Yuan Yue
Children make mistakes, just like adults. Sometimes it's not intentional, sometimes it's intentional. Before criticizing children, first ask why, be objective and calm, not preconceived ideas. If children think that their parents' criticism is justified, they will sincerely accept your point of view and then try to correct it. If you only cared about fear at that time, then the mistake was made in vain, the criticism was in vain, and no lesson was learned.
Allow children to make mistakes, correct them after making mistakes, establish a better concept and forge a better character. Instead of expanding the negative impact of mistakes, it will inadvertently cause a devastating blow. The mother criticized the child for saying this, and then finished, adding "Mom believes you can do it".
My cousin's child, Yuyu, has just turned five years old and is in a large kindergarten class. One day after school, I brought a red plastic bird home. At first glance, my cousin insisted that "the child stole it from kindergarten". Although the child said it was "given by the teacher", my cousin didn't believe it at all, because "how can the kindergarten give out toys?" Cousin took it for granted that Yuyu lied and put Yuyu in the living room at night and refused to eat until she admitted her mistake. The reason is, "stealing and lying at such a young age will be great when she grows up?" If you don't discipline yourself strictly now, you will go to jail in the future. "
Yuyu cried with a toy and refused to admit her mistake. Her frustrated cousin hit Yuyu's hand several times. Yuyu dropped the toy and ran back to the room to close the door and cry, crying and falling asleep. The next day, my cousin sent Yuyu to kindergarten and returned the plastic bird to the teacher. The teacher said, "Every child got a small toy gift yesterday. There is no need to send it back." Cousin realized that she had wronged Yuyu yesterday and looked at the unhappy expression of the child. My cousin really regrets it.
Yes, no mother wants to make such an inappropriate mistake, wronged a child who is full of arguments, and punished him by skipping dinner and hitting people. But think about it, if it is really Yuyu who took the kindergarten toys home without the teacher's consent, what does it mean? Explain that Yuyu's mother is worried about "stealing and lying at such a young age, will it be better when she grows up?" If you don't discipline yourself strictly now, you will go to jail in the future. "
Are these comments "lying", "stealing" and "imprisonment" fair? Is it objective? What kind of influence does this have on children? What kind of self-evaluation? We can criticize children's misconduct, but we should "talk about the matter" and "give a plan" instead of "storm" and "completely deny"
We can ask the child what is going on first, and then verify whether what the child said is accurate. If it is true that the child brought the small toy back without the teacher's consent after verification, we should also give the child a step down. "Yuyu, do you like this little toy very much? Do you want to take it back to play and send it back to kindergarten tomorrow? Or just want to play at home? "
After getting the child's answer, I told the child calmly, "The toys in the kindergarten belong to everyone and can't be taken away by yourself. If everyone takes toys home casually, there will be no toys in kindergarten, right? " If you like a toy very much, you should ask the teacher if you can take it home to play and take it back to kindergarten the next day. You can't take other people's things without the teacher's permission, can you? If a child comes to our house and takes your toys without your permission, is it ok? You won't be happy, will you? So do you want to send this toy back to kindergarten tomorrow? If you really like it, just tell mom, and mom will find a way to buy it for you, okay? "
In this conversation, I didn't denigrate the child's dignity, insult the child's personality, and hurt the child's heart with bad words. Children also understand what to do and what not to do, draw a clear line of behavior and understand the rules.
At the same time, this kind of thing has happened and passed. Don't mention old things easily, and don't tell your children's grandparents, uncles and aunts over and over again, or even joke. Every time I say it, it makes my child embarrassed, lost and ashamed. It does not play an educational role, but alienates the parent-child relationship.
If the child's mistakes are not intentional, such as falling down while walking, breaking a vase, soiling the wall and deleting the phone book, we can't just teach you a lesson like a conditioned reflex: "Why are you so careless?" "Look what you have done?" "Can you save snacks for others?" "I owe you in my last life." These words are just adults venting their emotions casually, and children get nothing.
How can I walk without falling? How to take the vase? What kind of place can I draw casually? How to play the game in the mobile phone? Emotional lessons just make children tremble with fear. Children with very limited experience don't know all the rules of this world. They grew up through constant mistakes.
You can criticize, you can't criticize.
Criticism is to solve problems and put forward improvement plans on the basis of facts. Criticism is an outspoken vent, which magnifies the situation, causes psychological oppression to children and damages self-confidence and self-esteem. Looking back, when children grow up, they will treat people around them, including their parents. They are emotionally biased, only see the dark side of things, and can't see hope.
One day, the child said, "You see how timid you are in your life. You've only mixed up with a small clerk for so many years and accomplished nothing. Look at how successful and beautiful other people's fathers are when they become directors and rich people. Your life is really a failure. It's a pity to have a father like you. " Can you accept it? Of course not, but what are you talking about? "Look at you, you didn't learn well at an early age. He must be a criminal when he grows up. We raised you for nothing. Look at Lao Wang's good grades and his children are obedient. What can you compare with others as an enemy? "
These critical conversations remain in the child's mind in an impressive way, and then it is not surprising that he will attack the shield with the child's spear one day. Many children have a very bad relationship with their parents when they grow up. Although everyone with discerning eyes can see the love and dedication of parents, it is the improper parenting style adopted by parents in the name of love that separates children from their parents and destroys the harmonious and beautiful parent-child relationship.
Therefore, when children make mistakes, those of us who have experienced it can criticize with a gentle and serious attitude and put forward suggestions for improvement. But don't criticize like a storm, so as not to hurt the child's immature heart that longs for love and support.