My father liked to criticize and educate me in public when I was a child. Like asking me to do this and that, saying that I am wrong about this and that makes me feel insecure and like a person since I was a child.
He likes to ask me to do housework in front of outsiders. Even if I am a guest in other people's homes, I always help at home, so he never talks about me.
I remember once having dinner at my cousin's house. There were many relatives and friends, some of whom I knew and some of whom I didn't know.
Everyone stood at the door chatting after dinner. At this time, my father deliberately kept a straight face and said to me in a voice that everyone could hear: "Girls, be diligent, don't be lazy, and go and help clean up."
I was embarrassed and helpless. This means that if I don't work in other people's homes, then I am lazy.
But now that we are guests in other people's homes, what makes you say that about me? I used to help wash dishes, sweep the floor and wash dishes under his threat, but I was very unhappy.
When my relatives praised me for being diligent and sensible, my father was proud of his well-educated children. He also said that girls just want to do things according to their needs, so they should do more. They are married, how can they not work?
But I didn't help that time. I got angry and yelled at him and said, "Why don't you go by yourself? Why do you always let me work? Not at my house. "
On that occasion, my father was also very angry and began to accuse me of being lazy and ignorant, because I had been very obedient and clever, challenging his authority.
? I had another quarrel with my father when I went back afterwards. I told my father that if you think I should help, you can talk to me alone, or I can help. But please don't yell at me just because I did it in front of so many people in other people's homes. I don't like people yelling at me.
Please don't criticize me like that in front of everyone, criticize me.
After so many years, I still remember the situation. Since then, my father may have known his own problems, stopped asking me to work in other people's homes, and rarely criticized me in public.
Some time ago, the family had a meal in a restaurant. When they saw several people cutting cakes at the next table, they heard the aunt ask the girl opposite, what birthday present did the baby give her?
The little girl said innocently, "I send flowers." I thought, this child is quite sensible and knows how to send flowers to his mother.
Aunt asked, "Where did you get the flowers?"
The girl replied, "There are beautiful flowers in the park. I'll pick it and give it to my mother. " This was originally a lovely idea, and the little girl thought it was beautiful and appropriate to send flowers to her mother. In my opinion, that’s an excellent idea.
But the little girl's mother said, "You can't pick flowers in the park. If you pick them, you will die. " The little girl cried and said, "I want to pick it, I want to pick it."
"Mother black face shouted," why are you crying? What is there to cry about? Why do you have to go there to pick flowers? If you do this, these flowers will not survive. Do you know that?/You know what? I'd rather you didn't give me a present. "At this time, the child cried even more."
The mother has been scolding the child with a black face, telling the child not to pick flowers, saying that the child is not sensible and always cries. This is not good, that is not good. The child kept crying.
This matter touched me a lot. I understand that mothers don't think their children's gifts are bad, but want to educate their children to pay attention to environmental protection and not to pick flowers casually.
The starting point itself is good. We all know that we should take good care of flowers and trees, and we can't trample them casually.
For example, he can teach children not to pick flowers casually in another way, pay attention to environmental protection, and don't refuse children so directly.
She can say, thank you, the baby wants to send flowers to her mother, and her mother is very happy. But I think if I go to the park to pick flowers, the flowers will die soon. I can't bear to die. Can you draw me a flower? I also like the flowers painted by the baby, so that the flowers don't have to die, and my mother also received them. what do you think?
If you communicate with your child in this way, I think the child will be very happy to agree and stop crying immediately! Mom doesn't have to curse in public with a black face.
I believe that children can also know that beautiful flowers in the park can't be picked at will, and they can also learn to protect the environment and care for flowers and trees.
The child's original intention is good, and it is also a good wish of the child. We should protect children's innocence and loveliness, and don't destroy them at will.
I noticed that the topic of giving gifts was caused by their aunt, which triggered a series of chain reactions.
The child was crying, and his companion tried to comfort him and make him stop crying, but his mother stopped him from saying leave him alone. That's what she did. She always cried and was bored to death, and then began to talk about her child's shortcomings.
Then she continued to criticize and educate the children, and the children continued to cry. People in the same trade feel embarrassed and don't know what to do. Comfort is not, nor is it. Where to gawk at the child crying, but after all, it is caused by my own topic. Seeing the child crying and being scolded by my mother, people in the same industry feel so guilty and sorry for the child.
I have such a personal experience myself. I take the baby to play with her good friends. After playing for a while, the baby doesn't want to continue playing with his friends, and another child wants to continue playing. I also advised the children to play for a while. If she doesn't want to, I won't force it.
The child began to cry, and then the child's mother got angry when she heard the child cry, and began to make a hullabaloo about, and the two confronted each other. I felt embarrassed and speechless when I was around.
Once on the subway, a child was crying, and everyone in the carriage looked at the mother and son. The child's mother obviously noticed that many people were looking at her and felt embarrassed.
So she yelled at the child in a voice that everyone could hear: "Don't cry, it's noisy. Can you be quiet? "
What she means is to tell the passengers around, look, I'm teaching, but he won't listen, he can't stop, and I can't help it. If so, the child will not stop crying, because his inner real needs have not been met. Instead, she was scolded by her mother and cried miserably.
The passengers around began to whisper, and some simply said rudely, "Will you take care of the children? Don't scold him, just coax him. " .
You think it is wrong for a child to cry, so as a parent, is it right to guide him? You think it's the children who are humiliated, but in fact it's yourself as a parent who is humiliated.
People are proud, adults are proud and children are proud. Some adults are obviously their own fault, and they can't face it, so they put the blame on their children. This will make the child inexplicably blame. It will also let children learn, be irresponsible and pass the buck.
Be reasonable with older children. If parents don't look at the occasion and abuse or criticize their children's shortcomings in public, they will feel ashamed and dare not look up like a thief caught stealing.
If you don't care what your child thinks, your child's self-esteem will be hurt. If you don't trust your parents from now on and don't communicate with them, you will be estranged from them, and it will be more difficult to enter the inner world of your children in the future.
Because of the lack of parental recognition and affirmation, children feel that they may really have many shortcomings. They will doubt whether their friends will also see my shortcomings and hate my shortcomings, so they don't like to communicate with others, resulting in inferiority and self-confidence.
When I grow up, I will bear more in my work and life. As parents, we must set an example, admit our mistakes, and let our children learn to behave when they grow up. This is really important.
I advocate going home if there is a problem and solving it privately. When you get home, ask the child calmly why he is crying outside today.
Make an agreement with your child on how to deal with such a thing next time, and tell your child that crying sometimes can't solve the problem. If you have something to discuss with your parents, try to solve it together.
If you criticize your child in public, apologize to the child and tell him that mom and dad did something wrong, and it won't happen again.