On September 29th, Li Zhenxi's Dialogue with Qian Wenzhong: Who Is Education Conceiving? Qian Wenzhong's Education in the Name of Love Don't Indulge Children and Li Zhenxi's Education in the Name of Strictness Please Don't Indulge Qian Wenzhong were published at the same time, which set off a debate about whether it is strict or love to educate children. It is conceivable that strictness and love will inevitably continue with the development of the times. The so-called truth is that the more you distinguish, the clearer you are. I believe that after repeated argumentation, we can figure out how to educate children and help them grow up healthily by combining leniency with severity.

I think "strictness" and "love" are not contradictory. Just like Confucius two thousand years ago, treating students is always "bite the hand that feeds you". If the relationship between "strictness" and "love" is not well grasped, Confucius will become a generation of philosophers. Since the birth of education, people have been arguing about whether to be strict or to love.

The ancients emphasized "beating a stick to beat a dutiful son", but now people are clamoring to use love to influence children. In fact, both of them are indispensable for children's education. A family with normal education is often strict with its father and kind to its mother, and children often develop normally. According to Mr. Jiang Yang's research, Mr. Qian Zhongshu was brilliant as a child, but his education could not be separated from his uncle's persuasion and his father's strictness. It can be said that uncle's encouragement and guidance made Qian Zhongshu interested in learning, while his father's strict norms made him go further on the road of learning. It is said that in order not to let my brother know, his father actually hid aside to educate his children. Later, Qian Zhongshu learned, and both uncle and father played their due roles.

"Strictness" is sometimes a kind of love, and "looseness" is sometimes a kind of mistake. In educating children, we have no medicine to regret. If everything else goes wrong, it can be saved, but education is always the first time, and the wounds left behind cannot be healed at once. Just like a tree, you left a scar on the bark, which can't be erased, but it will become more and more obvious as time goes by.

How can we be strict with ourselves and bring the possibility of healthy growth to children? I think only by clarifying the relationship between the two, we should be strict when we are really strict, and sincere when we are in love, not upside down, so that children can't figure out whether their parents care about themselves.

Being strict is not a bad thing for education. If children want to grow up healthily, strictness is the most basic element. Adults often get twice the result with half the effort as long as they use it properly.

First of all, the healthy growth of children lies in the strictness and kindness of adults. In daily life, some adults will have malicious words in their mouths. As long as children are not as willing as they are, they will open their eyes and raise their voices. Everything is self-centered, trying to force the child to yield by violence. It doesn't matter if the child is small. When they grow up and can be equal to adults, no matter how much they yell or exaggerate, I'm afraid it won't help. "Strict and appropriate" means criticizing children should be well-founded, not particularly arbitrary. Everyone knows that children are disobedient and like to importune. It is adults who get into trouble and set an example. Jimmy once said, "The fault of children is the fault of adults." "Strict and appropriate" means that adults should be reasonable, not self-centered and do whatever they want. If the child is still young, or in the rebellious period of youth, it is necessary for us adults to calm down and explain, instead of leaving the child confused and wondering where he is wrong. "Strict appropriateness" is the premise of establishing love between children and adults. As long as adults are decent and fair, children will respect and love you from the bottom of their hearts.

Secondly, the healthy growth of children lies in the strictness and Covenant of adults. The so-called "strict agreement" is the agreement between adults and children. Sometimes, no matter how naughty the child is, if the agreement you made with him can be seriously implemented, it will change his bad study and living habits. Reading the Bible, a classic admired by westerners, you will find that this great classic is a contract between God and mankind. "People who don't believe, don't know what they can do", since ancient times, the three chapters of the contract can often play a great role. There is an agreement between adults and children, which virtually strengthens the strict educational atmosphere. Before the agreement, everyone is equal and no one can violate it. In fact, a harmonious family, adults keep their word and children are steady, all of which are directly related to the agreement between the two sides. "Strict agreement" determines that all family members are equal before the agreement and abide by the rules. As long as one party violates the bottom line of the agreement, it should be punished instead of minimizing the consequences and shirking responsibility.

Third, the healthy growth of children lies in the strictness and dignity of adults. It is not terrible to be strict, but it is terrible to hurt the child's personality. When educating children, many of us adults don't like telling the truth. Instead, pick out all the rotten sesame seeds and say things like "Why are you so stupid", "You failed the exam" and "Are you a pig's brain", completely ignoring the respect for children's personality. The education of children is mutual. If adults don't respect children from the heart, how can you expect children to respect you in their study and life? To put it bluntly, some children always fight with adults because they are insulted by adults since they were young, and it seems that there will never be a dawn of hope. "Be strict with yourself" is the code of conduct between adults and children. If we lose mutual respect, it is like a kite dragging in our hands, and will eventually fall to the ground until it breaks into pieces.

Fourth, the healthy growth of children lies in the strictness and sincerity of adults. Strictly in the minds of adults, we must not be vague, and we must do it with a real knife. The reason why some children don't know the mistakes clearly lies in the severity of adults. I think children should be punished if they make mistakes, rather than perfunctory with so-called euphemism. Nowadays, some children are lawless and arrogant because adults have not really been strict with them. Although strictness can give people a sense of awe, it is because of awe that people can act according to the norms. Now many adults are particularly distressed and want to educate their children strictly. The older generation, however, cover up their weaknesses, earn money outside, have little leisure time, and are often vague about education and don't know the priorities. As the saying goes, "the drum will be hammered again", and Buddhism has a lion roar, which lies in a person who does not know the mistake. Only severe punishment can put him on the right path. Under normal circumstances, children's education should not be carried out in front of their elders. It is best to give appropriate punishment according to their mistakes where no one is there.

Finally, the healthy growth of children lies in the strictness and moderation of adults. In the world, it is always bad to go to extremes. Strictness is not rudeness, but grasping the scale. Serious is not terrible. The terrible thing is that adults lose their minds and almost die. When children make mistakes, adults will inevitably be impetuous. If they can't count one, two and three from the bottom of their hearts, they will get angry and treat their children with almost cruel means. What's the use of regret after the consequences? The severity of children must not be linked to rudeness, but should be accompanied by calmness. On the one hand, if we don't calm down, we will have no correct judgment and may be wronged by our children; On the other hand, in behavior, it will naturally be completely out of control. There will be violent confrontation between adults and children. Isn't there often a tragedy caused by the improper behavior of adults in the network?

Of course, all severity should be based on love, not arbitrariness, which can only bring endless resistance. Love is just a word, and it is not easy to do it.

First of all, the key to love is companionship. The deep affection between adults and children lies in the companionship of love. Our children will encounter many problems in the face of fierce competition. If we can't accompany them, we always pass the buck, which may hinder their healthy growth. Why do some children's grades suddenly decline and their status will get worse and worse? In the final analysis, it is possible that the family has changed. Companionship needs the warmth and harmony of the family, not the wheat, which is full of gunpowder. If a child wants mental health, family harmony and warmth are very important. As long as families care about each other, what difficulties can't be overcome?

Secondly, the basic way of love is to help. No one's growth is always smooth. It will always be like a ship sailing in the sea, and it will encounter strong winds and waves at any time. If family members can't support each other, how can they reach the other side of victory? Only family members understand each other before and are willing to give each other real support, even Cycas will blossom.

Finally, the eternal motivation of love lies in encouragement. Everyone will fail sometimes. We should not complain, let alone blame, but should calm down, analyze carefully and look for the dawn of victory. The motivation for people to overcome difficulties lies in hearing cheers. In many competitive competitions, the reason why some athletes can play beyond the level lies in the enthusiastic shouting and tolerance of the audience next to them. Our children need the encouragement of adults. If they persevere, everything will be easy.

In a word, strictness and love are like two wheels of a person riding a bicycle on Wan Li Road, and no one can live without anyone. Only two wheels are in harmony, even if you ride a long way, you will enjoy the beautiful scenery in the constant climbing. Why not? (Qian Yonghua's picture is taken from the network)