Some people say that in China, it is easy to recognize parents, especially parents of school children. Because they are always sad, they have too much confusion and pressure. "Although different families and different children face different problems, everyone wants to know that they need to help their children achieve real success." Education expert Xie Qin said. What is human success? Is it a successful education to train children into people with high IQ and high education? Family education cannot be socialized. "In today's highly socialized society, the role of parents cannot be socialized. We can ask people to help with housework, but we can't ask people to be parents of children. Similarly, family education cannot be socialized. " The words of Qian Zhiliang, a professor at Beijing Normal University's School of Education, will make many parents deep in thought. A year ago, after Professor Qian finished a lecture on family education in Shanxi, some listeners found him, hoping that he could help discipline the children, and offered an amazing reward: "I will give you 500,000 yuan, and then I will buy you a 200-square-meter house in Beijing, and you will help me take care of the children. Let your son go to school wherever he goes. When my son graduates from high school, the house will be yours! " It turns out that this parent is a "coal boss". In his mind, as long as he is willing to spend money, he can "buy" a good education for his children. After all, people like "coal bosses" are a minority, but in China, the phenomenon of "only having children but not raising them" is not uncommon. With the increasing pressure of social competition, many young people spend a lot of time and energy on their work, while their children are raised by the elderly at home, and some children even stay with nannies every day. "I am a failure in education." Chen Xiangdong, senior vice president of New Oriental Education Technology Group, said frankly. One night, he returned home around 1 1, and just entered the door, he heard the cry of his eldest daughter, Ningning. "Don't sleep so late?" "I am sad, I miss my mother!" "Mom is not at home, Dad is at home!" "Dad, what's the use of you at home? Do you know what my homework is? Which is my Chinese class? Do you know what training class I am taking? " After listening to her daughter, Chen Xiangdong was stupid at that time. Qian Zhiliang said that family education should follow the principle of no pains, no gains. If parents fail to fulfill their responsibilities in the early stage, they will make up for it sometime in the future. Give children quality time Now, more and more parents have realized that they should spend more time with their children. However, it is found in further practice that time is not enough. Parents should give their children time to give quality, not stay at home. Yu, the founder of New Oriental, often meets some parents in his life. He plays mahjong or watches TV at home, but asks his children to do their homework well. Although some parents postpone social activities and make time to stay at home, their attention is not on their children. "The best way is for you to turn over a book, as long as the book is not turned over." Yu explained that reading is to create a learning atmosphere for children. In the eyes of children, parents are doing indecent things by watching TV and reading newspapers and magazines. When I use the computer at home to send emails, children often come to see if his father is really working, because they think turning on the computer is not only fun, but also can play games, so they don't think it is a serious state. Chen Jinlong, president of Taiwan Province Rainbow Children's Life Education Association, has never played TV programs at home since she had a child. His reason is that most children don't think too much when watching TV, and most of them passively accept the topics set by the producers. In addition, children watching TV for a long time will not only ignore many things to do, but more importantly, it will reduce the time for parent-child interaction. Now, Chen Jinlong's daughter is a sophomore. Although the family has lost a lot of fun brought by TV programs for so many years, they have developed the habit of chatting, discussing and reading together. Every day when the children come back from school, everyone always chats. The child told him what happened at school, and he also shared the fresh and interesting things he met at work. Learn to cultivate children's emotions. "Why are there white clouds among the stars?" I mentioned that once he and some middle-level cadres in their thirties were lying on the Bashang grassland watching the starry sky, and suddenly someone raised such a question. "How many parents here have really seen the Galaxy with their children?" After listening to Yu's next question, everyone who was still laughing just now was silent. Once, I took my family to the seaside for a holiday. Because it happened to be the fifteenth day of the lunar calendar, everyone went to the seaside to see how the moon rose. Watching a crescent moon pop up gradually, until it suddenly jumped out of the water, and the moonlight fell in front of everyone, which suddenly made people feel the artistic conception of "spring tide in Lian Haiping, bright moon on the sea". 1 hour later, Yu said, "It's a little cold. Go back to the hotel. " "Dad, I won't go. I won't leave until I see the moon rise to that place. " His daughter's answer surprised him a little. Finally, everyone stayed at the seaside for another three hours. "Can you say that there is no beauty in a child's heart? Don't you have a poem in your heart? But if we don't take our child to experience these things, he just doesn't have them in his heart. What children see are tall buildings, friction between parents and oppression by teachers. Such a child will not be psychologically healthy. " Squat down and talk to the child. "The most effective way of education is equal communication," said Sun Peng, director of Haidian District Education Committee. Many teachers and parents always regard their children as missionaries. This kind of education is not equal, and it is impossible to achieve the ideal effect. Sun Peng, who has been engaged in education for a long time, talked about a strange phenomenon in education: teachers often fail to educate children. Because teachers see so many excellent children at school every day, they already have many idealized "Prince Charming" in their minds, so when they meet children, they are no longer patient discoverers, but become "picky" preachers, and it is of course difficult for children to receive such education. Sun Peng believes that to change this situation, we should follow an important principle, that is, we should squat down and talk to children. Sun Peng introduced that when visiting kindergartens in the west, teachers were often seen standing or sitting, but lying on the ground. "This is not a game, but an educational principle", because only when adults put down their bodies can they really stand at the same height as their children and get close to them. Li Kaifu, Chairman and CEO of innovation works, agrees. He believes that if parents are just a high-ranking elder in front of their children and regard their children as accessories of adults, children will become conservative, timid, passive and obedient. "This kind of child was very popular in enterprises 30 years ago, but it is out of date today. The children we want to cultivate today are happy and optimistic, people who can trust their parents, people who can talk to each other, people who love themselves and people who love others. Therefore, as a father, I always tell myself to put down my airs and, like a friend, take time to play crazy with my children and let them tell me everything. " Li Kaifu said.