In fact, there are quite a few parents like Ms. Liu. According to the "Report on the Development of Family Education for Primary and Secondary School Students in Chongqing" recently released by Chongqing Academy of Educational Sciences, "I don't know how to educate children, I don't have time to educate children, and my opinions on educating children are often inconsistent." These three are the biggest worries of parents in family education, accounting for 92.3%, and only a few parents think they are fully capable of educating their children.
Some people say that children in China are very tired, and parents in China are even more tired. Because they only have one child, they don't want their children to "lose at the starting line" ... so, parents designed their lives for them from the moment they were born. Unfortunately, however, the life trajectory designed by parents for their children is likely to be self-righteous and out of thin air. The result may be that the greater the parents' efforts, the more the children will suffer and the greater the possibility of deviating from the normal development track. How can I be a good parent today?
The troubles of education are varied.
Mr. Tan is a civil servant in an office in Chongqing, and he has a precious daughter in Grade One and Grade Two. Children live on campus and go home on weekends. Mr. Tan told reporters that the first thing children do after going home every time is to turn on the computer, and the doors are locked for at least two hours at a time. You can't chat QQ with your classmates in primary and secondary schools. Finally, the child was coaxed out for dinner. She asked to put the food in front of the TV and eat it while watching TV. If the adults don't agree, the children will go on hunger strike. By the time she finished eating, it was already 90 pm. What is even more irritating is to coax the child away from the TV and let her do some homework assigned by the teacher. Teacher Tan said that children should wear headphones every time they do homework, and they should do homework while listening to music. She also plausibly said that they want to sleep without listening to music.
Mr. Tan thinks that educating children is very democratic. He hopes that through patient and meticulous ideological work, children will realize the importance of learning and then change some bad study habits. I didn't expect my daughter's truth to be full. She actually said, "Dad, my grades are at least the average in my class! Look at those who have good grades. If you want to talk to her in class, she will ignore you. If I want to be like them, I'd rather not live! " Mr. Tan was startled.
Ms. Li, who lives in Hua Gang Road, dadukou district, couldn't help crying when she talked about her son's education. Last weekend, Ms. Li took her children home after work. At this time, she felt a little hungry. She just saw some fresh oranges on the table, so she picked one up and peeled it off. As soon as I put a petal in my mouth, I heard my son shouting and running over: "My grandparents bought this for me. Why eat it? " Say that finish, just dig the orange out of mom's mouth.
The child's behavior surprised Ms. Li and made her feel very chilling. "How can you educate children like this?"
Not long ago, a piece of news with a high reprint rate in Weibo was even more speechless: on a pedestrian street, an 8-year-old son cried and asked his mother to buy toys, but her mother didn't. The wayward and angry son actually started to scratch his mother's hair. Mother begged, "Let go, it hurts." A girl in her twenties came to the rescue, but the little boy shouted "get out" and drank it back. After a while, the boy became more arrogant and began to reach out and pinch his mother's throat. Mother blushed and finally gave in.
Many netizens left a message in the comments: "China education has caught the mother's throat and also the society's throat." Some netizens said: "This heinous behavior suffocates society. After parents silently resist, how to educate their children is worth pondering! "
The problems revealed by the investigation report
According to the Survey Report on Family Education in Chongqing, the biggest worry for parents in the process of educating their children is that they don't know how to educate their children (39.7%), followed by "no time to educate their children" (27.5%) and "opinions on educating children are often inconsistent" (25. 1%). Only a few parents are fully capable of educating their children.
Parents tried their best to persuade, but the children nagged. This phenomenon often occurs in family education. Why don't children like to listen? Education experts say that many parents lack educational skills.
In this regard, this survey report shows that 9 1.7% of parents are willing to improve their education level and improve and cultivate their ability to educate their children. At present, nearly half of parents learn family education knowledge through reading and self-study, and 90.6% parents are willing to participate in systematic "parent course" learning.
The survey also shows that at present, the main ways for parents to know about their children's learning situation are "looking at the exam results" (46.2%) and "listening to children's reports" (39.0%), and few parents take the initiative to "ask teachers at school", accounting for only 13.8% of the respondents. Among them, rural parents pay more attention to learning from teachers.
"I also pay attention to children's behavior habits, mental health and hobbies. However, the most concerned is definitely academic performance. " Ms. Huang, who lives in Huangniyong, Chongqing, admits that she is very concerned about her children's academic performance. Although my daughter is just in the first grade this semester, she only got more than 80 points in the last Chinese exam, which makes her very worried. After working in the last week, she goes home every day to help her children with their studies. "Now the social competition is so great that only good academic performance is the most convincing."
"Learning is the main task of students. I sent him to school in the hope that he could learn more knowledge. Of course, academic performance is my greatest concern! " Yesterday, Wang Xiulan of Shapingba District said. Wang Xiulan's son is currently in the second year of high school. She said that especially after a child enters high school, his academic performance will directly affect his life.
Experts advise China's parents.
At present, the current situation of family education in China is not optimistic, the biggest reason is the fracture and failure of family education tradition in China. The family education experience we have gained cannot be referenced today. Therefore, every parent in contemporary China is groping. Education experts here admit that most of children's problems are caused by family problems. Although it is manifested in children, it is rooted in adults and parents. Parents have to "take medicine" to cure their children's "illness". Therefore, the education of young people in China is not only a question that schools and society must answer, but also a problem that every family must face squarely. Education is in school, quality is in parents! Without the improvement of parents' quality, there will be no high quality of children.
The reporter saw in the questionnaire survey that 53% of parents think that children have no habit of active learning, and learning efficiency is the most headache. In this regard, Ada, an expert in pre-school education in Chongqing, believes that the main reasons for these problems include: children are not interested in learning, lack of initiative in learning, poor self-discipline, playfulness, laziness in learning and so on. All the above reasons can be attributed to the fact that children have not formed good study habits.
Ada warned parents that if children want to correct their study habits, they should first pay attention to the guidance of interest. For example, it is necessary for parents to patiently and meticulously intersperse what they have learned through some games and stories. However, parents can also choose some professional children's education institutions to attract children's curiosity and thirst for knowledge through classroom forms. When choosing institutions, try to choose teachers as study guides. This way can encourage children to explore knowledge and stimulate their enthusiasm for learning. If children are only asked to recite words and grammar, they will definitely turn to find something that can attract their attention.
"Whether parents can choose the right education model depends on whether parents are people who love learning and thinking." Wang Weihong, vice president of Chongqing Academy of Educational Sciences, said that there is a sharp contradiction between the stereotyped school-running model, too unified evaluation and the individualized needs of children in China. Parents are the people who have the deepest influence on children, and children's habits and personalities are closely related to daily education. If parents pay too much attention to scores, the integrity of children's personality quality is definitely not as good as those children who have been affirmed in the process of hard work. Therefore, when children lose their motivation to learn, parents' remedial measures should not only be aimed at children, but should first reflect on their own educational ideas. Otherwise, blindly condemning children will only make children go further and further in the fun of learning.
"Teachers and parents are not the same identity. Teachers teach children according to the current teaching requirements, while parents should base themselves on their children's lives and look at their development in the long run. " Tian Bingbing, one of the top ten outstanding class teachers in China and a teacher in Chongqing Bashu Primary School, believes that intellectual education has problems, but it is only "defective"; If there is a problem with moral education, it will produce "waste"! In the process of children's growth, parents can't just focus on improving their academic performance and cultivating their interests. The most important thing is to attach importance to moral education, that is, the education of being a man. Among them, parents should also set an example for their children, especially in moral education.
Yan Dalin, secretary of the Party Committee of Chongqing Academy of Educational Sciences, told reporters that personalized family education methods, both in form and content, are different from the overall education of schools. "Family education directly affects the cultivation and shaping of students' three views (namely, world outlook, outlook on life and values). "So it is very important for family education to return to the essence of education and establish a learning family. Changing the value orientation of social success must be a long process. Ordinary children can't wait. Therefore, we can only follow the trend in the existing educational form, teachers should do a good job in teaching, let children develop in an all-round way, and the scores should not lag behind others; Parents create a good environment for their children, so that children have a variety of choices and give full play to their talents.
A few days ago, Class 6 (4) of Poyang Street Primary School in Wuhan held a parent-teacher conference, and parents got a special "report card". What is shown above is not children's grades, but parents' own grades. Of the 44 people, 8 were excellent and 17 was qualified. Self-made assessment papers are ten questions that children give their parents.
1. Mom and Dad can have beautiful language, elegant behavior, generous clothes, get along well and love each other. Even if I have differences with other elders on some issues, I will not quarrel in front of me.
My parents are strict with me and don't spoil me. They often educate me to be independent, let me learn to do housework and guide me to do it. So far, I have learned several life skills and my self-care ability has been improved.
3. My parents often educate me to strive for progress, be thrifty and love my work: after giving me pocket money, I am not indifferent and let me use it at will, but guide me to use it in key places and make good accounts; When I do cleaning in class, I often pay attention to whether I am serious and responsible and diligent. Instead of saying, how to clean, so slow, go, go. ...
4. Mom and Dad can create a quiet environment for my study. Don't turn up the TV and computer to disturb me. I don't invite people to play cards and mahjong at home, but you can recommend and provide me with some books, magazines and study materials in time.
5. Mom and Dad can always ask me, listen to my report on my study, and check the completion of my homework without carelessness, and don't sign the exercise book at will. I can carefully check the dictation, dictation, recitation and revision of the study plan, and teach me to sign it after I finish it carefully. Prevent me from being lazy, prevent me from secretly giving discounts in my studies, and enhance my sense of responsibility in my study and life.
6. My parents can praise and criticize me correctly, without protection or connivance. Adhere to the principle of positive education and positive induction, without sarcasm or rudeness.
7. Parents can pay close attention to my physical and mental health, care about the development of food hygiene, vision care and physical health, and guide me to exercise actively. Communicate with me actively to understand my inner world and life needs.
8. When I am addicted to some bad hobbies, such as video games, martial arts comics and other leisure books. My parents will: a tell the truth and restrain me, b really can't, snoring is common. C can't control me, just let it go; You often tell me the unhealthy trend in society like this: A is positive, B doesn't talk much, and C doesn't dare to face it.
9. Mom and Dad can actively keep regular contact with schools and teachers, attend parent-teacher conferences, actively help and support schools to do a good job and educate us together. Instead of throwing it to the elderly or letting the teacher take care of it for a long time; Even the teacher took the initiative to call to communicate with you. You always said that you were busy at work and at home. ...
10. Mom and Dad can actively study, keep making progress, strive to improve their working ability, and strive to improve our ability to educate us, which has certain educational wisdom.