Corresponding to it is enterprising thinking, which is characterized by going forward bravely, maximizing interests, not retaining the fruits of victory, but achieving greater success. Usually dad is an advocate of enterprising thinking.
It is under the guidance of defensive thinking and enterprising thinking that mothers and fathers have completely different performances in educating their children.
Take teaching children to walk as an example.
Under the guidance of defensive thinking, mothers are always worried that their children will fall and get hurt. She will buy all kinds of protective equipment, such as putting mats on the ground and wrapping them in every corner. Everything in the family that may hurt the child will be cleaned up by her mother. In short, the mother should 100% ensure the safety of the child, and no mistakes are allowed.
A father who is dominated by enterprising thinking is different. Although dad's goal is to let children learn to walk, he will also take care of their safety, but he is more concerned about how to let children learn to walk faster and better than not to let them get hurt. If some minor injuries can help children learn to walk faster, dad will allow this to happen. Under the guidance of this goal, dad will encourage children to boldly try various environments and let them actively challenge.
In fact, my daughter and wife and I went to the park to play during the whole process, which well reflected the difference between these two kinds of thinking.
I take my children to catch fish by the river to let them know about small fish and shrimp, in order to let them gain some new experiences and increase new knowledge. In order to achieve this goal, although children may fall into the river, wet their shoes and dirty their clothes, I think the danger is controllable and worth taking.
But in her mother's view, it is different. Although her mother also wants her children to get these experiences, she is more concerned about their safety. For the sake of safety, she thinks that dangerous behavior should not be tried. If I hadn't been with her and the children, she might have stopped them from doing what she thought was dangerous.
Disadvantages of defensive thinking Defensive thinking has advantages, which shows that parents love their children and can better protect them. But from the perspective of children's growth, defensive thinking has great problems.
1, defensive thinking will overprotect children.
Because people's growth is actually a process of constantly contacting the outside world and entering the society, and they need to constantly adapt to the surrounding environment. In order to adapt to the environment, people must face various difficulties in the environment. To overcome difficulties, people need to improve their abilities and master new skills. Only by constantly improving themselves can people overcome difficulties and better adapt to the environment.
Parents educate their children with defensive thinking, in fact, they are suppressing their growing nature and hindering their process of mastering various skills. Children are restricted by their parents because of various dangers and cannot explore and master new skills. Security is very safe, but the opportunity for growth is lost. It's like parents building an ivory tower and then protecting their children in it.
But children can only live in ivory towers, but they can't live outside, because it's too dangerous outside and children lack the ability to cope. Such children can only live under the wings of their parents and cannot live independently. This can also explain why there are so many mothers and daughters now, because they are all children raised by their parents with defensive thinking.
2, defensive thinking will be afraid of children making mistakes.
Defensive thinking is a kind of protective thinking, which seeks nothing but nothing. Therefore, in the face of children with this kind of thinking, parents will be afraid that their children will make mistakes. As long as you don't make mistakes, you are a good boy. Parents will criticize children when they make mistakes, but parents will ignore their children's good behavior and rarely give encouragement and praise.
Under this thinking education, in order to avoid making mistakes, children will not think about how to improve themselves and try new ways, because it is easy to make mistakes when trying strange things, and mistakes will be criticized and educated. So children will become conservative and lack the spirit of adventure.
Conclusion As a mother, defensive thinking is more suitable for young children. As children grow up, mothers need to change their thinking and adopt more aggressive thinking. There is no 100% safe environment and no 100% correct road. Don't be afraid of children's mistakes or injuries. Encourage children to explore, discover and try bravely. This is the right way for children to grow up.