On the reasons and countermeasures of students' fear of inviting parents
There is a popular saying on the Internet: "A good teacher meets a good student-the world is beautiful, a good teacher meets a bad student-a bad student, a good student meets a bad teacher-a bad teacher, and a bad student meets a bad teacher-the winner is king". This sentence is about the abnormal relationship between teachers and students. In my opinion, it should be that bad students can get better as long as they meet teachers, rather than getting better if they meet good teachers and getting worse if they meet bad teachers. What are the standards of good teachers and bad teachers in the eyes of students and parents?
Beijing Youth Daily conducted a survey: the reporter interviewed 17 primary and middle school students randomly in Haidian District, Chaoyang District and Xicheng District, among which 15 students clearly expressed their disgust at teachers asking their parents at every turn. In other words, nearly 90% of the students are disgusted with teachers asking their parents. What makes them most unacceptable is that teachers criticize themselves, and what scares them most is that teachers say they want to give up on themselves. The other two students told reporters that they felt that the teacher asked the parents, indicating that the teacher still cared about himself. On July 3rd last year, some media reported that Liu Wei, a student of Chongxin Primary School in Kunming, Yunnan, asked to see his father as many as 237 times in one year because of his poor grades. Because Liu's son played video games twice in math class, he was found by the math teacher. Teacher Che told the class teacher about it. The class teacher told Liang Liang to "invite" his parents to school the next day. Liang Liang knows that telling parents about this matter is as light as a scolding and as heavy as a slap in the face. Zhang Ze, a middle school student, looked indignant: "I hate teachers calling their parents. Sometimes it's trivial, and teachers just like to make a mountain out of a molehill. They called their parents to complain. When they saw their parents blushing in front of the teacher, they insisted on good discipline. I know it's hard to go home without suffering. The more my parents beat me, the more I hate my teacher. " Sometimes parents take time to go to school, only to know that it is because of some trivial things that happen to their children at school. Teachers always invite parents to school, and there is no good communication at all. First, they reprimanded their parents. Calling parents to school when students have problems is a favorite "killer" for some teachers. Many people have had the experience of being ordered by their teachers to invite their parents to school when they were students. The above shows that the class teacher's invitation to parents has not been recognized by students and understood by parents. Not only did it fail to invite parents, but it increased students' antipathy to the class teacher, and parents did not cooperate with the class teacher's work. In this way, it is impossible to form a joint force of education, let alone the beautiful goal of educating students in schools and families.
First, the reasons why students are afraid to invite their parents
1, afraid of teachers complaining. Under normal circumstances, students think that teachers invite parents to complain, and parents know what they have done wrong, and the consequences are terrible. So the teacher asked parents to be regarded as complaints by students.
I am afraid of my parents' criticism. Some parents think that since they are criticized, it must be that the child has not done well and the teacher is definitely right, so they criticize the students. This is not good, and that is not good. Anyway, it's the child's fault. Therefore, such parents regard their children as a kind of criticism. I didn't give the children a chance to talk. This has happened many times. My children have accumulated a lot of resentment towards teachers and helplessness towards parents. After making a mistake, I tried my best not to let the teacher ask my parents.
3. lose face in front of classmates. The so-called "face" is the self-esteem of students, but the self-esteem here can be understood as vanity. Students violate discipline, but some are unwilling to take responsibility for fear of being laughed at by classmates in the future. Therefore, out of their so-called self-esteem, they don't want teachers to invite parents.
4. Students think it's none of their business, so it's too much trouble for parents. The students think I made a mistake myself, and I will bear it myself. The teacher can tell me, and I don't need to ask my parents.
Second, the class teacher asked the parents.
1. Report students' performance (progress and problems) at school to parents.
(1) Children have problems with their thinking and quality.
(2) Children's learning problems.
(3) There are problems in students' interpersonal relationship.
(4) The child's behavior and psychology are deviated.
2, understand the performance of students in the family, parents' education methods for their children.
Now, faced with the education problem of the only child, most parents are very helpless. Their educational methods are all learned from their parents. To sum up, there are several ways of family education.
(1) Simple didactic style. In the face of growing children, parents have no better way but to use nagging education methods learned from their parents. Tired of listening to parents' nagging every day, children are most afraid of facing their parents at home and often use various ways to escape their parents' nagging.
(2) the expression of appearance. This kind of education is a family education method often used by most parents and has certain educational effect. Parents' achievements are role models for their children. But if children who enter high school have their own opinions and face their parents' opinions, the effect will not be as useful as when they were young.
(3) Domestic violence. This kind of parents solve their children's problems by beating and cursing, and the educational effect can be imagined. In the face of parents' accusations, children do not reflect on their own mistakes and shortcomings, but put the responsibility on the head teacher and classroom teacher. They think that teachers will not be beaten and scolded if they don't invite their parents. When the students arrive at school, they behave against the class teacher. You said it was wrong, but I will do it. You said it was right, but I just wouldn't listen to you. So this method is unscientific.
(4) Democratic progress. This kind of family education is an education that we advocate now. Such parents can communicate with their children in a low-key way. Pay attention to democracy in everything, listen to children's opinions and ideas and fully respect their ideas. This way is not to let children go with the flow, but to give them more guidance, advice, help, understanding, recognition and tolerance during their growth.
3, joint research, seek ways and means to solve the problem.
It is popular now that "children get sick and parents take medicine". This means that parents are responsible for their children's problems. Facing underage students, parents have the obligation to care for and educate their children. When children have problems, they should cooperate with schools and teachers to find ways to solve them. It's never too late to mend. As parents, no matter what kind of problems children have, they should trust schools and teachers, work with teachers to study how to make children realize the harm of mistakes, help children formulate correction methods, strengthen supervision and timely encouragement for a long time, and help children get through this period of psychological discomfort and get out of the shadows.
4. Communication needs the cooperation of parents.
The education of students is accomplished through the cooperation between parents and teachers. In the process of children's education, teachers need the cooperation of parents, such as the completion of students' homework, the management of students on Saturday and Sunday, and the arrangement of children's activities in winter and summer vacations, which are all important factors related to the healthy growth of students.
Third, parents don't understand the reasons for not cooperating.
1, the primary reason is that parents think that the child's affairs are not big, no big deal.
After parents have been invited to school by the class teacher many times, most parents will have this kind of psychology. The teacher's invitation to parents is nothing more than trivial things such as children not doing homework, not attending classes and fighting. They think that teachers don't need to invite their parents to school when they encounter these things, and it is unnecessary for them to come to school. So some parents simply ignore the teacher's last so-called "invitation". Just ask for ten times and twice, and the action is much slower, which often gives children a great illusion that my parents are no big deal, and you, as the head teacher, have always asked parents. As parents don't know, your behavior gives your child an invisible hint that you can ignore what the teacher says.
2. Because parents don't know about education, they have misunderstandings.
We often say that parents only need to face their children every day, but the class teacher has to face more than 40 live children with different family backgrounds, different personalities and different cultural foundations. Teachers regard everything related to students' development as something closely related to children. For example, children don't listen in class. If it happens once or twice occasionally, it can be regarded as an accident and there is no need to give feedback to parents. If you don't attend classes for a long time and disturb the class, it will be no small matter that others can't learn. After a long time, the child's behavior was not told to his parents, which affected his further studies and graduation. At that time, parents would not think it was a trivial matter, but would investigate the teacher's dereliction of duty. So there are still many such things among students. The head teacher must tell parents about the students' comprehensive performance at school, so that parents can have a comprehensive understanding of their children and give parents time to educate their students so as not to cause more serious consequences.
Parents give up their children's education and feel disgraced when they are invited.
Some parents pamper their children since childhood, thinking that they will be sensible when they are older. Everyone knows the truth that trees attract the wind. But as everyone knows, the bad habits that children have developed since childhood will continue to expand with age. The change from invisible bad habits to explicit bad habits is the result of long-term accumulation. After junior high school, parents had no choice but to give up, which brought a lot of trouble to school education. Some parents even said that you fired him, let the car kill him and so on. A good education for children must be achieved through the joint efforts of families and schools.
4. There are indeed parents with low quality, who will not educate their children and will not cooperate with teachers.
Nowadays, many parents of migrant workers, farmers and self-employed people are too busy making a living to study their children's education. Because of their low level of cultural quality and moral cultivation, the level and effect of family education are restricted. But they can't educate their children themselves, and they don't cooperate with the education of school teachers, which often leads to the result that teachers dare not take care of their children. In the long run, the consequences can be imagined.
Fourthly, the strategies, methods and skills of the head teacher inviting parents.
1, criticize alone to avoid hurting parents' feelings.
If the class teacher insists on inviting parents, he should also distinguish the situation. In general, parents are invited only when students make mistakes. Therefore, in this case, teachers should not gather many parents and count the shortcomings, mistakes and deficiencies of students one by one. Parents are full of criticism, and their self-esteem will be greatly hurt. Therefore, when such a thing happens, the wise class teacher will invite parents to the school, find a quiet room, analyze the reasons for the child's violation of discipline with the parents, and formulate measures to help and teach, which not only protects the parents' self-esteem, but also completes their own work. More importantly, parents not only don't resent it, but also sincerely admire teachers and work with teachers to educate students.
2. Report the good news first, and then report the worries; Praise our children more.
Praise makes people progress. Students' advantages and small progress should be told to parents first, and they should not hesitate to praise and expect their children. They should not be too lazy to say, these little things in life can not be simply understood as "should be done", needless to say, but should say more and praise more. Praise shows that the teacher likes children, and then points out the problems patiently and sincerely. This makes it easier for parents to listen to the teacher's evaluation.
3, foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, and put forward constructive criticism.
Give timely affirmation and praise to the child's strengths and well-done places, but be sure to be as moderate as possible when praising. At the same time, we should also point out the shortcomings artistically and put forward new requirements. Doing so can not only foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, but also update teachers' requirements for children and make parents full of enterprising confidence in their children. The purpose of criticism is to hope that children can make progress and improve, and the focus is on how to change and prevent recidivism. Teachers also try their best to help parents analyze the reasons and put forward specific improvement methods. For example, why it is wrong, why it is done, and how to deal with similar things.
4. Put forward opinions with a consultative attitude and tone.
People will have an instinctive reaction to external pressure. For parents, criticism comes from the outside. How can we turn it into internal motivation? Turn blame into "consultation" and adopt consultative criticism. I'm not sure about this question. Can you tell me something about it? Can you tell me something about the children at home? "Try to take the attitude of consultation and discussion, give parents the initiative to find problems, listen to their opinions patiently, make parents feel that they are partners, and prove to their parents that you believe in his whole personality, so the effect is good.
5. Don't miss the appropriate communication time. I have contacted some parents and talked about communicating with teachers. What they are most concerned about is when to communicate with teachers.
I have consulted many teachers on this issue, and they think that there are several opportunities that are more important: First, parent-teacher conferences. At the parent-teacher conference, parents go to school to meet the teacher, who will introduce their children to their parents. Especially in small parent-teacher conferences organized by classes, parents and teachers have relatively more communication opportunities, which is a good opportunity for parents to know about their children's school situation. Second, children are in a bad mood at home. Children's grievances at school will be manifested at home, and parents can communicate with teachers according to their emotional changes. Third, teachers call their parents. This situation is mostly caused by children at school. For example, children make trouble at school, bully their classmates, don't do their homework seriously, and their grades drop. Parents can take this opportunity to talk to teachers about ways to educate their children, which may be enlightening to both sides. Parents can tell the teacher about their children's performance at home on holiday, reflect their children's problems to the teacher, or put forward some requirements to the teacher according to their specific conditions. For example, when school starts, parents should keep in touch with their teachers. The fourth is to use holidays. This kind of communication is often because the children's problems are quite complicated and serious, and it takes a long time to communicate. If children make mistakes at school and don't change, or have big emotional problems that even parents can't handle, then parents and teachers need to communicate and discuss for a long time, analyze the reasons and finally find a solution to the problem.
Fifth, the art of communication between foreign class teachers and their parents.
Education experts at home and abroad generally believe that in today's era, teachers have been unable to solve many urgent educational problems independently! Modern schools need parents to actively participate in their work. How to communicate with parents is very important.
In foreign countries, how to communicate with parents, teachers should do two things: first, keep regular contact with parents with a caring attitude towards children; The second is to show a sincere desire to cooperate with parents. Here are 1 1 effective communication skills.
1. Letter of introduction At the beginning of the school year, it is an excellent way for teachers to write letters of introduction to parents. Letters of introduction can make parents understand their essential role in their children's success and lay the foundation for the establishment of cooperative relations between schools and families.
2. Current communication. Teachers regularly send "newsletters" to parents, telling them about school education and how to participate.
3. Good news. Calling parents in time is a complicated and effective way of communication when students make progress or have mediocre performance in school, and it is also a useful supplement to other ways.
4. bulletin board. The bulletin board should be placed in an eye-catching place to ensure that parents can see it in time when they arrive at school.
5. Excited telegram. Excited telegram is a skill to praise students' positive behavior and excellent grades and communicate with parents in time.
6. Group notes. Teachers regularly send group notes to parents of students, so that parents can see that they are theoretically a member of the team of educators and play a necessary role in the growth of children.
7. Emergency card. Send an extraordinary card to parents, expressing the teacher's care for students for their growth.
8. Parents' Corner. Parents' corner is generally located in the corner of the classroom or other buildings in the school, and can include some books, magazines and other materials for parents to read or borrow.
9. Informal contacts. Teachers arrange a certain time to meet with Mr. Wang and his parents in the morning, so that they can know the situation of students at home at night and parents' opinions on school education activities in time.
10, home visit. Teachers take some time to visit students' homes, which can establish harmonious contact with parents and is an effective two-way communication.
1 1, "teacher-parent" association. The regular organization of "teacher-parent" fraternity in schools can effectively promote the two-way communication between teachers and parents, greatly contribute to the growth of students, and also help teachers to better improve their education plans.
In 2022, Mr. Ye Shengtao said: "Teach thousands of people, teach people to seek truth, learn