How to educate stubborn children?
1. Is the child really stubborn? !
Parents can observe the things, people and things that children insist on, and then judge how to guide their children to handle the balance between persistence and flexibility; Don't force children to obey because of their persistence and deprive them of the right to choose. On the contrary, it may encourage their stubborn temper and stubborn character.
Stubborn children struggle with their parents in order to insist on their own opinions, while stubborn children argue with their parents in order to be inflexible. On the one hand, this is indeed a headache for many parents, but on the other hand, it is also a very important critical moment to cultivate independent personality.
When children grow up, there will always be a time to stick to what they see. Parents should not suppress their children's sense of independence in an angry and authoritative way. It is helpful to give children more opportunities to cultivate their independent thinking ability and encourage them to express their wishes and opinions at an early age.
Is independence, fortitude and firmness similar to stubbornness and stubbornness? When children show stubbornness, stubbornness or fortitude and strength in the process of growing up, how should parents face it? How to deal with it?
2. Different parenting attitudes and children with different personalities
Different parents have different parenting attitudes. When different parenting attitudes meet children with different personalities, there will be different interactions. Parents often have the following different effects in the face of their children's stubbornness. The analysis is as follows:
1. When the parent-child conflict escalates, both parents have high persistence, and some children choose to confront their parents. If parents are stricter, it will easily lead to a more stubborn temper in the future.
2. When the parent-child conflict escalates, children with little courage or low persistence will often give up their opinions and choose to obey their parents under the strong pressure of their parents, which will easily lead to weak personality and no opinions in the future.
3. When the parent-child conflict escalates and there is no resistance, temporarily suppressing oneself under the strong pressure of parents and seemingly obeying their parents will easily lead to children's rebellious personality and social norms in the future.
4. When the parent-child conflict escalates, parents choose to let go because they love their children or can't stand their insistence, which will easily lead to unreasonable personality of their children in the future.
From the above four examples, it seems that whether parents let their children do whatever they want or use authority to suppress their children is not the best parenting method, and it may encourage their children to be stubborn in temper and personality.
3. Stubborn children, "fighting" does not solve the problem.
In the face of stubborn children, some parents will beat their children, often just because of impulse, but do you know that children who are often beaten will have the following bad mentality and psychological deviation?
tell a lie
Some parents beat their children as soon as they find that they have done something wrong. In order to avoid physical pain, children can hide and cheat, because for children, if they cheat once, they can reduce a "disaster". However, the lies told by children are often untenable and easily found by parents. In order to punish children for lying, parents will be tougher; In order to avoid being beaten, children will lie more when they do something wrong next time, which constitutes a vicious circle.
Timid
If you often beat your child, after a long time, your child will feel scared when he sees his parents. Therefore, no matter what his parents ask him to do, no matter what his parents say is right or wrong, he will only obey. Children who grow up in such a bad environment of absolute obedience are often prone to inferiority and cowardice. Such children are often obedient, depressed and passive in their studies.
lonely
Children who are often beaten will feel lonely and helpless, especially when parents beat their children in public, which will hurt their self-esteem. He will often doubt his ability, feel inferior, appear depressed and silent, and think that teachers and children look down on themselves and lift their heads. Such children are often reluctant to communicate with their parents and teachers, unwilling to play with their children, and their personality is relatively withdrawn.
observe
Some parents beat their children easily, which damages their self-esteem and makes them rebellious. Some children show their resistance by deliberately making trouble. If you want to go east, he will go west, deliberately making his parents angry. Other children, the more their parents fight, the less they admit their mistakes. Stubbornness is getting older. He often runs away from home, plays truant to confront his parents, and becomes more and more stubborn.
Rude
Because the child is very imitative, his parents beat him at home, and he beat other children outside, especially the younger ones. Once this rude character is formed, children will be very violent when they grow up. Parents beating their children actually set a bad example for them.
odd
Some parents still insist on letting their children "admit their mistakes" after hitting them, which shows that their children are educated. In fact, doing so can only aggravate the child's xenophobic tendency. On the surface, the child seems to do what his parents ask, but in fact, his resistance is great. After being beaten, he will be at a loss and uneasy. Over time, children will become more and more eccentric.
Susceptible to emotional changes
Some parents feel heartache and regret after hitting their children, so they go to touch the sore spot and even cry with their children in their arms, giving them double material compensation. In this case, the child will feel puzzled at first, but after a long time, he will get used to it. Gradually, children will become moody.
4. The correct method
Stubbornness and rebellion are common behaviors in children's development. Stubborn children are more likely to have rebellious behavior, but stubborn children are not necessarily bad. As far as persistence is concerned, stubbornness represents perseverance and self-determination. In order to make children become "reasonable" people in the future, parents may wish to use inspiration to slowly guide their children to turn stubbornness into a positive force and make reasonable judgments and effective thinking. The following methods are for parents' reference:
(1) Reasonable and consistent parenting principles
In fact, children's stubborn temper is often caused by parents or caregivers. Adults always think that children are too young to understand the truth, directly ordering children to obey orders unconditionally and forcing them to obey themselves for a long time. Children are more prone to self-righteous or duplicitous behaviors, and even have a particularly stubborn personality, openly challenging their parents' authority and fighting with them to the end. Parents often make various family rules out of the need of discipline. For children, it is impossible to change habits overnight. Some parents pay too much attention to the efficiency of discipline, saying that they will formulate and implement it. It is not easy for children to achieve temporary goals, but there is another parent-child war in the family.
Create a democratic atmosphere from an early age. Children need to be respected. Parents' attitude is very important if children want to accept their parents' opinions. Parents' authoritative thoughts are mostly influenced by traditional education. They think that good children should be obedient, but stubborn and bad-tempered children will not be obedient. In the parenting education in the democratic era, parents should avoid high-profile, don't take their opinions as the supreme imperial edict, and ask their children to accept them unconditionally. Parents should first revise their traditional values and agree that their children also have independent rights at home, so as to smoothly promote the democratic atmosphere.
(2) Parents' attitude determines their children's sustainable development.
Parents are not saints. Influenced by life and emotions, they will inevitably lose the standard of raising children. When they are in a good mood, it doesn't matter if the children make mistakes. When they are in a bad mood, they may be severely punished when they encounter the same or similar events. This repeated parenting attitude is unfair to children. As children grow up, their intelligence develops more and more maturely, and of course they will also cultivate their sense of autonomy. Parents should have reasonable and consistent parenting principles. Tell children what can be done according to their own wishes and what must be helped by their parents. In the long run, they can build a consensus on "why do you want to do this" and "why not do it". With parent-child consensus, disputes between parents and children can naturally be reduced.
We can learn about children's personality from their innate temperament, and more importantly, we should teach students in accordance with their aptitude, what kind of parenting attitudes and methods parents adopt, and whether the result of interaction with children is positive or negative, which are very important for cultivating children's sound personality.
There is no difference between good and bad performance of children's persistence, but the attitude of praise and criticism of adults will affect their growth, and the praise of adults will turn persistence into the positive characteristics of "responsibility" and "fortitude"; The "degradation" of adults will turn persistence into negative "stubbornness" or "stubbornness"
Usually, you can observe whether the child insists on someone, something or something. If it is not too much, parents can give them more time to change. Children's persistence is another aspect of concentration, and it is also the original type of perseverance in the future learning process. When the child insists, parents can observe more and then judge how to guide the child to handle the balance between persistence and flexibility.
(3) Specific skills
1. Avoid losing control of emotions
When children are stubborn and rebellious, parents should avoid using authoritative spoken language or ways to teach their children, but should come up with some "methods". Take a deep breath first, don't let yourself follow the child's anger, then try to reason with him, teach him to respect others and learn to control his emotions.
Divert attention
When you feel that your child is impetuous, you can attract him with things or objects he is interested in to divert his upcoming mood. For example, "Mom heard a nice story today. Come here, mom will tell you! " Or "mom has delicious candy for the good baby!" " ! " "
Leave the scene
The more parents intervene, the stronger the child's stubborn temper may be. When a child loses his temper, it can be a little tentative sometimes. The more concerned his parents are, the more likely he is to go too far and make noise. So, if it won't affect others, try to make him cry enough and wait until he calms down.
Step 4 play a dramatic role
Using games to guide children, whether in learning or behavior correction, often has unexpected effects. Make good use of children's language or favorite cartoon characters as appropriate guiding tools to make the dialogue between parents and children more interesting and playful, thus dissolving children's emotions.
Report in advance
If parents want to stop their children's games and don't want their children to resent and contradict them, they should inform them in advance to prepare them psychologically. For children who have a sense of time, they can make a notice five minutes ago and then one every minute; For children who have no concept of time, you can use the long needle of a clock as an indicator and tell them, "When this needle goes from two o'clock to three o'clock, it is necessary to clean up the toys." In this way, the child's persistence can be solved in a rational and peaceful way.
6. Appropriate use of isolation methods
When the child becomes unreasonable, you can take him to a quiet place and tell him, "If you don't feel angry, come and play with everyone again." But we must pay attention to the safety of isolated places, not places that will make children feel scared, such as dark rooms or not.
5. Avoid parenting skills that cause children to be stubborn.
Parents should understand that your parenting attitude deeply affects their children's future. When children insist on something very much, we can have several items to test whether we have given them the best guidance.
If we can correctly handle and judge the tense relationship between parents and children, children can gradually enjoy their own space to handle things, and parents and children naturally do not have to face each other's stalemate. The following three examples, with specific demonstrations of parent-child dialogue, provide reference for you when raising children:
Although A is over two years old, she may insist on eating and wearing shoes by herself. At this time, you can support him and say, "When the baby grows up, he wants to do it himself ... Try it yourself and let me know if you need help!"
Example B Three-year-old Jie Jie, according to her usual routine, clamored to go out to play in the park on rainy days, so she had an argument with her parents. If you want your child to accept your opinion, but your attitude is hard to stop, it will only cause unhappiness between parents and children. Parents are advised to respect their children's consciousness first and say to them in the same tone: "You really want to go to the park, and I really want to go!" "Baby, help me see if it's still raining?" "The rain has stopped, come and tell me, we can go for a walk!" Or parents with higher emotional intelligence will use rainy days to guide their children to observe the rain and listen to the sound of rain. Are you feeling better?
Example C Four-year-old Qiang Qiang likes roller skating rather than playing the piano. Parents use a strong tone: "Qiang, you must practice piano for an hour every day before you can go out roller skating." Parents and children often fight to practice the piano. If parents blindly think that you have the right to decide what your children can learn and what they can't learn, they not only ignore their children's right to choose, but also often deprive their children of their favorite roller skating time, fearing that in the end, their children will not be able to cultivate further interest in piano and roller skating learning. It is suggested to communicate with children: "Piano can calm yourself down through training, and roller skating can make strong people get full exercise. Both activities last for one hour. You can choose to skate first or play the piano first. "
Parent-child interaction is not about who wins and who succumbs to competition. To educate stubborn children, we should start with understanding their personality characteristics and think carefully about how to give full play to their persistent advantages in order to find the most suitable parenting method!