Teenagers don't know what it's like to worry. At the age of flower season, you should study quietly on campus or look forward to a bright future under the care of your parents. However, some of them went to places where they shouldn't have gone, and left behind bars in a daze. The journey of life has just set sail, and it ran aground in a black corner, like a scar that is difficult to heal, staying on the trunk of life forever, and some even died. According to the author's investigation of two cases of "young men killing their relatives" in Xichuan County, Henan Province, the causes of the crime are shocking and shocking!
Case 1: I was annoyed by my mother's scolding and threw poison at my mother and my sister.
Yang Hao was born in a mountain village in Wansheng Town, Xichuan County, Henan Province. He was only 14 years old. He is the only boy in the family, and his kind parents have regarded him as the apple of their eye since childhood. I hope he will study hard, grow up and make the Yang family shine. When she was in primary school, Yang Hao didn't live up to her parents' expectations. Her academic performance has always been among the best, and she has been praised by teachers and classmates. She has been rated as a "three good" student for many times. When he was in the first grade of junior high school, Yang Hao's academic performance plummeted, and he was soon known by his parents who wanted to be a great teacher, and was scolded many times by his mother. Since then, I have been worried about my mother.
At noon on April/0/3, 2007, when Yang Hao's mother scolded him again, he suddenly had a terrible thought: "I hate it, tell her to die!" So, he put the rat poison he bought two days ago into the edible oil tank, causing his mother and sister to die of poisoning after eating the food fried with this oil. His father was rescued by the hospital after being poisoned.
After the case was tried in camera, Nanyang Intermediate People's Court made a first-instance judgment on this case of "killing children's relatives" and sentenced Yang Hao to fixed-term imprisonment of 13 years for intentional homicide.
Case 2: Suffering from "frustration", getting sick from depression, my sister dying and my mother being injured.
Zhao Xu is a native of Taohe Township, Xichuan County. Before the incident, he was a high school student in the county, only 17 years old. Zhao Xu's family is not rich. On weekdays, whenever Zhao Xu wants something, his parents will try their best to satisfy him. The farm work at home never allows him to leave, and he is bent on letting him study hard. There is only one common wish in parents' hearts: I hope my son can go to college and jump out of the farm.
In July, 2006, the invigilator found that Zhao Xu was looking for someone to replace the exam, feeling hopeless. Zhao Xu told this to his mother, who said he was worthless and wasted ten years. Zhao Xu, who wants to be forgiven by her mother, can't bear the psychological pressure. Since then, her personality has become withdrawn, her spirit is depressed, and she dreams all day. On September 10, 2006, Zhao Xu, who was studying at school again, went home and had an argument with his sister because of trivial matters. He beat his sister to death by means of hand pinching, rope strangulation and knife cutting. When his mother found out, Zhao Xu cut an axe behind his mother's head with an axe in an attempt to kill her and commit suicide. Under the strong persuasion and pleading of her mother, Zhao Xu put down her axe and ran away. Two days later, Zhao Xu was arrested by the public security organs. Appraised by the Criminal Procedure Medical Appraisal Committee of Nanyang Psychiatric Hospital, Zhao Xu suffers from schizophrenia, which belongs to limited liability. Xichuan County People's Court sentenced Zhao Xu to 6 years' imprisonment for intentional homicide.
Dislocation "doting" breeds rebellious psychology
It is human nature to love children, and it is also the proper meaning of parents. The above two cases are all caused by parents' incorrect "love", which makes children go astray. No one wants to see this result, but it did happen.
Through the investigation of the above two cases, the author finds that the reason is that the current education system ignores quality education, and legal education and psychological education also lack the right medicine. Some seemingly ordinary contradictions and conflicts may develop into serious problems, which is unpredictable, especially for some students with special personality and abnormal behavior, and there is a lack of specific monitoring and corrective measures. The main reasons for family education are: first, the wrong view of loving children is naturally revealed. These parents believe that loving children is to let them have a good future, live comfortably and try their best to meet their requirements. This makes it easy for children to slip into a "vicious circle" and enter a "bad circle". Secondly, the improvement of family economic conditions provides material guarantee for their doting. Spooling needs a certain material foundation, especially "material desire", which easily makes people lose their direction in life, their essential ideal view and their initial sense of morality. Third, both families are a man and a woman, which is the best space for "doting" to survive. Children are spoiled by the whole family, and it is easy to breed egoism. Fourth, parents lack the correct guidance of scientific education theory. Minors are in the period of physical development, and the excitement of cerebral cortex is the dominant emotion, so their behavior is easily influenced by emotions. It's hard to control. In the process of children's growth, the wishes imposed by the outside world will often bring counterproductive results, which will inevitably bring great psychological pressure to children. Suffering from great psychological pressure for a long time will definitely bring about psychological and even personality deformities. When they have different ideas from their parents or can't meet their parents' expectations, when their parents, who have been hiding deeply, replace their gentle love with a fierce kindness or suddenly turn love into a severe way of discipline, children can't tolerate and accept this kind of "love", which aggravates their inner anxiety and anxiety in adolescence. When they encounter bad emotions, the vent channel is very single, which makes them have hidden dangers in mental health, or they are pessimistic and depressed because of heavy study pressure or uncertain future, which easily leads to psychological diseases such as inferiority, autism, anxiety and irritability. Once personal venting can't relieve depression, originally lively children will become withdrawn and depressed, daydreaming every day, possessed, and other external factors are likely to induce malignancy.
Rational correction of family education
Psychologists believe that in the face of children's mistakes, parents' endless accusations bring children's disgust and make them feel manipulated. On the surface, they seem to give their children a lot of "love". In fact, this kind of "love" limits and deprives children of the opportunity to adapt to society. Western scholars call this kind of love "suffocating love". However, children do not attach importance to family and life, and self-centered extreme behavior has become increasingly obvious.
Family is the first class for a person to live and grow up. A family environment that is usually overindulged will lead to the unsound development of children's personality. Over time, it will sow the seeds of selfishness and willfulness in children's hearts, and values and cognition are prone to deviation and decline. More people like this will be a great sorrow and disaster for our society and family. Therefore, parents have not only the responsibility of "nurturing" their children, but also the responsibility of "teaching". If a child is allowed to take on the dual life of himself and his parents, his life will become heavy and even distorted, which is unfair to the child. Children have the right to pursue their dreams and have no responsibility for their parents' ideals. A great educator in the former Soviet Union once said, "The most terrible gift parents can give their children is to sacrifice everything for their children, even their own happiness."
Parents should be rational people. First of all. As parents, we should learn from the above two cases, adopt flexible education methods according to children's personality characteristics, make the best use of the situation, don't blindly blame and complain, don't put too much hope on children's immature shoulders, and ask children to live an adult's personal life. We should overcome the adverse reactions caused by "emotional short circuit" and pay attention to our mental health care. Secondly, when encountering "problem" children, we should communicate more, encourage more and criticize less, establish children's good self-confidence, avoid psychological contrast, and lead to emotional out of control. Third, we should strengthen the role of reason in regulating emotions. A family can't be happy with everything, especially as parents. When educating children, we should pay attention to maintaining moderate calmness and sobriety, treating children with a normal heart and giving them some room for free development. At the same time, in addition to joint participation and management, relevant departments should also systematically train parents, conduct rational analysis, give professional guidance, and strengthen moral and psychological education for teenagers. Therefore, the author appeals to parents to learn more educational theories and educate their children in a correct and scientific way, so that children can determine the correct concept of success and education in the process of growing up. Faced with their own children and their ordinary status quo, ordinary children are also children.
A few days ago, I talked with my neighbor's 6-year-old daughter Xixi about studying. She even said, "It doesn't matter if you don't study well, the key is to marry a good husband in the future." It really surprised me. We are surprised that we are so "familiar with the world" at an early age, and we are surprised that we have such "ideal ambitions" at an early age. This has to make our parents "worry"!
Let's listen to these "reasons for being late"!
"My mother overslept!"
"Grandma is late for breakfast!"
"I remember, I forgot to do my homework halfway. Dad said it was all his fault. He didn't help me pack my schoolbag carefully, which made me late. "
"Why are you late today?" This is probably what teachers say most when they see students who are late. Although it is only such a simple question, the answers are varied and varied. Almost all the students are late because of their parents. This is my surprise, and I am also shocked.
As a teacher, I made a simple statistic after work. There are 62 third-grade students in our class, and the statistical time is 2 1 week (105 days). The content of statistics is the reason why students are late for school in the morning. In just ~ semester, 237 students were late, of which 16 was the most, and 38 were late for many times. There are 197 people, and their reasons involve their father, mother, grandfather, grandmother and grandfather.
Thinking 1: It is children who shirk their responsibilities.
As a student, not being late, not leaving early and arriving at school on time are all included in the student code and one of the disciplines that must be observed. It is inevitable to be late once or twice occasionally, and the teacher can basically understand. However, "My mother overslept!" "Grandma is late for breakfast!" We have to worry about these "naive" "successors" because of our disdain for being late and our attitude that "being late" has nothing to do with ourselves. Indeed, it is the children who blame their parents for being late!
Thinking 2: Parents are conniving at their children to shirk their responsibilities.
I remember when I was a child at school, if my mother occasionally cooked late and the class time was coming, we ran to school without eating, afraid of being late. Today's children, parents get up early to cook a meal, and they have to wait for their mother to shout a few times before they want to get up and freshen up. It takes half an hour to eat a meal and 15 minutes to pack a schoolbag. In the process of parents' consultation, what I encountered most was such a situation, that is, "our children are in no hurry to go to school and do their homework." What can we do? " Think about who is "encouraging" children to do this? Originally, the child got up late, but the mother was complaining about the sleepy father. "Why don't you call your child earlier? It's all your fault! " Great, the child has no responsibility and is not in a hurry. "I got up late because my father didn't wake me up!" "As soon as I saw that the time was up, I took a few bites and went on my way, only to find that I forgot my textbook halfway. No wonder the child said, "My mother overslept!" "My father forgot to bring me a textbook! "This kind of thing is very common in every school, and it may happen to you! Dear mom and dad, don't let your children put such responsibility on you again.
Thinking 3: If a person has no enthusiasm, he will accomplish nothing, and the basic point of enthusiasm is responsibility.
Sense of responsibility is an important personality quality for a person to stand on the society, achieve career success and family happiness. If a person misses such a feeling of being responsible for what he has done since childhood, then I think it is a very terrible thing. Because this reason for being late will turn into shirking the responsibility of work and life in the future: poor product quality is a machine problem, surgical failure is a drug failure, work failure is a colleague's uncooperative, family disharmony is the other person's easygoing, and so on.
In fact, it is very easy to cultivate children's sense of responsibility from an early age. Many parents may feel that this is empty and there is no way to intervene. We can totally do this:
First, cultivate children's sense of responsibility by cultivating self-care ability.
The most important thing for children in primary school is to cultivate good behavior habits, and the focus should not be on learning piano and drawing. When children are still in primary school, let them try their best to do their own things and learn to do things they can't do. As parents, we should understand that only a person with independent consciousness and ability is a responsible person. The reasons for the above children are all caused by too many parents' arrangements. Let the children slowly lose their self-care ability and gradually lose their responsibilities.
Second, cultivate children's sense of responsibility by cultivating household habits.
Parents can assign their children some tasks that can be done well through their own efforts from time to time, so that even children. I will also have a strong sense of responsibility, be independent of others and be willing to do everything by myself. Let children do some housework, so that children can realize their responsibilities to the family, and at the same time cultivate their self-care ability and enhance their self-confidence and independence. In this way, when they grow up, they will realize their responsibilities to society and family, have confidence and ability to do their due duties, and will not always want to rely on others. So it is unscientific for parents to do housework.
Third, bear the consequences of things and cultivate children's sense of responsibility.
For example, if a child damages other people's things, he must make compensation to others through his own efforts. Even if the other party thinks that the damaged things are not worth much, or it is common for children to damage things, not intentionally, parents should insist that their children compensate for something and let them know who is responsible for the adverse consequences.