Source | Blue Oak (ID: blue _ oak)

It is said that men and women are equal, but the reality tells us that raising children has never been equal.

A group of girlfriends took their babies to the party, jumping up and down, shouting, groping and bumping, making a mess of the scene, all sons.

Then look back at the little girl, holding the doll, gathering in the corner, you play house with each other, and even occasionally sprinkle a charming voice, delicate and lovely, so that your heart melts.

Life is heartless and unfair.

Son VS daughter, the difficulty index is definitely not in a level.

Every mother with a son can casually spit out tens of thousands of words of "history of blood and tears".

Ten mental tortures of raising children

Children are difficult to raise, are they really born perfect?

Whether it's Leonard Sachs, a famous doctor of medicine, Michael Gurion, a psychiatrist, or Dr. Simon Barron Cohen, an English psychopath and author of Essential Differences: The Truth of Men's and Women's Brains. ...

After more than a century of research and exploration, many scholars have found that the difference between boys and girls comes from nature, and even more because the brains of men and women are naturally different.

Why do boys like to be heroes?

The content of dopamine in the blood of boys is higher than that of girls, and dopamine will increase the probability of impulsive and risky behavior.

Boys' exuberant androgens are aggressive, so all kinds of action games are their favorite. Their competitiveness and desire for leadership make them particularly fascinated by superman, hero and other powerful roles.

You ask boys, what are the surnames of teachers at school? He may be at a loss, but if you ask him who the Altman family are? He can point it out to you one by one.

Gurion, the author of "Boys and Girls Learn Different", said: "We found that the more children feel capable, the less trouble they cause."

Therefore, to raise boys, we should learn to turn instructions into "challenging tasks" and convince them that they have the ability to complete them, which will have more motivation to implement them than forcing them to do it.

Are boys perpetual motion machines?

Why can't you stop for a while?

Boys' brain stem contains more spinal fluid, which makes them more energetic and torturous.

Boys seem to be born with inexhaustible energy, and they can be refreshed all day after charging for 5 minutes.

This is because the more cerebellar blood flow in boys, the more active the cerebellum that controls behavior and body movements.

It is difficult to ask a boy to sit still, and it is even harder to ask them to sit for a long time.

Sleeping less is the characteristic of boys, and touching their hands is also their characteristic.

They are most afraid of their mother's nagging "You sit tight", and they like their father to say "Let's have a fight!"

They need to keep their brains active through body movements, which is how they get knowledge input.

Scientists have found that boys' learning acceptance after exercise is higher and the effect is better.

Is it natural for boys to love violence?

The main male hormone of boys is testosterone, which will bring higher aggression.

Boys and girls have different hormones in their blood.

Boys are mainly testosterone, which makes the male brain more impulsive, more aggressive and less empathetic than women.

Girls are mainly estrogen and oxytocin, which drives girls to take care of others better.

The same doll, the little girl will comfort and hug like a baby when she gets it.

Boys are more inclined to pick up dolls as props and throw them on the ground and laugh.

Therefore, compared with girls who tend to be quiet and interpersonal, boys are more likely to make moves without saying a word, because it is difficult for them to understand what consequences their impulsive behavior will bring to others.

Obviously, the brain wants to "excuse me", but it shows that it pushes its hand and blurts out "get out of the way"

In fact, hitting, pushing, punching and kicking are all mutually nourishing behaviors of boys.

You will find that they make moves not only because of poor self-control, but also because "one move and one style" is an effective way to prove their strength, strengthen their self-confidence, and improve their attention and strength.

And if boys and boys are together, fighting becomes a way for men to socialize.

The challenge itself is the source of boy's happiness.

Therefore, take more children to do some antagonistic exercises, and through reasonable collision, let them have the opportunity to vent the energy that is nowhere to be consumed because of testosterone!

Are boys' emotional self-control worse?

The prefrontal cortex of boys develops later than that of girls.

Therefore, boys will manage and control their emotions worse than girls, and will be more impulsive and angry, showing excessive emotions.

Is a boy who loves to start work, and is also a boy who loves to be angry, lose his temper and cheat.

Boys who seem to be "tearful" are actually much more fragile than girls.

Because their frontal lobes develop slowly, they are not good at dealing with social and emotional situations, and their self-control is weaker.

When they are attacked by external events, they are more nervous and their reaction will be more intense. "Fight or flee" is either radical or silent and timid.

Compared with severe reprimand, giving a boy a warm hug with open arms can put out the anger in the boy's heart faster and help them regain their senses.

Why is this boy so stupid that he can't always express himself?

The boy's corpus callosum is small, and his left and right brain contact ability is weak, so it is difficult to express his true feelings when communicating.

Compared with girls' glib tongue, boys are more or less clumsy and often rush to say something they don't understand, which makes them angry enough.

But in fact, because boys use the right brain to deal with emotions, the left brain is responsible for expressing emotional language, and the corpus callosum connecting the left and right brains is small, which makes the expression not very smooth.

Girls can interact with you when they are two or three years old. When they are wronged, they can clearly describe the cause and effect of things and the reasons for emotional frustration.

Boys only scream when they are angry, and they can't explain why they are angry for a long time.

Studying the nuances of facial expressions, trying to figure out people's emotions and understanding your emotions are girls' specialties.

In contrast, boys' "eyesight" in this respect is much weaker. Boys are obsessed with objects in their own world. They are much more interested in cars, dinosaurs and superman than girls.

So when talking, girls like to look at each other affectionately, but boys avoid eye contact.

Because direct eye contact is regarded as hostile behavior by boys.

The best way to chat with a boy is not to call his name and expect him to look up at you, but to sit next to him, touch his head, hold hands, or simply exercise with him.

He prefers talking while walking to talking face to face.

Don't boys have ears?

What can I say before he listens?

The development of occipital lobe of boys is slower than that of girls, and the neural connection for storing perceptual memory is not strong enough, so they need more tactile experience and cannot handle multiple tasks flexibly at the same time.

The corpus callosum of girls is more developed than that of boys, and the left and right brains are more closely connected. They can recall the events that happened in a day in detail and do several tasks at the same time.

But boys, on the contrary, are not good at multitasking and different brain partitions, so that they can only concentrate on one thing at a time.

At this time, what you chatter about is often not accepted by your brain or directly filtered out. This is why it is difficult for you to ask a boy to eat when he is playing with toys.

So, if you have something to say, please kneel down, hold the boy's hand, look him in the eye and tell him word by word. Give visual, tactile and auditory stimuli at the same time, and the boy will hear.

Why did you say it 999 times?

The boy still doesn't remember?

Boys' neural connection for storing perceptual memory is not strong enough, which leads to boys' less memory, selective "forgetting" and more tactile experience.

Hippocampus is the key structure responsible for memory formation in the brain. The hippocampus of girls is larger than that of boys, and there are more nerve fibers leading to other brain regions, so the storage capacity of the brain is also larger.

Girls are good at packing everything into their heads, just like packing a box. They won't empty it until they can't fit it.

So talk to them, and they can tell you everything that happened at school today.

But boys are the opposite. Every time something new is put into the memory box, the brain will instinctively "forget" something before.

Thick lines make them often forget the rules of life and things, but at the same time they will not fall into emotions, encounter unpleasant things, and then disappear like clouds in the sky.

Why are boys easier?

In a daze, daydreaming?

Boys' concentration is not as good as girls', and they are more likely to get bored and enter a state of empty brain.

After ten or twenty minutes in a class, it is easy to find that this boy seems to be listening. In fact, his eyes are blurred, his brain has entered a standby state, and his attention has begun to shift to other things.

That's because boys are more bored than girls and need more interesting points to stimulate their attention.

But at the same time, being in a daze, daydreaming and daydreaming are particularly important parts of boys' lives.

You can not only have fun for yourself, but also relieve brain fatigue, release creativity, and handle and resolve inner contradictions.

Why do boys learn slowly?

The brain development of boys is slower than that of girls, especially the left brain, which is responsible for language and logic, is added later at night, so the early learning will be more difficult than that of girls.

In the first few years of primary school, parents of boys have more headaches. Bad handwriting, slow homework, carelessness and forgetfulness are all common problems of boys. But it's no use urging him, yelling at him or blaming him.

As everyone knows, this seemingly hopeless boy's brain development is only 6- 12 months later than that of the girl, especially in language, logic, fine movements and coordination.

Therefore, boys are generally inferior to girls in writing, reciting, language expression and reading comprehension.

Don't worry, it's just that the brain isn't ready. With the gradual development of the brain, boys will soon come from behind.

But the brain development of boys does not lag behind that of girls everywhere. At least in the sense of space, boys are more talented, such as building blocks and reading maps.

Their brains are more sensitive to visual information processing, so they should teach boys knowledge, not by rote memorization, but by adding a lot of pictures and images, or by hand-eye coordination.

Learning the key in their minds is often cultivated through behavioral response, three-dimensional animation and level competition.

Why are boys more likely to indulge in games?

Boys' brains are more sensitive to the stimulation of light+sound+moving images.

Moreover, games can drive the brain to respond to higher, faster, reward and intensity, and the brain regions involved in addiction research are more active than girls.

/kloc-almost nine out of 0 boys like playing games.

From the perspective of biological research, because boys are better at tasks that need to rotate images in their brains, such as recognizing maps, analyzing charts, and interpreting architectural drawings.

Compared with other less exciting activities, fast-moving images, exaggerated sound effects, colorful characters and competitive games can invade their brains faster and more powerfully.

From a psychological point of view, it is because the game can be restarted indefinitely, and even if it fails, it can be restarted. This, like sports, is a way for boys to channel their emotions.

It is not difficult to find that most boys, whether sons or fathers, have a passion for games.

Because the game hides the rivers and lakes in boys' hearts, here, they can avoid exams, work and the pressure in life, become omnipotent heroes, fight bravely and gallop freely, and satisfy their sense of control, accomplishment and honor.

Iron-clad video games, n kinds of online games, addicted teenagers.

What is the charm of the game? The century-old problem that has plagued every household has finally been answered.

Turn a blind eye, respect differences, long live understanding.

Ye Bin, a professor of psychology, said: To raise a boy, you must be able to bear "abuse".

Put up with his slow growth, bad temper, noisy, can't stop, sabotage ... it seems that he is full of trouble.

But just like a coin has two sides, boys' personality characteristics are not all shortcomings. Looking at it from another angle, it may be the highlight of bling bling.

The misunderstood boy just needs more space and time to grow up. More understanding, tolerance and freedom.

"Is to continue to change our boy? Or change our family education? "

As parents, the key to parenting is not only to understand the behavioral differences between boys and girls due to the characteristics of brain development, but also to accept the differences between children.

Michael Gurion, a famous American social philosopher, wrote in the book "Boys and girls learn very differently":

In raising children, what we need to do is to seek common ground while reserving differences and learn to turn a blind eye.

Open your eyes, tap children's advantages, encourage children to work hard with advantages, and stimulate TA's autonomy.

Close your eyes, accept the uniqueness of TA, conform to nature, and have enough patience to accompany them to grow up.

Under the nourishment of love, both boys and girls will eventually break into butterflies and grow up in the sun.