Children who can bear failure are the most successful.
Parents nowadays have a strange phenomenon. They do everything for their children, thinking that their task is to learn. I organized a summer camp, and a very young child looked at boiled eggs in a daze. I said, "Don't you like it?" "Love to eat!" "Then why don't you eat?" This egg looks different from ours! ""What do your eggs look like? " "Our eggs are white and soft. This egg is too hard to bite! "Later, I learned that the child had never seen his family cooking and peeling eggs since he was a child. They were all cut into four pieces and eaten in front of him, so don't always presuppose the result, pay attention to the growth process and take a good road. The child who can't afford to lose is the most successful child!
2. Experience is more important than ranking.
-Overindulgence leads to incompetence of children.
It is said that children nowadays have poor psychological endurance and can't stand setbacks. This is because their parents didn't give them the opportunity to exercise, and they didn't give them the opportunity to bear failure and frustration. "Having a boy is afraid of learning badly, and having a girl is afraid of being victimized", but accidental injuries may happen every day. (Inspirational Life http://) Overprotection brings about the incompetence of children. Can tolerate children and make home the last harbor for children; You can understand him, let him find warmth and security, and show him the way when he is hesitant and has no way out instead of giving him a wall.
3. Giving is more important than giving.
Give your child a chance to love you.
Giving only love to children will make them irresponsible and will only ask for it. A laid-off woman worker knew that her children liked shrimp and gritted her teeth to buy it from the market. Seeing the child eating with relish, she was reluctant to move chopsticks. Seeing that the child had finished eating, her mother couldn't help wanting to have a taste. "Don't move!" /kloc-the 0/3-year-old child said, "that's mine." Excessive doting and infinite connivance cultivate children's selfishness, leaving children with only themselves and no one else in their hearts.
Dialogue is more important than confrontation.
-Don't "compete" with your children
Adolescent children love to "oppose" their parents, and parents in their forties and fifties also love to "compete" with their children. Both sides stand on their own side, imposing their views on each other, only wanting to change others, not themselves. For example, when it comes to puppy love, many parents simply and rudely obstruct and forcibly suppress it.
Adolescent children are in a period when their sense of adulthood is rapidly enhanced, but their psychology is immature. They want to be respected by adults and lack basic trust in their parents. Therefore, their rebellious mentality is very strong, and their hearts are only open to their peers. At this time, they need spiritual care and understanding.
5. Incentives are more important than accusations.
Appreciate the child and tell him "you can do it"
Blindly expressing dissatisfaction with children and demanding perfection will bring negative information to children and make them timid, depressed and even world-weary.
Children grow up in an environment of "you can't do it" and gradually internalize "you can't do it" into "I can't do it", so they really can't do it. In fact, it doesn't matter whether they are talented or not. What matters is whether they are interested and confident. Don't look at others, boldly cheer for your children, I believe your children will create miracles!
Important ideas in family education 2 Now every family has only one child, which can be said to be the little emperor and the center of the family, which makes children develop bad habits such as selfishness, self-centeredness and fear of hardship. Parents come together and pay attention to their children's education. How do they educate their children? I will talk with you about some of my usual experiences.
First, we should set an example and teach by example.
Whether the image of mother in children's mind is tall or not is directly proportional to the educational effect. Because she loves reading very much, my daughter imperceptibly likes the book I bought for her when she was a child. When she saw the words, she asked, studied, and formed a good habit of reading. Books such as Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Good Words and Expressions of Journey to the West, and Excellent Composition are things that she must do before going to bed, so she gets good grades in Chinese.
I still remember one time, I went to my daughter's school to find her and saw her writing the homework assigned by the teacher on the blackboard. The handwriting is very poor. When I came back, I asked her to practice. She said that if she practiced, she would not be able to practice well. I can't write well either, but in order to convince my daughter that calligraphy can be practiced well, I bought a copybook and a writing brush and practiced it every night. I practiced two bottles of ink, and the paper I practiced was as high as a bench. Seeing that I practiced so hard, my daughter became interested. She often practices beside me when I practice, and sometimes asks me some writing skills. Her handwriting is much better now. I said yes, nothing is difficult, as long as you are willing to climb.
I have met some parents, and when they have time, they either play mahjong or watch TV, and then chat with their neighbors and say some boring things. I don't know what kind of negative effects your actions will have on children. Then some parents think that the family only cares about their children's lives, and education is a school matter. They don't realize that educating children is the responsibility of parents first.
Ren. Some parents spoil their children in every way and relax their education, which also fails to perform their duties well; There are still very few parents who only pay attention to "money", pay no attention to their children's education at all, and completely give up their parents' vocation.
Confucius said, "He is upright and doesn't listen to orders, although he is not upright and doesn't listen to orders." This shows the importance of setting an example, and also proves that setting an example is more important than teaching by example. Only a long sermon is never as good as the exemplary role of parents. Parents' persuasion and education should be strong and have an impact on children, so parents should be role models for children and become role models for children. For example, children are required to study hard, but parents are procrastinating, perfunctory and irresponsible in their work. How to convince children that what you said is reasonable? Parents ask their children not to smoke, drink or smoke. There are many reasons, but parents play cards all night every day, often get drunk, and get drunk when they get home. . . And so on, parents say one thing and do another. How can we establish prestige in children's hearts? How can you let your children do it according to your educational methods?
Our society is always troubled by the problem of juvenile delinquents. As we all know, juvenile offenders are often those bad adults who "set an example". Should we parents have a good rational attitude? Don't always let our children do what they want, ask us how we are doing first. The success or failure of family education is inseparable from parents' answers to this question.
Second, we should use scientific educational methods to face children's mistakes.
Some parents don't want to educate their children well, but they don't know the laws of their children's physical and mental development and the scientific methods of educating them. Which child doesn't make mistakes? I remember when my daughter was 9 years old, I asked her to practice the piano. Once, she didn't practice. I asked why not. She said that she had given up her practice score. Actually, I found the score and asked it on purpose, but I didn't expect my daughter.
But, lying, I was so anxious and angry that I really wanted to hit her a few times. But I still calmed down and whispered: Mom doesn't like children who lie. Tell your mother the truth, and your mother will forgive you no matter how wrong you are. As soon as my daughter said she didn't want to practice the piano, she hid the music. Looking at my daughter's wronged eyes, I can't help but reflect on myself. Every day after school, I finish my homework and practice the piano. Every weekend, I either learn piano or English and math. The piano teacher once told me that my daughter is not very talented in music. She is so young, but I just want her to be promising, accomplished, demanding and dedicated. But have I ever stood in her shoes and felt her feelings? Thinking of this, I bent down and asked her if she was not interested in learning piano at all. You don't want to learn, and mom won't want you to learn.
Isn't the most important growth process of children a childhood full of fun and fantasy? This is the answer I got from my daughter's thinking about learning piano. Let love fly and let children grow up healthily and happily in childhood fairy tales. Is it difficult for them to be in the proper state of their own life experience? When a child makes a mistake, the only thing he can do is to beat, scold and punish. But this kind of education can't make children realize the harm and consequences of mistakes. When a child makes a mistake, parents should calmly reason with the child and analyze the reasons for the mistake with the child. If you want to criticize a child, you might as well praise his merits first. Starting from affirming their own advantages, children will be more willing to accept criticism from their parents. You can also smile when criticizing. But the eyes must be full of emotion, and don't have that kind of disgust and hate that iron will not produce. Be serious, but full of hope for your children. Let children feel the care of their parents. When pointing out children's mistakes, parents should have a unified opinion, not one person's point of view, or even a phenomenon of teaching and nursing. If so, children will not take their parents' education to heart.
In addition, don't criticize children in public, let alone in front of guests, classmates, children's own teachers and so on. Because that will hurt the child's self-esteem. Therefore, from a psychological point of view: although children are young, they also want to be respected. Parents need to listen to their opinions and let them talk about their own views. However, many parents always think that their children are too young to understand. What can they talk about? They always think that their views and understanding are right, and children have to listen if they don't listen. But children are human beings and have self-esteem. Many parents don't realize this, don't educate their children on an equal basis with their own personality, and always use their children's ignorance to prevaricate and find excuses and reasons! Although children are not sensible and mature, and many understandings and opinions are still immature, it does not mean that children do not have their own ideas, nor can they impose their own understandings and opinions on their children on behalf of parents! It is precisely because children are in the process of growth and development that they need scientific education and health guidance from their parents. Only in this way can we comprehensively promote the healthy growth of children! When it comes to scientific educational methods, we have to mention "encouraging education". At home, I often say to my children, "You are the best" and "You are the pride of my parents and teachers". When I see my child's smiling face full of confidence, I am sure that my encouragement will make her work harder, because she knows that as long as she works hard, she will be praised and will succeed.
Third, we should treat children's achievements correctly.
Many parents are often very happy when they see their children's good grades. Once their children's grades are a little worse, they will get angry, and they will start work, and then they will start work. None of this is desirable. So, how should we treat children's achievements?
1, for educational purposes, we should not just look at scores. The purpose of education is to cultivate people with ideals, morality, education and discipline. In addition to the results of various subjects, the results of sports, ideology and morality, art, music, labor and other subjects are the embodiment of children's quality. Parents should pay attention to the overall quality level of their children from the educational purpose, and encourage them to do well in any subject. If you don't do well in any subject, you should also let your child be confident and treat him with a relaxed and enterprising attitude. I remember that I only got 104 in the science final exam last semester in Grade One. When the report card was placed in front of me, my anger jumped up and I was shaking with the report card in my hand. But I still controlled my emotions and asked her in a friendly tone: "Why is the score not ideal this time?" The child told me that it was because the teacher stood beside her all the time during the exam and was so nervous that she forgot everything. After hearing this, I smiled and said to my child, as long as you work hard, the score is not the most important, as long as you have solid knowledge. After the child was in a better mood, I continued to tell her that your nervousness this time is still related to your failure to exercise yourself boldly. So when the teacher asks you to answer questions in the future, you should answer them loudly, regardless of whether the answer is right or wrong; When you have the opportunity to speak, you should bravely go to the podium and don't give up because of timidity; The teacher asked you to preside over the class meeting. You should confidently say that I can, and don't be afraid just because it's the first time. Children, every brave step, every time you overcome timidity and shyness, is a victory. Mom believes that through your efforts, you will definitely become an excellent girl! After this time, my daughter is obviously more lively and cheerful in school and life, and she is more brave and decisive when she meets things. I think this is an improvement that high scores can't be exchanged for!
2, starting from the reality of their children, can not blindly compare. Some parents always compare other people's high scores with their children's low scores, hoping to inspire their children. In fact, this practice is unscientific. Because the actual situation of each child is objectively different, parents should look at their children's achievements from their original quality level and encourage them to make progress.
Important Thought 3 in Family Education (1) Cultivate a sense of responsibility from an early age.
Education mode: 1920, an American boy aged1/kloc-0 accidentally kicked his neighbor's window while playing football, and people claimed $65,438 +02.50. After the boy who made a big mistake confessed to his father, his father made him responsible for his mistake. He said awkwardly, "I have no money to compensate others." Father said, "I'll lend it to you first and pay it back to me after one year." Since then, the boy has gone out to work hard every weekend and holiday. After half a year's hard work, he finally earned enough 12.50 dollars and returned it to his father. This boy is Reagan who later became the president of the United States. When he recalled this incident, he said, "Taking responsibility through my own labor made me understand what responsibility is."
Comments: Parents should educate their children to be responsible for their own actions from an early age, and don't bear everything for their children, otherwise it will dilute their sense of responsibility and is not conducive to their growth.
(B) the proper use of expected results
Education mode: Edison was regarded as the most "stupid" student by the class teacher when he was young. But his mother thought that the teacher called the students "stupid" in front of them, which just showed the teacher's own incompetence. She took Edison home, educated him according to the child's psychological characteristics and tried every means to encourage him to do more experiments. Edison later became a world-famous great inventor, which was inseparable from his mother's education and the proper use of expectation effect. Comments: Parents' expectations should be adapted to children's actual situation, and education should be combined with children's psychological characteristics. Parents' expectation is an important factor that cannot be ignored in family education.
Grasp the sensitive areas of success
Education mode:/kloc-Maxwell, a famous mathematician and physicist in the 9th century, was asked by his father to draw a still life when he was very young, taking a vase full of autumn roses as the object. In Maxwell's works, vases are trapezoidal, chrysanthemums are round, and leaves are represented by some strange triangles. Careful father immediately found that little Maxwell was particularly sensitive to mathematics and began to teach him geometry and algebra to cultivate his mathematical talent.
Comments: Children with normal development will show extremely special sensitivity and strong curiosity about a certain aspect when they are five or six years old. Parents should seize their children's "sensitive areas" in time, take advantage of the trend, and open channels for their children's success.
(D) Cultivate children's ability to live independently
Education mode: in Germany, children aged 6- 10 have to help their parents wash dishes, sweep the floor and buy things; 10- 14-year-old children should take part in grass cutting and other labor. In the United States, more than 1 children basically eat by themselves, and it is almost impossible to see parents chasing their children with rice bowls to feed them.
Comments: Over-protection of children has become an educational disadvantage that cannot be ignored in China. Facts have proved that the psychological quality of non-intellectual factors and the lack of sound personality have become a major problem that can no longer be ignored in our current education.
Educate children in practice
Education mode: In Sweden, the first words learned by small class students over 2 years old, besides "Hello, thank you", are the names of plants and wild fruits in the forest. In summer, two days a week, the teacher needs to take the baby to the forest to play or do small experiments. For example, dig a few holes in the ground and bury plastic bags, paper, glass, banana peels, etc. Dig them out after a few weeks to see what changes have taken place in order to explain to the children what rubbish the land can or cannot absorb. For example, the earth will not absorb glass, which will hurt people's and animals' feet, and the reflection and focusing of sun light will also cause fires, so it is not allowed to throw glass garbage. Sweden's environmental construction is so good that it is inseparable from their own education since childhood.
Important ideas in family education 4 1. Broken arrow-if you don't believe in your will, you will never be a general.
During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, a father and son went to war. The father became a general and the son was just a pawn. Another horn sounded, the drums roared, and my father solemnly raised an quiver with an arrow in it. The father solemnly said to his son, "This is the treasure arrow at home. It is extremely powerful when you carry it with you, but you must never take it out. "
This is an extremely delicate quiver, made of thick cowhide, inlaid with faint shiny copper edges, and look at the arrow's exposed tail. You can tell at a glance that it is made of fine peacock feathers. The son is beaming and greedily speculates about the appearance of the shaft and arrows, as if the arrows whizzed past his ears and the enemy commander died in response.
Sure enough, Bao Jian's son is heroic and invincible. When the trumpet sounded, the son could no longer resist the heroic spirit of victory and completely abandoned his father's words. A strong desire drove him to shout and pull out his treasure arrow, trying to find out. Suddenly he was shocked.
A broken arrow, there is a broken arrow in the quiver.
My son broke out in a cold sweat, as if the house had lost its pillar in an instant and collapsed. The result is self-evident, and my son died tragically in the disorderly army. Blowing away the misty smoke, my father picked up the broken arrow and spat heavily: "If you don't believe in your own will, you will never be a general."
How stupid it is to pin victory or defeat on a precious arrow, and how dangerous it is for a person to give the core and handle of life to others! For example, pin your hopes on children; Put happiness on her husband; Put life safety on the unit?
☆ Tips: You are an arrow. If you want to make it tough, if you want to make it sharp, if you want to make it go through a hundred paces and hit a hundred shots, you can only sharpen it and save it.
2. The value of life-don't let yesterday's depression overshadow tomorrow's dream!
At a seminar, a famous speaker held a $20 bill in his hand and didn't make an opening speech. Facing the 200 people in the meeting room, he asked, "Who wants this $20?" Put one hand up. He went on to say, "I want to give this $20 to one of you, but before that, please allow me to do one thing." As he spoke, he crumpled up the money and asked, "Who wants more?" There are people holding hands.
He added, "Well, what if I do this?" He threw the money on the ground, stepped on it and ran it over with his foot. Then he picked up the dirty and wrinkled bill.
"Who wants it now?" Someone still raised their hands.
My friends, you have had a very meaningful lesson. No matter how I treat that bill, you still want it, because it hasn't depreciated, and it's still worth 20 dollars. On the road of life, we will be knocked down, bullied or even crushed by our own decisions or adversity countless times. We feel as if we are worthless. But no matter what happens, or what will happen, you will never lose value in the eyes of God. In his view, dirty or clean, dressed neatly or untidy, you are still priceless. "
☆ Tips: The value of life lies not in what we do, nor in what friends we make, but in ourselves! We are unique-never forget this!
It's beautiful to hold your head high-although it's a black cow, the milk is white.
Jenny is a little girl who always lowers her head. She always feels that she is not beautiful enough. One day, she went to the jewelry store and bought a green bow. The shopkeeper kept praising her for wearing a beautiful bow. Although Jenny doesn't believe it, she is very happy. She couldn't help raising her head, eager to show it to everyone. It doesn't matter if she accidentally bumped into someone when she went out.
Jenny walked into the classroom and met her teacher head-on. "Jenny, how beautiful you look with your head held high!" "The teacher lovingly patted her on the shoulder and said.
That day, she was praised by many people. She thought it must be a bow, but when she looked in front of the mirror, there was no bow on her head. She must have lost it when she came out of the jewelry store.
Self-confidence is a kind of beauty, but many people lose a lot of happiness because they care too much about appearance.
☆ Tips: Whether you are poor or rich, whether you are beautiful or plain, as long as you hold your head high, happiness will make you cute-the kind that everyone likes.
Draw a leaf for life-as long as you believe, there will always be miracles. Although the hope is slim, it will last forever.
American writer O Henry told a story in his novel The Last Leaf: In the ward, a dying patient saw a tree outside the window, which fell down one by one in the autumn wind. The patient looked at the rustling leaves in front of him and his health went from bad to worse. She said, "When all the leaves are copyrighted and all the light is gone, I will die." When an old painter learned about it, he drew a leaf with green veins with a colored pen and hung it on a branch.
The last leaf never fell. Because of the green color in life, the patient miraculously survived.
☆ Tips: Life can be without many things, but only without hope. Hope is an important value of human life. Where there is hope, life is endless!
5. Flying Spider-Faith is an indomitable force. When you believe that you can succeed, you will succeed.
One day, I found a black spider making a big net between two eaves in the backyard. Can spiders fly? Otherwise, from this cornice to that cornice, there are more than ten feet wide in the middle. How is the first line pulled? Later, I found that the spider took many detours-starting from a cornice, knotting, walking down the wall, climbing forward step by step, carefully raising its tail to prevent the spider silk from touching the sand or other objects on the ground, walking through the clearing, then climbing up the opposite cornice, almost at the same height, and then tying the spider silk tightly, and so on.
☆ Tip: Spiders can't fly, but they can make webs in mid-air. It is a diligent, sensitive, silent and tenacious insect, and its net is exquisite and regular, with Zhang Kaicheng gossip shape, as if with the help of God. Such an achievement reminds people of those who are taciturn and some hidden wise men. Then, I remembered that a spider can't fly, but it still weaves a web in the air. Miracles are caused by persistent people.
The important idea in family education is to let children have their own dreams and fight for them. In the process of family education, some parents dream of training their children to be scientists, senior officials, wealthy businessmen, celebrities and stars, without asking what their dreams are. The reason is that these parents' early dreams have not come true, so they want their children to realize their dreams. For example, a mother asks her child in front of everyone, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The child thought carefully for a while and answered loudly: "I want to be a supermarket assistant!" " "She was very dissatisfied and immediately inspired:" Don't you want to be a scientist? "The child still said firmly," no! I want to be a salesman, not a scientist. " In this way, she felt even more embarrassed. Isn't this "shooting yourself in the foot"? Parents must remember that it is your dream, not a child's dream.
Let children try to do something, not afraid of difficulties and obstacles, not afraid of failure. Undoubtedly, many parents want their children to have smooth progress in learning and growth, and some parents even ask their children to "only succeed, not fail" in the exam. When a child decides to do something, and this decision is doomed to fail in the eyes of parents, parents often lose their temper and are eager to stop the child from doing it. In fact, failure is also a child's right, and parents should give their children a chance to try and experience.
Let children take the initiative to admit their mistakes and correct their shortcomings. In the process of tutoring, parents should say to their children, "Don't lie at any time." "Self-discipline is responsible for yourself." "You are a sensible child." "Swearing is a shameful act." "The game can be played, but you can't indulge in it." "Be bold, be bigger." "Learn to control your emotions." "Everyone has something to learn."
Let children become elegant and become "ladies" or "gentlemen". Parents must do the following: first, praise their children's thoughts, not their appearance; Secondly, accompany the children to study, instead of going their own way; Thirdly, set an example in public places, behave appropriately, and speak softly, not loudly; Fourth, when talking to children, look them in the eyes and often say polite expressions such as "thank you", "please" and "sorry"; Fifth, listen to the child patiently and laugh and grieve with him; Sixth, service providers (such as waiters and cleaners) should take the initiative to smile and thank them, and encourage children to do the same.
Let children know life, love life and love nature. In education and teaching, the author found that some students only learn textbook knowledge and memorize it by rote, but they don't understand life, have no interest in life and even don't play with their partners. Over time, their psychological development will be unhealthy, they will not be able to cooperate well with their peers, and their IQ will be high and their EQ will be low. Therefore, if parents want to cultivate their children into adults and talents, they must teach their children to learn how to behave, know how to live and love life; At the same time, we should also guide children to integrate into nature and be familiar with some common animals and plants, mountains and rivers, climate and solar terms in nature.
The important concept in family education is 6 "In a blink of an eye, children are so old". In the fast-paced life, the rapid growth of children makes many parents feel deeply, and many physical and mental problems that follow often make them unprepared. Therefore, in family education, we should know how to observe children's words and deeds, learn to be "caring parents", and pay special attention to six educational concepts.
1. Lagging reaction of psychological problems. "When we were young, nobody cared. Are we all right now? " This is what I hear the most, but when a child really has a problem, it may be too late. For a simple example, we all know that diabetes, cardiovascular diseases and cancer were not diagnosed a week ago. Once diagnosed, it is impossible to cure them in a short time. The same is true of children's psychological problems. If you don't do the work in front, it will be difficult to reverse it in the back. Therefore, parents should learn some psychological knowledge during their children's growth, and the earlier they start psychological education, the better.
Children's problems are caused by adults. When children have problems, the first thing parents should consider is what problems they can adjust. Many educational problems seem to be in children, but in fact they are rooted in adults. Parents are children's first teachers, so family education should pay attention to "common progress", learn to grow up with children and correct mistakes together.
3. Psychological support is more important than material support. Parents' love for their children is mostly embodied in material things, such as buying famous brands, taking private lessons and traveling abroad ... but these are not worthy of "psychological education" There is an experiment in psychology called "sensory deprivation test", which says that the subject is imprisoned in a room and then all his material needs are met, but he is forbidden to communicate and denied the right to read. As a result, no one survived for a week and said that he was going crazy after coming out. This shows that when people are deprived of "feeling", serious mental illness will occur. Therefore, the most important thing in psychological education is to give children feelings and feelings, not just to enrich their material life.
4. Humanistic education is more important than intellectual education. Psychological education and human nature education are interlinked. When I study criminal cases, I often hear people comment that some criminals are inhuman. In fact, most of them have no family life. In recent years, poisoning incidents in colleges and universities have emerged one after another. Criminals have high IQ, but lack humanity. This shows that some parents only pay attention to their children's educational achievements, but not to the cultivation of human nature.
5. Personality determines the fate of children. This is an accepted view. Cultivating a child's sense of responsibility and tough personality will help him to go to society and become a disciplined person in the future. These personality qualities are the cornerstone of survival, of being a man and of winning opportunities.
6. The premise of protecting children is respect. Many parents treat their children with the attitude that "everything they do is for your own good" and "I love you and don't discuss it", but not discussing it is actually disrespectful. "Respect" is not only politeness, but that children should have some necessary rights when they grow up. I have a friend who is studying abroad. When he bought eggs in the supermarket, he found that the prices were quite different. The staff told him that expensive eggs were born by hens with "chicken rights". They catch a bug if they want to eat, and swallow two stones if they have indigestion. They live according to their own needs; Cheap eggs come from chicken farms, and eating and drinking are controlled by breeders, so there is no choice. Therefore, when children grow up, they should be given the right to choose for themselves, rather than giving orders blindly. When the child doesn't want to practice the piano, tell him, "Now there are two hours of free time. If you finish practicing the music as soon as possible, you can go downstairs and play for a long time. If you fool around, you will have less time to play. You can choose for yourself.