concept of parenting is completely open, and he does everything with a child's temper. Because it takes too much time and energy to raise a small life. He doesn't want to spend too much time taking care of the children, so he can only take the way of stocking to avoid responsibility and make life easier.
Now that he has a child, he has taken a completely opposite idea from his mother, that is, to give the child absolute freedom and completely let him go. He once said, "Every time I see my baby, I think of my childhood. My mother is too strict with me. At that time, I had no ability to resist, so I had to obey completely. I really want to live my childhood again, but there is no way to go back. I have been suppressing this idea until I have a baby. I want him to live a brand-new childhood, full of freedom and no bondage. " So he completely indulged the child's any behavior, just to realize his childhood dream.
Children can't control themselves when they are young, and it's easy to divert attention and give up. At this time, parents' "heteronomy" is needed to help children gradually acquire the qualities needed to accomplish something mentioned above, and gradually change from heteronomy to self-discipline after 10 years old. Giving up lightly is not only a waste of time and energy, but more importantly, it misses the critical period of transition from heteronomy to self-discipline, and children are prone to form the habit of willfulness and "thinking as one".
Children give up learning about talent again and again, yes, by him! Parents only panic when their children don't go to school and don't want to take the college entrance examination-it's difficult to go back to make up lessons at this time. The requirement of normal social behavior may be unfair to children. At this time, even if he wants to control himself, he can't, which will make the child experience deeper frustration.
Is the child grateful for this kind of education without requirements? The real "free-range" child is to give the child a certain space for free play and growth, but it does not mean that the parents completely let go, even when the child should be strictly disciplined. This is not love, but hurt.
What should we pay attention to for "free-range" children? (Worth collecting) We should not only create freedom for children, but also help them by standing by. Children need freedom to grow up. Parents should never think about letting their children copy your success or make up for your shortcomings. A child is an independent individual from birth. We should set him free and don't use your thoughts to completely control his behavior.
When a child encounters a problem and doesn't know what to do, we should stand up and give him some help and provide some solutions. For example, children like painting and can create freely on paper. He can draw animals with their original colors, or he can draw any color with his imagination. Don't point fingers at his choice, let him think about what he is doing now.
But when he scribbled where he shouldn't, he even deliberately left paint all over the floor, just to do whatever he wanted. At this time, parents should stand up and give their children some help, let him know where the boundaries of freedom are and what the correct behavior is like.
Help children do self-control training and cultivate self-discipline
Some parents dare not give their children any freedom, let alone take the way of stocking. Because parents are very afraid that once their children are released, they will become uncontrollable. On the other hand, some parents also don't trust their children at all, thinking that children have no self-control at all, and if they don't supervise at all times, they will fall out. This kind of captive education makes children feel pain and parents become very tired. In fact, children's self-discipline can be cultivated. If he can become more self-disciplined, then his parents will become more relaxed.
Learning all kinds of useful things has become the norm for most children. Children's interests don't matter at all, what matters is whether what they learn is useful for the future. Our generation has been taught to study mathematics and physics since childhood, and is not afraid to travel all over the world. But when we grow up, when we encounter all kinds of problems and puzzles, mathematics and physics are not helpful; On the contrary, some parents think it is useless, but what they like since childhood can help us solve the troubles of life. Gao has a very good saying: "Let children know how to get along with them in an unsuccessful life. No matter what kind of sadness they encounter, they can be calm and indifferent, and live with peace of mind for a long time without complaint. "