This book is divided into determination, self-confidence, goal, tolerance and thinking to talk about the growth of smart mothers and the education of children. So on the one hand, we share our children's educational methods, but the main line is the growth history of smart mothers.
As a consultant, the author can see that structured decision-making and automobile decision-making methods, intelligent goal-setting principles, mind maps, SWOT analysis, mind maps, action plans, lists and so on are all commonly used structured thinking methods and problem-solving methods for consultants.
It is a good attempt to apply these methods to personal growth and children's education.
Children's educational history is often the growth history of parents. There is a view in the book that children are educating us and correcting our inherent thinking on many things, rather than educating children.
Every parent is extremely eager for success, but adults' understanding of success is power and wealth, and their understanding of value is interest. Children, in fact, are very smart and will subtly observe and influence. In other words, we unconsciously pass on the values of the adult world to our children.
So what do children really need? One of the points mentioned in the book is as follows:
Every parent wants to be a role model for their children. This example is not measured by simple wealth, but whether you have given up growth, whether you are constantly learning and making progress, and whether you can achieve a high degree of self-discipline and responsibility. The best education must be words and deeds, not simple orders and demands.
Independent personality and way of thinking
Many years ago, I was thinking about whether some ways of thinking in the adult world can be applied to children's education. The core is how to develop a way of looking at things and thinking about problems.
This is not a simple introduction to mind mapping, but more importantly, what I am talking about in my thinking framework is how to look at a thing, from external to internal, from dynamic behavior to static structure, from perceptual to rational. These are the key points to form a complete thinking method. Children's play and games in kindergarten are actually observation and cognition of the real world, so the core purpose of introducing various ways of thinking is a key change in time, that is, from simple observation and cognition to exploring the unknown.
Only the independence of thinking and consciousness can realize the independence of personality.
AI era-the ability that children need
In the above article, I am talking about the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which emphasizes classical methods and romantic methods, science and art, rationality and sensibility. In fact, in the process of continuous development of AI, only the content that can be abstracted and formulated by methods will be replaced, that is, rationality, science, models or formulas will be replaced. What is truly irreplaceable is sensibility, art and aesthetics.
For example, we are talking about painting, music, sculpture, traditional art and literary works. These are usually difficult to replace.
What is cross-domain?
Simply put, the more AI develops, the more serious binary independence becomes. What is really irreplaceable is the ability to integrate science and art, and the ability to integrate sensibility and rationality. So now you let your children learn some music, piano and painting, not to say that you want them to take a professional artistic route, but to really activate their sensibility and unconstrained style as soon as possible and activate their right brain visualization ability.
The real value of time lies not in saving, but in accumulation and precipitation.
Neither parents' personal growth nor children's education can be achieved overnight. What is needed is the accumulation and precipitation of time. This is a long process, from the birth of children, infants, primary schools and secondary schools.
In the process of children's education, not only children are growing, but more importantly, parents themselves are constantly learning and growing. For most families, many failures in children's education are not that parents give up their children's growth, but that they hope their children can successfully impose their unfulfilled ideals on their children.
Momo's book is not only suitable for mom, but also for dad. Generally speaking, fathers are more inclined to focus on their work and career, simply to earn money, while more family and children's education is done by mothers. If both parents are career-oriented, many children's education and companionship are left to grandparents.
For most families, the balance between work and life is actually extremely difficult.
So, are you giving up your career, your goals and your life plan for the sake of family and children's education? If you have similar doubts, you can actually read this book, which will bring you more inspiration and thinking.
I won't describe and extract the rest of the book in detail here. This part really triggered my personal thinking about children's education, and I want to talk about it briefly.
I want to express a point here first, that is, all people who don't take care of their children are not qualified to talk about the topic of children's education. Including myself, I also talk about the feeling of convenient education when there are no children, but when you really have children, your personal feelings and experiences are completely different.
Including many books about parenting education at present, many methods in them do have certain practical guiding significance, but they must not be copied. Books show you more beautiful things than anything else. If it is so easy to teach a sensible, obedient and learning-loving child, then all children will lose their independent personality and personality and become mass production similar to an assembly line. Then this is obviously not what we want to see.
Parent-child and children's education
If I really only talk about one key point, I am willing to put companionship and empathy first.
This actually emphasizes two contents. First of all, you should have enough time to accompany your children, play with them and study with them. The second is empathy, weakening or removing the role of your parents, and learning what children contact and learn.
A few years ago, I was in Beijing on a business trip for a big project. Generally, I will go back to my hometown in 2 or 3 months to accompany my children 1 to 2 weeks. The result is that children don't kiss me, I don't listen to anything, and I have no sense of identity. And every time I go home, I buy all kinds of gifts to please her, but this can't solve the problem at all, and the child will return to its original state after it is fresh.
If money can solve the problem, it is obviously not a problem.
Obviously, children's education can't be solved simply with money. Children's education can not be solved simply by copying various theories. So you often wonder why other people's children are so good and obedient, and it is completely different when they arrive at your home.
In fact, the real problem lies in companionship and empathy. I am accompanying my children to grow and learn.
When you realize this, you have taken an important step, but it is not enough. The biggest problem here is that you think you are giving, and you are passive. All further feelings should be that children are also accompanying me to grow up and walk through the present years together. I'm teaching my children, and my children are teaching me something.
What is true companionship?
I'm in kindergarten now, so I'll ask you a few questions for you to look at.
With companionship, education has a foundation. All education is done imperceptibly in the process of companionship.
You will build a Lego with your child, play chess with your child, show weakness to your child and ask her for help, or complete arithmetic, poetry reading and other content through gamification.
All that is needed is the investment of time.
In my previous article, I actually talked about a point that sometimes there is no balance between work and life, but where you really focus. When you focus on life and children, then you must give up some career pursuits or obsession with money.
Simple praise or anger may have an effect in the early stage, but it can't last. What really lasts is intention. This intention is based on companionship and commonality, and the resulting sense of participation in children's growth.
In fact, I played occasionally when my children were young.
Although we often read many books saying not to hit children, you should adopt a positive way of discipline.
Active discipline is a way to discipline children without punishment or connivance. Only in a cordial and firm atmosphere can children cultivate self-discipline, sense of responsibility, cooperative spirit and problem-solving ability, learn social skills and life skills that will benefit them for life, and achieve good academic results.
Positive discipline is neither simple nor rude, nor is it corporal punishment, nor is it that children are helpless and spoiled when they cry. We hope to find a better way of education between strictness and connivance.
But I believe that there are very few children who have not really been beaten.
What is the point here?
After the baby is born, you may be a parent for the first time. You may have read many books on parenting but haven't practiced them, so you will take many detours in the process of parenting and let your children develop some bad habits. Or you don't have strict self-discipline, set an example by yourself, and let your children form some bad habits imperceptibly.
Children deliberately make a hullabaloo about in public, dawdle in front of the supermarket, don't brush their teeth in the morning, don't get up, be rude to others and never admit their mistakes.
The longer this bad habit or problem accumulates, the easier it is to break out. Do you want children to get rid of these problems through simple positive discipline? This is obviously unrealistic.
So why don't some families have these conditions? Simply put, parents are conscious enough to set an example. Secondly, parents kill their children in time when they find that they have similar bad habits.
When the problem really arises, it is actually difficult to solve it in a simple way.
So sometimes you can't help getting angry, or corporal punishment of children, hoping to show your authority through corporal punishment, but corporal punishment itself brings too many problems, which is harmful and useless.
So why can't you help it sometimes?
As we can imagine, you are very tired after a day's work alone, and it is useless for you not to let your children practice the piano. At this time, you must want to solve the problem quickly in the simplest and rudest way.
As we do in the IT industry, if something goes wrong with a software system, the easiest way is to restart it.
What's the really better way?
This goes back to the word time, that is, you should have enough time to spend with your children, you should devote enough energy to playing games with your children, and let them spend most of their time.
I still remember when my child was three years old, he once bought a toy at the gate of the supermarket. I didn't agree. I told my children that you have bought toys this week, so you can't sell them any more, and you can't violate the rules. So the child will definitely enforce your rules? Obviously impossible, so the child cried at the gate of the supermarket and stayed.
I took the children out of the supermarket and sat on the steps outside.
I told my child that dad would never buy it for you today. If you don't go, I will stay here with you. Dad will sleep here at night. This floor is comfortable to sleep on.
So it took me 30 minutes from the time I finished talking to the time when the child finally took the lead. Can you think about it? If this is the case, would you like to spend 30 minutes with your child? After the child is born, she wants to find a step, and I want to carry it home, which means that my daughter punished her father once in her own way.
Therefore, if you don't want to do corporal punishment, you must know how to waste words and spend a lot of energy and time, but I personally think it is definitely worth it.
A key to the failure of many parents' education is being defeated by their own patience.
For one thing, it is definitely not that children will listen after a few times. In addition to setting an example by yourself, it is necessary to repeat it constantly, and often children will form consciousness and habits. This energy consumption is considerable. And you need to be patient, which is often more difficult.
This truth is actually mentioned in many books.
That is, when you ask your child to do anything, you must repeatedly emphasize it in advance and constantly give your child psychological expectations. Instead of letting children accept your arrangements and ideas unprepared.
For example, today is the weekend, and the children want to talk about the piano, but they want to go out to play first. So during the whole day of going out to play, I may repeatedly emphasize that I will talk about the piano when I get home. You promised your father that you would do it. When children form psychological expectations, it is often the child who will take the initiative to do something instead of passively accepting the arrangement.
Show strength under equality
When you come to see me, it is easier for you to communicate with children from the perspective of children and equality with children. Show strength when it is time to show strength, and show weakness when it is time to show weakness.
Let me give you a few small examples for your reference.
For example, when I play chess with my children, I will say that you have gone back on your word, why can't Dad go back on his word, or that I won, and I will never lose on purpose. It's normal to win or lose, so children should really accept failure. Play chess with children on an equal footing and follow the rules. I remember once, the child cried for a long time when he lost, and I wouldn't let him. In the end, the child compromised and accepted the failure.
It's good to be competitive, but more importantly, you can face failure calmly.
So where are the weaknesses?
For example, I will tell my children that in our family, dad protects you, and you should also protect your mother, because you are already a big child. The child will ask next, how can I protect my mother when I am so young? Then I went on to say, you can't make your mother angry, or you can remind her of something important.
For example, if a child plays the piano, I would say that his father is getting stronger and weaker and hasn't learned it yet. Can you teach dad? Or how to play this toy? Dad won't. This weakness has played a very good role.
Gamification
This can actually be written in a separate article. In fact, a lot of education is often done through gamification, competition and children. For example, if I recite Tang poems, I will say that dad said the last sentence and you said the next one. Whoever doesn't say it first will lose. For example, doing arithmetic, I would say, practice your feelings, or you will definitely lose the game with grandpa at the weekend. For example, we can buy a toy by gargling in the morning and evening, punching cards and sticking small red flowers, and accumulating enough 10 small red flowers.
This is how the game is played. Because only play is the real self-interest drive, and it is an active behavior. When you are willing to take the initiative to learn, it is often the most effective method.
First, we extract some explanations about early childhood education from Baidu Encyclopedia.
Now preschool education is more standardized and templated. The reason is that only in this way can it be scaled up, and at the same time, it can also improve the efficiency output of teachers themselves. The more you want personalized service, the more expensive it is. This is actually the same reason that we do software products and services. But in fact, it is relatively difficult to truly achieve differentiated analysis and targeted training and improvement based on each child.
Personally, I think the more important pre-school education mainly includes.
Behavior habit cultivation: form good living and working habits, first, form the concept of time, and second, form the concept of doing things in order. Form basic behavioral cognition, including obeying traffic rules, knowing how to share, using polite language and knowing how to be grateful.
Cultivation of cognitive exploration: cultivate children's cognitive and self-exploration abilities, get in touch with new things, learn to observe things, cultivate hobbies, and prepare to cultivate self-cognitive ability in the learning process. And cultivate their interest and sentiment in exploring new things.
Communication ability: people are always a group creature. We should cultivate communication skills from an early age, understand others' expressions, express ourselves well and communicate well with others. Knowing how to control your emotions is often the hardest.
Sports coordination ability: this is also the key ability to be cultivated from an early age. You should exercise more and cultivate some hobbies similar to sports, such as unicycle, scooter, playing with sand or water. Develop your physical strength and attention through exercise and simple play.
Cultivation of artistic aesthetics: everyone has a hobby and pursuit of beauty, and so do children. We should cultivate the pursuit of beauty from an early age. Observing nature, observing things and feeling more, and cultivating children's interest in music and painting are the most basic cultivation of beauty and artistic ability.
Therefore, the focus of preschool education must be to form early independent personality traits through behavior habits, communication, cognitive exploration and artistic aesthetics. This independent personality is the fusion of sensibility and rationality; It is a kind of integration that can not only publicize personality and be unconstrained, but also follow basic rules and disciplines.
And you will see that the above points have a lot to do with parents' own behavior habits, personality characteristics and hobbies. Early childhood education has never been a simple matter for kindergartens, but a process of building homes together. As for family education, personally, the most important points are as follows:
Some parents quarrel every day but ask their children to know how to be grateful and tolerant. Parents play mobile phones and mahjong every day, but let their children learn to read by themselves. The child has regressed in his studies, instead of analyzing the objective reasons, he just reprimanded him. All these will cause children to encounter obstacles in the formation of personal values and personality.
Standard products are all industrial products, but different products are works of art, and you are the light of children. As long as you educate your children with your heart, you should not be restricted by any fixed educational methods. You don't turn a child into an industrial product produced by an assembly line, but really shape him into a work of art with an independent personality.