In this study, psychologists went to a kindergarten and taught 40 children aged 3-5 a simple computer game. This game requires children to remember the positions of pictures including cats, umbrellas and policemen in a grid. They train their children from 10 in the morning until they can remember about 75% of the picture positions. The scientist went to see each child twice. Once, 1 let the children sleep for an hour between 3 pm, and don't let them sleep at other times. In order to find out how sleep affects memory, scientists tested each child again later that afternoon, and found that children who took a nap recalled 10% more information than those who didn't.
The scientist went to school again the next day to check whether the children who took a nap were more alert and attentive than other children. The scores of children who take a nap have not changed, which shows the importance of sleeping during the day.
RebeccaSpencer of the University of Massachusetts said: "For convenience, parents often don't let their children take naps. However, science has proved that a nap is needed. If you want your child to study in the morning, a nap will help achieve this goal. " GarethGaskell, a psychology professor at York University, said: "This vividly shows the value of sleep in consolidating memory. It is difficult for children to master the whole day's lessons. In this case, it is extremely useful to ensure that they remember what they have learned for a long time. "
First, insist on taking a nap
Parents should make a day's schedule for their children, so that they can have a certain time for eating, sleeping and activities, which is an important condition for cultivating their good living habits. After a certain period of time, conditioned reflex is formed repeatedly. If you persist in this way, by the time you take a nap, your child will be sleepy and slowly develop the habit of falling asleep automatically.
Second, arrange children to take a nap in the right way.
When it's time for a nap, we can remind them that it's time to take a nap, and then play after waking up, so that children can form the concept that "a nap, like eating, is one of the indispensable contents of a day's life", rather than something that can or cannot be done. Moreover, children do well and should be encouraged in time.
Third, create a good sleeping environment for children.
Fresh and refreshing air is an important condition for children to fall asleep quickly, and the indoor temperature should not be too high. To have a quiet sleeping environment, adults should speak softly and eliminate all human interference.
Fourth, we should arrange sleep time reasonably.
The nap time should not be too long, so as not to affect the sleep at night. Generally, 1-3-year-old children need to sleep for about 2 hours during the day and10-1hour at night, for a total of 13 hours. Children aged 3-6 usually take a nap for 1- 1.5 hours, and the total sleep time is 12 hours.
Who can take care of children best? Young parents think they have no experience with children. As soon as the child is born, it is raised by the old man. They think that old people are experienced and can take better care of them. So the child's attachment object is based on the old man, and the old man has become the closest person to the child and the object of imitation. Does the old man take care of the child's physical and mental growth? Who can take care of children best?
Who can take care of children best?
The child established close contact with his mother in her womb. After the child is born, the mother will produce prolactin, and the crying of the child will make the mother have a physiological reaction. This connection urges mothers to meet their children's needs well and help them survive. This connection gives children a sense of security, and the smell of mother, milk and hormones gives them a sense of security.
A mother, if she has not been traumatized and has experienced the good upbringing given by her mother, will naturally pick up the child and get close to it, as if it is an innate ability and can be done without deliberate efforts. Scientists have done experiments on monkeys and found that female monkeys brought up by female monkeys have good contact with their spouses and can raise young monkeys well. However, female monkeys who grew up with wire monkeys (fake monkeys with bottles on their bodies) have difficulty mating and lack emotion in abusing young monkeys. If a mother can't get close to her children, for whatever reason, it is necessary to ask a psychological counselor for help. Only by walking past oneself can children not repeat the mistakes of their mothers. This requires the mother to face bravely. As long as the mother is eager to learn and willing to grow up, anyone can be a good mother who makes her children happy.
The hidden crisis of raising children by the elderly: once the elderly die, the children will face great losses before they reach adulthood. That feeling is worse than losing your parents as an adult. This is psychological trauma. Need psychological repair. It can't be said that everyone who has foster care experience will have mental illness, but among people with depression, the proportion of foster care experience as a child is very large.
In addition, the elderly nowadays, especially those in cities, have more sources of anxiety, or the times and families they have experienced make their own psychological trauma far greater than that of their children's parents. These negative messages will be subconsciously passed on to children, making them suffer too many things they shouldn't face. Or inexplicable anxiety, which are not conducive to the mental health development of children.
Who can take care of children best? Bring your own children.
This article is not only for newborn babies, but also for adults to look back on their infancy. Who did they spend their childhood with and who are you closest to? How do you feel as an adult? How is your relationship with children?
The memory of infancy is basically at the subconscious level, which is difficult to recall. But when you experience a similar situation again, the subconscious emotions will be aroused. When you feel that your reaction is different from peacetime or most people, it probably means that there is a knot here. We can't untie this knot by ourselves, so we need to seek psychological counseling to help us explore. Therefore, for young mothers, trying to raise their children by themselves is the best gift for their children to grow up.
Too many choices will make children anxious. It is generally believed that it is very important to affirm children and enhance their self-confidence. Ironically, to a large extent, self-confidence has little to do with whether a person will be happy in the future, especially when self-confidence comes from constant tolerance and praise, not from real achievements. Research shows that firmness, adaptability and the ability to accept the test of reality can predict whether a person will be full and successful in the future. With these qualities, people can live smoothly. But now, many children have no chance to learn these qualities.
A well-known international kindergarten teacher is deeply touched by this. For example, she said that a mother sent her children to school. While she was busy signing in, the child ran aside and had a conflict with another child. Her child got the truck first, but another child took it away. They quarreled for a while, and the child took an old truck and threw it to her child. Seeing that there was no hope of winning the case, her children accepted the arrangement. But mom quit, ran to reason, said "it's not fair" and asked the children to return the van. "You see, the child was fine, her child has a strong adaptability, but she ruined it all. We do teach children not to catch toys, but this kind of thing happens from time to time, and children need to learn to solve problems by themselves. " Another kindergarten teacher who teaches at 17 said that over the years, parents have increasingly interfered with their children's growth path.
"After entering school, children will realize that they are not the center of the world, which is good for them, because at some point, the feelings of others are indeed more important than their own." The teacher also said that there are still many parents who think they have set restrictions, but they have not. When the children pestered to buy ice cream, their parents refused at first, but gave in after several negotiations. "Every year, parents come to me and ask,' Why don't children listen to me? Why can't she accept rejection? "I would say," the reason why children can't accept rejection is because you never refuse. "
Child psychologists believe that those loving parents give their children many choices every day, but the results are unexpected. "The philosophy of our time is that it is good to have choices, and the more choices, the better," he said. "But it's not true."
In one study, child psychologists randomly divided children into two groups to draw pictures. The first group of children can choose 1 from 3 oil pens, and the second group can choose 1 from 24 pens. When the uninformed kindergarten painting teacher evaluates the works, most of them are classified as the "worst" works of the second group of children. Then, the researchers asked the children to choose a pen as a gift. After the children choose, try to persuade them to return it and exchange it for a gift. As a result, the second group of children are more likely to give up. Schwartz believes that this shows that children with fewer choices are not only more focused on painting, but also more likely to stick to what they got in the first place.
So, what does this have to do with parenting? This means that children will feel safer and less anxious when they have fewer choices. Fewer choices help them focus on something, which is exactly what they need in their later years. "Research shows that focusing on one job will bring people greater satisfaction. Those who are always faced with many choices tend to fall behind. Many parents tell their children, "You can do whatever you want and quit at any time. If you are not interested in 100%, you can try something else. "So, what's strange about them living in the same way when they grow up?"
He also saw the same phenomenon in the graduating class of Smallworth University. "They can't stand the idea that choosing one interest or opportunity means giving up other interests or opportunities, so they spend years trying to find the perfect answer. They don't understand that they should look for a "passable" answer, not a perfect answer. " When we provide children with countless choices, we send them the message that they have the right to live a perfect life. Like Harvard psychologist Dan? Kendron said: "When they feel uncomfortable, they will have another choice." Mogil put it more bluntly: parents created anxious and superior children with rich choices, which she called "disabled royalty".
As a mother, I am familiar with this. I never said to my son, "This is your grilled cheese sandwich," but, "Do you want grilled cheese or fish sticks?" On Saturday, I will say, "Do you want to go to the park or the beach?" Like many parents, I always think that giving children a variety of choices can cultivate their sense of strength and make them feel more in control. But Schwartz's research shows that too many choices may make people more depressed and out of control.
Psychological interpretation: There is a belief hidden under parents' anxiety, that is, if we do it right, children will not only grow into happy adults, but also become adults who make us happy. This is a misunderstanding. Although parenting is important, it cannot be superior to nature. Different children are suitable for different parenting methods. We can expose children to art, but we can't teach them creativity; We can protect them from students' indecent assault, poor grades and other factors, but they will always encounter disappointments in life. In fact, when we spare no effort to provide them with a perfect childhood, we make the growth of children more difficult.
Bullying between children, parents should pay special attention to bullying between brothers and sisters is destructive.
A recent study in the magazine pointed out that the destructive influence of bullying between brothers and sisters on themselves has been widely concerned in recent years. However, the researcher added that bullying between brothers and sisters is largely ignored by parents, because many parents think it is normal, harmless to children, and even beneficial to children to cultivate their social skills and deal with interpersonal relationships. However, Tucker and her team strongly oppose the idea that bullying between brothers and sisters is beneficial to their development. They point out that bullying between brothers and sisters will bring them great harm. Tucker said that their research shows that the mental health of victims will be seriously affected, just like bullying among peers.
The results of this study are based on the results of the national survey on child violence. A total of 3,600 children under the age of 65,438+07 who live with at least one sibling were selected as the survey subjects. The researchers conducted a one-year survey on these children's interpersonal relationships, but for children under the age of 9, their caregivers or parents usually answer the phone.
Types of bullying
In order to investigate the influence of bullying between brothers and sisters on themselves, the researchers divided it into the following types of attacks:
Mild violence: hitting or kicking without using anything else and causing harm to the body;
Serious violence: using other items to cause personal injury or minor injury;
Psychological injury: swearing, insulting others, hurting others' self-esteem, leading to others' fear and depression;
Crime of infringing on property: taking other people's real estate and deliberately destroying or damaging other people's property;
Psychological interpretation: children bullied by their brothers and sisters, no matter what kind of bullying, are much more painful than those who are not bullied. Compared with teenagers, bullying among children is much lighter, for example, physically, but the harm to their mental health is actually the same. Even in families with only two children, researchers found that there was still harm between them.
It is suggested that parents should always pay attention to their children and see if there is any disharmony between them, especially when one party always bullies the other. This is called bullying and needs special attention.
What are some ways to help children overcome shyness? Every child grows up in a different environment. The growing environment affects the formation of children's personality. Every child has a different personality. Some children are particularly cheerful, while others are particularly shy. When you see strangers, you hide behind adults, afraid to talk to others, or just stand in a corner and say nothing. Many parents are worried about this. So what can parents do to help their children overcome shyness? Here are some points that I hope can help you.
1, don't be too protective.
Many parents often spoil their children too much. When their children face some difficulties, they will rush to help them solve their problems and heal their wounds. In fact, this is not conducive to the growth of children. Can you help him like this all his life? Obviously impossible. Children always have to be independent and have their own lives, so you should give them enough exercise opportunities and give them more indirect support, such as discussing existing problems together, giving encouragement and providing information. And let the child experience appropriate anxiety and challenges, let him try to solve problems by himself, learn appropriate coping skills, and build self-esteem and self-confidence.
2. Increase children's social opportunities
If children are shy because they have no social opportunities since childhood, then parents should pay special attention to their needs in this regard. For example, if you have time, you can take your children to relatives and friends' homes, or invite children who are familiar with your neighbors or classmates to play at home, so as to create a relaxed and pleasant knitting circle for your children and let them have the opportunity to contact other people, mainly to let them learn how to interact with others. You can also take your children to participate in some social group activities, expand their interpersonal relationship and social world, and increase communication opportunities.
Of course, it is best to choose a safer environment to exercise him from the beginning, and don't let the child be in a competitive environment immediately, which will hurt his self-confidence and make the child less confident and have the courage to communicate with others. When children are familiar with it, they will create some challenging activities, which will help them to continue to make progress in social life.
Step 3 show respect and understanding
When a child is shy, what he fears most is the criticism and accusation of his parents. They feel inferior because they are ashamed to meet people. If they are blamed by their parents again, they will feel worse. Therefore, when a child is shy and afraid of life, parents should show understanding and respect to the child, let the child know that you can understand and sympathize with his shyness, make him feel warm and supportive, and don't force the child too much.
Some children will avoid certain things because of poor communication skills or social skills. At this time, you should never "label" your child, for example, explaining to your family and friends that your child is harmful, which will give your child a self-definition: I am a shy person. This will also be a reason why he will be more shy in the future. Even if you are anxious about your child's shyness, don't force him, let alone punish or blame him, which will only further weaken his confidence in social interaction.
The best way is to talk to your child more when he is in a calm mood, or when he has only one family. Tell him how to be shy and let him try new experiences to succeed. This kind of conversation can be conducted in a natural way, such as showing your childhood experiences and encouraging your children.
4. Inspire children through games
It is children's nature to love to play, and shy children also like to play. Therefore, in order to help children get rid of shyness, parents should pay more attention to what games their children prefer to play, and then try to let their children participate in role games, so as to understand the roles they can play in daily life. It's best not to preach with boring words. At the same time, parents can also learn about their children's psychology from games and build their self-confidence.
In addition, let children play games with friends outdoors, integrate children into groups, and increase communication between children through group activities so that children will not be lonely inside. For shy children, trying to play "dirty" games, such as sand, catching bugs and patting the ball, jumping up and down the steps, chasing each other, seems very easy to hurt children, and it takes a little courage in practice. Of course, children will inevitably bump into each other in outdoor activities, and some unexpected minor injuries may occur between them. Don't make a fuss at this time. These "brave" games are the best way to help children practice their courage. These are ways to overcome shyness. I believe that through these methods, children will be able to overcome shyness.