At 9 o'clock, with a sad melody of "My favorite person don't cry", a video began to play on the big screen of the rostrum.
The photo flashed slowly, recording the growth process of a girl, from a lovely baby to a girl, and then to a playboy girl. However, in the girl's best flower season, everything disappeared and was replaced by a cold coffin. ...
After the video of 8 minutes and 44 seconds ended, the scene was booed.
This is a special life lesson. The lecturer, Huang Kan, a teacher of Nanjing No.1 Middle School, the girl in the photo is her daughter Yuan Yuan (a pseudonym), who chose to end her young life in an extreme way when studying in the Netherlands.
Sudden withering
February 8, 2009, the fourteenth day of the first lunar month, the day before the Lantern Festival.
After class, Huang Kan found a missed call on her mobile phone, which was from Xi 'an, her daughter's close friend. They were classmates for six years.
Huang Kan called to ask why, and the other party said that something had happened far away.
Far from being the daughter of Huang Kan, she went to study in the Netherlands in September 2008 and studied economics at the University of Amsterdam.
What happened? Huang Kan was puzzled and scared. She doesn't believe what will happen to her daughter.
At noon, Huang Kan called the Embassy of China in the Netherlands, but no one answered.
Huang Kan has been fidgeting all afternoon.
I like sports and singing since I was a child, and I also like playing flute and percussion, and I have achieved excellent results. I have been to Singapore, Korea, Australia and New Zealand when I was in middle school.
Growing up, my daughter never let Huang Kan worry too much. She has excellent studies, wide interests and strong self-care ability.
"You don't know how capable my daughter is, with high emotional intelligence, many friends, cheerful personality and calm handling of things." When it comes to her daughter, Huang Kan's expression is full of pride. "Studying abroad is also her own decision. The school she was looking for also applied for a scholarship, got a visa and bought a plane ticket. "
Huang Kan still has her own ideas about her daughter's study abroad.
"She is a freshman at Nanjing University of Aeronautics and Astronautics. I originally wanted her to finish college in China before going abroad, but she insisted that I must respect her decision. "
Huang Kan personally sent his daughter to the plane. Afterwards, she recalled that she wore a black T-shirt that day, and her favorite clothes were bright colors such as red or yellow.
After arriving in Holland, I wrote that I like my school very much and my life is very happy. I also teach American students Chinese.
In less than half a year's study, his performance in learning is excellent, and he has scored more than 9 points for many times, becoming an outstanding student in the school.
"Her personal blog is also full of things like good living conditions and getting along well with friends. She has been like this since she was a child, always reporting good news and not worrying. " Huang Kan said.
At 4 o'clock in the afternoon, Huang Kan called the Embassy of China in the Netherlands again, and the other party's answer was that the situation was unknown.
An hour and a half later, Huang Kan called again to ask, and the embassy said it was investigating.
In the early morning of February 9th, the Embassy confirmed the news of the accident and asked Huang Kan to go abroad as soon as possible and rush to the Netherlands to deal with the aftermath.
Cry loudly.
Besides, Huang Kan also don't know what to do. She couldn't believe that her daughter's fresh life really withered forever.
February 14, Valentine's Day.
Huang Kan and his distant father flew to Holland.
1 1 hour, except tears.
"Please don't save me"
As soon as he got off the plane, Huang Kan asked the embassy staff who came to pick him up. Where is his daughter?
Huang Kan almost fainted when she learned that her daughter was placed in the autopsy room of Amsterdam Medical College.
"How lonely she should be lying there alone." Recalling that moment, Huang Kan burst into tears.
Huang Kan doesn't even remember how he got into the autopsy room.
"When I saw my daughter's body, I fell to the ground." Huang Kan choked up.
"My daughter was lying on a white sheet, and I suddenly remembered the scene when she was born. The crying when she was born is still in her ears, but it has turned cold now. "
According to the reporter, on February 8, he committed suicide in the dormitory after writing three suicide notes to his father, mother and relatives and friends.
At the police station, Huang Kan saw her daughter's suicide note.
"Dear Mom: I know I am not qualified to encourage you to be strong. Don't cry for me ... My wife is really tired. In the past eight years, I have calmed my broken heart again and again. When I collapse again, there is nothing I can do. I can only grit my teeth and find an opportunity to adjust. However, the real thing was delayed and the beauty of reality was destroyed. I'm really tired ... "
In the suicide note, I confessed that I had been suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder for 8 years and was miserable.
According to experts, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder, and its incidence rate is very high among teenagers in recent years. If not treated in time, it will lead to depression and even suicide.
Huang Kan never thought that her lively and cheerful daughter would suffer such great pain, but as a mother, she didn't notice it at all.
"Looking back now, she once became silent after junior high school. I thought she was quiet, but I didn't expect to get mental illness. Children's last time, but also spent alone in a foreign land ... "Huang Kan painfully recalled.
Huang Kan thinks that her daughter is too strong and demands perfection in everything. "We have never failed before, only a smile is shown to us."
In a distant place, her unexpected death surprised many of her friends.
The reporter learned that almost all the people who have had long-distance contact with her unanimously rated her as cheerful and lively at ordinary times, without any signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder or depression.
"Positive, full of ideals, stubborn and unyielding. Perhaps it is her persistent pursuit of perfection in life that keeps everything in her hometown of windmills forever. " A good friend wrote in an article commemorating the distance.
A distant friend said in an interview with reporters that he always consulted distant opinions when encountering problems, but rarely shared his feelings with them in retrospect.
Before she ended her distant life, she traveled with friends in Spain and Portugal, and she began to show signs of not liking taking pictures and being cautious.
In the suicide note, Yuan said that I tried to relieve my symptoms by studying abroad, but "it didn't become a panacea for redemption."
She also asked parents to study patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder and help other victims.
Always considerate, I even wrote in English on the note to the police: Please don't save me.
"Mom carried you back."
On February 6th, 2009, Yuan Yuan's body was cremated in Amsterdam.
After handling some things, Huang Kan flew back to China on February 24th.
"I carried her ashes with a distant schoolbag. On the plane, I said to her, "Far away, that's how I carried you to school when I was a child." Now, my mother brought you back. Let's go home together. "
During that time, Huang Kan didn't dare to go home. She couldn't stop crying when she saw her daughter's room. She lived in school for three months.
May 4th is Yuan Yuan's birthday. Huang Kan bought her daughter's favorite food and flowers to go to the cemetery.
"On the bus, tears dripped like a broken line. I can't help it The passengers beside me have been comforting me. I cried all the way to the cemetery. "
During that time, Huang Kan missed her daughter all the time.
"The dream is full of her childhood appearance, wearing a small cotton-padded jacket, tossing and turning in bed, naughty and unwilling to wear socks, and sometimes I can even smell the milk on her body."
But Huang Kan was very strong.
"I must accept what I can't change, I can only change what I can." Huang Kan devoted all his energy to teaching. 20 10 was awarded a special teacher.
In order to satisfy her daughter's last wish, Huang Kan also set up a100,000 yuan "Spiritual Construction Award" to reward teachers engaged in psychological work.
At the same time, as an educator, Huang Kan began to reflect.
When my daughter was in kindergarten, Mr. and Mrs. Huang Kan were busy with their work, so they sent her to boarding school.
"Now, it was too cruel to her. At such a young age, when she was spoiled by her parents, she lived alone at school. " Huang Kan said with regret.
"In addition, my concern for my daughter is too materialistic and my spiritual communication is too little. I lack understanding of her spiritual world, which is also a problem for most parents in China. " Huang Kan said that her daughter had also exchanged emotional problems with her. "But I am a thick-skinned person, sometimes I am careless and insensitive to such things."
Huang Kan also admitted that her daughter was under some pressure in her studies.
"Her academic performance has been good, and I don't expect much from her, but once she doesn't do well in the exam, I will spur her by innuendo." Looking back now, Huang Kan found her daughter's psychological problems looming. "As long as she meets the big exam, she will not get good grades, which is caused by excessive psychological pressure."
The death of her daughter fundamentally changed Huang Kan's educational philosophy.
"I try to make the students happier. Their schoolwork is very heavy and hard. I will vent my depression with them. For parents, I want them to know that the evaluation of children should not be too entangled in scores. "
Based on this, Huang Kan specially chose to attend this special life class the day before the results of the senior high school entrance examination were announced.
"I hope that children and parents can have a new understanding of life. Test scores are not a criterion for judging a student's success. We must understand that there are still many landscapes in life. "
The last class
"It is a difficult choice for me to attend such a course. Even until the day before class, I was still backing out. " On July 4th, Huang Kan said in an interview with reporters.
Two years ago, Huang Kan worked as an English teacher in Nanjing No.1 Middle School, Class 12, Senior High School. Knowing that her daughter had an accident in the distance, Huang Kan rushed to Holland to deal with the aftermath.
"I was in this class for less than a year. The children don't know why I suddenly disappeared for a while and felt very confused. I have never told them about it, because they are still young and not mature enough. I made up my mind at that time and waited until they graduated from junior high school. Give them a confession. "
Not only is it a confession to students, but Huang Kan is also making a confession to himself.
When Huang Kan began to prepare for this life lesson, she opened her daughter's photo and was heartbroken.
"The song used in the video is Zheng Zhihua's" My favorite person don't cry ",which is the last and only song left in my daughter's computer. I think I can understand her heart. "
"A friend told me to take this class and advised me not to take it, but this is my wish. I want my daughter's death to be valuable. "
For Huang Kan, this course is really difficult, because she has to tear open the healing wound and face her own pain.
When it comes to his mental journey, Huang Kan couldn't help it for a time. Finally, a student read her letter to her daughter on her behalf.
However, pain is obviously not the theme of life class. Huang Kan has a deeper meaning. She hopes to convey her educational ideas to students and parents with her own personal experience.
To students, Huang Kan said, "I hope children can learn to face the pain, frustration and misfortune in life. No matter what happens, they should cherish life. Life is irreversible. As long as they are alive, there is hope. "
For parents, Huang Kan said: "Parents should learn to appreciate their children, see their uniqueness, give them full trust and encouragement, and accompany them every step of their growth as much as possible."
Talking about his educational experience, Huang Kan said that if his daughter were still alive, she would definitely be allowed to live according to her own interests, and there would be no pressure on her.
"As long as she can stand on her own feet and be a harmless person to society, I will be satisfied. Unfortunately, life can't be repeated. "
Huang Kan was gratified by the reaction of Life Class.
In a short message sent to her by a student's parents in Class 2, Grade 3, Nanjing No.1 Middle School, she wrote: "You are the teacher and mother of the students. When the flowers bloom and fall, the peaches and plums in this garden will never forget to pay tribute to you. "
But Huang Kan said that she can only take this kind of life lesson once.
"This is the first time and the last time."